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PostPosted: Wed Dec 14, 2011 12:02 am 
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Copied this from another online support group,,,, thought it was too great NOT to share.
here it is...............................
Dear Friend,
I've come to visit once again. I love to see you suffer mentally physically spiritually and socially. I want to have you restless so you can never relax. I want you jumpy and nervous and anxious. I want to make you agitated and irritable so everything and everybody makes you uncomfortable. I want you to be depressed and confused so that you can't think clearly or positively. I want to make you hate everything and everybody-especially yourself. I want you to feel guilty and remorseful for the the things you have done in the past that you'll never be able to let go. I want to make you angry and hateful toward the world for the way it is and the way you are. I want you to feel sorry for yourself and blame everything but your addiction for the way things are. I want you to be deceitful and untrustworthy, and to manipulate and con as many people as possible. I want to make you fearful and paranoid for no reason at all and I want you to wake up during all hours of the night screaming for me. You know you can't sleep without me; I'm even in your dreams.

I want to be the first thing you wake up to every morning and the last thing you touch before you black out. I would rather kill you, but I'll be happy enough if I can put you back in the hospital, another institution or jail. But you know that I'll still be waiting for you when you come out. I love to watch you slowly going insane. I love to see all the physical damage that I'm causing you. I can't help but sneer and chuckly when you shiver and shake, when you freeze and sweat at the same time, when you wake up with your sheets and blankets soaking wet.

It's amazing how much destruction I can do to your internal organs while at the same time, work on your brain, destroying it bit by bit. I deeply appreciate how much you sacrifice for me.

The countless good jobs you have sacrificed for me. All the fine friends that you deeply cared for-you gave them up for me. And what's more, for the ones you turned against yourself because of your inexcusable actions-I am more than grateful.

And especially your loved ones, your family, and the most important people in the world to you. You even threw them away for me. I cannot express in words the gratitiude I have for the loayalty you have for me. You sacrificed all these beautiful things in your life just to devote yourself completely to me. But do not despair my friend, for on me you can always depend. For after you have lost all these things, you can still depend on me to take even more. You can depend on me to keep you in living hell, to keep your mind, body and soul. FOR I WILL NOT BE SATISFIED UNTIL YOU ARE DEAD, MY FRIEND.

Faithfully yours,
Your addiction and drug of choice


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PostPosted: Wed Dec 14, 2011 7:04 am 
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This reminds me of those letters they'd read to us in rehab. The kinds that would make me so anxious about relapsing that the only thing that'd relieve the anxiety ... I thought ... was to relapse.

Crazy I tellsya!

I've always found the life affirming stuff a bit more effective than the shocking depressing stuff. But I guess we're all different.


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PostPosted: Wed Dec 14, 2011 1:08 pm 
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Quote:
I love to see you suffer mentally physically spiritually and socially. I want to have you restless so you can never relax. I want you jumpy and nervous and anxious. I want to make you agitated and irritable so everything and everybody makes you uncomfortable. I want you to be depressed and confused so that you can't think clearly or positively. I want to make you hate everything and everybody-especially yourself. I want you to feel guilty and remorseful for the the things you have done in the past that you'll never be able to let go. I want to make you angry and hateful toward the world for the way it is and the way you are. I want you to feel sorry for yourself and blame everything but your addiction for the way things are. I want you to be deceitful and untrustworthy, and to manipulate and con as many people as possible. I want to make you fearful and paranoid for no reason at all and I want you to wake up during all hours of the night screaming for me. You know you can't sleep without me; I'm even in your dreams.


This paragraph really grasps how we addicts feel about and during our addiction more clearly that anything I've ever read. If only the people in our lives could understand what we went through during active addiction. It's not like it was all fun and games getting high. Many non-addicts think it was.

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PostPosted: Wed Dec 14, 2011 3:35 pm 
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This post reminded me of a song I heard a little bit back by an unlikely artist. 50 cent. I was shocked that he could be so deep but I really thought the lyrics were DEAD ON. Also kind of cool how he sings it from the perspective of the drug.

"A Baltimore Love Thing"


[Intro- 50 Cent]
She loves me, she loves me not
Yeah she loves me not

[Verse 1- 50 Cent]
The fiends need me, I ain't around it, bones ache
Detox, rehab, cold sweat, watch 'em shake
I'm not that genie in a bottle, I'm in a bag
Take one hit, I slide off to the land of the H man
When we first met, I thought you'd never doubt me
Now you tryna leave me, you'll never live without me
Girl, I'm missin' you, come and see me soon
Tie your arm up, put that lighter under that spoon
Now put that needle to ya arm princess, stick it in
Relapse you back bitch, don't ever try that again
All that shit I did for you, I made you feel good
We have a love thing, you treatin' this like its just a fling
What we have is more sacred than a vow or a ring
You broke my heart, you dirty bitch I won't forget what you did
If you give birth, I'll already be in love with your kids
Listen, I don't give a damn if your ass start smokin'
But we have a bond and its not to be broken

[Hook x2- 50 cent]
We got a love thing, girl you try to leave me
But you need me, can't you see you're addicted to me
We got a love thing, I can take you higher girl
Fuckin' with me, you can be all you can be

[Verse 2- 50 Cent]
Baby you know, on the low your sister be eyein' me
I'm good lookin', so you know, sure she be tryin' me
I heard she bisexual, she fuck with that girl
But boy, oh boy, fuckin' wit me is a whole 'nother world
After that first night, she fall in love, then chased a feelin'
I hung out with Marvin when he wrote "Sexual Healing"
Kurt Cobain even good friends, Ozzy Ozbourne too
I be with rock stars, see you lucky I'm fuckin' with you
I chill with Frankie Lyeman and Jimmy Hendrix crew
See this is new to you, but to me this ain't new
I live a lavished life, listen if the mood is right
Me, you, and your sister can do the do tonight
I never steer you wrong, you're hyper I make ya calm
I be the incentive and reason for you to move forward
Let's make a date, promise me you'll come and see me
Even if it means you have to sell ya mama's TV
I love you, love me back, no one said lovin' me'd be easy

[Hook x2- 50 cent]
We got a love thing, girl you try to leave me
But you need me, can't you see you're addicted to me
We got a love thing, I can take you higher girl
Fuckin' with me, you can be all you can be

[Verse 3- 50 Cent]
I love you, I got you barefooted on glass, chasin' a dove
That monkey on your back, symbolizes my love
Your friends talk bad about me bitch, you sit there and listen to 'em
Over and over you hurt me, my love is unconditional
They talk to you when you up, you down they got nothin' to say
But when you call, I'll come runnin', I'll always take the pain away
They set you up, to let you down, they crowned you prom queen
Fiddle about me behind your back, they call you a fuckin' fiend
Can we just be alone, so I can kiss and hug you
Push me inside you, no other man can loves you like I do
Call me daddy, I'll make you feel good, I mean real good
I found pleasure in pleasin' you, like a real man should
It was written long before, it was carved in a tree
Forever me and you baby we were meant to be
There's more to life than laughter, what brought us together was fate
And we'll be hand in hand, when you walk through those pearly gates
And to see to that, I'ma do whatever it takes

[Hook x2- 50 cent]
We got a love thing, girl you try to leave me
But you need me, can't you see you're addicted to me
We got a love thing, I can take you higher girl
Fuckin' with me, you can be all you can be


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PostPosted: Thu Dec 15, 2011 12:36 am 
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Sounds like a good song......... theres one I listen to all the time called "I can't help myself" By Van Zant. the main guy from Lynard Skynard, his brother is the lead in Van Zant. kind of a southern Rock group.

HAT,,,, I completely agree with you. Nobody understands unless they been thru it. The way you feel when your on the "curb" of needing more, and dont know where or how your gonna get it. I always tell people being a junkie is a full time job,,, and then some. Its ALOT more work than non-addicts realize. Unless you got a trust fund or something

Here's the lyrics to I CANT HELP MYSELF

I've been lost in the darkness for so long
I can't see the light
I've been strung out, burned, left out, and hung out to dry.
So I say to myself that I wanna get better
Hidin' from the truth, I can't last forever

(Chorus)
Jesus help me
Obviously, I can't help myself
I've got nobody else
Send me an Angel
Someone to strangle
That ol' demon that's haunting me there on the shelf
I can't help myself.

My excuses are so old and tired, hell I forgot 'em
I keep fallin' and crawlin' and drownin' down here on the bottom
Yeah I pushed back my brothers said good-bye to my friends
When you get in this deep the hell never ends

(Repeat Chorus)

Give me a reason to live; show me a sign
I'm on the edge; goin' out of my mind
I'm down on my knees; I'm beggin' you please make me somebody else
I can't help myself
I need something stronger, pour it all over me

(Partial Chorus)

Send me an Angel
Someone to strangle that ol' demon
'Cause you know that I never will
I can't help myself

Lord, I can't help myself.


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PostPosted: Thu Dec 15, 2011 1:45 am 
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DRUGGY SONG TIME:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HgctgWIHLjA
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yI0_w9aV8G0

Lou Reed nails it great, but Maynard tops it with A Perfect Circle - Weak & Powerless

off his album "Thirteen Step" :lol:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XtvvzxET1GI

Quote:
Tilling my own grave to keep me level
Jam another dragon down the hole
Digging to the rhythm and the echo of a solitary siren
One that pushes me along and leaves me so

Desperate and ravenous,
So weak and powerless over you

Someone feed the monkey while I dig in search of China
White as Dracula as I approach the bottom

Desperate and ravenous,
So weak and powerless over you

Little angel go away
Come again some other day
The devil has my ear today
I'll never hear a word you say
Promised I would find a little solace
And some peace of mind
Whatever just as long as I don't feel so

Desperate and ravenous,
So weak and powerless

Desperate and ravenous,
So weak and powerless
Over you


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PostPosted: Thu Dec 15, 2011 2:25 am 
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Wow that's some heavy stuff. Will check out the vids for sure. Good post tj.


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PostPosted: Thu Dec 15, 2011 3:13 am 
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Amber, you posted another "poem" a while back and it was great too. These poems or letters really, really hit home.

Tear, I never pegged you as a Maynard fan, I'm impressed. I'm still more of a Tool fan, but A Perfect Circle is some good shit too.

My favorite "opiate" song is Nutshell, by Alice in Chains. The unplugged version is by far the best. You can hear and see Layne's pain.....it's a heartbreaking song and performance. I listen to it from time to time to remind me of where I don't want to go.

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PostPosted: Thu Dec 15, 2011 3:36 am 
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It's funny how each of our songs are from such different generations. Completely different but really exactky the same. Hearing them does the same thing for me as well romeo. Listening to baltimore love thing gives me chills still...


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PostPosted: Thu Dec 15, 2011 9:47 am 
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Romeo wrote:
Tear, I never pegged you as a Maynard fan, I'm impressed. I'm still more of a Tool fan, but A Perfect Circle is some good shit too.


I'm big into prog rock / prog metal. Prolly listen more to APC than Tool these days, but Tool hits a spot when I'm in those dark spaces. Also some Aus prog-rockers like Karnivool & Dead Letter Circus, Sydonia. I don't discriminate too much as long as it's not some autotuned pop piece of crap, or some guy bragging about how much $ and bitches they got.


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