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PostPosted: Wed Jan 22, 2014 2:51 am 
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After 7 months I am jumping tomorrow, tonight was my last dose. I threw out what I had left. Ive been taking between .25 - .5mg the whole 7 months with a few failed attemps at quiting. I have clonodine, klonopin, and sereqaul. I know this isnt going to be a picnic and everyone is different. Im hoping Ill be ok by Monday. I will update daily. I hope this isnt a drawn out thing, do you think I'll be ok by Monday? When I say ok I mean getting at least 4 hours a night and that urky feeling in my body has began to subside

Thanks you'll

Gem


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 22, 2014 1:41 pm 
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I wish you the very best Gemma. Took real courage to toss out what you had left and I'm proud of you for taking that step to prove how serious you are about this.

I read on your other thread that you will be away from your wife and staying with friends for a few days during detox. That may be a real help to you, and keep your wife from witnessing the first days of any symptoms. Just like your using those friends to help you with this, it would be a great time to get into some NA/AA or other support group meetings. Not sure if you have discussed this yet, but I highly recommend you get additional support as you continue forward with your life. It makes a huge difference to have that kind of face-to-face support with other addicts that truly understand the situation. I really hope you will check it out.

And PLEASE be careful with those "comfort meds" you have. Remember that your getting off drugs, so you really should limit the use of other drugs for that purpose in my opinion. It's absolutely ok to use them sparingly, but all I'm saying without judgement is to please just be careful with them.

Keep posting as it really does help. I'm sure you have read around for other things that will be of help like pleanty of hot baths, exercise, music, etc. You were on a very low dose, so you really shouldn't be experiencing any horrible symptoms. Will you be better by Monday as you ask, maybe, maybe not, but just take it day by day, and hour by hour. Treat any symptoms as they arise. Whatever you do, don't just sit around doing nothing. Get up and moving, even a short walk will help more than you may realize I promise. Just stay as busy as you possibly can, and have those friends find things for you to do.

Again, all my best Gemma. We're here when you need us. Stay strong.

Karen


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 22, 2014 4:00 pm 
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Thanks for that reply! I can sense your sincerity and support. Im actually surrounded by AAs. All my close friends, sponser, even 3 of my old sponsees now help me, unbelievable. I had 11.5 years when the desease can knocking while I wasnt paying attention and though I was cured. Its so scary to think how I got to this, what a miserable year its been. But, I do know this thing works, and I read all the posts of people who are on day 4,5 7, 10, 20! so its more possible then I think. My friend Im staying with has a few years now and although I didnt sponsor him I got him going, he was a cronic relapsor. Now look at him, therapist in treatment and helping me. Im so gratefull for AA and all the people who call me all day long. Ive seen my wife cry one to many times, its taken its toll.

I will be very careful with the comfort meds and as such only have enough for maybe a week.

Yesterday was actually my last dose. I woke up at 3:30 in the PM and took it around 6 and the weirdest thing is I didnt sleep at all! Not really feeling it yet, Im sure day 3 it will start for me. Im imagining I will sleep well tonight for the last time in the near future. Just like everyone else says, I hate the insomnia, RL, and feeling of having to jerk my body every 20 seconds when laying down. Maybe it wont be that bad. Whatever it is it is, Im ready, scared, but ready. I pray God keeps my mind like this. Please God Im begging!


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 22, 2014 4:25 pm 
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im going to pray for you right now, gemmasub

almighty Father, i lift this man up to you right now, i pray that you will annoint him with your spirit and empower him with strength and wisdom, and unshakeable faith. i pray that you cover him and protect him, Lord. that he may see a clear vision of bright light at the end of the tunnel. that he may march ahead and never look back. Father, God i pray that you show favor and mercy upon him, that this final jump and detox be as mild as possible and that he has power above any strong-hold the enemy tries to force upon him. i pray that as a result of all these things, that he may live a clean and sober life from here on, and that his faith in you, God be stronger than ever and that he may continue his life in peace and happiness, serving and pleasing you Lord.. i pray all of this in Jesus' name. AMEN

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PostPosted: Wed Jan 22, 2014 5:02 pm 
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what a beautiful and heartfelt prayer! I pray also the same things for all those fighting this battle, knowing that I was prayed for during my darkest and most difficult times during my addiction! you can do this! keep us all posted


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 22, 2014 5:52 pm 
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Yea that was some prayer. Thank you. Def helped me just now.

I'm laying in bed trying to sleep but can't. This is do weird. Hasn't even been 24 hours. Probably nerves. I also had a friend stop by from Boston who I haven't seen in a while. He said I look skinny. I weighed myself and sure enough I'm about 10 lbs under my norm. Now my head is messing with me, telling me there is something else medical maybe going on. I really don't eat much. I certainly ate little today. I will try again to rest and just keep repeating the serenity prayer.

Thanks again


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 22, 2014 8:26 pm 
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Ok it's now been 24 hours and starting to feel some symptoms, not awful though. I know it way early yet but I'm thinking if I already feel it now(mild) it's reducing in my system below the "dose" that sustains me. Maybe just wishful thinking. I imagine by Friday it will be as bad as it's gonna be.

Any opinions or I'm my just thinking too much?


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PostPosted: Thu Jan 23, 2014 12:19 am 
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Going on hour 30. I got out tonight and played softball which got me out of my head. Then my sponsor dropped me off at home. I haven't slept now in 40 hours and I'm delirious. I took .1 clonodine at 5, took long hot shower and felt much better. That clonodine does help they weren't lying. No I'm feeling it again. Took .75 mg klonopin and Advil and got in bed. I'm. Still not fucking sleeping. wtf I thought I'd be out cold. I move like a zombie and think like one too. Is this normal?


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PostPosted: Thu Jan 23, 2014 12:23 am 
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Hey gemma, congrats on jumping off sub and fighting through it! Hang in there and take it day by day. Try and keep your mind occupied with something else. Get a puzzle, watch scary movies or anything to keep your focus off subs. There over OTC comfort meds like Immodium and Aleve that will help with discomforts. Also, try and stay nurished by eating right and drinking tons of water and/or pedialyte. Excersise and stay active even if you feel like sitting around.

Having someone there with you helps a lot too. When I jumped, my gf was there and hung out with me even though I wasn't as pleasant as normal. Hot showers and baths are awesome too, with some soothing music. Ha just saying.

Hang in there and fight through it! It will be over before you know it. I'm 2.5 months off now and it was the best thing I ever did!

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PostPosted: Thu Jan 23, 2014 12:31 am 
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I know and i will. The more I think about this Nasty drug the angrier I get. I can't wait to feel like you. But I gotta do my time. I have aleve and Imodium and will through those into my bag of meds. By my symptoms now any idea when my peak will be. I'm hoping early!

I do feel a sense of relief knowing I quit and I'm done


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PostPosted: Thu Jan 23, 2014 9:36 am 
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Your doing great Gemma! Stay strong my friend. You can do this and you know it. Just remember to stay as busy as possible and not sitting around thinking about it all the time. If possible just get for a walk when you can. That simple bit of exercise helps so much to get those natural endorphins going again.

And try not to over-think it either. You can drive yourself nuts thinking about will THIS happen, or will THAT happen and cause undue stress that certainly won't help. If a symptom pops up, just deal with it and be on your way. And make sure to stay well hydrated. Gatorade-like drinks really help along with LOTS of water to help flush your system.

Your doing a great job of posting and updating too. It really does help. You hang in there now ok. Might be a real fight, but I really believe that your up for the challenge! Take care.

Karen


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PostPosted: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:57 pm 
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40 hours! Wholly shit
You guys are keeping me going! I slept!!! I finally must of passed out. Just woke up1pm :(.
I don't know if this is good or bad. I gotta stop thinking.

Day 2 is mine! I got this


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PostPosted: Thu Jan 23, 2014 3:48 pm 
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Hi Gemma,

I just wanted to jump in here and offer you my support as well. It sounds like you are doing great, and you have gotten some super comments and suggestions already. You are right in thinking that if you keep your mind off of the WD you will do better. I know, easier said than done right? But if you were able to get out and play softball for a bit yesterday then I would say you must be in a pretty good place!

I'm adding my prayers to those who have already lifted you up, keep fighting dude!

LOL...I keep thinking of the name Gemma, having a hard time picturing you as a man...the picture that comes to mind is Katy Segal in Sons of Anarchy!

Good luck! And keep us posted.

Q

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PostPosted: Thu Jan 23, 2014 4:27 pm 
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Lol yea Gemma is actually my german shepherds name. My name is Todd. Was just afraid to begin posting with that know but now I could care less. You guys and gals have helped me start something I have been trying for months in every way possible. I'm so grateful I could cry. Strange being able to feel, good and bad, lol

So I'm going to sponsors tonight for the next 2 nights. He, wife and daughters are up late so he said it would keep my mind busy. Sounds about right.

I ran 1 mile at 2:00 drank a protein shake with fruit, took my multi, ate some tuna with crackers.

Now it's 3.30 And I'm feeling the rls only in my whole body, not unbearable though. I'll hold off as long as I can before taking a clonodine.

Little worried about sleep tonight. Little worried about the real onset wd to come.

Trying not to think.


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PostPosted: Thu Jan 23, 2014 4:59 pm 
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Hey Gemma and Todd! :D

Cool name for your dog!

Your doing ALL the right things that will help get you through this. Playing softball, running a mile, drinking protein shakes, and eating is EXACTLY the way to do it. And spending time at your sponsors house will certainly add to the support you have. Well done.

That whole body rls is usually calmed at least a little bit with hot baths. Getting some potassium in your system should also help with that. I've heard mentioned many times here that Hyland's Restful Legs is great for regular RLS, and it may help for thsoe body shakes and jerks. You can get it at most pharmacy's and might be worth trying?

I'm sure the clonodine might also be beneficial, but I'm sure you know it's a blood pressure med, so just be careful. If you take too much it could lower your pressure substantially which would make you very tired and lethargic. I did use it sparingly, but always took the few pills I tried near bedtime. It made me very tired. I always say just use caution. I'm sure you will.

Keep fighting. It's soooo worth it.

Karen


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PostPosted: Thu Jan 23, 2014 5:48 pm 
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Yes it did knock me for a loop yesterday when I took it, and I do know it's really a blood pressure medicine. I'll take your advise and use as sparingly as possible. I did have several bowl movements today(which I haven't had in months) so I'm hoping that means it's coming out of me.

Got the some chills and jerks now. Going to walk the dogs and take hot shower now. I can't wait to be done! I'm having that feeling that the next 2 days aren't gonna be fun.

Todd-Gemma


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 24, 2014 4:32 am 
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It's 3:30 in the am. I'm tired but no way can sleep. Rls is the worst it's been. Technical I starting day 3 now. I absolutely hate this feeling. Day time seems much easier. I've been feeling good. Went to my home group, shared, went out to eat with the guys before and hung raking after. Very little discomfort. Night comes and bam!! This is the first time since I quit that I would take a sub if I had one. That's scary. Lucky I don't have any.


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 24, 2014 5:29 am 
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Ok folks. Looks like I won't be sleeping tonight. I'll stay busy today. Just took hot shower. Wish I was home. Miss my temper petic, wife, dogs, netflix. I'm at my sponsors house tonight.

I have 5 50mg tramadol. I've read how nasty wd is from this drug Even though it's supposedly not narcotic. Your body converts it somehow.

Question is. Can I really do damage with only 5?

And will it just be setting me back?


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 24, 2014 10:48 am 
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Hi Gemma,

Sorry the sleep has been an issue, but it is to be expected as it's part of the process. And unfortunately it's many times the last thing to return to normal. When you get tired enough you will get some sleep. You might try some Melatonin and/or Sleepy Time Tea as that really helped me at the time. I ended up taking both together about 30-45 minutes before bedtime and was able to get a few hours of sleep. Something you might consider.

I would leave that Tramadol alone if it were me. Addicts always feel the need to reach for something to help when the going gets rough. It has to be a total mindset change that you just shouldn't use anything addictive if your trying to get out of the same situation. It's a tricky drug that acts like a narcotic and can stall your progress I believe. Sure it might make you feel better, but is that what you really want to do? Of course it's up to you what you want to do here.

Just can't look for the easy way out as there really isn't one.

Your doing very well, you just have to keep doing what you have been by staying busy. Your sub dose was low enough that this shouldn't last too long. Have to continue to fight hard. It is said in NA that you have to fight just as hard for your sobriety as you would trying to obtain your drugs when you really wanted them. Most would do just about anything to get our drugs. Have to do the same to get off.

Stay Strong Gemma.

Karen


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 24, 2014 2:35 pm 
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Damn the truth sux. I can't argue with you on all you said on the tramadol. I certainly do always want the easier softer way out. Ok gone with them then! Slept 5 hours all together. Went for 1 mike run and another mile walk. Feel it today for sure. Anxiety restless feeling. Not end of world but uncomfortable. Night time is the worst for sure. As soon as I start to notice slight improvement I'll feel much better I think. I can't believe I'm really doing this. Omg. THAnk you god. And thank all of you!


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