It is currently Wed Aug 23, 2017 12:58 pm



All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]


Our Sponsors





Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 122 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1 ... 3, 4, 5, 6, 7  Next
Author Message
 Post subject: Re: JUNKHEAD
PostPosted: Tue Jul 01, 2014 4:24 pm 
Offline
Super-Duper Poster
Super-Duper Poster

Joined: Wed Jul 31, 2013 3:39 pm
Posts: 311
good glad to hear, im at another milestone, I have been on my Chantix all week and tomorrow I quit smoking. I smell cigs all over me, I cant piss without smelling this shit, my eyes burn, makes my stomach off a bit off again. yea well its for my best I know, they were all I had when I was coming of the tex. I think they made my stomach worse thou. the only thing we can count on in life is change , hopefully we make it in our favor before that is taken from us.............. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XAbY2cmEsS0


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: JUNKHEAD
PostPosted: Tue Jul 01, 2014 6:59 pm 
Offline
Super-Duper Poster
Super-Duper Poster

Joined: Wed Jul 31, 2013 3:39 pm
Posts: 311
well thanks to everyone who supported me through this mess. I am going to retire my thread. to all the support and many more with the form, thanks a bunch............ DB


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: JUNKHEAD
PostPosted: Wed Jul 02, 2014 5:41 am 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Mon May 12, 2014 4:42 pm
Posts: 534
Location: currently residing in cyberspace
dirtyblonde wrote:
good glad to hear, im at another milestone, I have been on my Chantix all week and tomorrow I quit smoking. I smell cigs all over me, I cant piss without smelling this shit, my eyes burn, makes my stomach off a bit off again. yea well its for my best I know, they were all I had when I was coming of the tex. I think they made my stomach worse thou. the only thing we can count on in life is change , hopefully we make it in our favor before that is taken from us.............. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XAbY2cmEsS0



I tried Chantix when it first came out. Had oodles and oodles of clean time (except caffiene and nicotine), as in years. I started getting occasionaly urges to use coke after about I think about a week, and it was never close to my drug of choice, only think I got was about 15-30 minutes of exhilaration from first line, than, chasing that first blast feeling, and paranoia. And also, I started getting uncharacteristically aggressive (and I don't simply 'assertive'). I didn't act out except some road rage type stuff (and I usually took a more passive aggresive approach to things like tailgaiters when I was already going 5-10 over on expressway- I'd slow down and switch lanes to trap them, and wave and smile at them in rearview mirror, haha, which would usually end up with them blasting by me over a hundred MPH when they got an opening. One time a tailgaiter got nailed by the cops a few miles or up the road, and I waved as I drove by, heh heh), but I digress, I felt like I was a ticking time bomb and found myself screaming at other drivers, flipping the bird myself, etc. In interactions with people (corworkers, etc), I just said, "I just quit smoking, and am feeling very antisocial, so don't take it personally if I develop Tourette Syndrome", and they took the hint.

Needless to say, I stopped the Chantix (fuck, it was supposed to take away nicotine cravings, not induce cravings for something worse like coke, and aggression), and then looked up on Internet and so
saw similar stories. Both from users of it, or hapless spouses. Oddly, when it has a bad effect on somebody like me, its occurs statistically more often in men than women. The following studies came out after anecdotal evidence for statisitcally significant (although still a minority) adverse affects.

Quote:
July 27, 2010 -- Evidence is accumulating that the stop-smoking drug Chantix is linked with unprovoked acts and thoughts of aggression and violence, according to a new report.

The drug is so potentially dangerous that its use should be restricted to exclude police, military, and similar occupations in which workers carry weapons, says Thomas J. Moore, senior scientist for drug safety and policy at the Institute for Safe Medication Practices, a nonprofit watchdog group. Moore is one of three co-authors of the new report on the drug, published in the Annals of Pharmacotherapy.

http://www.webmd.com/smoking-cessation/ ... y-concerns


I was on it within months of FDA approval, as I had primo insurance at the time that covered even expensive non-generics with tiny copay, so jumped on trying it when the reports of a new, smoking abstinence "wonder drug", hit the news.

Dunno why I am sharing this with you, it sounds like its working okay for you so far, and the paradoxical effects it had on me are not the norm or it would probably banned from the market. But figured I'd mention my experience just in case you notice anything weird happening with your head at some point.
---------

Congrats on new milestone. Not in anyway meaning to be discouraging, but most people are familiar with the notion that nicotine is supposedly more difficult- statistically - than quitting heroin, and a couple of the reasons I've heard tossed about are:

a) Frequency of use. A heroin user can stay 'straight' (prevent any dope sickness WDs ) by using every 6 hours or so, give or take an hour, whereas, every drag off a cig hits the reward center. So a pack a day or more smoker, is really hitting the receptors a ridiculous number of times throughout the day in comparision.

b) Lack of major consequences from smoking (unless one gets cpod, emphysema, cancer, but that generally doesn't happen until decades down the road, and some people with good genes or whatever, get lucky and smoke into old ages, past the statistical mortality rates of general population) , whereas H can take one down to rock bottom in a matter of a couple-few years, if not months. Health, finances, legal, etc. And although smoking is becoming more and more socially unacceptable in modern times. For flashback perspective: I can remember my mother smoking in lecture hall at university, when she brought me along cuz she couldn't afford a baby sitter when separated from my dad (and she made it clear I would be in deep doo doo, if I didn't sit their quietly with my coloring books or whatever, while she puffed away and took notes). Now one can't even smoke outdoors on campus grounds, in many parts of country. In spite of tobacco's continuously growing bad social reputation, its still doesn't come close to approaching being a junkie in terms of social norms (and social rejection if outed), even if one can support their H habit somehow from honest means as a high earner, like a successful lawyer with a 200 dollar a day habit, for whom that might be a billable hour.

Well enough about smoking; Great decision, and I wish you best of luck. Chantix does seem to make a difference for many people, even though it turned on me like a Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde potion.

Insofar as closing thread, I take that to mean you'll be hanging about but no longer journaling your taper and jump process. Congrats on "Turning The Page" (per Seger song)!


Top
 Profile  
 
Our Sponsors
 Post subject: Re: JUNKHEAD
PostPosted: Wed Jul 02, 2014 5:56 am 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Thu Jun 26, 2014 4:41 am
Posts: 712
Location: Connected
no_boop_shoo_be_doop wrote:
Congrats on "Turning The Page" (per Seger song)!


Hey DB (and boop!!) I second ^^^^^^^, and hope to continue to read your post on other threads!
FYI, some people (like Romeo) have started threads in the "misc." section for support with quitting cigs.This might also help you??? Just a thought.

_________________
"BE the change that you wish to see in the world"

Mahatma Gandhi


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: JUNKHEAD
PostPosted: Fri Jul 18, 2014 4:38 pm 
Offline
Super-Duper Poster
Super-Duper Poster

Joined: Wed Jul 31, 2013 3:39 pm
Posts: 311
don't know if this is the place to post but here goes, my mind has been flat out fuct. I am so depressed I don't even know where to begin. But here are the words of if, my brother was dx. with als, 33 cant even walk. He was the reason that side of my family I gave any credit. I did relapse if you need to know, got high a few days and now it sucks. I don't care about the w/d, I have been thru that too many times too care, well fuct 3-5 more day yea it sucks but I know its not my solution. my mind is back in the pits..... I feel like I have put him in the ground already and that's not the case. I don't wont to bother him because I will seem I am more worried than him. He just wants to walk, fuck I need to stay strong, but I feel I am not that strong. I cry like a baby just with the thought. god help me..... I can die but not him https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_w52UO2w6g0


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: JUNKHEAD
PostPosted: Fri Jul 18, 2014 5:08 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Thu Jun 26, 2014 4:41 am
Posts: 712
Location: Connected
Praying for you DB. Thanks for posting...

_________________
"BE the change that you wish to see in the world"

Mahatma Gandhi


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: JUNKHEAD
PostPosted: Fri Jul 18, 2014 5:17 pm 
Offline
Moderator
Moderator
User avatar

Joined: Thu Feb 23, 2012 4:42 am
Posts: 4140
Hey DB,

I'm so, so sorry about your brother's diagnoses!!! How devastating to you and your whole family!

I'm also sorry that you had a slip in your recovery. You definitely need to take care of your mental health right now so that the depression doesn't cause a larger relapse. Go see a therapist or a psychiatrist pronto! Right now you are in a grieving period even though your brother is still with you. But you are grieving the future you expected to live with your brother.

I'll say it again: You Are Grieving! As addicts, we use drugs to numb our feelings. This is the first major emotional trauma you are suffering since being off sub. You are new to sitting with your feelings instead of drugging them. It's very hard!

Please seek some kind of professional counsel/check up! Hang in there DB!

Hugs,
Amy

_________________
Done is better than perfect!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: JUNKHEAD
PostPosted: Fri Jul 18, 2014 5:23 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Thu Jun 26, 2014 4:41 am
Posts: 712
Location: Connected
Thanks Amy for saying the words to DB I had no way of finding..
Please listen to her DB- she sounds right to me!
You asked God to help you- please believe He will! I do! IMO He is helping you right now by working through people like Amy.

_________________
"BE the change that you wish to see in the world"

Mahatma Gandhi


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: JUNKHEAD
PostPosted: Fri Jul 18, 2014 6:17 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Mon May 12, 2014 4:42 pm
Posts: 534
Location: currently residing in cyberspace
dirtyblonde wrote:
don't know if this is the place to post but here goes, my mind has been flat out fuct. I am so depressed I don't even know where to begin. But here are the words of if, my brother was dx. with als, 33 cant even walk. He was the reason that side of my family I gave any credit. I did relapse if you need to know, got high a few days and now it sucks. I don't care about the w/d, I have been thru that too many times too care, well fuct 3-5 more day yea it sucks but I know its not my solution. my mind is back in the pits..... I feel like I have put him in the ground already and that's not the case. I don't wont to bother him because I will seem I am more worried than him. He just wants to walk, fuck I need to stay strong, but I feel I am not that strong. I cry like a baby just with the thought. god help me..... I can die but not him https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_w52UO2w6g0


Relapse is really common with addicts trying to recover, it more the norm than the exception, so I hope you don't beat yourself up about it! Especially given the circumstances. Many relapse out of boredom and such, or not identifying their triggers, etc. But you're in a lot of psychological pain, which is just as real as physical pain (both even light up the same "pain areas" or the brain, according to recent research, that focused primarily on pain of social rejection, but can extend to other forms of loss and psychological pain. See: http://ns.umich.edu/new/releases/8332-s ... -rejection


I've accumulated almost a decade (over 9 years) TWICE with a major relapse in between. First starting at end of my teen years. Plus a "less than a week", blip on radar screen relapse after my grandmother died (I was close to her and had been looking after her prior to her passing), ending my 2nd 9+ years stretch of clean time (both 9 year periods of abstinence including clean off of all drugs, and alcohol). So prior to recent events, was on a third stretch (following second 9 year stretch beginning after father died/ ex fiancee issues) and, I had about 6-7 years clean, up until injuries, even though I don't really count what happened with the injuries as a relapse per se, more like unfortunate circumstances in which I needed pain meds (but part of me is not comfortable with counting recent times as true, 100% clean time, none-the-less), first major relapse (that ended my first run of 9+ years clean) was after my father passed as mentioned above, and I was simultaneously having issues with my now ex, fiancee.


Anyway, I have to echo what Madame Buttefly said, in taking what Amy wrote very seriously. It is very devastating, what has happened to your bro, but please, get all the help you can for yourself too, don't martyr yourself (I might be wrong, and even it it isn't a woman's intuition, mine is telling me, it could be something you have a tendency to do). The world will be a lesser place if something happens to you from being overwhelmed, and you check out early (accidentally or otherwise)!

Shit, I thought I had problems...I almost 'cut my hair' :wink: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UIrUAHaNvCI


Last edited by no_boop_shoo_be_doop on Fri Jul 18, 2014 8:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Top
 Profile  
 
   
 Post subject: Re: JUNKHEAD
PostPosted: Fri Jul 18, 2014 7:40 pm 
Offline
Super-Duper Poster
Super-Duper Poster

Joined: Wed Jul 31, 2013 3:39 pm
Posts: 311
man my mind is a just not a good place, I cry without thinking it sucks. I lost my mom last year and did not cry like this, and he is no gone. and too me the worst is the physical frustration of what I put myself thru. I will go see a therapist for the first time imy life, thanks to you folks I promise :twisted: , but I hate it. I feel like a fucking manic depressive the way I cry. I guess this was not what the body ordered for rehab. I just woke from a drunken stuper, its all I know, but would he want that, no, he wants to walk. I feel so ashamed. this has been one of my best support systems and I need the post now and for a while. thank you from the bottom of my heart and please keep posting..................DB


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: JUNKHEAD
PostPosted: Fri Jul 18, 2014 7:54 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Mon May 12, 2014 4:42 pm
Posts: 534
Location: currently residing in cyberspace
dirtyblonde wrote:
man my mind is a just not a good place, I cry without thinking it sucks. I lost my mom last year and did not cry like this, and he is no gone. and too me the worst is the physical frustration of what I put myself thru. I will go see a therapist for the first time imy life, thanks to you folks I promise :twisted: , but I hate it. I feel like a fucking manic depressive the way I cry. I guess this was not what the body ordered for rehab. I just woke from a drunken stuper, its all I know, but would he want that, no, he wants to walk. I feel so ashamed. this has been one of my best support systems and I need the post now and for a while. thank you from the bottom of my heart and please keep posting..................DB


P
o
s
t
i
n
g

1
2
3


P
o
s
t
i
n
g

1
2
3

Okay, I feel better now. Hope you do too, or will soon!
And I also feel better knowing that you PROMISED that you'll go see a therapist. It really isn't bad, and, I'm willing to bet that you'll probably end up liking it. It can really make a big difference talking to somebody who has committed their lives to helping others with the kinda shit we go through, and have some training.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: JUNKHEAD
PostPosted: Fri Jul 18, 2014 8:17 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Thu Jun 26, 2014 4:41 am
Posts: 712
Location: Connected
no_boop_shoo_be_doop wrote:
Okay, I feel better now. Hope you do too, or will soon!
And I also feel better knowing that you PROMISED that you'll go see a therapist. It really isn't bad, and, I'm willing to bet that you'll probably end up liking it. It can really make a big difference talking to somebody who has committed their lives to helping others with the kinda shit we go through, and have some training.


Therapy is no more than "learning" about how to manage your inner life, your problems, your behavior. I actually ended up truly enjoying therapy! IMO, EVERYONE should have a good therapist! Everyone can use help solving their problems! It does not mean you are "weak". IMO, it means the OPPOSITE! You are "strong' and "smart" enough to face your problems and get some education and help.

_________________
"BE the change that you wish to see in the world"

Mahatma Gandhi


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: JUNKHEAD
PostPosted: Sat Jul 19, 2014 10:28 am 
Offline
Super-Duper Poster
Super-Duper Poster

Joined: Wed Jul 31, 2013 3:39 pm
Posts: 311
thanks everyone for the support. I had a really hard time yesterday, I can go a few days then bam, everything comes out at once. I have a plan to go see this therapist. I need to go sooner that later. I feel better today, w/d is gone. feel tired but reaffirmed that that was not a place for me. I wanted to post because I am living proof of the life of an addict as well as many of you can. I sucks the triggers are everywhere. I don't know that this is the place for my support but its where I started and at this time all I know....... DB


Top
 Profile  
 
   
 Post subject: Re: JUNKHEAD
PostPosted: Sat Jul 19, 2014 6:12 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Mon May 12, 2014 4:42 pm
Posts: 534
Location: currently residing in cyberspace
dirtyblonde wrote:
thanks everyone for the support. I had a really hard time yesterday, I can go a few days then bam, everything comes out at once. I have a plan to go see this therapist. I need to go sooner that later. I feel better today, w/d is gone. feel tired but reaffirmed that that was not a place for me. I wanted to post because I am living proof of the life of an addict as well as many of you can. I sucks the triggers are everywhere. I don't know that this is the place for my support but its where I started and at this time all I know....... DB


Heya DB, thanks for checking in again. Glad you are feeling better. Yeah this ain't a bad place to start! It was a start for me on coping with subs, when they first entered my life as a recovery bridge after oxy, when I stopped lurking, and signed up after I jumped.
Wherever your own recovery, and life in general takes you, I hope you keep coming around to check in. Keep us updated on how the therapy goes and such!

(signed),
bl00p...er, I mean boop!? Rhymes with "recoup" (which I am attempting to do, shoo be doop)


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: JUNKHEAD
PostPosted: Fri Jul 25, 2014 11:34 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Mon May 12, 2014 4:42 pm
Posts: 534
Location: currently residing in cyberspace
Hey DB. Just checking in to say hi, and to let you know you're still in my thoughts. I hope your hanging in there, no matter where you're at with things.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DFqmz5NS1bM


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: JUNKHEAD
PostPosted: Sat Jul 26, 2014 3:21 am 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Thu Jun 26, 2014 4:41 am
Posts: 712
Location: Connected
Hey there DB, also wanted to let you know I am thinking and praying for you (and your brother). Please "check in" when you are ready and let us know how you are doing.
BF

_________________
"BE the change that you wish to see in the world"

Mahatma Gandhi


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: JUNKHEAD
PostPosted: Sat Jul 26, 2014 3:28 am 
Offline
Moderator
Moderator
User avatar

Joined: Thu Feb 23, 2012 4:42 am
Posts: 4140
Hi DB,

I wanted to make sure that you're doing OK since it's been a week since you last posted. I don't know if your emotions are still reeling, or if you've made a bit of peace with your brother's diagnosis. In either case, please, please, please don't give up on the idea of therapy!

It is probably really tempting to you to just keep on keeping on without addressing your feelings, your grief. You know, it's not unusual to have a delayed response to grief. I'm referring to the death of your mom last year. My grief over my mom's death in 2002 played a huge role in my drug abuse. This new issue with your brother could just be the emotional touchstone to feelings of pain, loss, and grief. Like I mentioned before, when a loved one has a terminal illness you are grieving their eventual death. People without an addict's baggage need help to get through these times, so I think it's fair to seek help right away.

One of the things we addicts have learned to do is to find ways of pushing difficult emotions way down deep. I can't tell you how much I understand feeling nervous and reluctant to go to therapy when you know that you'll be spending most of your time crying. I started therapy when I admitted my addiction and got on sub. I hated the knowledge that I would be weeping for almost the whole session! But, guess what? I still felt loads better after the session was over.

One of the most important reasons for you to get therapy is to help you identify the triggers that will lead you to a relapse. You obviously know that relapse is very easy. If you go to a good addiction therapist he/she will be able to give you some useful, concrete things to do. Therapy isn't all talking. It's a dialog and a development of tools for your recovery arsenal.

Now that the crisis of your brother's diagnosis has leveled off, you may be inclined to blow off the therapy. Please don't.

You are always welcome here to tell us about your imperfect life. Most of us have empathy because we're equally imperfect!

Keep your chin up!

Amy

_________________
Done is better than perfect!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: JUNKHEAD
PostPosted: Sat Jul 26, 2014 3:36 am 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Thu Jun 26, 2014 4:41 am
Posts: 712
Location: Connected
Amy-Work In Progress wrote:

1. Therapy isn't all talking. It's a dialog and a development of tools for your recovery arsenal.
2. Most of us have empathy because we're equally imperfect!


1. Well said Amy! IMO "therapy" is no more than another form of "education" (developing those tools), and "knowledge is power", right?! And 'everyone' could benefit from a good therapist!!
2. Amen, isn't that the truth!

_________________
"BE the change that you wish to see in the world"

Mahatma Gandhi


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: JUNKHEAD
PostPosted: Sat Jul 26, 2014 8:49 am 
Offline
Moderator
Moderator
User avatar

Joined: Thu Feb 23, 2012 4:42 am
Posts: 4140
Thanks, BF! Thanks for backing me up and for zeroing in on the stuff you think is most important. Your words are so encouraging to others, no matter where they are in their recoveries!

Thanks for always reaching out toward each individual person in their own circumstances instead of carrying around your own agenda of what their recovery should look like!

Amy

_________________
Done is better than perfect!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: JUNKHEAD
PostPosted: Mon Jul 28, 2014 4:38 pm 
Offline
Super-Duper Poster
Super-Duper Poster

Joined: Wed Jul 31, 2013 3:39 pm
Posts: 311
I have not went to therapy yet, I will do so soon as I find how this will adversely affect me. I do wonderful talking to myself. I can create a person to listen shit, skitzo, I kidd but its so true. I have created so many monsters any killed them. I know where im at an will get some therapy, just need to find out how it will affect me first. I love both of your comments and don't feel im a know it all, just don't know where I stand on it all. I went to that shit as a young child, prob 1 of the first. ct of the head and therapy 2-3 times a week, Adderall and well it first was new shit called Ritalin, I had to take it drink coffee and suck a dick and take that shit. I got so sick from all that shit I vowed never to return once I had the power. that was in the early 80's and I have not ever been back. I fuckin hate speed, I wanna kill people that offer it to me. don't feel this Is the way this is going but I hope you can understand my animosity twords those freaks, some are ok and I can hear out. :mrgreen:


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 122 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1 ... 3, 4, 5, 6, 7  Next

All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 4 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Our Sponsors
Suboxone Forum latest topics RSS feed Subscribe to the entire forum
 

 

 
Fond Du Lac Psychiatry
Dr. Jeffrey Junig, M.D., Ph.D.

  • Board Certified Psychiatrist
  • Asst Clinical Professor, Medical College of Wisconsin

Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group