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PostPosted: Sun Aug 12, 2012 6:49 pm 
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Joined: Sat Jan 07, 2012 5:15 pm
Posts: 35
Hi all, well I have been on this board for about 8 months and have never gotten the courage to share my story. After reading some of the stories of people who recently had the courage, I felt it was about time for me :)

My story starts out about 4 years ago when I had a near death experience where my colon ruptured and I was within hours of dying. Fortunately, I didn't and am here to tell my story. Of course I got pain meds after spending about a week in the hospital which is where my addiction started. I have always liked the feel of "downers" even as a teenager which was many, many years ago :) So, it should not have been a surprise that I "liked" the feeling I got from the oxycontin and then vicodin after that surgery.

Well, I ran out of meds after fully recovering from surgery but the twist to all of this is that my wife has an unending prescription for Vicodin! Wow, hit the jackpot right? So, here is where I started becoming a liar and a thief - ergo the title of my post :) I would poach a pill or two from my wife's prescription just to keep the buzz going. Whenever I got too greedy and she would ask me if I had been taking here vicodin, I would of course respond oh no honey, I wouldn't do anything like that. Makes me a real scumbag - thanks addiction! Also, between the time I recovered from the colon surgery I had plenty of other prescriptions of vicodin for various reasons to help along my addiction to becoming worse and worse. I had my 3rd hernia surgery - vicodin plus a couple of refills. I got rear-ended in my car - lots of vicodin plus many, many refills for that. And had surgery to remove extra bone from my lower jaw - something called tori reduction surgery where they take a bone saw and reduce the jawbone of my entire lower jaw. Boy, that was a good one for vicodin and plenty of it. Plus, I always had my poor wife's prescription that I would pilfer as needed. So bottom line, I had almost as much vicodin as I wanted for around the last 3-4 years. Voila - addicted!!!

Finally got fed up with myself, told my wife what I had done and that I was addicted and asked for her support, which I got. Went through a 10 day in-patient treatment for vicodin addiction and have been on suboxone/subutex ever since getting discharged from in-patient care.

Now, I have my life back, my wife back, my career back, etc. All the things I had trashed to feed my habit. Still am having issues dealing with lying to my wife, taking her pills and what a scumball that made me, but she has forgiven me. Guess I have not forgiven myself yet.

So, that is the plain and dirty truth of it all. I hope this helps someone to realize it can happen to anyone and that they are not alone. And, most importantly that recovery is possible!

Take care all!!


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 12, 2012 11:14 pm 
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Joined: Tue Nov 01, 2011 11:48 pm
Posts: 1346
Location: oregon coast
Thanks for sharing, tim.

I think WE are hardest on ourselves, honestly. there are things I still havent really forgiven myself for.
I dont think I ever will. But thats my issue.

And like you, I think if I can quit, than ANYBODY can!!!
I was a real piece of shit, too. I'll be the first one to admit that. I just had this kinda "ah ha' moment about a week or so ago, where I realised, my addiction affected every single aspect of my life.

I sorta thought before then, I was just a bad employee, and had bad credit.

I was WAYYYYY off.

Anyways, I just wanted to say,
its 'ok' to forgive yourself, but it will for sure take time.
have you thought about counseling or anything????

I went for awhile. Im still looking for a new person to see. I think the right 'fit' is important.

Im glad your doing well, Keep up the good work!!! :wink:

_________________
anyone can give up,
its the easiest thing in the world to do, but to
hold it together, when everyone would understand if you fell apart
That's TRUE STRENGTH
http://almostoneyearclean.blogspot.com/


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 Post subject: Guilt
PostPosted: Mon Aug 13, 2012 2:02 pm 
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Joined: Sun Jan 02, 2011 12:35 am
Posts: 2801
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Welcome to the forum dude. 8 months of lurking before you post? You should also add "shy" to the heading!

You will probably feel the guilt for a long time until you can forgive yourself. If you happen to like 12 step meetings, those steps deal with that kind of guilt and has a way to make one feel a bit better. Not totally, but better.

I too lied, stole, and did whatever was necessary to feed my habit. Even at 15 years old. My little brother recently told me about when he broke his back from a motorcycle accident I took almost all of his percosets (or whatever they were). I don't remember that time but I know he isn't lying. So now I feel guilty about that too!

But you did land in the right place by posting here. It is therapeutic getting things out and talked about. No reason to stuff it cuz no one knows who you are. Anonymity is great isn't it?

Welcome again and post away,

Rule

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Don't take yourself so damn seriously


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PostPosted: Mon Aug 13, 2012 10:37 pm 
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One Month or More

Joined: Sat Jan 07, 2012 5:15 pm
Posts: 35
Thanks Amber/Rule! You guys are great!!! Yes, it is true that we are always hardest on ourselves. Always have been, probably always will be. No, I do not think I have forgiven myself yet. I am working on it, and I am seeing two counselors. One a Psychologist and one a Psychiatrist which is my sub doc. I also suffer from PTSD relating to being sexually assaulted multiple times by an immediate family member when I was 5. So, between trying to recover from my vic addiction, trying to forgive myself for what I did while addicted to vic and now dealing with all the PTSD stuff it has been a difficult journey :)

But, it has been possible because of Suboxone/Subutex, and I hope others out there who are just being induced read this and understand what a true life saver sub has been to me and I am assuming countless others. I really appreciate your support and positive comments and wanted to thank you so much for taking the time to read my story and reply.

Hope all is going well with each of you and everyone else on this wonderful forum! If anyone needs any help or advice relating to vicodin addiction and how I am recovering from it with the help of Suboxone/Subutex, either post here or send me a PM and I would be happy to do whatever I can. I pray that nobody else ever have to go through what we went through during our addicted life and that not one more person fall victim to opiates!

Best to all!


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