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PostPosted: Wed Mar 26, 2014 1:44 pm 
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Hi! This is my first post and I want to have a way to start this off.. So firstly I want to say as of right. Now it's been 6 hours since my last, LAST dose. My best friend went to rehab 2 days ago. This worries me. It makes me want to cry... And honestly it was my push to start my detox... So ever since I was a freshman in highschool my addictions gotten bad, granted as soon as I turned 17 I dropped out due to drug use. I lost my job, havnt been able to hold one since. In about 2 days I start my first job as an adult seeing I turned 18 in January. Now I got a job doing the thing I love and that's cooking, I'm working in a kitchen doing Actual food prep and real chef work, not generic deep fry everything. This is also another push to drop my habit...

But I have a couple issues getting in my way. First and foremost being I have no support. My mother is broke and won't even look at me I disappoint her so much. I don't blame her. My father doesn't care what I do he's just happy I'm alive and not overdosed in a dumpster, second biggest thing in my way. I CAN NOT find suboxene anywhere on the Street. From friends. From dealers. From anywhere. I've called doctors multiple times. No one will accept me because of a few factors I will leave discrete. My family doctor I can't even go see to get prescribed my normal medication (he was scribing me Xanax, I loved that stuff for my anxiety and when I'm dopesick I can actually sleep. But sadly It isn't happening. So as of today I'm going cold turkey. I have a naughty half gram-gram a day of black tar heroin, I've been an IV user for about 2 and a half years, it all started with snorting hydrocodone when I got mono 7th grade year, I found a love for opiates because I have depersonalization, and opiates for some reason help with the disassociation and depersonalization and derealization that has plagued my mind for 8 years. Whenever I'm dopesick It gets extremely bad. When I first snorted the hydros it brought me some sense of reality.

One of my friend introduced me to cheese (tar made snortable by mixing monkey water with diphenhydramine hci) and from that moment on I was hooked. As soon as I started snorting my first line in the 8th grade to ninth grade summer, freshman year I ended up starting my needle fixation and iv use, at first I was borrowing money and making money from my job, after I lost everything I've done some pretty wretched things for money.. If I could get started on a sub program I would cry. Honestly


I actually will admit I got off one time before and I used 24mg of suboxene stretched over 5 days, I ended up relapsing because I honestly wasn't happy being clean because I had lost everything and didn't want to face it. Now I'm more than excited. If I could find 3 pills or strips my life would change, but I will be updating this quite often because as of now I'm laying in bed constantly.. And I have nothing to do, this is my first attempt at getting clean, so we will see how this goes! Hopefully I can find something to help men! Good luck to anyone else going cold turkey. I wish you the best of luck!


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 27, 2014 12:58 am 
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It makes me so sad to read your story. On the one hand, it's great that you're trying to live a life without heroin and you've got a new job that you like. However, I can't help but want a suboxone maintenance program for you. I'm not sure what it is that prevents doctors from accepting you as a patient. You say you want to keep that discreet. I respect that, but you're completely anonymous here, so why don't you just lay it all out??

Addiction experts say that we stop emotionally maturing at whatever age we start our drug abuse. So you were around 12 right? You absolutely need the time and stability that sub maintenance can provide. Sub takes away your cravings for your drug of choice. While you're free of that obsession you can pull your life together! You can get group or individual therapy to find out the root of your addiction. You can build up a savings account or get some more education.

I absolutely hope that your cold turkey attempt works and you never pick up gear again. Unfortunately, the odds are not in your favor. I wish I could make you promise me that you'll make another attempt to find a sub doctor if you find yourself using again. Whatever the obstacles are between you and getting help from a sub doctor, work on them! If your dad is still supporting you, see if he can help you get treatment. Your life is worth it!!!

Amy

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 03, 2016 10:46 am 
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Go to your father for help,he owes you that.if your mother won't do anything she's going to regret that decision if something bad happens to you.just keep trying to get help,fucking tradgedy when people are begging for help and can't get it!!!you sound like a little kid and your family needs to get their head out of their asses and help you for christening sake


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 05, 2016 3:26 pm 
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Micro it's been a few days and I hope ur still giving recovery a chance. Like Amy, ur story makes me sad, u need help and sub clinics won't take u? Why? That's awful and I hope u tell us why so that maybe one of us can help u or advise u on what to do to fix it. I'm telling u, if u can enter sub treatment u will grow like u never thought u could. I'm truly hoping u can do this cold turkey, but if u can't we need to find u a sub Dr. Please keep us updated!!

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PostPosted: Wed Apr 06, 2016 12:42 pm 
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To me only the rich can get help I'm on medicaid I cant find a doctor I'm forced off subs the 1 doctor that took medicaid decided to retire ans I have been on the phone for weeks cant find a doc unless i have money


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 06, 2016 12:51 pm 
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jennjenn wrote:
Micro it's been a few days and I hope ur still giving recovery a chance. Like Amy, ur story makes me sad, u need help and sub clinics won't take u? Why? That's awful and I hope u tell us why so that maybe one of us can help u or advise u on what to do to fix it. I'm telling u, if u can enter sub treatment u will grow like u never thought u could. I'm truly hoping u can do this cold turkey, but if u can't we need to find u a sub Dr. Please keep us updated!!


I just realized that he posted in 2014! I was like, hmmm, I don't remember writing what I posted above. No wonder! It's been 2 years.

MZKARINA, would you like to start your own thread in Introductions? More people would see your posts that way. It's up to you of course. I'm sorry that you're struggling to find a doctor.

Amy

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PostPosted: Wed Apr 06, 2016 1:06 pm 
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Lol ur right! Well maybe microswitch will see this and update us :) I'd love to see how micro did on their journey and new job. Hopefully things changed for the better.

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PostPosted: Wed Apr 06, 2016 3:19 pm 
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Mzkarina..I feel for you. I have Medicare and it pays for my Dr thankfully buy not my script. I am on disability and have 2 kids and a grandchild I support alone. Their dad hasn't paid child support in several years although it's court ordered. So I feel your struggle so much. Don't give up!! I know it's so hard and frustrating. I have an appt on Friday for my refill and am broke ! I have been scrambling for days trying to find the money for my meds which is causing triggers like when I had to find money for my oxy!! That's the same feeling I am having now. Thankfully the dear older man that I clean for and take care of for some extra cash has agreed to help me !! Such good news. He has been a huge support in my getting help and off the opiates and now this. I am so blessed. I truly believe if you keep working on finding a Dr and don't give up something will happen In your favor. I will be sending good energy towards your quest for a new Dr... Take care.


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