It is currently Fri Aug 18, 2017 5:46 am



All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]


Our Sponsors





Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 6 posts ] 
Author Message
 Post subject: Just an Update
PostPosted: Mon Jul 12, 2010 11:47 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member

Joined: Tue Nov 24, 2009 7:36 pm
Posts: 879
Location: Wisconsin
I thought that perhaps I should at least provide a little bit of an update to those of you who may be wondering where in the hell I have been the past couple of weeks.

First of all, and most importantly, I have not relapsed or anything even close to that. So my absence has not been due to "falling off the wagon" or anything like that. I have actually gotten several projects that have kept me busier than I had been. I also, for whatever reason, found myself just taking a break from the boards for a while. I had attended all of the Monday night meetings since we started them but then two weeks ago I got booked for a job on Monday night and had to travel out of town. Last Monday I was finishing up on another project. Tonight I didn't get home until a little while ago. It is also the events of today that have also lead me to post.

I had to get a CT scan done today as just a general six-month follow-up from a car accident that I had late last year. I really didn’t' give it much thought. The scan was supposed to be last month but got changed to today. So I arrive and they are very nice about everything and give me some paperwork to fill out. As I'm reading they are asking about prior IVP die scans and it dawns on me "am I getting a contrast CT and will need an IV?" Now had I given this any thought, I guess it should have been obvious to me. The thing is, I can't remember any of my hospital stay so I don't remember the original CT. The only other time I have had a CT was for kidney stones and I didn't need contrast. So anyhow the tech comes to get me and sure as shit, I need an IV. So now, let the "Fun" begin. I tell them how bad my veins are. Both of the techs look and look and to their credit did not even make an attempt. They proceed to put warm towels and blankets on me and call the IV team person. She shows up and I find out that is ALL that she does - all day 40 plus hours a week. All she does is start IVs and do PIC lines. Again, very nice, very competent. I won't give you all of the details but by this time, they have been trying to get an IV on me for over an hour - including six attempts!!!!!

By this time I feel like shit about myself. I don't know if they thought anything about this or not. No one said anything bad to me - no looks - nothing. They actually did feel really bad for me. They were all really very awesome. All I can keep thinking is this is what I get for what I have done. I used to have great - awesome - veins, and I killed them. So the next plan is to have a doctor put in a line under ultrasound. They were not saying much about it but something was telling me this was not going to be fun. So in comes the doc and he takes one look at me and says, "You should not have trouble with IVs, you're a thin, healthy, young guy." I have to wonder if he suspected something. Then I see the line set and Oh My GOD!!!! It's like 10 inches long!. So he looks and then takes a long needle and goes very deep into my upper arm. I could feel blood coming out and onto my arm so he clearly was in. It "only" hurt about twice as much as the regular IV did. Unfortunately, that was right up until he had to put in a sheath. A sheath is plastic that actually stays in my arm and is many times the size of the needle. I'm telling you that hurt like a mother F'er. I yelled it hurt so much and it seemed like he had to push all 10 inches of it into my arm. It burned for a long time after as well. No wonder they didn't tell me what was about to happen.

I'm thinking, all of this for a contrast CT. How crazy. I felt so bad about myself. I mean, I have no one to blame but me. I did this. I had great veins and I shot the hell out of them doing drugs. How much other damage have I done to my body with this? The scan went fine. Unfortunately I will have to have another one in 12 months. Can you imagine having to have a special line put in by a doctor just for a simple CT scan? It's not like my veins will grow back. The damage is done.

Anyhow, it really put me in a rotten mood. I was so mad coming home and now just so pissed - but at myself. Just another little reminder of what I have done. I hate this illness!!!

So anyhow, that's a bit of an update for any of you who may have noticed my absence. I'll make a renewed effort to get back on the boards again soon. I really want to get my butt to next week's Monday night meeting. Hopefully I will be able to. I guess, at least on the bright side of all of this, I am busy enough that reading and responding to posts is no longer at the top of my list.

I hope all of you are doing well and hope to get caught up with the latest board happenings soon.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Jul 13, 2010 5:59 am 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Wed Apr 29, 2009 12:55 pm
Posts: 4933
Location: Leesburg, FL
Hi don,

I'm so glad you updated us, because I did notice your absence and was concerned that you had left us. I'm glad you're OK and did not relapse.

As for your experience with the contrast CT, jeez, I'm SO sorry you went through that! It sounds like it was a really bad experience. But try not to kick yourself in the ass too much. I know that's easier said than done, but the past is the past. I've found that as an addict the more upset I get about my past, the weaker my recovery is. But that's just me.

You've helped so many people on this forum I can't even count! Your experiences have been invaluable to all of us. Try to focus on the positive. Again, easier said than done.

I'm so glad you're back. Know that you were missed!

_________________
-As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

-I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Jul 13, 2010 7:06 am 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Wed Feb 17, 2010 10:03 pm
Posts: 991
That sounds just absolutely HORRIBLE! Needles and IV's don't bother me a bit, but that actually sounds really bad. I have had a PIC line done = not so bad. This however sounds BAD. I'm sorry you had to go through it and more sorry that you aren't feeling so hot about what you have done either.

I had noticed you weren't around and quite frankly, I haven't been around either. But I am glad you are still here.

Note: I haven't left either...just very busy enjoying my summer.

Cherie

_________________
Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfills the same function as pain in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things.

- Winston Churchill


Top
 Profile  
 
Our Sponsors
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Jul 13, 2010 7:21 pm 
Yikes! I was squirming in my chair reading that. Sorry you had to go through it. But please don't beat yourself up..obviously, you have already suffered enough. And you have used your experience on this forum to help a lot of other addicts. Glad you're doing well otherwise.
Lilly


Top
  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jul 15, 2010 5:06 pm 
Offline
Average Poster
Average Poster

Joined: Fri Jun 25, 2010 4:11 pm
Posts: 5
I'm with Lilly. That had me squirming in my chair as well. Uggh! What a horrible experience. I believe over time though if treated right, our bodies will usually heal. Not always, but most of the time. I hope your arteries and veins get better so that next time you may not have to endure such an awful experience. You are very brave.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jul 16, 2010 7:07 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member

Joined: Tue Nov 24, 2009 7:36 pm
Posts: 879
Location: Wisconsin
Thanks for all of the well wishes. I do have to say, like many things, the fact that I remember all of this and had to go through it makes it all that much worse. When you can't remember, you don't have that fear going into the next time. Now I am scared as hell to have to have blood drawn or IVs started in the future.

As for your hope, soonerthebetter, I actually am pretty certain that veins do not regenerate. I actually have close to 25 years of healthcare experience and am very good at researching and reading and everything I have read says that once the veins are gone - they are gone. I have really not done much in the way of IV abuse in about 18 months – absolutely nothing in 9 months. Unfortunately, if anything, the situation with my veins seems to be worse now than it ever was. I’ve never had to have something like this done to gain IV access. Now keep in mind, that at least a small part of the problem with this test is they were insisting on a 20 ga or larger IV catheter (which honestly is not all that big but still a 22 would go better) and they also wanted it in the upper arm - not the hand or wrist. I have since found out that this is what the "ideal" is but they can make it work with a 22 in the hand - which is what I will insist on next time.

I just don't know what I'll do if faced with this again. I am very thankful to report (and was very confident this would be the case) that the tests showed everything was just fine. They want me to get another CT scan 12 months from now. So what will I do if they can't get an IV started in 12 months? Will I go through this again? Or will I just roll the dice and assume that the test is going to be fine anyhow and just refuse the test?

Worse yet, let's push forward 20 or 30 years when I may very likely need more frequent care and testing - as many of us do when we get older. See, what happens, as we ruin our high veins near the skin - the ones that can be seen and felt - other, smaller ones, open up and take the place of the ones that have collapsed. Unfortunately, many of these are too small for IVs. Many are also very deep and not able to be accessed in the typical manner - thus the fact that they had to take ultrasound equipment to find the vein and then use this really long wire (needle) to get to it. I have not even found out how much this extra "service" costs. I have to believe that a tech starting a simple IV is a whole lot less money than a doctor having to place this complicated line using expensive ultrasound equipment. At least in this case, it is all Worker's Comp so I won't have to pay anything. That won’t always be the case, however.

Anyhow, enough about that I guess. I did it. I now have to live with it. If I make it to 97 (like my grandfather did) I can tell the nurses "I was an IV drug user 50 years ago and ruined my veins so you are going to have a hard time getting an IV started on me. What a "great story" that will be. At least today I can report I'll be entering my 8th month of remission in a few days - thanks in part to Suboxone. It seems like with each passing day I appreciate even more just how sick I was.

By the way, in case you're looking for another example of my past life, a few days ago I decided to empty and cash in my rather large coin bank. I have this Pepsi bottle bank in my room that I always throw lose change into. I'll bet it's been 10 years since I've emptied it. When my pockets get full of coins, I dump them in. Thankfully, even though there was thousands of coins in there, I took the time to look through it before taking them to the bank to run through their counting machine. And guess what I found??? A key, a button, and... wait for it... three small Tramadol pills - of which I always had some in my pocket wherever I went to make sure I didn't go into withdrawals. No clue how long they have been in there. No clue what else I may one day find around my house to remind me of the "good ole days." While I can certainly control what happens in my future, I can’t do anything about my past – even though my past will likely continue to come back and hit me along side the head from time to time.


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 6 posts ] 

All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Our Sponsors
Suboxone Forum latest topics RSS feed Subscribe to the entire forum
cron
 

 

 
Fond Du Lac Psychiatry
Dr. Jeffrey Junig, M.D., Ph.D.

  • Board Certified Psychiatrist
  • Asst Clinical Professor, Medical College of Wisconsin

Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group