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 Post subject: Re: jumping from16 mg ct
PostPosted: Thu Sep 03, 2015 12:19 pm 
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Friends,

Here I am 8 weeks no Suboxone! I feel ok physically for the most part, but I have a whole lot of personal issues going on right now. I have some situational depression and anxiety, besides my mdd and anxiety disorders. I'm feeling pretty crappy, kind of like a fish out of water. I do have an apppt with a new therapist next week, and I can't wait because I really need some professional advice on how to cope with all that's going on in my life right now. Its affecting me pretty hardcore these last couple days, I even had to take a few days off work because the depression is crippling. Of course no one I know who I can talk to doesn't understand, so I've given up even trying. Their advice can be so ignorant, upsetting, or just make me feel like there's something wrong with ME for feeling how I do. Mostly it just pisses me off. I want to tell them to walk even half a mile in my shoes and then well talk. But of course I can't be like that especially with my family, friends, and work associates so I say as little as possible and try to push on. Keep pushing. As hard as I can. I have sooo many responsibilites, I can't just crumble. That's what truly keeps me from completely losing it. So I guess that's a good thing. Thank you all for listening. Any advice from you all is welcome, you are more in my position than anyone else I know! Promise I won't bite your head off or take offense!


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 Post subject: Re: jumping from16 mg ct
PostPosted: Thu Sep 03, 2015 7:18 pm 
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Qom, I am so sorry you have to deal with all of it by yourself! Is it possible to push up the therapy app.? How about calling a help line? You can call just to talk and sometimes there are wonderful people who at the very least will listen! It will make you feel better. I have no problem messaging you my number. I hope I have helped! At the very least, I am here and feel your pain!


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 Post subject: Re: jumping from16 mg ct
PostPosted: Fri Sep 04, 2015 1:57 pm 
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You are so sweet and supportive Michelle! You have helped trmendously. I was thinking about this, and I'm sorry for any guys reading this as it concerns female issues. My periods have been really irregular for the last year or so, and the last time I had one was like the day after I quit taking subs. So I'm sure I still had massive amounts of the bupe in my system. But I just got it again yesterday morning, so I'm thinking a lot of my emotional issues are being amplified by hormones. I'm pretty sure I have pmdd, always had probs that time of the month, was a freaking psycho through my pregnancies. So maybe this is just my hormonal issues coming through with nothing to help numb them?


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 Post subject: Re: jumping from16 mg ct
PostPosted: Fri Sep 04, 2015 2:01 pm 
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I mean, I know pms is normal, but what I feel I'm going through and have in the past is not. Come to think of it it did seem a little more manageable while on subs. But I remember feeling like this in the past where it actually disrupts my life ie missing work, family relationships. And I feel like just ending it all, but I never would. But I do have ideations. Scary.


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 Post subject: Re: jumping from16 mg ct
PostPosted: Fri Sep 04, 2015 2:17 pm 
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Hormones be cray-cray! I was just posting on someone else's thread and we were talking about how low T is sometimes caused by opiate use in men and probably women too. I know that testosterone is not driving our body systems, but it is necessary for the proper functioning of the female system. Maybe that has something to do with the loss of your period for that period of time.

I'm on a bc pill that only gives me periods once every 3 months. I take this pill because hormonal changes are one thing that triggers my migraines and the this pill gives me the same dose of hormones every day so I'm not fluctuating. I wonder if something like that would help you? If you smoke, though, I think your risk for blood clots would go up. Since my mom died of a massive blood clot that broke free, went to her lungs, and suffocated her, I am always aware of blood clot risks!

I have been on the pill for a lot of my adult life (including when I got pregnant with my son!), so my periods and symptoms have been fairly mild compared to some. I wish you well in dealing with this!

Amy

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 Post subject: Re: jumping from16 mg ct
PostPosted: Fri Sep 04, 2015 2:38 pm 
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Yeah I've been off and on bc since I was around 12! Crazy right? For "irregularity" my mom worked in ab ob/gyn office so they said it would be a good idea. I'm not sure about that though cause it gave me (at 12 yo) the idea that it was ok to have sex!

I feel like my hormones even played a pretty big part in the end of my last marriage, as the short time I was pregnant and the 2 weeks after the "loss" I was again a psycho freak. How can you act and say things horrible to the person you love the most and not mean it? I tried to explain it was my hormonal issues. And I'm guessing they weren't even full fledged due to the fact I was on such a high dose of sub at that time. He wouldn't forgive me, couldn't understand. Said it wasn't the hormones, it was how you deal with them...I still think about that now a couple yrs later. Am I just not "handling" the way I feel the correct, mature way? I sure as hell try to, and sometimes I can't help but succumb.

My primary doc referred me to a gyn who specializes in women who have had abnormal paps before, which I did have as a teenager, thank goodness have been normal for awhile since. My grandma died of cancer, started in her cervix, never got her annuals, and spread all throughout her body. Which I was a witness to that all, but that's a whole diff story. So I know I neec to make an appt w her and talk about the poss of getting back on the pill.

But with everything going on w my daughter I've been putting my health last, I need to have a second urinalisis done because the doc detected blood in my last one, and he also wants a lower pelvic ultrasound because of some severe pain I've been experiencing for a few years. Its a pain where you know somethings wrong, I can compare it to gallbladder attacks I had when I was a teen, just in a diff place. Comes out of nowhere, hurts like hell, then disappears.

What I guess I'm trying to say here is I really need to put my health as a priority, both mental and physical. Ps I do smoke but am trying like hell to quit!


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 Post subject: Re: jumping from16 mg ct
PostPosted: Fri Sep 04, 2015 2:54 pm 
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I just want to make one comment that has nothing to do with your current health troubles. I don't think that simply being on the pill makes anyone think that it's OK to have sex. That's a message that you may have gotten, but it wasn't simply from being on the pill. Most girls who start having sex at a young age lack positive, healthy interaction with a father figure. Every girl needs to know that she is special and wonderful without having to seek that from sex.

I wanted to put that out there because there are folks who say that children/teens shouldn't be taught about birth control because it makes them promiscuous. I think that abstinence-only based sex education is unrealistic and causes more teen pregnancy.

Of course, your opinion is just as valid as mine, so I want you to know that I'm not putting you down in any way! Just disagreeing with that statement.

Still friends? :)

Amy

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 Post subject: Re: jumping from16 mg ct
PostPosted: Fri Sep 04, 2015 2:58 pm 
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Of course still friends! I agree with you, I was just speaking from my own viewpoint at that age. I lacked any posive male role models in my life, I think I was looking for that acceptance. Not that it was right or ok, just my perspective then.


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 Post subject: Re: jumping from16 mg ct
PostPosted: Fri Sep 04, 2015 3:06 pm 
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I totally support teaching teens about bc, have even talked w my 13 yo about it already. But when I was put on bc at that young age, sex was not even talked about. By the doc or my mom. So that was how I took it at that age, well I can't get pregnant so...


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 Post subject: Re: jumping from16 mg ct
PostPosted: Fri Sep 04, 2015 3:27 pm 
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Thanks, Qom! I'm so sorry that you didn't have a positive male influence that lavished the right kind of attention on you!

I was very fortunate to have a dad who loves me to pieces and let me know it on a regular basis. Sometimes I forget to be grateful for that because some of the things that he did after my mom's death (and before) hurt me so deeply as an adult.

You had every right to have that opinion at the time. In no way am I chastising you for having thought that way. You were just a kid!!!

And you are doing your daughter a service by teaching her the things she needs to know. Good for you!

Amy

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 Post subject: Re: jumping from16 mg ct
PostPosted: Fri Sep 04, 2015 3:30 pm 
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It's so weird that u guys are talking about this issue cause yesterday I started my pms like I always do every month, my bf said "I love you more than anything but dang I'll be glad when ur not pms'ing anymore cause ur hateful" lol. I just can't help it, it's definitely worse than normal ppl have it I feel like. I literally become another person and not a better person either. I dropped a lighter and cussed for five minutes and swore that my life is so much worse than everyone else. It's like this every month. I also cry the whole time and I'm an emotional wreck. When I do start my period, I hurt so bad that I double over in pain and can't even sleep. It's bad!

I've often thought that I have that pmdd also but instead of going to the doctor I just deal with it. I can see and feel myself being a total ass but just can't stop myself. I get on my own nerves.

Just wanted to share that for some reason lol, maybe because we were just talking about this last night. I'm 39, maybe menopause is close. It's awful to have to go through the motions like this when u know u never will have any more kids. What a bummer.

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 Post subject: Re: jumping from16 mg ct
PostPosted: Fri Sep 04, 2015 3:36 pm 
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I'm 44 and I don't know how much longer I'll have my period. I think my mom went into her mid 50s, but I'm not totally sure.

It does sound like both of you could have PMDD! Qom, I hope you can start putting your health first now that you've gotten some other things more settled. You need to take care of yourself to be there for anyone else.

:)
Amy

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 Post subject: Re: jumping from16 mg ct
PostPosted: Fri Sep 04, 2015 3:39 pm 
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Jennjenn,

I just had to lol at your description of the lighter, cursing, and hatefulness because I can so totally relate. Its nice to know I'm not alone.

Amy, I've said it before, ill say it again. I am absolutely no angel. I have been a pretty wild chick and made some wrong and bad decisions. Many as a matter of fact. But I know I'm maturing now because I can look back and realize how dumb I was!


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 Post subject: Re: jumping from16 mg ct
PostPosted: Fri Sep 04, 2015 3:45 pm 
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It unfornunately took me 30 years to realize I don't know everything! But since around then (I'm 32) I've found I've really settled down, become a little more mature and rational. Not totally, but a whole hell of a lot more when I was say 20-25.


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 Post subject: Re: jumping from16 mg ct
PostPosted: Fri Sep 04, 2015 7:56 pm 
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55 yrs young right in the middle of menopause. My husband says he has to walk around on egg shells! Or rather he asks with that are you going to be psycho bi#$h fear in his voice! lol No period since april and the thought of never having children weighs on me. I am fortunate to look very young for my age so people will still ask if we are going to have any! We just got a kitten! He looks more like me than my husband. lol OK, I thought that was funny! Anyway, so you throw the menopause in with the opiates and trying to be clean and withdrawl...what a mess! Thank God for suboxone!


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 Post subject: Re: jumping from16 mg ct
PostPosted: Fri Sep 04, 2015 11:37 pm 
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LOL!!! I think my dog is starting to look like my husband! The dog has a little alopecia on his head and my hubby is bald!! He is also wearing one of many shirts I've bought him today. This one says, "With a body like this who needs hair?" My sister got him one that said "Struggling Hair Farmer"! We have fun with it. :)

Amy

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 Post subject: Re: jumping from16 mg ct
PostPosted: Sat Sep 05, 2015 5:30 am 
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Amy, That is hysterical! My husband is bald too! By choice! He says if he let the hair he does have grow in, he would look like Homie the Clown! lol


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 Post subject: Re: jumping from16 mg ct
PostPosted: Sat Sep 05, 2015 3:54 pm 
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Just makes me wonder why we are all so infatuated with bald men?! I'm guilty too...


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 Post subject: Re: jumping from16 mg ct
PostPosted: Sat Sep 05, 2015 8:46 pm 
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I love my husband's dark,smooth,bald head! He looks scary to some...he's 6'3 260. He has been mistaken for Vin Raines or Michael Clark Duncan but I think he's better looking! lol But, he shaves his head everyday and it always looks and smells good! I know I have a thing for bald men! lol


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 Post subject: Re: jumping from16 mg ct
PostPosted: Thu Sep 10, 2015 10:33 am 
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Hello Friends,

9 weeks! What I've done is absolutely achiievable, it is tough though and you have to have the will power and strength to push through. I would not and do not reccomend going this route to anyone, but if decide to or have to for whatever reason know you can absolutely get through.

I still have a few chills everyday. I have actually had a couple days where I haven't sneezed at all! But even this morning I had a little sneezing fit. Stomch issues are ever present.

Sleep is still tough. I've had my dose of Ambien doubled and I think it does help some. I am also doing other things to help stabilize my sleep patterns such as limit caffiene intake to early in the day, wake up at the same time every day, no alcohol before bed, etc. It is getting a little better.

I am having major problems with motivation. I do work a lot, but everything else I tend to do only what I have to. And I get anxious thinking about all that has to be done. I think I just need to keep pushing myself. Everyday tasks seem incredibly daunting.

I had my first appt with a new therapist this week. It went well, I really liked him a lot. I will see him every two weeks.

So here's to 9 weeks! Still trudging!


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