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PostPosted: Sat Dec 15, 2012 8:47 am 
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I find myself on this forum most likely as many of you did as well. Im sick of maintaining myself on oxys and want to have time to actually live my life, instead of just existing on pills. Unfortunately, I also have a crisis of intent. I have been on and off oxys once before and I have to say, I do love the warmth and contentedness that a pill buzz gives me. Theres nothing quite like it. I feel like a complete person; happy, motivated, uninhibited, free. Once I take that drug away, the overly analytical, hyper-sensitive thought process comes back and I have to retreat back into my mental cave. *But* that being said, I know that the pills are only a buffer for reality and things arent what they seem when I'm high on pills... it's only a mirage.
And I was on a relatively small dosage compared to what I'm reading here... I was maintaining a "normal facade" at about 40 mgs. a day of oxycodone. I could only imagine how splintered my emotions would be had I continued increasing my tolerance..

BUT ANYWAY, fast forward to now.. I came home from work (I'm a waitress) after having an incredibly hard shift with no opiates in my system, feeling like all the employees and my boss hated me and were judging me in their minds all night. (Theres the anxiety and sensitivity kicking in without pills). I had bought some suboxone off a coworker whose boyfriend has a script and would prefer to do dope. I dont have insurance as dont most people in the service industry, so I cant afford to pay for out of pocket treatment..

The last time I kicked oxy's, I remember taking a 2mg/ strip of suboxone and feeling incredibly sick the whole day. Naseau, vomiting, headaches, incredibly sleepy. I think that since I was taking even less than I am now, the 2mg. was just too much for me and I got sick from it. So this time, I waited 15 hours since my last pill and took a 1mg. strip. Its a half hour later and I think I *may* be starting to feel a little sick again... I know its still early but my head feels heavy and I get a little dizzy upon standing. I hope I didnt induce too early or take too much?

A question I'm curious to hear others answer is what qualifies as addiction? The amount of opiates you are taking? The length of time you have been taking them for? The cravings you get when you dont have them? I was only taking 40 mg. on average a day, but it was every day I was taking them... And when I *didnt* take them, I felt mentally and emotionally unstable... Like whoa, who is this person and where are the pills so I can be happy again??

Im just ranting now I guess because its 8am and I havent slept yet...waiting to see if the suboxone will work or i will end up being sick or still craving pills before the day gets started..


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PostPosted: Sat Dec 15, 2012 2:51 pm 
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Hi Amanda and welcome!
I think you asked a really good question. Is someone on 40mg oxy a day an addict? Or should they thake sub?

I believe the dose of your drug of choice has nothing to do with it. To me, an addict is a person who is having problems in life caused by the drug but cant stop taking it. The problems may be huge like going to jail, or killing someone when driving drunk Or the problems could seem smaller like fighting with a spouse or being late to work every day. A petson who notices that the drug is leading to bad things and quits is not an addict. A person who continues to use despite trouble or who thinks drugs help with problems is an addict IMO.

Some people end up on sub after a low dose vicodin addiction. Some may think that is stupid or wrong. Sub can raise the opiate tolerance. I thin it is a personal issue. If vicodin is causing problems in your life and you cant quit, it may be right for you.
That decision is not for me to judge. Only you can say you are an addict.

_________________
I have been on suboxone 2.5 years and take 4mg once daily. I love my sub and plan to be on it for two more years.


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PostPosted: Sat Dec 15, 2012 6:03 pm 
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[quote="Orange doll"]Hi Amanda and welcome!
I think you asked a really good question. Is someone on 40mg oxy a day an addict? Or should they thake sub?

I believe the dose of your drug of choice has nothing to do with it. To me, an addict is a person who is having problems in life caused by the drug but cant stop taking it. The problems may be huge like going to jail, or killing someone when driving drunk Or the problems could seem smaller like fighting with a spouse or being late to work every day. A petson who notices that the drug is leading to bad things and quits is not an addict. A person who continues to use despite trouble or who thinks drugs help with problems is an addict IMO.]

Hi OrangeDoll, and thank you for your response. I think I may raise this question again in a different area of the forum because i think the response is very interesting. But to address it here, I feel the same way as you stated above. While my dosage of 40-60mg oxy (on average) is relatively low, I think it is right on the precipice of addiction if not addiction itself. This is my second time around with the pills, I managed to stop for a few months with suboxone before I ran out and inevitably went back to the pills because they make me feel...content. good. happy. like the real me *should* feel.

the constant managing of the pills to maintain a happy state is too much to handle for me and is getting very hard to keep a secret if every 4 hours i have to sneak to my bag and pop 2 pills in my mouth before anyone sees me or wonders where i keep sneaking off to. im somewhat ashamed and somewhat proud to say that i have the "pop pills in your mouth, sip water while your friend is looking the other way act" down to a science. the ashamed part of me is telling me this is the road to addiction. the proud part of me is saying screw that im nowhere near where some other addicts are... after all, i have a stable job, make decent money, and can afford to live this lifestyle, why not do it. the flip side to that is, im actually spending more on pills than i am for my part of rent. able to afford it or not, thats not a very good sign. because if it gets worse, and for one reason or another i *dont* have my job, then... i guess im up shits creek minus the metaphorical paddle.

i have a few questions and a brief inquiry/explanation into my theory of opiate tolerance based on your statement that follows::

[Some people end up on sub after a low dose vicodin addiction. Some may think that is stupid or wrong. Sub can raise the opiate tolerance.]

1.how high can subs raise your opiate tolerance?
2.how long do you have to be on the subs for it to affect your opiate tolerance?
3.and what dosage of suboxone do you have to be on for it to affect your tolerance? can a small suboxone dosage of 1mg. per day increase your tolerance for opiates? maybe even double it?

this is very interesting stuff. and i think i can personally attest to this being true, even if my little habit is still on the low end of addiction. when i first started taking suboxone, the first time around, i was taking it to combat an even smaller pill problem. ok... for example... the first time around i could take one 10/325 oxy and feel a buzz... and then i had to take a pill and a half to feel a buzz but i had it separated to half day increments. so.. one could say i had a habit of taking 30 mg. oxycodne to maintain a normal, happy, me. and thats where it capped off, at 30 mg. aday. still, when i didnt have my pills i felt miserable and cranky and irritable and would isolate in my room until i colud get my hands on more. its always been my emotions affected more than physical dependance on the pills (maybe thats how it starts?) anyway, my friend introduced me to suboxone and gave me 2 months worth and i lost all desire to do pills. ...until i ran out...

so yeah, ran out of suboxone, moved to a different area, and found the "pill people" in my area and got back into taking them. however... and this is the part that sums up the whole suboxone increasing opiate tolerance theory... i no longer got a buzz off one 10mg oxy and only a very mild buzz from 15mg. which is what gave me the good buzz before the subs. and im talking first time taking pills again SINCE the suboxone...
NOW... i need to take 20mg. to feel a buzz and it only lasts for 4 hours. i can no longer do the half day maintenance program, now i need to do every 4 hours... so 2 pills just to get up and out of bed, 2 pills to get my day moving and work started, and 2 pills as work is coming to an end and im coming home to relax. and sometimes i would take 2 more in the evening to feel that warm blanket feeling as im under an actual warm blanket to drift off to sleep. (or play around in bed with my guy friend because lord knows i feel like a sex machine on the right amount of oxys)

it seems like since i took suboxone my opiate tolerance has at least doubled. does that seem accurate to you going on what ive explained?


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PostPosted: Sat Dec 15, 2012 6:05 pm 
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And PS...

as im re-reading myself, im noticing that it became a little more than the 40mg. habit i was previously describing.. towards the end here i was actually taking more like 60-80 mg. a day. still relatively low, i know, but the point is its steadily increasing..


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