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PostPosted: Mon Jul 12, 2010 5:30 pm 
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Ok, I started my treatment about 6 weeks ago after being discharged from a detox program. I was still being tapered off for the first week out. I was getting all sorts of praise and encouragement from everyone who knew me. I actually felt good and started liking myself. I felt good.

Here is where it gets complicated...

I decided to look into Subox clinics and finally found one within my price range since my insurance didn't pay. I went to the induction, decided it was for me, and have felt wonderful since then. A new leaf on life I guess you could say. You ALL know the feeling I am feeling. I had mentioned my interest to family/fiance once I had started suboxone and gave them all the literature on it. The concern they all had is that they were afraid I would be trading one addiction for another. (I was a pain pill addict - 1000 mg+ Oxycodone daily) They were completely against it. I have continued my Suboxone treatment and feel like a new person. Of course I am sneaking my meds and don't want them to know. I was on the verge of losing everyone prior to my detox/rehab. I'm so afraid if I tell them they will all turn on me again. They are just now beginning to trust me again. As a 34 year old mom I am finally getting the trust and love that I was missing from my children too. I don't want to disappoint anyone.

Has anyone else had to deal with this?

Lisa


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PostPosted: Tue Jul 13, 2010 7:18 am 
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Hi Lisa,

Yours is a difficult situation, no doubt about it. Fortunately my family is very supportive of me and my suboxone use. They're just happy to have me back - or more accurately a new, better me, because I'm better and happier now than even before my addiction took hold. So I guess I'm lucky.

You said that you're finally rebuilding some trust back with your family, yet you're not being honest with them. Doesn't that mean that any trust you've gained is pretty superficial? Do you plan on keeping your sub use a secret the whole time you're on it or do you think you'll find a way to tell them? You aren't the first person on this forum in this situation, so try not to feel so bad. Personally I think when family feels the way yours does that it's a matter of ignorance about bupe and how it works that is the culprit. For them to understand and support you they need to be educated.

It would be easy for me (or anyone) to say you need to be honest with them, but in reality, you have to live with your family and friends and you are the only one qualified to say how best to handle it. Not telling them now about the bupe doesn't mean you can't tell them later, maybe after you slowly start explaining it to them.

I'm glad you posted about this - thank you for sharing. There are dozens of lurkers on this forum and you opening up about this will no doubt help so many in the same situation. Feel free to keep talking it through here and post as often as you need to.


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PostPosted: Tue Jul 13, 2010 7:51 am 
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Oh my goodness hat. I want to tell them so badly. In time I will. You're right though...there is no trust being built if I can't be honest about how I am recovering. I am fearful myself that I'll have a difficult time coming off the subox. I'm having a feeling that I'll be one of the ones on long term treatment. That's ok with me. I'll do i as long as I feel necessary.

I need to tell them. I will, but just not sure when or how. That's something I definitely have to work on a plan for. I'm just going through so many emotions right now and I'm trying to get the courage to do it.

Thank you for your input and support. I'm so glad I found this forum. I have no family or friends that have ever gone through any type of addiction, therefore they don't understand ANY part of it. My parents have started going to a "Family of an Addict" support group and that has seemed to help them understand things a little better. I think it'll be easier to tell them than it will my fiance. He is the one who MADE me go to detox/rehab, but then cut our relationship because he had dealt with my addiction for so long. We finally worked things out once he saw that I was serious about recovery and was still getting help and attending my meetings. His initial opinion about the subox in rehab was very negative. That's where i am having the most trouble. I am doing research and printing off as much info as I can to give to him when I talk to him about it.

Again, THANK YOU!!!!!
I feel better knowing there have been others out there with similar situations.

Lisa


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PostPosted: Tue Jul 13, 2010 7:51 am 
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Lisa,

I have totally been in your shoes. It is such a difficult place to be in. When I started sub, the only people who knew about my addiction to begin with was my sister and my aunt. They were, of course, sworn to secrecy and they keep good secrets.
Eventually, I told my husband when I had been on sub for about 4 months already. My husband didn't want anyone else to know so I didn't tell anyone else. He felt the same as your family and to some extent, so did I. I felt very guilty for continuing to take the sub. I felt like I was trading one addiction for another. At the same time, I felt free and didn't feel like an addict anymore. I felt good and had my life back.

But the guilt took over and I quit taking my sub. That was when I found this forum and was also when, after 3 months of being off of sub, decided jointly with my husband to go back on it. He was absolutely against long term sub use, but he saw what I was going through with the PAWS when I was off of it. I found information from Dr. Junig online and I highly suggest some of his audio and written materials. As I came across information, I just kept sharing it with my husband and kept the lines of communication open. Eventually, we both came to the same conclusion which was the suboxone caused no harm except a little financially, and that if it was any other condition, we would choose the meds. We decided we needed to treat this like the disease it is and not like some character defect that I needed to fix.

My suggestion to you would be to try and find materials that aren't published by the manufacturer. Purchase some of Dr. Junig's materials and take a look at them. If you have a therapist, talk to your therapist about it. The best way for me was to obtain the information, present it without my opinion, and allowed my husband to make his own opinion about it free of any pressure from me. It took a while, but ultimately it did work.

Now, my husband knows I will be on sub long term. He still doesn't want anyone else to know, but my mom, sister, aunt, and cousins know. That works for me.

I wish you the best.

Cherie

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PostPosted: Tue Jul 13, 2010 7:54 am 
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That is a difficult possition to be in. I really feel for you. I was also lucky to have most of my families support, in fact my wife and mom are part of the reason I'm still taking suboxone. They are huge fans of the med. They saw a horrible side of me and I think they are so relived I am back to some what normal and the fact that I can't use on sub is an added bonus. I do however have family members who don't believe in "addiction" or even "depression" as a disease. They have the attitude "just stop, don't use, or cheer up, snap out of your depression". They drink and they will take pain meds when prescribed and they can stop so why can't I. They feel down or even depressed some times and they can snap out of it, why can't I. Some people will never understand what we go through and never will. It's a waste of time IMO to even try to have these people understand. So in a way I know what your dealing with and it can be extremely frustrating but I do have my core families support. I honestly feel for you and your situation. You are an adult and you are responsible for your recovery, regardless of who's support we have or don't have. If suboxone is doing for you what it's done for most of us here then please stay the course. If it means being dishonest then so be it. Maybe they will come around after seeing the changes in you. Remember you do have lots of support out here just not the support from the people you had hoped. Best of luck and please keep us posted.


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PostPosted: Tue Jul 13, 2010 12:29 pm 
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The problem many times is that those who love us do not have the education about our treatment to understand our choices. It is not trading one addiction for another. From NAABT.org:
Quote:
Does SUBOXONE just substitute one dependence for another?
No– With successful buprenorphine treatment as part of a complete treatment plan including counseling, the patient can put the addictive behavior into remission. Buprenorphine will maintain some of the preexisting physical dependence, but that is easily managed medically and eventually resolved with a slow taper off of the buprenorphine when the patient is ready. Physical dependence, unlike addiction, is not a dangerous medical condition that requires treatment. Addiction is damaging and life-threatening, while physical dependence is an inconvenience, and is normal physiology for anyone taking large doses of opioids for an extended period of time..

There is much more provided on the web page in the Q and A section. You could even send your family members to www.suboxone.com to learn about your treatment. If you feel keeping it to yourself is a better choice, I would understand. For me personally, I try to educate my loved ones about how much my life has improved with Suboxone treatment- and I like to let some people know in case there is an emergency and someone would need to know what medications I am using. Take Care.

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PostPosted: Tue Jul 13, 2010 4:05 pm 
Hi LRW and welcome! I have read another post or two I think from you on another thread, so I'm combining what I've learned from those as well as what you have shared on this thread. You've already been given good advice, so I'll try not to go into repeating a lot of what has already been said.
I completely understand where you are at this time. Although I did not go through an inpatient detox like it sounds like you did, I did go through an intensive outpatient program. At that time, of course, my husband knew about my addiction and treatment, but none of my other family or close friends knew what was going on. My story was a little different in that I was 'strong-armed' into treatment because of the way my addiction was 'discovered.' My treatment program was also dictated to me, in terms of being 100% abstinence based, 12-step program based and so on. For a long time, I hid my addiction and treatment from everyone except my husband. There is a side story here which is long so I won't go into it here, but although many others knew about my addiction, they were not people who were involved in my day-to-day life or my process of recovery. In hindsight my reasons for wanting to keep my addiction and treatment from everyone was twofold - I didn't want to burden or worry my loved ones (especially my aging parents) and I didn't want to 'out' myself for what I had done to myself and all it had cost me. It was hard because in doing so, I kind of cheated myself out of some potential support. BUT, I believe there are reasons we do what we do. And sometimes those reasons are quite rational and real. In your case, it sounds like you have valid concerns about losing the support of your loved ones if they find out you are using 'another substance' as part of your recovery. I totally get that. When I decided after many months of trying recovery 'their' way and was doing very poorly, to start Suboxone, I took some flack from the only person who knew of my decision (my husband.) And I mean BIG flack. He was entitled to feel as he did. I could not blame him and I understood then and still do why he was concerned and angry. But it sure as heck did not do me a bit of good and his attitude did NOT help me get better. But I knew, as it sounds like you did, that Suboxone was something I had to try or else a big relapse was coming right around the corner. And that would be even worse flack than I would get for going on Suboxone, right?! Anyway, all that to say that I do understand why you are struggling.
The others are right......it's all about education. That and getting your loved ones to understand that you knew that this was what you had to do.....that you knew that relapse was practically inevitable if you continued on the way your were what I call "hanging onto your sobriety by your fingernails!" Only you can decide when to inform them of what you're doing, but I believe you're probably going to need to do it when you feel strong enough. After I was on Sub for a good while, maybe a month or more, I was able to go ahead and confide in my parents and other close people in my life about what I was doing. It turned out to be a huge relief and ultimately my husband came around, in large part because he could see how much better I was doing since starting the medication. None of this is easy, as you know. All these steps take a lot of courage. What helped me some was to tell myself and my loved ones, that regardless of how they felt about what all had happened and how they may agree or disagree with the Suboxone choice....the most important thing had to be about ME, me living through this and getting out of the cycle of addiction. The quote that Shelwoy provided is critical for all to understand.....that yes, with buprenorphine we are still physically dependent on an opiate substance, BUT it is NOT the same as what we were taking before, not at all. And we can be dependent on bupe and still break out of the active addiction that consumed us before. That is a hard concept for people to wrap their mind around, especially those who have never been addicted to opiates!
Honesty is important in recovery, no doubt. But that doesn't mean we have to 'spill' everything immediately, in my opinion. But eventually, I think it will begin to really bother you to keep this secret. The other thing, I think also Shelwoy mentioned.....Someone close to you really needs to know about this medication. It has very serious implications when it comes to your healthcare, especially in the case of an emergency.
I should stop now. Keep researching your medication and keep working on your recovery. Feel good about your choices for they are leading you to become better. Keep moving forward. Keep trying to do better and better with each day. I think you mentioned your trouble with dosing on your other thread. As you have seen, there is nothing to be gained by dosing multiple times a day or taking extra doses.....really it's just tossing money down the tubes (or under your tongue I guess!) So work hard with your doctor on getting to the dose that keeps you stable and taking it once a day. But know that we've all pretty much done what you've done before. It's pretty common at first. I think you'll see that you'll settle in nicely given a little more time.
I don't know I've helped at all or not, but in reading your post....I felt for you and wanted you to know, along with the others, that you're not alone. I have an acquaintence who has been on Sub for months and is still keeping it secret as she know that her husband will NOT approve, quite loudly and nor will her parents. She feels that what she stands to lose by telling is too severe to take the chance. While I hate it has to be that way for her, I support and understand her decision. So hang in there and keep posting. Glad you found the site!


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PostPosted: Tue Jul 13, 2010 6:42 pm 
Sermefree - that was a great post, probably helpful to a lot of people, not jut Lisa.
I really can't add much to what has been said, but just wanted to offer my support. An oxy habit can kill you, so if being on Sub keeps you in remission so be it, whether others approve or not. Best case scenario is that over time as your family sees how trustworthy and reliable you have continued to be, they will be ready to accept that the medication is an important tool for you to continue to be that healthy. In the meantime WE will support you, so keep coming back.
Lilly


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PostPosted: Tue Jul 13, 2010 11:15 pm 
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I just wanted to mention one other thing. I wouldn't have told my husband to begin with except we were in a therapy session and the timing just happened along. So I bit the bullet and did it. I wouldn't have done it outside that protective environment.

Another thing, if you feel it is appropriate, would be to offer for your husband to meet with a / your sub doctor. I am not sure how that would or wouldn't work since you are hiding it from him, but my sub docs have always offered for my spouse to come in if he had any questions at all.

Cherie

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PostPosted: Wed Jul 14, 2010 7:59 am 
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Wow guys! You have no idea how much better I feel from all the advice and encouragement you've all given me.

I did decide to tell my parents everything about my subox treatment. I gave them the literature from the doctor that explains how it works. They were extremely understanding and seemed to completely agree that if this is what it takes to use as a tool to help me learn to live sober, they would do the same thing if it were them. The said I had finally made a good choice. :D

I am so torn as to how to go about this. You see...my addiction was to oxycodone for 7+ years. This was all TOTALLY hidden from everyone, as I was functioning. It was only found out when I started to spend more and more money each month and had to depend on my fiance to help me out financially, and finally the day the state highway patrol called him because I was so out of it on combined Ativan and percocet (very high doses) that I was nearly 50 miles from home reported to be swirving all over the highway. They had to come pick me up from the side of the road while the officer sat with me. Thank God he was understanding and didn't site me. He was very understanding and talked a little sense into me and also encouraged me to get help. I was lucky I didn't kill someone or that my kids weren't in the car with me. That is when I ultimately realized that I DID have a problem. I kind of thought I did for a while, but like others I 'knew I could control it if I had to', as well as it was a matter of pride. You see, my family comes from a VERY religious background. My parents are both greatly involved in our church as well as my grandfather is the pastor there. I could NEVER come to terms with something like this that would humiliate them. Or so I thought. They have been great with me.

My fiance and I don't live together yet. We've been together 5 years so he hasn't known me any other way than the way I 'was' while using. In the end I wasn't using to get 'high'. I needed it to function normal everyday life. He insisted that for us to continue our relationship that I admit myself into the local program here in Columbus. I guess while I was away he did much thinking because he had decided it was best for him mentally to cut things off. He said he had known something was going on with me...that I was starting to be secretive, defensive, and just 'not right'. He was blaming himself for arguments, for personal issues between us, and the distance that had grown larger and larger, now realizing that it was mainly me. I don't blame him for his reasoning. If it were me I can't say I'd do any different if I were in his shoes. Needless to say after I was out of rehab I was miserable without him and needed his support more than ever. My parents were extremely supportive. They constantly tell me how proud they are of me. No one outside of my parents, sister, kids (and yes, I've been completely honest with them at 12, 10, 8 yrs old) and boyfriend even know of my disease. I have finally convinced them that it is a disease. Like cancer. It will always be there...I'm just trying to keep it in remission. They seemed to see the 'lightbulb' once I used that analogy. (thank goodness!!)

Back to my subox induction. This is the program that was used in detox at the hospital. I had NEVER heard of it before. Once I got home and was tapered off I started feeling like the most miserable person. I wanted...needed to use again. I looked into suboxone, found out that only certain docs or clinics can prescribe, and that of course my insurance didn't cover a single dime of it, unless I went to the ONLY doc that was covered on my plan and she had an 8 month waiting list. I could NOT wait that long. I would never have made it. I called and got an appointment for that same day at a clinic nearly an hour away from home but it was definitely worth it.

Sorry this is getting so long...almost finished.

Jumping around again...after rehab we didn't talk much. He would call every few days to check on me but we were over. During this time was when I had started subox. We weren't 'together' so I didn't tell him as I felt it honestly wasn't his business. Finally about 3 weeks ago we had a long, serious talk. He decided that if I remain in therapy and am serious about recovery that he would give me another chance. I mentioned to him a few weeks ago what he thought about me taking an opiot blocker. His opinion was that I would only be trading one addiction for another and he didn't think it was a good choice. Of course I balked. I didn't tell him for fear that would ruin things and I was already walking on thin ice. This is why I am afraid of telling him right now. I will eventually get the courage to do it because I am physically and mentally tired of being dishonest with everyone. I'm sure someone out there knows what I'm talking about.

I know this is the wrong place to post my "story" but it all kind of fit in to explain my situation.

Again, thanks so much for listening even though I feel I'm rambling on like some goofball! :wink:

Lisa


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 15, 2010 7:35 pm 
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Lisa - I have thought a lot about what you have posted and your situation is very tough but one many of us have gone through ourselves. This is purely my opinion and likely not a popular one. I myself have not chosen to tell my parents yet that I am on subox. Two reasons: 1. As an addict and while I was in active addiction, I lied. I was not trustworthy. They have every reason to doubt anything I say. So, If I were to tell them how great suboxone is and that it takes away my cravings and doesn't give me a "high", they have no reason to believe me and I caused this. I think staying on it awhile as I repair my relationships and improve myself, I can then demonstrate to them what suboxone does and then they would have more concrete reasons to believe me. 2. Their opinions may jeopardize my recovery. I care deeply what my parents think of me and I'm afraid if they didn't support suboxone, I could certainly see myself stopping it and then very much risking relapse. I know it sounds like an irrational fear but I don't think it is. Loved ones can hold a power over us. Sometimes they shouldn't but they do. I think that if you believe telling your boyfriend for any reason could jeopardize the progress you have made, I would not choose to tell him. You are not ready yet. I'm not saying keep the secret forever but you will know when your recovery is strong enough and when you have established enough trust for him to believe you when you say suboxone is good for you. Good luck to you and congratulations on the progress you have made.


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PostPosted: Sat Jul 17, 2010 8:14 am 
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Lots of good replies here, as usual :D

Let me tell you about my situation:

My wife knows I'm on suboxone and so does my son. But my mother doesn't know and neither do my brothers or any of their families and I don't really see any reason to tell them. Am I hiding it from them? Maybe. But the fact is, they don't really understand my problem. One of my brothers thinks anyone who abuses drugs or alcohol is just "weak" and "lacks willpower" etc, etc, etc. We've all heard it before I'm sure. Why should I try to convince someone that I'm doing the right thing if they already have their mind made up that anyone who takes drugs is just a weak person with no willpower?

I already know that my brother (one of them, not both) will just think I'm relying on a "crutch" and "trading one addiction for another" and all that other uninformed nonsense that people who don't understand the nature of this disease think.

I'm not on a crusade to convince anyone that bupenorphine treatment for long-term opiate dependence is the ultimate solution to the problem. I am simply trying to stay alive.

If I have to refrain from telling some of the people in my family about my use of suboxone in order to "keep the peace" then so be it. I'm fine with it.

That's my perspective on it.


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PostPosted: Sat Jul 17, 2010 8:26 am 
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I've re-read this thread, others' responses, and even my own reply. I think I was looking at the situation from only one angle and I think I was being inflexible. For that I apologize. Sometimes I have knee-jerk reactions and I probably shouldn't post until I've gone over it all in my mind. But who among us is perfect? :)

Keeping one's suboxone use from family is perfectly reasonable and at times just plain necessary to one's recovery. As I said, my immediate family is aware of my entire addiction history and are very supportive of my suboxone use. I do, however, have an extended family - a rather large one at that. I've wrestled with the idea of telling them about my addiction and have come to the conclusion that it's just not necessary. I've even discussed it with my therapist. As junkie put it so well (as per usual), there's just no reason; and absent any reason, really, what's the point? We have to do what's best for us and our recovery. I'm not lying to them, I'm simply keeping a private matter private.

Again, I apologize for my inflexibility and inability to look at the whole picture. I hope I've rectified that now.

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PostPosted: Sun Jul 18, 2010 6:10 pm 
Hatmaker, I don't think you said anything wrong at all. I think you're probably right though....it's a knee-jerk response from someone like yourself who is quite serious about their recovery. Part of that involves "rigorous honesty" as that is part and parcel to most treatment professionals' attitudes toward the subject. I think most of us who have been in treatment or see a drug/alcohol counselor or attend 12-step meetings have kind of had that theory drilled into us. And I guess, in a perfect world, we would feel comfortable in being completely honest with everyone in our lives about our addiction and treatment. But, as Junkie pointed out, there are some people who cannot/will not understand our choices, no matter how hard we may try to educate them and 'prove' to them that we have made a good choice in using Suboxone as part of our treatment. It is such a case-by-case thing, so personal and private. We certainly wouldn't feel the need to tell everyone about our treatment for other more delicate or private medical issues, and that choice to not disclose would not be looked upon as being dishonest, would it?
The only thing that really worries me about situations like this, is when we're not disclosing to someone who is supposed to be the closest to us....a spouse, or fiance. Eventually that lack of trust (which is what it is at its root) might be a real problem in the relationship. I remember when my husband was giving me such a hard time about my decision to start Suboxone....it crushed me. I was really disappointed in his lack of trust in my decision. But on the other hand....why should he trust me? I had lied and hidden my addiction, so it was just a bad situation all the way around. There was no easy answer. It just took time.
I do feel for anyone grappling with this issue. As I said before, rigorous honesty is important to a good recovery program. But as myself and the others have said, it is very personal and you don't have to 'get there' all at once. You have to do things, disclose things as you become ready and when and if you feel safe enough to do so. What has to come first, especially early on, is just getting yourself stabilized and feeling stronger and more confident. I think the rest will come as you go along.
This has been a good discussion and everyone has given great feedback. It's always nice, as Hatmaker did, to reread over a thread and see where we might have 'missed' something and take an opportunity to look at something from a different perspective and learn something about ourselves. That's one of the best things about being able to participate here....we should all be able to offer our opions and share our own experiences to try to help someone else. I think it's great!


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