It is currently Mon Aug 21, 2017 2:58 am



All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]


Our Sponsors





Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 365 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1 ... 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15 ... 19  Next
Author Message
 Post subject: Re: just jumped
PostPosted: Sun Jul 20, 2014 3:58 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member

Joined: Mon Jun 02, 2014 1:47 pm
Posts: 747
I hope you and bf continue to update yur threads. I think it helps people see that life after subs is good and canbe maintained. I get pm's from alot of people on here who never post but read threads daily who thank me for still posting as it gives them hope and encouragement that they can do it too! Even if its just mundane stuff, it still offers a ray of hope that we are living a normal life drug free!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: just jumped
PostPosted: Sun Jul 20, 2014 5:14 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member

Joined: Mon Jun 02, 2014 1:47 pm
Posts: 747
Hey are you still taking the adrenal supplement? I bought that stuff early in my wds but only took it a couple times. After reading your post I started trying it again. Do you notice massive hunger a few hours after you take it and shaky hands until you eat? I took 2 caplets this morning with food, like it says. I ran some errands, did grocery shopping and by the time I got home, I was soooo hungry, I had the shakes. Ate a sandwich and small salad and feel good now. Just wondering if you noticed anything?


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: just jumped
PostPosted: Mon Jul 21, 2014 10:08 am 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Tue May 27, 2014 9:01 am
Posts: 641
Location: Toronto
Funny you should mentioned that, Trainer. No shaky hands, but I've been stuffing my face like crazy in recent days -- probably from around the time I started the adrenal gland supplements.

I'm trying to be careful to eat only unprocessed food, and eat healthy, otherwise I'd be putting on weight. I was wondering if my body is simply demanding more nutrition, to quicker repair the damage from long term opiate use.

-- ji

_________________
"Past and future veil God from our sight; burn both of them with fire."
-- Rumi, Sufi poet and teacher


Top
 Profile  
 
Our Sponsors
 Post subject: Re: just jumped
PostPosted: Mon Jul 21, 2014 10:40 am 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Thu Jun 26, 2014 4:41 am
Posts: 712
Location: Connected
johnny_ikon wrote:
Funny you should mentioned that, Trainer. No shaky hands, but I've been stuffing my face like crazy in recent days -- probably from around the time I started the adrenal gland supplements.

I'm trying to be careful to eat only unprocessed food, and eat healthy, otherwise I'd be putting on weight. I was wondering if my body is simply demanding more nutrition, to quicker repair the damage from long term opiate use.

-- ji

Hey, I was also really really craving carbs (which is not like me), so asked my dr. friend for advice, and am now just eating lean protein, asparagus, broccoli, and grapefruit for a few days. Plus a potassium magnesium supplement (I am getting it by drinking coconut water). My energy is up, appetite way way down. Might want to try it! If you do, not for more than 2 weeks or your metabolism will slow down.

_________________
"BE the change that you wish to see in the world"

Mahatma Gandhi


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: just jumped
PostPosted: Tue Jul 22, 2014 7:00 am 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Thu Jun 26, 2014 4:41 am
Posts: 712
Location: Connected
johnny_ikon wrote:
I'm getting tired of writing all that navel-gazing sh*t, and I bet people are equally tired of reading it, lol.

-- ji

Underlined made me laugh JI! Me too! But all the 'lint' is not yet 'removed' from my navel anyway, so I am going to do a bit more gazing, and the feedback I have been getting here is really helping me, so I think I'll keep gazing through this forum for a little while longer anyway. I like that Trainer said she gets lots of pms from people who thank her for continuing to share so long after her jump....I would also like to eventually keep helping others that way if I can, in my own way, so I don't think I will totally "drop out", but yeah, getting away from my own belly button would be refreshing! ha ha ha!

Congrats on Day 26!! What is in your navel today? :P

_________________
"BE the change that you wish to see in the world"

Mahatma Gandhi


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: just jumped
PostPosted: Tue Jul 22, 2014 10:04 am 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Tue May 27, 2014 9:01 am
Posts: 641
Location: Toronto
Hey BF. Yes it is day 26 for me. I did the count after I woke up, but promptly forgot about it, the day number seems to mean less and less as I go along, though hitting day 31 (one month) will be a big milestone.

Just getting ready to launch into my work day (at 9:39 am ouch -- public transit in Toronto is a mess during the summer).

Hard to describe where I'm at today; still continuing to get more honest about my life, which at the moment means having to give up some personal attachments, which has left me a little sad this morning. This is mostly about having to face letting go of my romantic connection -- we're incredibly close, but she's not sure she can go any further, at least for now, and I'm pretty sure I shouldn't try to convince her otherwise. My heart (meaning my HP) is telling me to let it go (and of course the addict in me is coming up with all sorts of plans and schemes to hang on -- but if i continue to be honest, my heart speaks a lot louder, and the addict just doesn't sound convincing).

But while I'm sad about this, at the same time, I'm fine -- very strange feeling being sad yet ok simultaneously, as opposed to letting sadness lead me into anger, remorse and self-pity, as it did during active addiction (including my time on Methadone and Subs). I have a rock solid belief that things will be fine however they turn out, so long as I keep connected with my HP.

Continuing to reestablish contact with people from my past, and also to plug back in to a lot of stuff I was forced to give up during the last couple months of my Subs taper (and early jump), when most nights I needed to just get home and crash. I would say that I'm getting my life back, only that's not true; now that I'm off prescription drugs, I feel like I'm getting a new life. The quick feel-good options from the past -- be they drugs or other crazy sh*t that I used to do -- have lost their appeal to me (the appeal has been removed). So in a way I'm more connected with everything around me, but also feeling somehow less attached to results and outcomes.

Still doing lots of grieving during morning and evening meditations; it's less intense, but still very much there. If I find myself feeling getting worked up over something during the day, I know that I need to find a quiet place, and do a quick dump of some grief, which brings me back to a place to serenity, and the ability to find happiness in the moment.

Sobriety is pretty f*cking cool.

-- ji

_________________
"Past and future veil God from our sight; burn both of them with fire."
-- Rumi, Sufi poet and teacher


Last edited by johnny_ikon on Tue Jul 22, 2014 10:14 am, edited 4 times in total.

Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: just jumped
PostPosted: Tue Jul 22, 2014 10:05 am 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member

Joined: Mon Jun 02, 2014 1:47 pm
Posts: 747
Congrats on 26 days! Damn time flies! Hope you have a great day today :)


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: just jumped
PostPosted: Tue Jul 22, 2014 4:37 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Thu Jun 26, 2014 4:41 am
Posts: 712
Location: Connected
johnny_ikon wrote:
Sobriety is pretty f*cking cool.

^^^^^^^^Another great idea for a T-shirt! :P

(and I couldn't agree more JI)

_________________
"BE the change that you wish to see in the world"

Mahatma Gandhi


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: just jumped
PostPosted: Wed Jul 23, 2014 9:37 am 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Tue May 27, 2014 9:01 am
Posts: 641
Location: Toronto
Day 27 for me -- tomorrow equals 4 weeks, can't believe how quickly time has passed.

I'm still sneezing a couple times a day, can't wait until that ends. And last night wasn't a great night for sleep, woke up after about 4.5 hours. Managed to fall back asleep towards morning briefly but very deeply, so I actually do feel somewhat rested. Compared to a couple weeks ago, when I was getting two hours a night for days at a time, I'm doing fine now. (While on Methadone and Subs, I averaged 5 hours a night).

Speaking of my time on Methadone, during the past week I bumped into two people I haven't seen in about a year. One said that I look better and healthier than she has ever seen me. The other, a roommate and friend from university, was a little more descriptive; he told me that the last time he saw me, I looked like a 'gray ghost.' Ouch.

My energy level is a little lower than I would like it, but that's probably to be expected so early in my detox -- it's not bad, but I think it could be better. A month ago I got blood tests which showed that my testosterone level is 'low normal' (compared to 'below normal' while on Methadone). I'm seeing a male wellness doctor next week, and I'm going to see if I can have my testosterone supplement increased. Look out, ladies, lol.

-- ji

_________________
"Past and future veil God from our sight; burn both of them with fire."
-- Rumi, Sufi poet and teacher


Top
 Profile  
 
   
 Post subject: Re: just jumped
PostPosted: Thu Jul 24, 2014 9:46 am 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Tue May 27, 2014 9:01 am
Posts: 641
Location: Toronto
Day 28 -- today I hit the four week mark.

Woke up again in the middle of the night, but only to pee, then I fell back asleep, getting a total of close to 7 hours. Yippee!

Still sneezing a couple times a day, so I'm not totally out of the woods as far as completing my detox.

Truth is, I've been feeling pretty flat the last couple days, possibly longer. Went to an exhibition football game last night, Toronto FC vs Tottenham Hotspurs, and I enjoyed it, but I remembered having more fun a year ago when Roma AS played a game in Toronto. But a year ago I was on Methadone, and totally stalled in life. Now I'm not.

As a low bottom addict (though high functioning up to a certain point) who's been one opiate or another more than a third of my life (with other drugs in the mix), I have to accept that it will take time before I'm more -- I was going to say 'normal,' but what I have to really accept is that I have no idea of what 'normal' is for me. I guess that's a work-in-progress.

I no longer have that 'living large and in charge' feeling I used to get while on opiates; i think this is probably a very good thing. I also no longer find myself living in resentment and self-pity; this is a very, very good thing.

Anti-12 steppers and anti-'spiritual way of living' people may as well stop reading here. One thing that I understand is that things outside of myself (job success, a better place to live, other material things and personal attachments) won't bring me happiness and peace in and of themselves, and in fact we'll just do the opposite if I'm hung up on them.

What does bring me a sense of freedom is getting out of my own head (with the help of The Creator), and focusing on helping others. This means completing around 65 amends (out of 90) from the inventory I completed earlier this year. And it also means service work; I'm meeting my first post-Subs sponsee tonite for our second sit down, and I'm honestly looking forward to this more than i did to the football game last night.

I read the MLK quote in BF's day 29 update, about not being able to save my own soul or find The Creator until I seek out 'my brother' first. I think that's exactly what is meant by 'helping others.'

-- ji

_________________
"Past and future veil God from our sight; burn both of them with fire."
-- Rumi, Sufi poet and teacher


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: just jumped
PostPosted: Thu Jul 24, 2014 2:06 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Tue May 27, 2014 9:01 am
Posts: 641
Location: Toronto
Day 28 is turning out to be a really good day. Staying focused and centered, and enjoying the day so far.

Decent workout at the gym, without that 'I'm not feeling it' sensation. First time in days I had a workout like this, though off-gym-days at the pool have been ok.

Funny how my Subs detox goes, day to day can be up or down, but week by week gets better.

-- ji

_________________
"Past and future veil God from our sight; burn both of them with fire."
-- Rumi, Sufi poet and teacher


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: just jumped
PostPosted: Thu Jul 24, 2014 3:36 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member

Joined: Mon Jun 02, 2014 1:47 pm
Posts: 747
That up/down thing will fade soon. I have up and down days occasionally but its more of a just life thing then detox thing. I noticed if I do nothing at all but sit for more than an hour or two during the day, I go "flat". I start to feel couch potato-ish and get lethargic and its hard to pull out of it sometimes. I still get really stiff and sore because of working out and can't sit idle or it gets worse.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: just jumped
PostPosted: Thu Jul 24, 2014 3:54 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Tue May 27, 2014 9:01 am
Posts: 641
Location: Toronto
That's a good point, Trainer. On Methadone and higher Subs doses, things stayed pretty much even throughout the day.

Really good hearing from someone so far along in a detox.

-- ji

_________________
"Past and future veil God from our sight; burn both of them with fire."
-- Rumi, Sufi poet and teacher


Top
 Profile  
 
   
 Post subject: Re: just jumped
PostPosted: Thu Jul 24, 2014 5:42 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Thu Jun 26, 2014 4:41 am
Posts: 712
Location: Connected
Hi JI- Happy 4 weeks! Reading your posts just now I found myself thinking "wow- this person has really really grown..."
Keep doing what you are doing- it definitely seems to be working and I am just so happy for you!!
:D BF

_________________
"BE the change that you wish to see in the world"

Mahatma Gandhi


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: just jumped
PostPosted: Thu Jul 24, 2014 7:40 pm 
Offline
6 Months or More
6 Months or More
User avatar

Joined: Sun Jan 26, 2014 10:54 am
Posts: 215
Location: NY
ButterFLYING! wrote:
Hi JI- Happy 4 weeks! Reading your posts just now I found myself thinking "wow- this person has really really grown..."
Keep doing what you are doing- it definitely seems to be working and I am just so happy for you!!
:D BF


I second that 8)

_________________
Fear is Temporary, Regret is Forever


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: just jumped
PostPosted: Thu Jul 24, 2014 7:59 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 10:39 am
Posts: 4028
Location: Sitting at my computer
I third that!!! Can I get an Amen?

Keep doing the next right thing, JI!!!

_________________
Be kind to yourself. Our character defects do NOT define who we are!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: just jumped
PostPosted: Thu Jul 24, 2014 9:26 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Tue May 27, 2014 9:01 am
Posts: 641
Location: Toronto
Romeo wrote:
I third that!!! Can I get an Amen?

Keep doing the next right thing, JI!!!


Thanks for the props BF + Hope.

Romeo, you can have an 'amen,' a high five, and a slab of sizzling bacon. Make it Canadian bacon for you, in honor of the 'old country.'

-- ji

_________________
"Past and future veil God from our sight; burn both of them with fire."
-- Rumi, Sufi poet and teacher


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: just jumped
PostPosted: Fri Jul 25, 2014 9:56 am 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Tue May 27, 2014 9:01 am
Posts: 641
Location: Toronto
Day 29 for me, if I'm counting right. OK, so I'm not done navel-gazing yet. Navel-gazing is one of the things I do.

Sleep was so-so last night, woke up after 4-and-a-half hours, and couldn't drop off again. I hate it when people say that an hour of meditation is worth a few hours of sleep, but it's actually true. Usually I meditate for 30 or 45 min after getting up, but today I did it for an hour during what should have been my last 60 min of sleep. It worked, and I feel pretty energized this morning.

Very interesting morning, 6 entries on my step 10 daily inventory by the time I hopped the subway; the '1,000 chattering monkeys' inside my head were partying hard this morning (the usual; resentment, self-centered fear, etc). During my taper and early detox, this would forecast a pretty sh*tty day ahead, but nothing of the sort today. I've done what I need to, and The Creator is taking this crap away as fast as my brain can churn it out (and my addict brain operates in overdrive). I'm having a good day so far, with that feeling of 'loving detachment,' and able to (mostly) keep focused on what's in front of me, and enjoy it for what it is.

BF made a comment a couple posts up about personal growth; I see it also in terms of 'being restored to sanity.' The trick of it is that this restoration is not a one-shot deal, I need to go through this process daily.

Just around the corner from my office, on the way into work, I ran into an old CA friend who's relapsed, and was out on the hustle (at 9 am). Really likeable guy, even on a crack run. We talked and joked around for a bit, I didn't buy the CD player he tried to sell me, I did give him some change (I don't ever give bills to active addicts!), then the shutters came down behind his eyes, and he went off on his thing.

One of my favorite recovery quotes is about how, if a person doesn't want help, I can empathize, but I can't put it on myself personally. To paraphrase the quote, 'If he doesn't care, I can't care. But if and when he does care, that's when I have to care too.'

-- ji

_________________
"Past and future veil God from our sight; burn both of them with fire."
-- Rumi, Sufi poet and teacher


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: just jumped
PostPosted: Fri Jul 25, 2014 10:41 am 
Offline
6 Months or More
6 Months or More
User avatar

Joined: Sun Jan 26, 2014 10:54 am
Posts: 215
Location: NY
johnny_ikon wrote:
Day 29 for me, if I'm counting right. OK, so I'm not done navel-gazing yet. Navel-gazing is one of the things I do.

Sleep was so-so last night, woke up after 4-and-a-half hours, and couldn't drop off again. I hate it when people say that an hour of meditation is worth a few hours of sleep, but it's actually true. Usually I meditate for 30 or 45 min after getting up, but today I did it for an hour during what should have been my last 60 min of sleep. It worked, and I feel pretty energized this morning.

Very interesting morning, 6 entries on my step 10 daily inventory by the time I hopped the subway; the '1,000 chattering monkeys' inside my head were partying hard this morning (the usual; resentment, self-centered fear, etc). During my taper and early detox, this would forecast a pretty sh*tty day ahead, but nothing of the sort today. I've done what I need to, and The Creator is taking this crap away as fast as my brain can churn it out (and my addict brain operates in overdrive). I'm having a good day so far, with that feeling of 'loving detachment,' and able to (mostly) keep focused on what's in front of me, and enjoy it for what it is.

BF made a comment a couple posts up about personal growth; I see it also in terms of 'being restored to sanity.' The trick of it is that this restoration is not a one-shot deal, I need to go through this process daily.

Just around the corner from my office, on the way into work, I ran into an old CA friend who's relapsed, and was out on the hustle (at 9 am). Really likeable guy, even on a crack run. We talked and joked around for a bit, I didn't buy the CD player he tried to sell me, I did give him some change (I don't ever give bills to active addicts!), then the shutters came down behind his eyes, and he went off on his thing.

One of my favorite recovery quotes is about how, if a person doesn't want help, I can empathize, but I can't put it on myself personally. To paraphrase the quote, 'If he doesn't care, I can't care. But if and when he does care, that's when I have to care too.'

-- ji


Meditation is a game changer. For me, it puts me in the moment. Every negative, repetative thought that dominated my mind would suddenly become obsolete.

_________________
Fear is Temporary, Regret is Forever


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: just jumped
PostPosted: Sat Jul 26, 2014 9:32 am 
Offline
Average Poster
Average Poster

Joined: Sat Jul 12, 2014 5:12 pm
Posts: 18
Location: WNY
Congrats on Day 30 JI,

You seem very active in your recovery/detox which is why you are having success. You have always seemed very reflective and clear minded through out your detox, which is great to see. I on the other hand have been very foggy. I get moments maybe even hours of clarity, but then I normally go back to foggy. Perhaps, it is because my sleep has been so terrible. I'm on day 15 today, and just started going to NA meetings again. They are a great way to get outside yourself, and just always interesting to listen in on, but when you share, it is crazy how much people want to help you. I'm sure your inspiring a ton of people out there. Keep doing you thing- seems to be working great for ya! I'm a couple hours south (west) I believe in Buffalo.

BTW I saw one of your posts on the Methadone Doctor and all the supplements he reccomended during detox, and I bought most of them, and it has helped me Immensely! I was so wrapped up in my own head, that I didn't even think of that.

_________________
H[b]old [b]O[b]n [b]P[b]ain [b]E[b]nds[/b][/b][/b][/b][/b][/b][/b]


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 365 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1 ... 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15 ... 19  Next

All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 0 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Our Sponsors
Suboxone Forum latest topics RSS feed Subscribe to the entire forum
cron
 

 

 
Fond Du Lac Psychiatry
Dr. Jeffrey Junig, M.D., Ph.D.

  • Board Certified Psychiatrist
  • Asst Clinical Professor, Medical College of Wisconsin

Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group