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PostPosted: Mon Mar 17, 2008 9:58 pm 
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I am glad to see thats their is a place where I can talk about this embarrassing subject, (at least for me it is). It started when I was 17 (now I am 26) with a broken thumb. My mother, a nurse at the time brought home samples of vic, ultram, lortab. I never had taken anything before really except a couple beers everynow and then and I tried pot a couple times, but the first time I took a vic (or a handfull), I felt so happy and full of life. I knew that I had to have those pills in me for me to be my real self and happy. I never thought that I would be addicted, I still have a hard time convincing that I do not have control over this in my life. I have overcome many obsticles in my life. As the years started going by I thought I managed to get in shape, get my college degree, buy my first house how hard could quiting be? I fooled myself for almost 10 years until my what I called "Medicine" is all I can think about. I got to the point where I could easily take 25 vic or darvocet or ultram a day. I found a website that could provide it if mny doc would not. I guess I averaged 150.00 a week for this habit. I told myself I needed it, I mean it's medicine right? :? I ended up doctor shopping and made everything that should be important to me last and my "medicine" first. My first attempt to stop was by accident as I ran out of money. My withdrawal was terrible I did not realize what was happening and went to the hospital. I never told anyone every about what I took or what I was going through. My first attempt to stop was the worst thing that happed to me. I told my doctor and he said "well what do you want me to do?" and gave me a script for nausea that was it and then I got a certified letter 2 days later from the the physician saying that he was not any longer going to be my doctor and do not come back. I was crushed. The first time I tried to make things right my doc of 2 years threw me away. I found a good doctor now and starting taking Suboxone a month ago. I still crave the way I felt on the pills. I mean it seems suboxone is just as expensive. Can anyone give me any advise?????? I feel like I was happier and more relaxed when taking the pills. will this end? :( :cry:


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 Post subject: Ultram Guru
PostPosted: Tue Mar 18, 2008 9:50 pm 
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My problem with addiction didn't start until I was in my late 40's with methadone for pain. Before that, I had quite the successful life. I was stricken with an illness that went undiagnosed for quite sometime and became disabled, then I had a pain crises got on methadone and the nightmare began. Ultram, it sounds like you lived all of your young adulthood addicted to drugs. It does come with a price. You lose your natural endorphins, that can give us true happiness. It's a hard lesson to learn happiness doesn't come in a pill. It sounds like your unhappy on suboxone because it doesn't give you the euphoria you received on narcotics, and believe me that's the good news. I'm sure the sub doc will have better words of wisdom than I do, but I'm an old timer and have a little experience. I am completely drug free right now, and although my life was good prior to becoming ill, it doesn't compare to the happiness I feel now. Suboxone is a good tool for getting away from other narcotics, but use it just as that, a tool. Get some counseling and find out why that need to feel a euphoria with drugs is there in the first place so when your through with suboxone, you have no desire to go back to drugs. You may think others don't know you abused drugs, but I can almost promise you, everyone knew. As there are milestones we must go through in childhood, the same applies in adulthood. You may have bypassed some of those milestones, because of your addiction without realizing it. I'm not trying to be a grumpy old man with you, but you have a chance of a wonderful future, and do it drug free. Drug abuse does catch up with the body and the brain. The other good news is our natural endorphins do return when drug free. I wish you all the luck, you have a chance of a bright future, just be sure the path you chose is the right one for you. Nobody ever said life was going to be easy, but nothing worthwhile ever is. Good luck to you in your journey.

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PostPosted: Wed Mar 19, 2008 10:33 am 
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Congratulations for taking the step to be drug free. You have a disease known as addiction which there is no cure for. But the good news is that you can keep it in remission. Your brain has stopped making the feel good hormones because of the drugs, but they will return with patience and time.
I also didn't think I could be happy without drugs, but I was wrong. Sub is a tool to help us keep the cravings away and it gives us time to change our thoughts and behaviors without feeling like crap all the time.
Counseling and meetings helped me in early recovery. Life can be full of happiness and success if we're willing to do our part. Sub is a great tool to assist us.
Things can get better. Good luck with your recovery.


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 Post subject: Thanks
PostPosted: Wed Mar 19, 2008 4:39 pm 
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Thank you for your sincere words of wisdom. It just is really embarising and also not being able to control it or addicted. People think you are weak.....


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 21, 2008 12:12 pm 
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Had you not been so honest in your story, I doubt I would have replied, but Kilby is right. You can find happiness without drugs. Now that I'm not on drugs I am so much more ware of everything around me, and to me a lot of what I see, I see as miracles that were there all along, I just wasn't paying attention, Ultram I meant it when I said, I wish you all the luck, you can do this and get wonderful rewards in return, Your friend in Recovery, Masuka :wink: PS don't be embarrassed, I don't think there is really a person out there that abused drugs that does not feel some shame, it's only an eyeopener, now leave it behind like a bag of rocks, it will make your journey lighter and easier. You have a lot of successes and much to be proud of.

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 Post subject: UltramGuru- weak
PostPosted: Tue Apr 22, 2008 10:28 pm 
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Just a thought here in hopes it will help you feel a little better. Embarrassment and/or shame are something we all go through with this problem of addiction. But I think the real weakness, if there is one, is not that we can’t control the addiction but that we can’t admit to it.
Rae


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 09, 2009 9:27 pm 
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WELL HERE I AM AGAIN. "ADDICTED". DO WE EVER GET BETTER OR DOES OUR ADDICTION JUST MORPH INTO SOMETHING ELSE? DO WE EVER GET "BETTER"? I DONT KNOW!! IT JUST AMAZES ME HOW CUNNING AND POWERFUL ADDICTION REALLY IS.

MY NAME IS SESSIONS24 AND YES I AM AN ADDICT!!

MY STORY IS THE SAME AS MOST. A YOUNG GIRL SAD, ALONE AND DEPRESSED. MY PARENTS WERE BOTH ADDICTS. I JUST THOUGHT I LIKED TO PARTY. I WILL MAKE IT SHORT AND SWEET.
14 YEARS OLD=ALCOHOLIC
16 YEARS OLD= EOTH+BUD+METH + PLUS ANYTHING TO CHANGED THE WAY I FELT
17YO=ON MY OWN. EVERYTHING MENTIONED ABOVE PLUS LSD
18YO= TRIED EVERYTHING AT LEAST ONCE. DID NOT SHOT UP YET!! I USED TO PRIDE MY SELF ON THAT!!
21YO=FULL FLEDGE METH ADDICT. HIT ROCK BOTTOM (EMOTIONALLY,SPIRITUALLY, PHYSICALLY AND WELL MENTALLY.)

WENT TO TREATMENT AND GOT CLEAN (SOBER) I REALLY WANTED IT. I WOULD GO TO 3-5 MEETINGS A WEEK AND DID THE FULL NINE WITH AA/NA FOR 8 YEARS.

LOVED MY LIFE. GOT A RELATIONSHIP WITH MY HIGHER POWER, MY DAUGHTER AND RESPECT FROM THE FAMILY I DESTROYED THROUGH THE YEARS OF ADDICTION. I BECAME A PROFESSIONAL MET A GREAT MAN AND HAD ANOTHER BABY AFTER 8 YEARS OF SOBRIETY.

I THOUGHT LIFE JUST COULD NOT GET BETTER THAN THIS. THE HUSBAND, HOUSE, CARS, AND MONEY. THEN I GOT A NICE CURVE BALL 2/28/07. I HAD MY BEAUTIFUL SON BY C-SECTION.

I TOLD MY DOC THAT I DID NOT WANT ANY KIND OF ADDICTIVE DRUG DUE TO MY HISTORY . MY DOC SAID " NOT A PROBLEM I WILL GIVE YOU THE MEDICATION ( ULTRAM) FOR POST C-SECTION SURGERY. SHE TOLD ME THAT IT IS NON-ADDICTIVE AND WOULD WORK JUST AS WELL AS LORTAB. WELL OF COURSE THAT SOUNDED GREAT. SHE TOLD ME THAT IT WAS ONE STEP ABOVE ADVIL 800MG. BULL SHIT!!! HERE I AM 2.5 YEARS LATER AND OUT OF ALL THE DRUGS I MENTIONED BEFORE NOTHING COMPARES TO THE WITHDRAWAL/ HELL I HAVE BEEN THROUGH WITH ULTRAM AKA( TRAMADOL). THE SAD THING I DID NOT REALIZE HOW ADDICTED I WAS UNTIL THE PAIN STOPPED AND I TRIED TO STOP TAKING THEM. I CAN NOT EVEN DESCRIBE THE HORROR I WENT THROUGH AND HOW SCARED I WAS TO STOP TAKING THEM BECAUSE OF THE WITHDRAWAL SYMPTOMS ( TEARING, RUNNING NOSE, NIGHT SWEATS, LEG TWITCHING, YAWNING, NAUSEA, CRAMPING, REST LEG SYNDROME, I COULD GO ON. THIS WAS WORSE THAN THE TIME I WITHDREW LORTAB+XANAX !! AS I MENTIONED THERE WAS NOT MUCH I DID NOT TRY SO I THINK YOU KNOW WHAT IM SAYING. DUE TO MY STATURE IN THE COMMUNITY I LIVE IN, I COULD NOT TALK ABOUT IT WITH ANYONE.I WOULD TRY AND WOULD GET WEIRD LOOKS AND COMMENTS LIKE( ITS NON-ADDCTIVE, ITS NOT A NARCOTIC AND SO ON). I GAVE UP TRYING TO TALK TO PEOPLE. I STARTED TO THINK SOMETHING WAS WRONG WITH ME. MY HUSBAND WOULD SAY JUST STOP TAKING THEM. YEAH!! SOUND FREAKING GREAT. I WOULD TRY AND THE SICKNESS WOULD EAT ME ALIVE. IT WAS TO EASY TO TAKE ONE AND FEEL ALL BETTER.TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE, I WAS THE DIRECTOR OF THE ONLY CHEMICAL DEPENDANCY IN TOWN. I KNEW EVERYONE IN THIS LINE OF WORK. I WAS SO ASHAMED AND MAD AT MYSELF. HOW COULD I LET THIS HAPPEN TO MYSELF. I FELT LIKE I SHOULD OF KNOWN BETTER. BUT I AM NOT PERFECT AND HAVE LEARNED ALOT ABOUT MYSELF.

I GOT TIRED OF BEING SCARED TO WITHDRAW AND WENT AND GOT HELP.
IM ON THE LOWEST DOSE 2/0.5MG AND FEEL GREAT. NO WITHDRAWAL S/S.
THE ONLY THING IS THE RINGING IN THE EARS AND HEADACHES, BUT THATS OK. I WOULD TRADE HEADACHES FOR THE OTHER S/S ANYDAY. MY DOC IS GOING TO WEAN MY OFF OVER A 6 WEEK PERIOD. GOD BLESS SUBOXONE. I HAVE MY LIFE AND DIGNITY BACK. MY DOC TOLD ME HE SEES THIS ALOT AND WISHES THEY WOULD GIVE BETTER WARNING WITH ULTRAM. THATS OK IM JUST GLAD I DONT HAVE TO LIVE IN FEAR ANY-LONGER.HOW GREAT IT WAS TO MAKE THE DECISION TO STOP. CALL MY DOC, MY DOC REFERRED ME TO ANOTHER DOC AND I GOT TREATMENT IN THE PRIVACY OF A DOCTORS OFFICE. I BROKE DOWN IN THERE WITH MY DOC BECAUSE I HELD IN THIS SECRET FOR OVER 2 YEARS AND I FINALLY GOT TO SAY "IM ADDICTED TO ULTRAM AND I NEED HELP". THE WORDS I DREADED TO SAY ALOUD TO ANOTHER FOR A LONG TIME. A WEIGHT HAS BEEN LIFTED FROM MY SHOULDERS AND I NOW CAN LIVE AGAIN "FREE". THATS MY STORY AND IM STICKING TO IT.
IM 30 YEARS OLD, A MOTHER, WIFE, AND PROFESSIONAL.

IF YOU ARE READING THIS AND CAN RELATE GO GET HELP. ITS NEVER TO LATE "GET HELP".
THANKS FOR LISTENING :)


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