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 Post subject: I Just Feel "OFF"
PostPosted: Tue May 03, 2011 8:55 pm 
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That pretty much sums up how I feel gang.......OFF. As those of you whom have read my posts know, I just had a beautiful baby boy on April Fool's Day. Although I love my baby and Im very happy and greatful about how the delivery turned out....I just find myself in a sort-of funk. I know its common for women to experience post-partum depression. But, Im not sure that's what Im dealing with here. Over the past week, my husband and I have been talking alot about weather or not it's worth it (financially) for me to go back to work. Business had died down dramatically @ the Oral Surgeon's office (where I've worked for yrs). So, while I love the work I do, I also realize that if business dosen't pick up, I'd pretty much be working just to pay for daycare for our baby and after-care/summer school for our 7yr old. We also both feel that it would just be so much better for both of our children if I became a stay-at-home Mom, at least for awhile. It warms my heart that I have such a supportive husband. And that we can even afford the oppurtunity for me to stay at home. So why do I feel so crappy? I am nervous about my Sub doctor. I see him again nxt month. And at my last appt, he pretty much TOLD ME he was starting me on Butrans at this nxt appt. As I understand, the Bupe in the Butrans patch is delivered into you'r body in MCG every hour over the course of a week, Eventually adding up to 5,10,or 20mg. I currently take 12MG a day.....so this would be a significant decrease for me! Needless to say, if he does in fact try to force the Butrans on me, I'll hafta find a new Sub doctor. Im not ready to taper anytime in the near future. Besides being worried about having to find a new doctor, I also feel scared and almost guilty about staying @ home. Even though Im crazy busy w/a newborn, not working reminds me all 2 well of active addiction, yrs ago, being out of work. My emotions are just everywhere right now. Thoughts??


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 Post subject: Mood
PostPosted: Tue May 03, 2011 9:53 pm 
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Hi Marie,

That's too bad about your funky mood. One can only hope it'll subside over time and you'll be back to your good old self soon enough.

I am going to have to look up that Butrans patch. It seems that name has been brought up more often and I've never even heard of it. From what I've gathered it appears to be a time release patch of Bupe. I will find out what mg it comes in just so that same issue won't surprise me later.

Yes, I would find a new Sub doctor if he is forcing you on the patch. How long have you been on Sub? If it's been several years I can understand his concern on getting you improved, and he thinks that Butrans is the answer. You know yourself better than he does so you may just need to go looking.

No idea what could be happening with your mood. Yes, the old post partem/baby thing is what always comes to mind when you just have a baby. Try some B12 and that'll improve your mood. It surely does mine.

Keep talking about it here and any other sites and support groups you have. Just saying it out loud sometimes will help.

Hope you feel better,

Rule62


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PostPosted: Sat May 07, 2011 9:57 pm 
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Thanx Rule62

July 31st will make two yrs that I've been on the Sub. I started out on 24-32mg. My current dose is 12mg. Honestly, I can't picture myself coming off anytime soon. I do feel that its probably best to slowly taper to the lowest dose (while still addressing cravings), which is what my doctor has done thus far. Suboxone/Subutex have been such a godsend for me. I feel better than I have in years. I realize that there might be a time in the future when I'll feel that Im ready to taper off, but not right now.
Im sure my FUNK will pass. Our household is still trying to settle from having a newborn. And, my hormones are probably all over the place right now. It just scares me whenever I begin feeling nervous and depressed....as these feelings are what usually drove me to USE in the past.
It's been difficult to find time to do anything extra these past few weeks. But, Im gonna get off my butt and call around to line up a back-up doctor.....just in case this next appt. with my Sub Doc dosen't go well. Thanks again for taking the time to reply. It makes me feel better (as you stated) just to get it out, and to know I can always find support here.


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PostPosted: Sat May 07, 2011 10:32 pm 
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Hi, Marie. I wanted to lend a sympathetic ear. Having a new baby is such a wonderful thing. It's the greatest thing that ever happens. At the same time, it really does through everything through a loop. Your sleep gets messed up. You body is recovering from pregnancy and the hormonal thing can make you crazy. The whole dynamic of your family changes. Having a new baby is demanding, and you almost forget how free you were before and then once you have that little person there, well, you remember how short a leash you are on. I loved having a little baby (all of them), but it also stressed me out, and you are talking about becoming a SAHM on top of all that. Why is your doctor so adamant about pushing you onto Butrans if you are already doing well? If you already posted all about it, I'm sorry for asking you to repeat yourself. I am absolutely not a fan of forcing people off meds or onto another med, etc. I think people have to be 100% on board or it becomes something the doctor wants and the patient is pushing against. I don't see that as being something good for the patient at all!! So, I guess I'm really curious why your doc wants to fix something that ain't broke.

Congratulations again on your healthy baby!!! I don't want to sound ungrateful for my kids, but taking care of a newborn often left me feeling kinda lonely and weirdly sad. I don't know why that is. I always figured it had something to do with never knowing when you were going to be woken up....always being 'on call' I guess you could say. If you are going through that right now, just keep in mind it gets easier and easier. My youngest is three and all those things are such a distant memory....and of course, now I miss it!!

laddertipper

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First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you. ~F. Scott Fitzgerald


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PostPosted: Sun May 08, 2011 2:25 am 
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Hey Marie -

I think it's probably pretty "normal" (whatever that is :lol: ) to be feeling a little "off" with so many big life changes going on. You just had a baby, which is HUGE; you're considering becoming a SAHM, and your doctor is adding to the stress. That's a plate-full of stuff, for real. I totally get that feeling of wondering why you don't feel as happy as you think you should as well. I remember going through that when my daughter was born - I had so much goodness going on in my life, but at times I was still in the funkiest of funks.

I just wanted to point out that while these feelings scare you and remind you of what drove you to use in the past - that here in the present your reaction was to reach out to others and get support. That is a great, positive step and I think it shows that you really are in a different place than you used to be. You're aware of how you're feeling and you're looking for healthy ways to address your feelings - good for you. I think it's easy to lose sight of how far we have come and not give ourselves enough credit, you know? But you are taking care of things and that is great.

I went through some PPD after my daughter was born and one of the best things I did for myself was to let my parnter and a close friend know what the signs were and to ask them to check in with me and encourage them to tell me if they saw that I was struggling or if I just didn't seem like myself. I also had to learn to ask for the help that I needed, whether that was time to myself to nap or read or take a walk or just help with the dishes. It was great seeing and feeling the help and love that my friends and family wanted to give me, and in time it got easier to let people know what I needed.

Congrats on your new baby and I hope that as your hormones level out and you continue to recover, your funk will lift and you'll be in the joy of it all. But if things are hard, don't get down on yourself - like laddertipper said, being the primary caretaker of a little baby is stressful and even boring at times and can be very lonely. It's ok not to love every single minute of it.

One last thing - I went to a health food/natural food shop and they happened to have a naturopath there that day (this was when my baby was around 6 weeks old) and I talked to her about what I was going through. She made up an herbal tea that really helped smooth out some of the hormonal stuff I was dealing with. I remember it had hops and raspberry leaf and a bunch of other stuff in it; she called it "loopy mama tea." I swear, after a couple of days drinking this tea I felt so so much better. I don't know if you have access to anything like that, but if you do I'd recommend it. In my area (Seattle) a few of the co-ops and even Whole Foods have a naturopath in to do free consults once or twice a month; it might be worth looking into.

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You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.

-Jack Kornfield


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 Post subject: THANKS LADIES!!!
PostPosted: Fri May 13, 2011 12:20 am 
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Ladder-I have no idea whats going on with my Sub Doctor. He really confuses me. When I first began treatment he said that he dosen't have a problem w/his pts being on a low dose of Sub longterm...and I thought thats what we were working towards, as he's been gradually decreasing me. But unfortunately, I think this guy is in it mostly for the money or maybe he's scared of the DEA, who knows. He always contradicts himself. One visit, he said Sub is great for pain and asked me if I take it for pain. And I explained to him AGAIN that although it does help w/my neck/back pain, that Im primarly on it because of addiction....like he couldn't just look in my chart and read that?!? That same visit, he noted in my chart that Im on it for pain and told his wife (who works there) to classify me as a pain pt. Im thinking this is to free up another spot for an addiction pt? Another visit he told me that the DEA will only allow him to maintain pts on Sub for two yrs...this has to be bullshit! Probably the most upsetting thing he's said to me (other than the Butrans spill) was @ one visit whenever he said "I am a STUPID person if I wanna stay on the Sub longterm" and that Suboxone does not work for pain. Not that Im on it FOR PAIN, but is he that braindead that he forgot he has me listed as a "pain pt" now? Im scared to death of what he's gonna say/do @ this nxt appt. I keep procrastinating, but I hafta get another Sub Doctor lined up soon, for backup.
DOAQ-I appreciate the confidance. I guess its all too easy to forget just how far we've come in our recovery sometimes. This medication has helped me so much, and it just scares the hell outta me whenever Im reminded of my old self. But like U said, that was THEN. Now.... I have all of U to help me thru! And, I'll def hafta go to Wholefoods and look for some herbal remedies!!


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri May 13, 2011 10:08 am 
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Hi Marie, I had flat out post partum depression, so I can't identify with feeling a little off, but how could you not? Your body and life have been through a cataclysmic event, albeit a good one. Giving birth and potentially giving up your job are huge things so no wonder you've got a lot on your mind. Your 2nd post explains a lot about your doc. Maybe if you tell him flat out that you're feeling unstable in your recovery after having given birth he will let you stay on longer. In the meantime, it looks like you will have to find a new doc.
Give yourself a break, it's not easy. But at the same time, enjoy it as much as you can. It sounds like you have a good husband and a strong recovery, so it will all work out.
Bless you,
Lilly


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PostPosted: Wed May 18, 2011 12:23 am 
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Thanks Lilly

Im so petrified about finding a new Sub doctor. Tomorrow Im gonna call a psychiatrist whom my thearapist works closely with. Hopefully I can just transition over to him if my next appt with my Sub Doc goes bad. To be honest, I've wanted to find a doctor whom takes a little more time with his pts. for awhile now. I didn't feel like starting a new thread to ask this (and hafta include all of my background info)...but, do you guys think it's unethical for a Sub doctor to end treatment with you when you're still on a relatively high dose (12mg)? I don't know how this appt is gonna go. What if he gives me no other choice besides going on the Butrans patch? Can a doctor just end treatment with you whenever your dose is still that high? I see him every three months. He charges me $350 when I see him. Worse comes to worse, if thats really how it goes down after I refuse the patch.....would it also be unethical for him to still charge me $350? I know my obsessing about this isn't helping, but Im soooo scared! What do you guys think......suggestions, opinions??


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