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 Post subject: Let's try this AGAIN....
PostPosted: Sat Aug 25, 2012 11:52 pm 
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So I just wrote a short story on my addiction but apparently this is one of those forums that ask you to finalize your post like 3 times before you actuallyp ost...guess I closed out on the third.

IN A NUTSHELL: Uhmm...how it sarts is al lthe same "doing great...got depressed, partied...now here". Same here. Fell in love with a whore. And not a hore like guys call woman who dont find them attractive...like legit whore. Atleast 2 orgies I KNOW of. Still stories about her lingering. Anyway back to me. I started oxys to get over the pain and dissapointment...sniffed...than shot. Than heroin and anything else that was a paink iller.

(Ironic how people in PAIN use PAIN KILLERS as there addiction huh? Guss they work good?). Well..I got REAL close to getting clean this time. I made my mind up. After 5 years...enough was enough. I'm done. That's it. Got my p[aychck. didnt spend a DIME. Took my suboxones (prescribed 2mg/day)...then...I ran into her and her bf...and...I just...snapped. I got as much H as and xanax as I could do and yup. Here I am. Still a fucking broke junkie loser. i just shot .5mg of sub a half hour ago...I got aneedle fetish. Whats the bet way to stay off illicit opiates legally and permantly? Thanks.

Also help on the needle fetish.


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 26, 2012 12:35 am 
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Hey whateveryouwant, welcome to the forum. I'm sorry your post got lost/eaten - just make sure you hit the "submit" button rather than the "preview" button and it should go through on the first try.

I don't know much about the needle fetish, hopefully someone will come along with some advice on that. As for getting off opiates permanently - if I knew the answer to that I'd be a rich lady. Unfortunately all we can do is keep trying until we find something that works for us.

One thing I noticed is that you're on a pretty low dose of Sub (2mgs), especially since you were using opana and heroin. You might need to be on a higher dose for a while until you stabilize - you want to be on a dose that keeps your receptors saturated and keeps your blood-level of medication stable thoughout the day. This will help supress cravings and if your Sub dose is high enough it will block other opiates which can help keep you from relapsing.

And maybe look into some kind of recovery program - I used SMART recovery, they have a good website and they have meetings in a lot of cities. There's always 12 step groups as well. Getting an addiction counselor can help as well, or attending outpatient drug treatment might be an option. All recovering addicts have a lot of issues to work through, we have to learn how to handle emotions, triggers and cravings, and we usually have some damage in our lives to work out or repair if possible.

Keep trying and let us know if we can help.

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PostPosted: Sun Aug 26, 2012 7:19 am 
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Hello whateveryouwant, and welcome to the forum. The first time that i posted, the same thing happened to me. You are hitting the preview button like Diary said. Just hit submit instead.

I also cannot help you out with the needle fetish. But I can relate to the constant reminders of an emotionally traumatizing event. Especially when it is someone that you love with all of your heart. For me it took 4 years to stop using and abusing drugs. I thik my therapist played a bigger role in that then anyone else. She helped me to work through all of the emotions that go with losing a loved one. (not to death) I had to work through the guilt, the hurt, the anger, the jealousy, and the hardest part for me was working through not seeing her every single day. I am talking about my daughter. It is still the most painful thing for me to deal with to date.

My advice to you is to get a therapist. Someone that you click with. This might take a few attempts, but dont give up. When I found the therapist that I clicked with, I let it all out. She didn't judge me, and she was soplution oriented, meaning she didn't focus on the problem. Just how to fix it.

I think that if you do this, in combination with raising your dose of suboxone, you are going to be a lot better off. And hopefully someone comes along on here that can help you with the needle fettish. I've read stories about people who were clean for years but still would shoot up water just to "shoot up". I can't imagine that that is an easy habit to break..Good luck with that.

If there is anything else that we can help you out with, just let us know. And again, welcom to the forum!

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"All great changes are preceded by chaos."
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PostPosted: Sun Aug 26, 2012 9:06 pm 
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Diary of a Quitter wrote:
Hey whateveryouwant, welcome to the forum. I'm sorry your post got lost/eaten - just make sure you hit the "submit" button rather than the "preview" button and it should go through on the first try.

I don't know much about the needle fetish, hopefully someone will come along with some advice on that. As for getting off opiates permanently - if I knew the answer to that I'd be a rich lady. Unfortunately all we can do is keep trying until we find something that works for us.

One thing I noticed is that you're on a pretty low dose of Sub (2mgs), especially since you were using opana and heroin. You might need to be on a higher dose for a while until you stabilize - you want to be on a dose that keeps your receptors saturated and keeps your blood-level of medication stable thoughout the day. This will help supress cravings and if your Sub dose is high enough it will block other opiates which can help keep you from relapsing.

And maybe look into some kind of recovery program - I used SMART recovery, they have a good website and they have meetings in a lot of cities. There's always 12 step groups as well. Getting an addiction counselor can help as well, or attending outpatient drug treatment might be an option. All recovering addicts have a lot of issues to work through, we have to learn how to handle emotions, triggers and cravings, and we usually have some damage in our lives to work out or repair if possible.

Keep trying and let us know if we can help.


Hi thanks to both of you! I wanted to multi quote but am still new with this whole thing...wel...AS 30 MILLION TIMES BEFORE....no other opiates today. Lil moody sweaty. nothing I couldnt handle. I perfer rectal administration (trust me I am as clean as possible. Won't go into detail but if you can imagine it I do it to be clean lolol...) but I did inject .7mg (film) about an hour ago. I want my target dose to be 2mg.

As for a therapist..I got one who I know VERY well. I THINK she ay be a little mad at me though. IDK for sure. As we all know when we are high we are not rational..I thought she was very attractive. I never advanced on her or anythingl ike that. But inp rivate I did (respectfully) mention it. And she was a school councelor but even though I graduated i got friends who did and still see her...no return call. Ima try in the begining of september. If she is...ill apoligize, respect her wish. and move on.

I'm so sorry aobut your daughter. I know that pain when you love yet loath something all at once. (love is always there though...always). I am going to (as 30 million times before) break my needles tonight and jsut rectal admin tommorow. I took...3mg today. So 2.5mg tommorow too dramatic of a cut?

Also...as for enviroment changing...I am...well I am in the marijuana industry. And unfortunatley even though legal in my area state wise it is still a deferal thing so I do mix with alto of...I dont like to judge but people who are into opiates. Especailly dealers. EVERYONE loves a joint. (myself very rarly...never made me want to use either...infact the opposite makes me hat what I done to myself).

I just also am having SUCH a hard time accepting the disease concept? I think Im just a dick...but the urge...is so...strong....


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Aug 27, 2012 5:57 pm 
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? any thoughts


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PostPosted: Mon Aug 27, 2012 7:01 pm 
Broke junkie loser?

Man, thats something someone who doesnt know which way the wind is blowing woudl say. You are not a junkie loser, you are me and you are everyone else on this forum and not to mention the millions in this country with the same exact problem as yourself. What are you gonna call your self when you OVERCOME THIS. I'm not you.... but i know when i'm out of the woods........ I'll call myself an Accomplishment! and We will feel like just that my brotha. So stay strong and keep your mind on the one thing that matters to us. That one thing is now the most important mission in our lives, stay focused.

Also, i thougth if you shot suboxone you went into immediate withdrawal and it was immensly painful. Do you even get high when u shoot .5mg of a sub?


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 Post subject: Needle Fetish PREVENTION
PostPosted: Mon Aug 27, 2012 7:10 pm 
hEY AGAIN man, well i do have one or 2 advice pieces for you to try and stay away from the rig.

1- Hep C is so easy to get. You think cleaning your rig out with hot water and bleach will do the trick? Think again, in fact more people catch hepatitis from using there own "clean" needle as opposed to a shared one. You do NOT want this to happen to you. Remember that everytime and then think...... ill just take it the way im supposed to and ill still feel it without any paranoia of obtaining a life long disease.

2- Who wants track marks? Who wants to wear long sleeves in the Summer Heat? When you meet a new girl your about to get it on with, then all of the sudden she see's the track marks- good luck closing the deal on that one now.

I hope maybe this did anything for you, but if it didnt.... just know that i hope you can kick the needle to the curb.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Aug 27, 2012 7:19 pm 
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Winningduhepic wrote:
Broke junkie loser?

Man, thats something someone who doesnt know which way the wind is blowing woudl say. You are not a junkie loser, you are me and you are everyone else on this forum and not to mention the millions in this country with the same exact problem as yourself. What are you gonna call your self when you OVERCOME THIS. I'm not you.... but i know when i'm out of the woods........ I'll call myself an Accomplishment! and We will feel like just that my brotha. So stay strong and keep your mind on the one thing that matters to us. That one thing is now the most important mission in our lives, stay focused.

Also, i thougth if you shot suboxone you went into immediate withdrawal and it was immensly painful. Do you even get high when u shoot .5mg of a sub?


The whole Naltroxone thing is a myth. YES it is a anit opiate drug but bupe is stronger. So it goes to the receptors so strong another med is needed in a sub overdose. Actually in a sub overdose...you're pretty screwed

And it is more so just instant relief than a high. Not worth it.

And ya deffly trying to avoid the needle.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Sep 02, 2012 2:47 pm 
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My advice to you - take your Suboxone as prescribed, sublingually and with the correct dose. If it isn't the drug the habit will bring you back to the drug. I have experience with both snort/IV fetishes and you need to look at is if you are relapsing once again. I've been clean for over 3 years and off Suboxone for ~3 months.

Go to meetings and surround yourself with clean people. NA, AA, or some of the other recovery programs are all a starting point. Sitting in your apartment with rigs is going to get you nowhere. Breaking and throwing the rigs away might buy you a few days. You need to decide if you want to live a better way of life and go for it. This was not easy for any of us and it requires as the basic text says - honesty, open mindedness, and (most importantly) willingness. In other words, you get out of it what you put into it.

My recovery began in the rooms of NA where I realized that there are people living happy and normal lives that came from the same dark, terrible place as me. It took a while for me to get sick and tired of being sick and tired - but, when I did, I knew where to go. If you want it badly enough you will go for it and do anything to protect it. If you don't, you keep getting high whether it be from heroin or injecting Suboxone. Relapse is a part of recovery for many people, but it doesn't have to be for you. I've never relapsed after going to detox/rehab and fully immersing myself into the program of NA. If I can do it, you can do it. Good luck brother.


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