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 Post subject: JUNKHEAD
PostPosted: Mon May 12, 2014 5:15 pm 
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well here is my reprise, well fork, were do I start, so can check my previous post if you want a piss and cry match. I fell to the temptation so fast, I guess I never had it in my mind I was done. I am an addict of everything. I don't care what it is, girls are the worst, ha ha , laugh with me here folks but its true. I could get addicted to rubbing a raw ass of my own, trying to be funny here folks. guess it goes with the territory. So what I fell from god again. no not right cut off my arm, humor me. I was so ashamed of my fall from my internet grace I could not post. I can face it now im evil, devil spawn. well on to it. I stopped after a long arduous taper. started right up again, sick right I know, and sick needs more 4 letter words. so I tapered down again from 1.5 like feb march to now .3. I was so sick every day but I was determined this shit would not be my coffin, almost was. IT WILL NOT KILL YOU. you may think so and I know they are easy words to to say now. yesterday no,. funny timing ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I stopped today and I feel so good. I get cold chills with every emotion I think of. bring it I am so stoked, I am loving this feeling. I am free, my uncle had some 7.5 roxys and I laughed at him, fool, I will take a knife wound with salt before I cross that bridge again. I don't know what tomorrow brings but I don't care, sick, bring it, I will spit in your face and rub it in. This addiction is crazy, I love to get high, dam, what are my triggers I want away from my own mind. it runs too much and I needed to shut the dam thing down. see my rant, wish me well as I don't know what tomorrow brings but im excited for the first time. junkhead I will always be, that's my challenge not this petty shit. I thought I was going to be so sick today, well I am for thinking that way. clear thoughts, spend your time right no matter how, you cant get it back!!!!!!!!!!!!I do suggest for anyone to taper but you, anyone can do this. you will be sick but look at my log. I never stopped a full time job. now I feel like I have ticks I yell emotions, but I would love to get high again. too funny. my mind is like Leukodystrophy, mush I WILL MAKE IT PMA!!!!! help me here folks.


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 Post subject: Re: JUNKHEAD
PostPosted: Tue May 13, 2014 3:54 pm 
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well today hit me hard, my addict mind told me to drink and celebrate, wrong. I felt bad today, not to bad I could not take it but it sucked. still have the loose bowel mess, stomach is churning, and dizzy, little hot/cold flashes, but I managed. I read a post by romeo and he said fake it until you make it. this has been my whole process. I will continue to do that. I will tell myself im ok when I feel im not. This sucks but I can do this. day 2 clean no subs, have no desire to even take any. I want my life back. this has taken almost everything out of me. no the subs but the whole process. I am thankful for the subs because they saved my life and gave me time to look at my life and my path of destruction. I am waiting until tomorrow as that's day 3 and my usual turn around time for me, it might be 4 but who cares push it though. I don't need to be fixed that day just a slight bit better than today, that has been my last 2 years. PMA right, it tough but I got it.


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 Post subject: Re: JUNKHEAD
PostPosted: Tue May 13, 2014 4:49 pm 
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dirtyblonde wrote:
PMA right, it tough but I got it.


Damn right you do. You're gonna make it.

Alcohol is terrible for opiate withdrawals, from past experience. I tried it to take edge off and just seemed to make them worse. And alcohol is good to avoid once in the clear of withdrawal, as it can cloud our better judgement and lead to a relapse on our drugs of choice.


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 Post subject: Re: JUNKHEAD
PostPosted: Tue May 13, 2014 5:13 pm 
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you make a great point and thanks for you response. I would stay clean get drunk and fall. I am an alcoholic too. that is my next great task to stop. I I posted im my first response it does not matter I can get addicted to it. It flat out sucks but its what I have to deal with. I have a long laundry list of them. I feel plagued but I cant cry bitch. I just makes it worse. I have nailed one key factor. I am always board. I need master tasks to keep my mind straight. like never ending mind games. guess I need to go for a walk. I have got to keep it rolling. I was always so sick and I know why. I mix up too much and have too much down time. I had hobbies before I wasted all my money and credit. I was so happy yesterday io felt great I got drunk screamed at my wife in public no less. wow where do I go. I am going to go to some aa meetings but I gotta get thru this weakness first. I don't have trouble sleeping because I am on enough antidepressant and antianxiety meds a full elephant could sleep, but I did struggle last night. its like 1 step at a time and this seemed to be the biggest to tackle.


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 Post subject: Re: JUNKHEAD
PostPosted: Tue May 13, 2014 5:24 pm 
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dirtyblonde wrote:
you make a great point and thanks for you response. I would stay clean get drunk and fall. I am an alcoholic too. that is my next great task to stop. I I posted im my first response it does not matter I can get addicted to it. It flat out sucks but its what I have to deal with. I have a long laundry list of them. I feel plagued but I cant cry bitch. I just makes it worse. I have nailed one key factor. I am always board. I need master tasks to keep my mind straight. like never ending mind games. guess I need to go for a walk. I have got to keep it rolling. I was always so sick and I know why. I mix up too much and have too much down time. I had hobbies before I wasted all my money and credit. I was so happy yesterday io felt great I got drunk screamed at my wife in public no less. wow where do I go. I am going to go to some aa meetings but I gotta get thru this weakness first. I don't have trouble sleeping because I am on enough antidepressant and antianxiety meds a full elephant could sleep, but I did struggle last night. its like 1 step at a time and this seemed to be the biggest to tackle.



I hear ya about a bored mind. That's one of my weaknesses. Not gonna mention IQ, it's too much like bragging about cock size, lol. Maybe some of the more cerebral computer games out there could help, or taking a class or two at the local college, for a couple ideas.

For now its just a waiting game to get thru sub withdrawal. When its at its worst moments, I blare some sick music, pretend I'm a sadist and enjoy it, and if that doesn't work, I just keep in mind the misery is temporary; I experienced long term clean time before and life was so much better, so I know what I have to look forward to.


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 Post subject: Re: JUNKHEAD
PostPosted: Tue May 13, 2014 6:05 pm 
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no_boop_shoo_be_doop wrote:
dirtyblonde wrote:
I hear ya about a bored mind. That's one of my weaknesses. Not gonna mention IQ, it's too much like bragging about cock size, lol. Maybe some of the more cerebral computer games out there could help, or taking a class or two at the local college, for a couple ideas.



ha not trying to do that, I am obviously not that bright. but anyhow great advice I need to got back and finish some things at school. money, I will try the games and play my guitar as much as I can. I almost had blood on all tips yesterday from playing, I blistered the shit out of them and broke 3 pics, ha. now I wana play but they hurt. I am going to play anyway. thanks for the help!!!!!!!!!!!! you made me smile, keep posting

:D


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 Post subject: Re: JUNKHEAD
PostPosted: Tue May 13, 2014 6:19 pm 
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dirtyblonde wrote:
no_boop_shoo_be_doop wrote:
dirtyblonde wrote:
I hear ya about a bored mind. That's one of my weaknesses. Not gonna mention IQ, it's too much like bragging about cock size, lol. Maybe some of the more cerebral computer games out there could help, or taking a class or two at the local college, for a couple ideas.



ha not trying to do that, I am obviously not that bright. but anyhow great advice I need to got back and finish some things at school. money, I will try the games and play my guitar as much as I can. I almost had blood on all tips yesterday from playing, I blistered the shit out of them and broke 3 pics, ha. now I wana play but they hurt. I am going to play anyway. thanks for the help!!!!!!!!!!!! you made me smile, keep posting

:D


Feelings mutual!

Cool, you play guitar. I got a bass guitar begging for some thumb slapping abuse.


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 Post subject: Re: JUNKHEAD
PostPosted: Tue May 13, 2014 6:25 pm 
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I play this just to remind me where I was and could be again.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o5Thn6hZXjY


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 Post subject: Re: JUNKHEAD
PostPosted: Tue May 13, 2014 6:47 pm 
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yea I love base for that reason. you can get some funk going with the thumb. music is a big part of my life too. I stopped it for a while because I had no desire to play anymore, I was striped. I am getting it back slow.


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 Post subject: Re: JUNKHEAD
PostPosted: Wed May 14, 2014 9:04 am 
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dirtyblonde wrote:
yea I love base for that reason. you can get some funk going with the thumb. music is a big part of my life too. I stopped it for a while because I had no desire to play anymore, I was striped. I am getting it back slow.


Start my day 8 out right...


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sdOLFtk9joI


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 Post subject: Re: JUNKHEAD
PostPosted: Thu May 15, 2014 2:33 pm 
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DB! Where you keeping yourself? Hope you're alright wherever you are.


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 Post subject: Re: JUNKHEAD
PostPosted: Thu May 15, 2014 2:46 pm 
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http://youtu.be/C3jRK-sdTSE


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 Post subject: Re: JUNKHEAD
PostPosted: Thu May 15, 2014 4:22 pm 
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yea im good, yesterday was so busy. I did not stop from 5am until about 9:30pm. I don't know that I could even be that busy, but it pass the day buy and before I could think about how I felt the day was gone. I awoke to bad nausea and dry chucks, popped a clonidine and Imodium and I was off. I was really discouraged but maintained because I had no choice, all good with me. I am such a procrastinator with doing things and I was just straight forced. I was dizzy from the clonidine all day I think that's what it was. I woke up today feeling great, slight belly issues but I don't care about that anymore. today was good then I went to a meeting at work and bam, I had to run with the cheeks squeezed. missed the meeting, but yea well. I feel good now, it really is amazing the difference in my mind status. I get down for a few maybe, and hour then its gone. that goes for everything. PMA thru it is the only way out so it is on, 4 days clean from subs. I brought all my liquid I have made of different doses, and had to laugh at my self, what at trip!!!!!!!!!!! you ok. so here it too all in concur mode ............................... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h_aLbagloMk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y_2_meh-DLo


Last edited by dirtyblonde on Thu May 15, 2014 6:05 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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 Post subject: Re: JUNKHEAD
PostPosted: Thu May 15, 2014 4:27 pm 
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no_boop_shoo_be_doop wrote:
http://youtu.be/C3jRK-sdTSE


you would do one of my favorite bands. quiet enlightening, ha the pun is great!!!!!!!!!! rock on


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 Post subject: Re: JUNKHEAD
PostPosted: Thu May 15, 2014 9:04 pm 
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dirtyblonde wrote:
yea im good, yesterday was so busy. I did not stop from 5am until about 9:30pm. I don't know that I could even be that busy, but it pass the day buy and before I could think about how I felt the day was gone. I awoke to bad nausea and dry chucks, popped a clonidine and Imodium and I was off. I was really discouraged but maintained because I had no choice, all good with me. I am such a procrastinator with doing things and I was just straight forced. I was dizzy from the clonidine all day I think that's what it was. I woke up today feeling great, slight belly issues but I don't care about that anymore. today was good then I went to a meeting at work and bam, I had to run with the cheeks squeezed. missed the meeting, but yea well. I feel good now, it really is amazing the difference in my mind status. I get down for a few maybe, and hour then its gone. that goes for everything. PMA thru it is the only way out so it is on, 4 days clean from subs. I brought all my liquid I have made of different doses, and had to laugh at my self, what at trip!!!!!!!!!!! you ok. so here it too all in concur mode ............................... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h_aLbagloMk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y_2_meh-DLo


Glad your hanging in!
Good Stereophonics tunes.

Another reason I know I'm know I'm getting better. The previously anesthetized cannon, was happy today after the bath. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4SkGLPQLYmE (<---saw that tour, they were outrageous)


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 Post subject: Re: JUNKHEAD
PostPosted: Sat May 17, 2014 3:26 pm 
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too funny :D :lol:


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 Post subject: Re: JUNKHEAD
PostPosted: Sun May 18, 2014 6:13 pm 
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I could not post yesterday, just did not even feel like typing. I was sick to my stomach all day. I could only hold down boost, I think I my have helped it along by drinking with a friend the night before. I am much better today, did some yard work/house/garage stuff anything to keep going if I could. I just find I run out of energy fast. Not 100 percent but I don't know if I can handle everything back at once. Today was day 7 off for me, well off gotta find something else to do.


DB


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 Post subject: Re: JUNKHEAD
PostPosted: Sun May 18, 2014 10:17 pm 
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Hey DB. I know what you mean about not even feeling like typing sometimes. Still.I've been trying to check in everyday cuz this is really only support right now. My sub use was unorthodox and is highly classified for now. Well except to the NSA, and maybe DEA if they read these boards. Lol, no I'm not paranoid, even if they are monitoring, they have bigger fish to fry and besides I might just be some genuine psychotic making this all up, cuz i stopped taking my 800mg of Seroquel everyday :D

I read your comment on my thread. Yeah I'm layin' off the boost, and back on the real food with a vengeance. Eat two huge burritos, half a gallon of ice cream and 1/2 pound of cashews, and I'm still hungry. Gonna get a distended gut if I don't slow down.


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 Post subject: Re: JUNKHEAD
PostPosted: Mon May 19, 2014 4:52 pm 
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dam I wish I had that appetite. I can deal with most anything but this belly mess, I hate it. Its not as bad as it was I can say that. I have been so sick I should have gone to the hospital, like I got shot in the stomach with a shot gun and bird shot. I wont stall I am determined to remain clean but I hope the gut mess is over soon. I was ok until 11 then bam sick, I ate anyway got better like 3 ish, not perfect still scared to eat, but I will. I going to use some baby wipes, dam my ass hurts. TMI right but I am trying to spell it. I am glad I am done though. I feel better every day, with one major set back(the booze), other than that its not to bad, goose flesh, anxiety(mild) yawning, a lot, sneezing spells 1ce a day. like 15 times in a row, then my eyes water for a few. I listen to music all day so that help me and maybe why I get the gooseflesh, music is great!!!!!!!!! I need to start walking, Sorry boop you got me, im starting small. wow I just read where I started from and it made me cry. Fuck yea ill take this. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uAPmtjyaXnM sorry not the best live quality, it was the best I found.


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 Post subject: Re: JUNKHEAD
PostPosted: Mon May 19, 2014 7:45 pm 
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dirtyblonde wrote:
dam I wish I had that appetite. I can deal with most anything but this belly mess, I hate it. Its not as bad as it was I can say that. I have been so sick I should have gone to the hospital, like I got shot in the stomach with a shot gun and bird shot. I wont stall I am determined to remain clean but I hope the gut mess is over soon. I was ok until 11 then bam sick, I ate anyway got better like 3 ish, not perfect still scared to eat, but I will. I going to use some baby wipes, dam my ass hurts. TMI right but I am trying to spell it. I am glad I am done though. I feel better every day, with one major set back(the booze), other than that its not to bad, goose flesh, anxiety(mild) yawning, a lot, sneezing spells 1ce a day. like 15 times in a row, then my eyes water for a few. I listen to music all day so that help me and maybe why I get the gooseflesh, music is great!!!!!!!!! I need to start walking, Sorry boop you got me, im starting small. wow I just read where I started from and it made me cry. Fuck yea ill take this. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uAPmtjyaXnM sorry not the best live quality, it was the best I found.


Music gives me gooseflesh sometimes too, and even shivers up my spine, like Kundalini or something. You're one of few people I've also heard say as much. Light an incense stick and a candle, and play this in the dim light sometime. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KWNN7mUvfow

Congrats on day 8! You're catching up with me.. past the week milestone now.


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