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 Post subject: I just want to be me!!
PostPosted: Sat Oct 20, 2012 2:10 am 
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Location: Washington State
I don't even know where to start or what/how to say it!
I'm completely lost!! Stuck in a dangerous full blown (very) active addiction!!!
I'm sick of myself. I rather die then do this any longer!
I have to wait until Nov 19th until I see the only doctor accepting, and even then I'm not sure what my insurance will cover and if dshs will cover the remaining or what the heck to expect. Again, I'm LOST!!! I don't know anyone o help me out with a few subs until then, or someone I can trust to walk me through and figure things out. I have no one on my side. (I. Know it sounds like a damn pity party over here) but I truly am LOST and I want nothing more then to wake up tomorrow and be normal again! I miss the REAL me! I wish I could snap my fingers and be the person/mother I really am!!
I just wanna be free! I just want to be me!! I'm DONE!! God please help me!!!
:( </3

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PostPosted: Sat Oct 20, 2012 5:23 am 
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[font=Comic Sans MS]Hi there MommyLove3. I am so sorry to hear that you are feeling the way you are. We have all been there at
one point or another, trust me. I have actually tried suicide twice...it was that bad. I felt like there was
noone that understood my pain. I got tired of hearing everyone telling me that "all you have to do is just quit"
Bull. It is not that easy or we would all just quit, right?

I know that November 19th is a month away, but it's ONLY a month away. Maybe you can get on here everyday, and
just read some stories. "My Addiction Story" is a good place to start. It will show you that you are not alone in
feeling the way that you do.

I am a mommy of 3 beautiful children. I lost custody of two of them in my addiction. The point that you are at.
I had no idea what suboxone was. None. I had never even heard of it. I sometimes think back and wonder how
different things would be, had I known then, what I know now. I now have a 20 month old son. I am so glad that
I found suboxone, because had I not, I surely would have lost him too.

When I began my sub treatment 5 months ago, I was right where you are. I was hating who I was. I would have rather
been dead, than to do this one more day. Now, looking back, I can't believe I ever felt that way. What I did in the mean
time (until my appointment), was get on this forum and just read. I wasn't a member yet, so I didn't post. You are a member
and can post, so what I suggest to you, is to get on here when you are feeling horrible, and just let it out. We are
here for you. We will listen, and give you feedback. We will support you in any way that we can. Post on here even
if it's just to vent. It will at least make you feel better for a short while.

I know what it feels like to have noone that understands. I just had to listen to my mom run her stupid mouth
yesterday. So, I left her house. She can be really hateful and hurtful sometimes about things that happened 5 years
ago. She will never get it. So I just don't surround my self with negative people. Everyone I have in my life is
positive, and it makes such a huge difference. It took me until a month ago to get rid of all of them, but now all of
my friends are people I consider to be a positive influence. So try to stay away from people that complain, bring you
down, or are just flat out miserable. It will help alot.

Feel free to ask as many questions as you want. We will anwer all of them. Once you get induced, you are going to feel
so much better, and these days are just going to be a distant memory. Just try to hold on until then. OK? I care about
you. And I care about how you are. Please let me know how you are. If you want to talk on a more personal note, you can
PM me anytime, ok? Take care sweetie~[/font]

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 Post subject: Hang On
PostPosted: Sat Oct 20, 2012 2:18 pm 
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Hi MommyLoves3,

You are not alone. We are here to listen to you, offer suggestions, and just basically support you in any way we can. Kelly said it all so nicely and she also relates to you and your situation so take her up on her offer of support and hang on until your induction date. Have you called every Suboxone Dr. in your insurance plan? Or can you afford to pay cash and find another one a little earlier? I suspect you have done all you can and are just waiting for the induction date to come.

Until then, is there anyone in your household that can dole out your meds to you everyday? It is just that we worry about someone who is in active addiction overdosing. An addict usually doesn't plan for an overdose but it happens all the time. If you don't have someone to help hold the meds then please hold onto the thought of your life getting so much better next month.

Welcome to our forum and we look forward to reading more posts from you.

Rule62

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 Post subject: Hurting
PostPosted: Sat Oct 20, 2012 4:23 pm 
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I keep crying and I just want to hid. I have no one who can be there for me and not judge. I don't know anyone who can sell me subs til then and I don't wanna keep using until Nov. uuuggghhhhhhhh....I keep crying today. Very emotional and not sure why. I'm not making good choices. I just want to be better!i just wanna be me!!

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Oct 20, 2012 7:06 pm 
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Im sorry your feeling so crappy :roll:

just do your very best to hang on till the appointment. I KNOW it's easier said than done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
believe me!!!!!
if you can't find any subs, if I were you I'd probably try to get some low-grade pain pills, till your appointment.
that way you'd be TOTALLY ready to induce, and maybe not feel so terrible????????
i dont know, Im just tossing ideas out there.
is there any doctor that you previously went to, that you got pain meds from that you could see agian, to get you 'by' til november 19th???? I know its not the BEST idea in the world, but maybe better than what your dealing with now....................
today's the 20th ,,,, so you're ALREADY one day closer!!!!!!!

Life is NOT fair, that's for sure!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
you can post here anytime you feel like it,
we will try our best to support you :wink: :wink: :wink:

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anyone can give up,
its the easiest thing in the world to do, but to
hold it together, when everyone would understand if you fell apart
That's TRUE STRENGTH
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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Oct 20, 2012 8:37 pm 
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mommylove3 hi". you will be you soon! you have to be very patient . your help will come soon.
i have a brother thinking about the same as you and you no your not alone. stay with us.WE CARE". JOHNBOY!!

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PostPosted: Sun Oct 21, 2012 2:51 pm 
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Just so you know, Im following a suggestion in the "how to improve suboxforum" thread,,,,,,,,


THIS REPLY was Deleted From the Boards for inappropriate Content..............................


If anyone has any questions, Feel FREE to PM me

Thank you

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anyone can give up,
its the easiest thing in the world to do, but to
hold it together, when everyone would understand if you fell apart
That's TRUE STRENGTH
http://almostoneyearclean.blogspot.com/


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 Post subject: Re: Hurting
PostPosted: Mon Oct 22, 2012 5:08 am 
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MommyLove3 wrote:
I keep crying and I just want to hid. I have no one who can be there for me and not judge. I don't know anyone who can sell me subs til then and I don't wanna keep using until Nov. uuuggghhhhhhhh....I keep crying today. Very emotional and not sure why. I'm not making good choices. I just want to be better!i just wanna be me!!


[font=Comic Sans MS]
You have got so many people right here on this forum, who are here for you, and will NOT judge you.
TRUST ME. WE have all done the same things you've done. Some worse!!! LOL! Really. I know how you
feel not being able to find anyone to sell you subs. I don't know anyone that takes them around where I
live.
I really hate to give you this sort of advice, but I think Amber? gave it to you too. Just keep taking a low
enough dose of an opiate until your appointment. IT'll keep you out of withdrawal so that you can at least
function until your appt.
When your appt does finally role around, you ARE going to be YOU. YOU are going to be BETTER!
You have just got to keep on pushing through until then, ok?
We have all been where you are. And someday, you are going to be where we are at now, and
helping that next person. I know that a month feels like FOREVER, but it really isn't that far away.
PM me if you want to talk. I'm here for you to help you through it, ok?
Keep your head up~Take Care[/font]

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Oct 22, 2012 1:23 pm 
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I was recently trying to get in with a new doc and they gave me an appointment a month away. On the suggestion of a friend I called to see if there were any cancellations or other possible earlier appointments. They ended up giving me an appointment 2+ weeks earlier than the original one. It never hurts to ask.


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