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PostPosted: Tue Dec 08, 2015 2:05 pm 
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Hello Everybody!

I am here to share some of my experience, in hopes that I can help the next addict. Anyways, here it goes:

When I was 17 I began my struggle with opiates. I finally found the drug that gave me that euphoria and the (what I thought) ability to do whatever I wanted. I kind of thought it was like limitless. Unknowing of the horrors of physical addiction, I kept doing it as much as possible. 5 months later I was a full blown heroin addict in college. When I came home from school, I thought I could just work and beat this thing, but that didn't happen. Instead, the situation only got worse. Instead of hanging out with my college buddies (most addicts too), I started hanging out in trap houses. Getting high all day and night. When I hit rock bottom, I wanted to get clean and did an IOP program. I didn't take it seriously though, and went back out. At this point, my whole family knew and I manipulated my doctor to get me on suboxone and tell my parents it was because of really bad PAWS that I had from getting off dope. They bought it, but it got even worse. I ended up using while on suboxone and that was just nasty. A week before I turned 20, I got tired of going through the same horrid detox and precipitated withdrawal so I started just taking my suboxone as prescribed. I stayed on suboxone up until august of 2014 and tapered down to .25 mg. That detox had me going insane, I started drinking, taking benzos and smoking weed again, just to cope with it. But looking back, it only made it way worse. I was two months off of subs and still sick, so I threw in the towel and relapsed. I felt terrible when I relapsed and ended up back where I started. So I told my doctor and my family. Unfortunately I was in school, so I went back on suboxone to finish off the school year. I didn't want to, but I didn't have much of a choice. I then started going to AA and planned it out that when I ended school I would go to a 3 month long treatment facility. So this summer I went to rehab the minute the school year ended.

When I went to rehab, I was scared shitless, but I knew that I had to do it. I thought that I was going to have to go through an even worse detox than what I had endured before and I traveled to a state where I knew not a single soul. I also went to a really cheap place where I thought I would be doing manual labor a bunch. But, it turns out that I was wrong about all of these preconceived notions. I was done with acute withdrawal after 4 days and I tapered down to .5 mg. On the 5th night, I got 7 HOURS OF STRAIGHT SLEEP! yes, I know. That was the perfect gift anyone could have given me (note: this was on my 22nd birthday, yes I spent my 22nd birthday in detox). When I was out in Michigan though, I got to experience AA hardcore and building a sober life for myself. When I went to treatment, I still wasn't and I didn't feel 100 percent. Every 30 days, up to 90 days, were my worst days and each day better than the last low swing. I ended up getting kicked out of the program 5 days before I left for doing some stupid monkey business, but when I got home I cried. I was so deprived of music, hadn't played video games or watched TV or driven my car or eaten the same things that I missed so much. I was just so happy and thankful that my cravings were irrelevant, but this gave me good time to get a job before school started and also get back into a good meeting schedule. I think the problem that I deal with the most is that I like being too comfortable and its really important for me to not be too comfortable. Because when I get comfortable I start to feel like I can get high again and that I can do it once, without consequences. When in reality I know deep down that it can never be that way. It's a really hard thing to grasp and it's easy to lose sight.

Anyways, here I am today, coming up on 7 months sober. I don't feel exactly like I did, before I started doing opiates. But, that was a really long time ago and years before that I was doing drugs so I don't really remember. 7 months is the longest amount of time by far that I have been sober of anything, but 7 months free of opiates is a freaking miracle to me. I never thought it would be like this. Honestly, I barely have any symptoms of PAWS. After 3 months, I was so much more clear headed, the fog is still here but it lessens and lessens each week. I can sleep without taking anything. I have trouble with going to the bathroom sometimes but that might be a problem I have had my whole life that I sort of just brushed off to the side. My RLS is gone and so are the aches and pains. But most importantly, I am naturally happy. My sense of dysphoria cleared up after about a month or two but now it's like I never even had it. Currently, I am getting my degree in engineering. I go to about 4 AA meetings a week, I live in a sober house and I am finding more and more activities to do that I miss. I picked up long boarding again, I picked up tennis. Come christmas time I am going to get a new skateboard and guitar and take lessons. It's also nice being trusted enough to go on vacation with my family and be able to take my 7 year and 4 month old brothers places. I am pretty grateful and my life is pretty sweet when it's not clouded by drugs. Yes, it's hard but thats life man. Definitely the little things.

I hope that my little share will help the next guy that comes on here, looking ahead for hope. That's what I did when I tried kicking subs last year without going to AA, I sat on these forums all day long, counting hours, minutes and even seconds. I am not going to push AA as the only thing that works, because it's not, everyone is different. But, it sure as hell helps. If you have any questions or really anything, I have no problem discussing. My best advice is to not look too far in the future and to not look to far in the past. As they say, "if you have one foot in yesterday and the other in tomorrow, then you are pissing on today." :P


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 08, 2015 2:12 pm 
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Now this is a post to make everyone happy. Congratulations on getting off of everything. Being at your young age did make a large difference though. Your body was able to go back to its normal functioning rather quickly as you stated.

I'm with you on the AA thing. It saved my ass from drinking myself to death back in my early 30's and for that I'm eternally grateful. No, I don't go to meetings anymore because of the Suboxone thing, but being 61 it doesn't really matter. My life is good and maybe one day I'll stop the Sub too.

Please keep posting your updates so others can see it is possible to return to a normal life w/o drugs to alter the mind.

rule

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 08, 2015 3:15 pm 
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I agree, being younger totally has it's perks as far as detoxification goes. I will say this though, to anyone who reads this and gets discouraged. We really don't know enough to know what detox is going to be like for anyone. My last detox for example was the easiest detox I have had to go through, out of the amount of times that I have had to detox and I was under the impression that it was going to be the worst thing in the world.

Thanks though, Rule! I will come back and check from time to time and share what I can. I am currently in the Finals stage of my semester though and have a few tests I need to study for. I got a lot of studying to do, but its way better thank being dope sick :D


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PostPosted: Fri Dec 11, 2015 12:22 pm 
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Hi Manoxside, Love your story! So happy to hear a positive, upbeat, success story! And, you are very wise for such a young age! I wholly believe in the twelve step philosophy as a way of life! It just makes all situations easier to deal with when you always have the serenity prayer on the tip of your tongue! lol Enjoy today!


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PostPosted: Sat Dec 12, 2015 5:13 am 
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Manoxside,
I'm sure many ppl will resonate with your journey both in and out of active addiction.
What you have achieved is fantastic and you have a wonderful future ahead of you.
Embrace life and stay commited to your recovery.
Wishing you the best!


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PostPosted: Sat Dec 12, 2015 4:59 pm 
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Hey Guys!

Thank you for your encouragement. I thought I would check in and tell everyone how I am doing right now. Unfortunately, my Oma (Grandmother) was admitted into the hospital yesterday. She is not doing so hot and it looks like she isn't going to make it. Who knows? Luckily, (still unfortunate) my Grandfather, on the other side, had a heartache last week, but pushed through and is doing well. So, for the past few weeks I have been in the acceptance mindset and have come to terms with whatever happens, happens.

I just want to say that if I wasn't sober, I would be self-destructing like I always have when I deal with the possibilities of death. I would make this whole thing about me and have another stupid excuse to use. But, I feel like I am handling it well. It was a shame to see her in the hospital last night, she looks terrible. However, it was really nice to be able to be trusted enough to be with my family and be there for her. She's tough, she was still cracking jokes like her normal self. If she passes, I will be okay with it. She lived a great life, was loved by all and she wouldn't want us to be sour. The best I can do is pray that she gains peace and carry on her enjoyable spirit.

Happy Saturday!


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