It is currently Fri Aug 18, 2017 12:35 pm



All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]


Our Sponsors





Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 10 posts ] 
Author Message
PostPosted: Wed Apr 03, 2013 1:48 am 
Offline
Average Poster
Average Poster
User avatar

Joined: Sat Mar 27, 2010 12:10 pm
Posts: 14
[font=Georgia] [/font] :oops:
So here I am! Been reading the forum for several yrs now and since i have decided to take my recovery serious I want to open up , be honest and let my story be what it is. I am sure it's no more unique than anyone elses just a different place and time. Oh! did I say UNIQUE? He! He! Anywho, I have been using something mood altering since around 13/14 yrs old. The using continued thru out my teens and into early adulthood. During that time frame I had no idea I was on a destructive and downward spiral. It was all just to much fun!!! So many parties, sso many men, so many fast cars and too much money! I was living the life, so I thought! Moving into my late twenties and early thirties cocaine and pills came into my life thru a best friend of mine(since 4th grade) and I thought no harm can come of these new and exciting substances. Everyone I knew was doing them and the party was so much sweeter than before(blind acceleration). By the time my late thirties came round I was drinking straight whiskey, poppin benzos to come down from the cocaine and indulging in oxy and soma(muscle relaxer). Still the party was rockin for me. Not until I married and became pregnant a month and a half later and had to stop the party did I realize "Oh i really feel like shit without all the extracuricular substances". The party never stopped for my husband(enter problem here). So I put on my big girl panties and sucked it up for the next nine months(extremely miserable). three and a half months after my beautiful son was born I left the marriage and went off on my own(with alot of family help)! Of course after enduring a c-section the pain meds re-entered my world. This is when the searching began and became a beast of it's own. Fast forward to today and the last four yrs. I allowed myself to re-aquaint with my old friends cocaine, muscle relaxers, liquor and plenty of pain pills(larger mgs and doses). I finally crashed during christmas of 2009. I wound up sleeping right thru christmas day, my son opening his presents, lots of food and family! When i finally came to, by my son shaking me awake, my family alerted me that I was not going home until I agreed to enter a 30 day treatment center. I agreed, used till I went in a month later. Got out, went to mtgs, tried not to use for about 6 months. I relapsed and was able to keep it to myself(foolin myself) for awhile. I wound up doc shopping and found this easy clinic to score pills and mr's. The irony of this is that same clinic is where my induction happened. I stayed clean(no drinkin, no poppin or snortin) for almost two yrs. Then before I realized, I was in the middle of a brutal relapse! I quit the subs, thought i would be better off talking a Dr. into me taking ritalin(legal speed) because I had convinced myself that I had ADHD. I should have seen it all coming but denial became my best friend and I lite up like a firecracker! Wound up crushing and snortin the life outa ritalin, went thru two Dr.s before I hit RB. I detoxed off the ritalin and jumped back onto the pain pill poppin train. I sold all my moms jewlery(3000.00 worth) to support my habit. Mind u this all happed in a matter of 4 months. I lost my job, had to sell my most favorite vehicle of all time to pay my mom back. It was really hectic and evil for a couple of months. I had beaten myself deeper than I had ever been. I saw no way out of the hell I had caused. :o Then I had this brilliant idea to return to my sub induction doc. After beggin relentlesly(?) he accepted me back into his program. That was last july, 16 2012. Come this July, 16th 2013 I will have a yr clean. Remember at the begging of my post I mentioned becoming serious about my recovery. Well with suboxone, time and hard work every second of every day, I have a clear head, a fresh new life. Every day I feel a little better!

Well that is the surface of my story. Hope to read your replies! :)

_________________
Sometimes there are things that aren't meant to stay. Sometimes change may not be what we want. Sometimes change is what we need.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Apr 03, 2013 9:16 am 
Offline
Power Poster
Power Poster
User avatar

Joined: Sun Mar 24, 2013 11:04 am
Posts: 45
Location: Gulf Coast
Hey kns67!

Okay, I found a second thread so I figure I would respond here too! :lol: We all have a story of addiction, some short and some very loooong....and, bless your heart, yours was looong! The good news? Mine was 18 years in the making and it stopped when I was put on suboxone, and you can too. You are almost 1 year? 8) Keep up the good vibe! Welcome, and please continue posting, this is a wonderful supportive forum!

_________________
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Apr 03, 2013 11:56 am 
Offline
Moderator
Moderator
User avatar

Joined: Thu Feb 23, 2012 4:42 am
Posts: 4127
Welcome to our forum! I'm glad you are here! The collective wisdom available at this site is extensive and we're here to help.

I am on the run this morning, so I haven't thoroughly read your post, but I will get back to it later.

I do need to tell you that I noticed that you posted your introduction twice, so I deleted the identical post. That way people will have one place to respond to you.

I look forward to giving your introduction a good read this evening. I'll be back!

Amy

_________________
Done is better than perfect!


Top
 Profile  
 
Our Sponsors
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Apr 03, 2013 7:40 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 10:39 am
Posts: 4028
Location: Sitting at my computer
Hey kns67,

Welcome to the forum!!!

Like you and mycovery, my addiction spanned many years. Suboxone and recovery enabled me to straighten up, I hope you have the same results this time!!

_________________
Be kind to yourself. Our character defects do NOT define who we are!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Apr 03, 2013 11:12 pm 
Offline
Moderator
Moderator
User avatar

Joined: Thu Feb 23, 2012 4:42 am
Posts: 4127
I'm back! Thanks for sharing your story and congratulations on almost 9 months on sub! It sounds like you have had a lot of family help over the years. That's a blessing, even though a helpful family can also be intrusive! But when it comes to having a kid, surrounding yourself with family is the way to go.

So what do you do with your time besides being a mom? Do you have a job? Are you in school? It seems that one of the things that helps in recovery is keeping busy! I remember that when I first started sub, I couldn't imagine that I'd find things to look forward to. Did you go through that?

I'm glad you're here! Keep posting and let us know if you have any questions or suggestions, etc.

Amy

_________________
Done is better than perfect!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Thanks!
PostPosted: Thu Apr 04, 2013 12:45 am 
Offline
Average Poster
Average Poster
User avatar

Joined: Sat Mar 27, 2010 12:10 pm
Posts: 14
Hi and thanks for your responses and the welcomes!
My name is Kristi and I am 45 yrs old. Gawd that seems old when I type it! I always say my age during group @ my sub Doc's office because I want newbies to know how long I have been with my addiction, So they realize recovery is possible! Amy my life lately is full of positivity. When I relapsed last yr and finally hit RB I lost my Job @ Sephora. And the way i was feeling(totally spent) I thought for sure I would never recover physically or mentally enough to work again. I really did a job on myself with the Ritalin! But low and behold come last fall I felt well enough to return to the work force. An old family friend is a manager @ Macy's and brought me on for holiday help. I guess I passed the test because come January I was asked to stay on. I have a secure job now and am proud of this acomplishment :) . I am closer to the love of my life (my son Gryphon) than I have ever been and the feeling is so fullfilling. Looking back on all my antics, selfishness, negligence, etc... I have come so far emotionally since last July I keep blowing my mind each day with the beauty of active recovery!

Feel free to ask questions. My story seems a bit vague in my introduction but as I said it is just the surface of my addiction. Down under is all the pain , embarassment, losses, relapses, failed attempts to recover etc...

I look forward to posting on different topics and hopefully I can reach out and support someone in need!

See ya out there
Kristi :wink:

_________________
Sometimes there are things that aren't meant to stay. Sometimes change may not be what we want. Sometimes change is what we need.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Romeo
PostPosted: Thu Apr 04, 2013 12:51 am 
Offline
Average Poster
Average Poster
User avatar

Joined: Sat Mar 27, 2010 12:10 pm
Posts: 14
Thanks Romeo for your welcome and kind words. I have read many of your different topic posts and enjoyed hearing your passion for recovery. Peace!

_________________
Sometimes there are things that aren't meant to stay. Sometimes change may not be what we want. Sometimes change is what we need.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Apr 04, 2013 10:20 am 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 10:39 am
Posts: 4028
Location: Sitting at my computer
Hey Kristi!!

I'm 45 years old too. I was guessing by your screen name that you were my age cuz of the 67....same year I was born.

Yes, even though we're old farts, recovery IS still possible. It may not be the easiest thing we've ever done, but it is certainly possible. I'm glad you have a steady job and that's super to hear how close you are to your son, these things will help you with your recovery.

You said, "Down under is all the pain , embarassment, losses, relapses, failed attempts to recover etc..." Just remember, you don't have to deal with all that shit in one day. I remember early in recovery I started to let all that crap overwhelm me because I was trying to deal with too much of it at once, a friend in NA noticed what I was doing and said this to me, "Our character defects do not define who were are" and another friend of mine kept telling me to "be kind to myself." Words of wisdom that I still need to repeat to myself on a fairly regular basis.

Peace!! :D

_________________
Be kind to yourself. Our character defects do NOT define who we are!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Apr 04, 2013 10:39 am 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Fri Mar 08, 2013 1:02 pm
Posts: 1342
Location: West Tennessee
Welcome, welcome! I love reading stories that are hopefull. It sounds as though you are on a great path and I wish you the best of luck.

That was a great post Romeo, the guilt from what I did to my family was one of the hardest things for me to work through. I too remember the first 6 months being HELL when it came to dealing with this. Keep chugging along Kristi, it's so worth it!


Top
 Profile  
 
   
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Apr 04, 2013 11:24 am 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Mon Oct 15, 2012 11:27 am
Posts: 1454
Hi kns67,

Welcome! I am happy to hear that you've begun to find some peace in your life. Suboxone does a good job at helping to calm the chaos long enough to start picking up those broken pieces and putting them back together.. Congrats on a whole year off the crazy train!

I know what you mean about the "surface story," I'm sure we all do. It's pretty impossible to paint a complete picture of a lifetime full of.. well.. crazy train. I'm sure a lot of the stuff we bury so deep that we don't even remember. I know I do.

Anyway, glad you're here! Good luck to you on your recovery.


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 10 posts ] 

All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 0 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Our Sponsors
Suboxone Forum latest topics RSS feed Subscribe to the entire forum
 

 

 
Fond Du Lac Psychiatry
Dr. Jeffrey Junig, M.D., Ph.D.

  • Board Certified Psychiatrist
  • Asst Clinical Professor, Medical College of Wisconsin

Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group