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PostPosted: Fri Jan 24, 2014 5:47 pm 
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3 days now.

So far this day was the worst. I've stayed busy as I can but there's no doubt I'm feeling it. Plus I've had diarrhea all day. I took 1 klonodine and Imodium, with very little relief. I'm not looking forward to tonight. I'll never do this to myself again

Will this start getting better soon??


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 24, 2014 10:18 pm 
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Hey Gemma,

I know this sucks right now, but since you jumped from such a low dose I would expect your WD to be getting more manageable fairly shortly. Most of the time you will hear people say that their WD will spike at somewhere around day 5 or 6 and then get progressively better. However, everyone is different, and you have done such a great job on your taper that you may be one of the lucky ones. I know you want someone to tell you when you will feel better, unfortunately there are too many variables for anyone to know for sure.

The main thing is just to hang in there and push through it one day at a time. You have done so great so far! I give you big props for being able to see that the tramadol was probably not the best idea. If you can just push through a few more days you will be feeling so much better.

I have always found Immodium to be the best med to have on hand, and the clonodine helps lots of people. Maybe try a hot bath before bed and some soothing music. It might just help your body relax enough to go to sleep. If not, I wonder if being in a place that you aren't used to may have something to do with the sleep issues? I get why you felt the need to spend time with your sponsor, but I would think it may be easier to rest in your own bed at the end of the day.

Whatever you decide, I wish you the best of luck. Be strong!

Q

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PostPosted: Sat Jan 25, 2014 1:57 am 
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I'm back home! I got home at about 3pm and felt aweful from 3-6. Then i laid down in bed and actually went to sleep for 2 hours!! Omg god was holding me or something. I woke up and felt normal! What? Normal what's going on. I took shower and went to dinner with some friends. I ate fine. Now I'm in my bed, ahhhhhh. I don't know when I'll fall asleep but I don't care cause i don't feel as bad as last night.

I've heard these wd symptoms come and go with sub so I'm not thinking I'm out of the woods. Just happy I got this break. Maybe it is better from here. When I wake up tomorow I'll do the same routine. Run, shake (protein), etc.

A seperate issue has also come up. Want to get some opinions. I have a large home group and people talk, you know how that goes as do I. The people who don't know or understand subs basically think I should start brand new. (Been 7 months from anything else) if that's the right thing, no problem. I'm just so happy to be moving past that poison. But I don't want to pick up a white chip for someone else. My sponsor says I don't need too.


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 25, 2014 8:40 am 
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I feel like I'm posting like crazy, it almost feels like a diary though and is very helpful. Especially reading responses.

I didn't sleep last night at all, but the rls weren't as bad. Just went running now just listening to music enjoying any and every feeling. I'm hoping the insomnia will subside but I hear that's the last part that gets fixed

Hope everyone has great weekend. Weather is very nice here. :)


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 25, 2014 11:24 am 
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Hi Gemma!

I just wanted to let you know that I am right there with you. I am on day 14 today and last night and this morning was a huge turning point for me, so hang in there! I had to force it, but I went to work last night and was actually somewhat productive and was able to laugh and have a good time with my co-workers. It finally seems like its progressively getting better.

It's been a roller coaster for me, with bad symptoms coming and going. The restlessness and sleeplessness being the worst. The severe restlessness only seems to be at night now the past few days. I do not have the body aches or severe lethargy anymore. I don't think we are going to just wake up one morning and feel completely great again, it's going to be a slow process but just keep telling yourself you will be a little better each day.

Keeping busy and surrounding yourself with support is the key I think. It sounds like you have a really great support system. For me, I was alone for the first week during the day and that made it easy to sit around and obsess about my symptoms, which in turn made it worse. Doing anything physical to take your mind off of it helps tremendously. I've been cleaning the house, working, and going to the gym when I can. I've had to force myself to do these things, but I am also happy I did. Try to get yourself back into your normal routine as soon as possible.

Be careful with the Klonopin. I got a stupid idea to take one a few days back to try and sleep and it exacerbated the RLS to no end! It felt like sleep deprivation torture because I was so mentally exhausted. Lesson learned for me. Clonidine is much better, as well as melatonin. I'm starting to get about 4 hrs sleep a night now which I will count as a win!

Your doing great! Hang in there with me :) We are strong and will be stronger for having pulled through this.


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 25, 2014 1:42 pm 
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Kristabella

Thanks for the reply. I know what you mean about the klonopin. For me it actually does nothing. I only take .5 at night so that might be why. I have trazadone too but I'm really reluctant to take anything for sleep because sometimes they don't work and that's the worst. Your mind is tired but your body won't let you sleep. So I just go with it. I just slept from 10am - 12pm. 2 hours. If my body says ok I'm tired I lay down, otherwise I'm not trying.
Day 14 is awesome. Good for you, you must feel so free. What dose were you on?
I'm hoping with my small dose .25 and running everyday this won't be too long.

Todd


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 26, 2014 2:13 pm 
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Just my personal opinion on the white chip thing. If you've been taking your Sub as prescribed and not using other drugs/alcohol I don't know why others would expect you to start over. Only you can say whether being on Sub constituted using for you, but from what you have said so far it sounds like it has not.
I just suggested to another addict yesterday to only share her use of maintenence medication with her sponsor or trusted confidants. No one needs 20+ opinions on whether they are "clean enough" - most of those coming from people who have never even been on maintenence.


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 26, 2014 4:49 pm 
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Big thumbs up to LillyVal's post above!

I completely agree, if you were using your suboxone as it was prescribed there is NO reason for you to have to start your time over again. You should be proud of every single day of those seven months! Don't let anyone else tell you that you weren't clean enough for them or clean enough for your organization just because of some stupid rule. IMO people hang on to these little rules and use them to lord over others just to bolster themselves. The ONLY reason you should pick up a white chip would be if YOU feel some kind of conviction over your time while you were using suboxone. As much as I respect the organizations of AA/NA, I can't stand the way they demonize the use of maintenance medications. You do what feels right for you Gemma.

BTW - Just to balance my previous statement...I don't really believe that you should focus too much on your clean time. I know that it is something to be proud of, but the main thing is to focus on TODAY. Those who focus too much on counting days and hold that up as a badge of honor are, IMO more likely to feel incredibly discouraged if they have any type of slip. It makes the individual more likely to let a small slip turn into a full on relapse because they feel like the first small slip is, in a way, just as bad as a serious stint of using. After all, if you have to start back at square one with a white chip again, why not live it up for a few days, weeks, or months before you get back on the wagon? I know not everyone feels that way, but to me it is a flawed system...

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PostPosted: Sun Jan 26, 2014 7:07 pm 
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Hey Todd,

Been a bit since you last posted. How about jumping on here and giving us an update. Hope your doing well and just busy enjoying yourself. We're here for you as always.

Karen


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 27, 2014 8:00 am 
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Day 6!!!!

Hey forum family thanks doe the posts above, yesterday was rough.

I love everyone's advise on the white chip think and I fucked up by getting to many opinions. Bottom line is I know I took my medication way less then prescribed and it doesn't matter anyway. Today and this process is what's important.

We had friends over last night for tocas and games. It was a lot of fun as out group hadn't been together in a while. I sat back for a moment and looked around at all of them, all former sponsees, all I scoped up in their forts few weeks, all with 5-8 years and living life. That felt really good. I love them all so much and they were all there for me know. Pretty cool this thing. They knew what they were doing too, there was no talk as to how I was feeling just distraction talk, games stories etc. Exactly what was best. I did feel that restless feeling but had no choice but to ignore it. I got real tired having had only 4 hours the day before. By the time they left me and wife were tired(1:30) and went to bed.

Fml the next 24 were rough. I was tired and though I'd go to sleep. Rls was at its worst. When I get RL it's in my torso too not just my legs. Finally I gave up on sleeping for a little and took a hot shower and bath. After I was more awake and called my sponsor(4am) who alwAys picks up no matter. We talked for about 45 minutes. Nothing took that feeling away though. Bath did for a little and sponsor helped distract it. After that I got my first thought of "I can't take this anymore. It's been 4-5 days and I'm kissing my shit. Anything to take this away. And I thought of calling the one number I have for a dilaudid. You know only with the best of intentions. Lol. I'll just take a small piece to make this feeling go away. I'm too educated for that now. I've gotta be almost there this will only set you back at the very least. More likely a trecherous run would insue.

I was scared I got that though but toughed it out falling in and out of sleep. Finally around 9:30 I felt tired and laid down. Maybe I slept an hour then at 2 another 1.5 hours. This time when I woke up I was freaking out. I had those weird dreams and woke up in a sort of panic, I Was pacing and scared. I walked the dogs with my wife 2 miles and went in hit tub for a little. It was cold but I was sweating so I didn't even want to go in. I also took a clonodine. I did feel better when I got home. I called my sponsor on speaker with my wife and told them about my thoughts last night. They had a plan that if I wasn't sleeping when she went to sleep he was coming to get me. Next thing i knew I woke up at 5:30. Lights all off. Dogs no where and wife not next to me. She slept in the other room and kept the dogs out so not to wake me. Well it worked it was 5am. I slept 8 hours.

I don't feel as bad now but I'm not going back to sleep. It's now 7am and I can go to work soon. I'm cold and my legs have that feeling but whatever.

This lasted longer then I though but I did sleep throughout here and there so I guess it wasn't as bad as it could of been.

I'm scared about the thought though. Wtf. Please god no no no.

I came so far and haven't had that though in months. I also listened to one of dr jungs videos where he said most who come off sub go back to drug of choice. Great timing that I read that last night. However he also said that people on suboxone tend to have a mood boost and function good in the world. This was def not my case so whatever.

I hope today is better and tonight is better. I must be near the end. Right??

Please someone tell me this is almost over.

I did feel the lack of energy thing yesterday for the first time also.


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 27, 2014 10:37 am 
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Hey. Well congrats on making the difficult decision to jump from sub. I'm replying because I jumped from about 1.5mg Saturday. I was on suboxone for 3 years and have been on about 4mg up until six months ago. I'm not looking for support but encouragement from your progress. My fear of stopping this has prevented me from living life rather than just existing . My first year I Was on 24 mg and quit cold turkey when my father kicked me out(I was 21 or 22). I spent close to a month throwing up with the worst cold sweats wiped away with hot sweats like waves of torment. I remember the day I woke up in my cousins camper (which helped me more than anything) and I felt normal. I did it. Never thought it would be that bad. Then just as I was getting ready to go for a run I got a call and apparently the whole.time I was suffering my best friend, my grandpa Chuck was dying. He quit taking insulin and quit eating at 86 years old with type two diabetes. I drove from NY to Ann arbor to meet my family for what felt like the first time in years. Being on sub seems to effect the memory. I went straight to his room where he was litteraly breathing with everything he had. I grabbed his hand and prayed with him. He started a family business in the food and sports bars industry so he was never religious. I asked him to accept god and he actually said a word. I was told he never spoke since being in the hospital up to that point. Everyone walked in the room, we were all trying to get him to understand we loved him. He smiled! closed his eyes and moved on to the next chapter in his spiritual life. He died in front of me. His funeral was beautiful. For some reason he wanted to be burried with his friends next to this new fracking natural.gas installation but it was still nice. Afterwords, all these nasty people I called my family were laughing and celebrating. My cousin told me my father had full control of the Will and our family for sure would blow all of my grandfathers hard earned money . He wrote a letter ( I read it) and he wanted me to have 1/3 of his assets. I have a college education so I'm halfway intelligent but my father never believed in me. He held the money and said I would never touch it. I told him to go buk himself and that's the last time we talked. I went back to sub the day I got back. Discouraging , showing signs of a self destructive personality disorder blah blah. I let that take away three more years of my life. I took the state trooper exam, sheriff and city cop civil.service tests later last year And just got a letter with my scores And the next step In The process. That's what drove me to get over my fear of going through this God awful withdrawal. I'm already sweating and sneezing at day two and understand its the calm before the Storm. I'll check up on you to see how your doing! I'll pray for you. Sometimes all you need is a little faith

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PostPosted: Mon Jan 27, 2014 2:20 pm 
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Hey buddy hand in there. These people held my hand through this forum. God works in way more ways then one. Wo them I wouldn't off made it. I would suggest if you can to taper a bit lower and then jump. The easier the wd, the better chance of not quiting, the better chance of life again.

I felt like you said. Not really living life. It's been six days. I want to cry laugh scream At the same time!!

I very sorry to here about your loss! I list 2 siblings and watched them leave the same way. My brothers death I was high and wasn't there mentally emotionally and embarrassed my family to say the least. My sister i was sober clear headed and available. Available for my family and more important myself! Hang in there. This will be nothing compared to your last jump. Try to exercise and eat healthy. That shortens it I think.

Todd


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 27, 2014 4:37 pm 
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Main symptom today is ache. Nothing else. My wife read something last night about L Tyrosine so I took that this am. I will run after work and meeting at 8. I'm think I'm done with the clonodine and klonopin. What's next? Depression, fatigue, insomnia? I guess everyone is different though


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 28, 2014 11:42 am 
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Sounds like your doing good man.!. I'm at day three Jumped from 1.5MG . Not too bad. Cant sleep and I have No appetite but I'm forcing myself to eat. Also I'm having mild sweeting with cold sweets that seem to come in waves. Nothing compared to what I remember a couple years ago . I know I dropped from a somewhat high dose but I can tolerate pain and fortunately I have a couple months before I take my physical examination for the Sherriff position. One thing I guess I forgot about was my knee. Its the most discomfort i've experienced so far. Constant pressure and aching. Wish me luck! Peace :mrgreen:

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PostPosted: Tue Jan 28, 2014 3:53 pm 
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You got this bro. Once you make it to day 2, you're in it.

I woke up yesterday feeling great and stayed busy all day and night. But when it came time to sleep hell began with the rls shit. I shouldn't try to go to bed until I'm exhausted. It seems like every other night I don't sleep then I'm tired and sleep the other nights. At my dose I thought I would have been good by now. Sub is some tricky shit. I pan on going to gym from work and tiring myself out there.

I had the hot flashes too the first couple a days. Now I'm just cold all the time. Normally I'm hot so it's weird. The hardest part is knowing i can take one thing and it all goes away. But I know that's just for the moment then I start all over, if I'm lucky enough to make it back. Fuck this is hard

Todd


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 28, 2014 4:34 pm 
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Gemma, Todd, keep the fight going, I will be starting the same fight within the week. I won't bother giving you my life story except to say after a long history of drug abuse I went on Methadone and peaked at 180mgs a day for about 5 years. It was destroying my life and heard of Suboxone from my doc. Started taking 24mg a day for the past 5 years. I am presently at 2mg a day, actually started 1mg today and plan on jumping early February while my wife takes my grandkids on a vacation.

Reading your story gives me hope as I know how hard it can be. I have went through many periods of withdrawal from different drugs and failed by moving on to a "safer drug". I hope you can fight through the tough days and will start posting myself as I will need all the help I can get. Saying that this is not something I am doing on a whim. I have mentally prepared myself and will beat this. This will be the toughest fight I have ever had.

Be strong.


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 28, 2014 4:57 pm 
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Todd,

I know it's hard, and it is scary when those thoughts of your DOC start creeping back in after they have lain dormant for so long thanks to the suboxone. Please remember to use your support system. I know I'm preaching to the choir because you seem to be completely prepared and knowledgeable about how all the AA/NA stuff works. But, it never hurts to have a reminder. :wink:

You can do it Todd, just keep that door shut and barred!

@Iwilldothis,

Welcome to the forum! I look forward to hearing more about you and seeing your posts around the site. This is a GREAT place to come for support when you need someone to talk to that has been there and really understands what you are going through.

Q

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PostPosted: Wed Jan 29, 2014 11:29 am 
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Day 4! Feel like shit. Woke up with no heat and there's a -30 degree wind chill. I honestly slept amazing last night even tho I'm starting to have terrible flashbacks and sweating. I still don't feel too bad. I think the flashbacks are from things I never took the time to think about because I was stooped out from sub. I think its a good thing? ? The cool thing I'm noticing is my coordination is the way I remember 6 years ago In HS. I'm starting to care more too idk its hard to explain. Hope the fireplace starts working. GL Todd Krista + iwilldothis !

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PostPosted: Wed Jan 29, 2014 1:59 pm 
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hello hOpe,
jumping at 24mgs must have been murder. Sorry to hear your story that got you back on. Keep up the good fight.

After my methadone journey where I maxed out at 180mg a day for around 9 years I moved to Suboxone. Like you I was taking 24mgs. Probably for about 4+ years. That wasn't my original plan. I was going to take Subs for a short time and taper off. Alot of crap in my life and knowing what it will take to actually beat this addiction I had to wait for the right time.

Now is the time. Well, in a week I will be jumping off. I just went from 2 to 1mg yesterday. I went through a really bad period of withdrawals when I went from methadone to Suboxone. The bad part is last night I already am getting RLS. Slept about 3hrs.I know this is just from the taper but give me a break. I went from 24mg to 2mg in about 3 months with no real issues. I'm pretty sure in a day or so I will be good to reduce it to .5mg. This is where I plan on jumping. Early February.

Sounds like you are hanging in there. Keep up the fight and will be sharing my crappy withdrawal days to help get myself back to where I haven't been since a very young age.

Good luck to all.


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 29, 2014 10:03 pm 
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some people are more sensitive to detox, myself i can jump off at about 2 mg without missing work and without staying up for days. but we are all different. you are sooooo close. your done in fact :)

CONGRAGDULATIONS!!!!!


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