It is currently Sun Aug 20, 2017 8:15 am



All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]


Our Sponsors





Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 6 posts ] 
Author Message
 Post subject: i'm a junkie
PostPosted: Fri Jul 01, 2011 12:28 pm 
Offline
Average Poster
Average Poster

Joined: Fri Jul 01, 2011 11:44 am
Posts: 10
I just found this forum and wanted to share my story. I'll try and make it as brief as possible.

So, just like the subject line says, I'm a junkie, except that I'm in recovery and in treatment using suboxone. I have been a junkie for about 6 years. I'm well educated, had a good job, nice house and a beautiful wife. In just a few short years of using heroin I pretty much ruined my life. I've been trying to get clean since I first realized I had a problem shortly after I began this horrible trip. Of course I lost my decent job, my fully paid off luxury SUV, and most of my personal belongings, as well as put my wife and i in bankruptcy. Thankfully my wife has stayed by my side and supported me through this whole thing. I've been clean almost 2 years, except for a brief relapse about 8 months ago.

I don't think I have to go into great detail about the rapid downfall of my heroin abuse. The story plays out the same as most anyone else with this disease. K discovered suboxone from another junkie friend who showed my how to use it to stay well when i didn't have heroin. It didn't occur to me that i could use it to get clean until about a year later. That was my first trip to the doctor. When I made the appointment they told me I should be clean for at least 24 hours before I came into the office as they would administer. My first dose. Of course I tried my very best to not shoot any dope the day before my appointment and i did so well that I rewarded myself with a shot, a big one t that, right before I went to bed. So the next morning I went in and was clean for about 10 hours. Took my first dose, waited about 30 mins. Then left the office with a script, and promptly shot up in the parking lot and was sick. After this I learned that I could sell my script on the street for dope money. What I didn't realize was thst s month's worth of medication turned into a days worth of dope.

I would use suboxone for two days, think that I was clean and pick right back up. About 3 years ago decided I needed something more than subx so I started methadone maintenance. That was great because I could go into the city every morning, get well then spend the rest of the day getting dope money and getting high. I weaned myself off of methadone with dope. By this time I not only had a dope habit, but a raging benzo and crack cocaine habit. This lasted for about a year until I finally hit the bottom, lost a complete week out of my life that I can not remember and somehow found myself at another method one clinic. This time I was ready to get clean. I quit a huge benzo habit cold turkey when starting methadone in september 2009. I had no idea what a horror the benzo withdrawal was like. It was the scariest thing I went through. I wouldn't wish that on my worse enemy.

Finally about this time last year my counselor and i agreed I was stable enough to slowly come off 90 mgs of methadone. It was a long and bumpy road I was looking at and a few eeks into my weening I decided to go into a medical detox program for a week. It was really bad and i was lost and delerious for those 7 days but I came home using only 2 mgs of suboxone. After my suboxone script ran out after about a month and a half I found myself suffering post a cute withdrawls. I didn't know it was from the suboxone. I just thought it was from methadone and years of heroin abuse. I thought I was clean enough to just use enough dope to make myself well again and i started out shooting 2 bags a day
That quickly turned into a full fledged habit by thanksgiving. Thankfully I knew I was in trouble and sought help and found a great suboxone doctor that also had a counselor on staff. By Christmas I was off dope and back on suboxone. I had to go through withdrawls again but I was more than happy.

So now here it is July 2011, I have been clean for about 7 months or so and have a new outlook on life. I feel like I'm picking up the pieces of a bad accident that lasted 6 years. The more sober I become, the more I realize the damage I have done. At first I was depressed but I have learned that this is life. I can't change what I have done and i am thankful that i,m not dead. Being sober is hard, but it's not as hard as being a junkie. I reflect back on everything that has happened and i realize that my whose day being sober, is better than my best day being high.
Thanks for listening.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jul 01, 2011 12:37 pm 
Offline
Average Poster
Average Poster

Joined: Fri Jul 01, 2011 11:44 am
Posts: 10
Sorry everyone about the misspellings and grammar errors, but I am using a xoom tablet and it sometimes uses auto correct and changes words. I'm also using a touch screen keyboard. And with the formatting I can't go back to reread more than a few lines.

The end of my rambljng I meant to say........my wost day of being sober is better than my best day being high.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jul 01, 2011 12:56 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Wed Apr 29, 2009 12:55 pm
Posts: 4933
Location: Leesburg, FL
Hello and welcome. Thanks for sharing your story. You sure are determined and that's great! You've been through a lot and have come out the other side healthier. Good on you. Also, you're really lucky you made it through the benzo w/d. They can be deadly, as they can cause seizures.

Oh about the post acute withdrawals (PAWS), they don't just come from suboxone. They come from any opiate and based on your history, you likely would've had them anyway even if you hadn't gone on suboxone. I just wanted to clarify that.

Again, welcome. I hope you stick around and keep posting. :)

_________________
-As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

-I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.


Top
 Profile  
 
Our Sponsors
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jul 01, 2011 4:13 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Fri Mar 12, 2010 12:43 am
Posts: 1019
Location: Buffalo New York
First and for most congrats on your success and welcome, it is clear to see that you really want this for yourself this time around. And that is the biggest part of addiction no matter how many people you affected if you don’t want it for yourself than it won’t happen. And I think that is what is going to keep you on the straight and narrow this time around. I hope to hear more about your recovery down the road and wish you and your wife the best of luck with this long road we call addiction.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jul 01, 2011 6:45 pm 
Offline
Average Poster
Average Poster

Joined: Fri Jul 01, 2011 11:44 am
Posts: 10
Thank you for the support people. It is so very true that I really want this for myself this time. I can't tell you haw many "last bag" of heroin I have shot. I tried quitting so many times. When I got on methadone the last time I was so sure I was cured and i was really full of myself because I had 11 months without shooting dope. When I got out of detox I didn't want to use and i really wanted to be sober but I ran out of suboxone, thought that I would be fine without it, and found myself driving over to the city to cop even though I didn't want to. I couldn't control myself.the last couple of times I got high it really sucked. I felt shitty, my wife knew instantly and i was fed up soon afterward I really felt the desire to shoot up leave my body. I told my Dr. I don't know if it is the suboxone, or if i am really done with dope. Either way I don't ever want to find out and don't mind taking suboxone everyday.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: i'm a junkie
PostPosted: Mon Jul 18, 2011 6:49 pm 
Offline
Average Poster
Average Poster
User avatar

Joined: Mon Jul 18, 2011 6:31 pm
Posts: 14
Location: northwest florida
suBNex wrote:
Being sober is hard, but it's not as hard as being a junkie.


very well said (and so true)!

best of luck with your recovery!

_________________
<3 justine


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 6 posts ] 

All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 0 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Our Sponsors
Suboxone Forum latest topics RSS feed Subscribe to the entire forum
 

 

 
Fond Du Lac Psychiatry
Dr. Jeffrey Junig, M.D., Ph.D.

  • Board Certified Psychiatrist
  • Asst Clinical Professor, Medical College of Wisconsin

Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group