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 Post subject: LIFE SUB-PORT
PostPosted: Tue Feb 08, 2011 4:31 pm 
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Today is my second day back on my subs, I am truly grateful once again for the chance to LIVE LIFE , I just lived thru my scariest relapse yet, just last week i was hopeless sitting in a detox for the 6th or 7th time and wondering what THE HELL WAS GONNA BE DIFFERENT THIS TIME AROUND? I have tried a variety of recovery programs over the years but have never put together more than 5 months without suboxone. I almost lost everything I have AGAIN! this time around, I am self-employed, a father, a son, and a man who wants recovery and a Life far away from the nightmare of active addiction. I am scared to death of my disease this time like never before, I went thru 3 P. W'D's trying to get back on my subs until finally breaking and checking into detox to lower my tolerence. I was shooting 4 G's of H/24 hrs this time around at my worst, got down to around 3 grams/day before detox. I got dosed 30 mgs of methadone my first night at detox and it didn't touch me! They made a special order and i got another 30 within that 24hrs and that was the only day i was comfortable there, as they went down 5 mgs each day from 30 mgs. I was really shocked i was uncomfortable the whole time there, I usually go to a suboxone detox which i wish i had of because of coarse they discharged me on 5 mgs. of methadone, which meant i had to wait a couple of days before i took my suboxone. My tolerence was too high i beleive and that's why i was having such a hard time getting back on my subs. I would bang 4 Roxy 30mgs and wouldnt feel a thing, not trying to have a pissing contest, just want to share my expierence because if it happen to me it will happen again. I am not special, so after suffering thru those Per. W'D's which was the worst time of my life. I almost called 911, that's how intense it was, and the last time i waited 18 hrs! Anyways bringing my tolerence down i beleive really helped things go smoothly.

I almost lost my buisness, I almost had to take my kid out of the school she goes too (private), I almost lost my LIFE this time because I let my guard down. I was on top of my world just about 12 months ago, things were good financially so i thought and i had over a year of recovery taking 4mgs of sub per day. My disease lied to me and i thought i was just a little different than the next sick suffering addict, I thought i could stick my-self just once! I thought i deserved it! Ha! Obviously i wasnt thinking straight cause 1 was too many and well $40 or $50,000 later and a solid buisness run into the ground I find myself picking up the pieces hoping i can save what I have left which is a few thousand dollars and a scar on my arm. I have no idea what my financial future holds this quarter and next and will be truly blessed to survive them with the help of suboxone. If it weren't for the little orange pill i am sure I would have lost everything without a doubt.

Suboxone is my lifesupport and has saved so much for me and my family time and time again. It is not the answer or cure for my addiction by any means and if I only take my little orange pill everyday and not focus anymore energy into myself or recovery than i am DEAD, I also have to attend 12-step meetings, have a sponser, and a wonderful higher-power who I grow closer too each day! I feel alive today, I have a choice today, I don't have to wake up sick today and plan my day around some nasty habit. This site has also been a huge part of me getting myself back again, just wanted to say TY!


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 08, 2011 5:09 pm 
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I'm so sorry you've been through such a rough time, but I'm really glad you're back on suboxone. What dose are you taking? You said you used to be on 4 mg. In order to really address all of the physiological cravings and to KEEP the opiate receptors saturated, you (and your dr.) should consider a higher dose than 4 mg. It won't hurt and it could save you from another relapse. That's just my opinion. 4 mg is generally accepted to be the ceiling and it does occupy the receptors, but at that dosage it's not enough to keep them saturated.

Good luck and you should be proud of yourself for getting back on sub and taking control of your life again. Keep us posted on how you're doing.

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 Post subject: Dose
PostPosted: Tue Feb 08, 2011 5:34 pm 
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For the first wk i am taking between 8-12mg. I have extra so I'm kind of taking it as needed. I get prescribed 8mgs per day and have been getting them from my PCP for about 3 yrs this time around. She is a good DR in many respects but as for her opinion on relapse well lets just say she is misinformed. She told me when i first started with her that if i relapsed that would be the last script i ever received from her. That did not deter me from using as u know u can not scare an addict into recovery, i hid from her my drug-use until it took control and hid me from myself. Things fell apart slowly but surely, anyways she thinks i have been clean this whole time and had been decreasing my dosage the whole time as well, I am still stumped on what to do about this, i may try to find another DR all together but for right now I'm just happy to be stable and am gonna take one day at a time.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Feb 08, 2011 5:45 pm 
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You could just tell her that as you've been tapering down you've had horrible cravings and you feel like you're about to relapse. Tell her you didn't have those cravings when you were at a higher dose. Hopefully she will hear you and want to address your needs. I think it's good that you're on 8+ mg. Is it handling your cravings okay?

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-As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

-I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.


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 Post subject: goodminds think alike
PostPosted: Tue Feb 08, 2011 7:23 pm 
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I was thinking that may be my only option HATMAKER i beleive as well i should be at 8 or above for a while anyways, as far as my cravings well i have been really busy the last 2 days! wow is it amazing the things we are blind too when we are active. The bills are piled up and i have neglected about every area of my life, from family to facebook! Also i am so tired of getting beat up out there, I really want this for myself this time, suffering in that awful detox really helped too, I really am grateful for those places as they may not be so available soon in the great state of MASS as we are getting cut 14million dollars in aid for mentalhealth inpatient care but thats another issue, I feel more committed to myself than ever. When i start to drift into that mode of thinking i call a family member or friend or go to a meeting or look at my 5 yr olds picture and count my true blessings. I know when shit hits the fan its really hard to bring yourself to ask for help sometimes because for me i want a refund of misery when i get into that I dnt give a fu** mode, but i have to stay on-top of my thinking before i get there, I am responsible for my thinking as this is a thinking disease, for me. I have a choice today and suboxone gives me a choice as long as i have it.


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