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 Post subject: Quote
PostPosted: Fri Mar 02, 2012 5:42 pm 
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If you hit the quote on a person's post (to the right) it will copy what they wrote and let you respond too. Hope you had some time to rest :)


Glorydays wrote:
Varitech, Benadryl stopped the sneezing for me but it might make u drowsy... I can't remember if I read that u tried that or not.. I want to say afew more things but sleep calls - don't want to miss out on a few hours :)

& ontoolong, thank u for ur interest!.. I hav got to try & sleep a couple hours NOW before my man gets home & snores me onto the couch, but check back a lil later please I'd like to give u that info.. Btw, almost hate to ask - shows my ignorance about forums but how did u pull up my mssge & respond directly to me in this thread

Romeo - thanks for info -

Back soon to this life saver of a thread..


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 02, 2012 10:34 pm 
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Hey guys...l only got a minute... Its been a CRAZY hectic.... LOOONG day!! Ontoolong.... I have not taken or received any help from any doctors or medication short of MultiVitamins, B6 complex, 5HTP, Melatonin... and Benedryl. That's the gods honest truth. I did this the good old fashion way so to speak. Its day 15 now! Earlier today, this afternoon was a lil weird... had some driving chills and malaise a bit... Ifelt like shit really for a while there... But after 4pm. I started evening out... I feel great right now... my pains and symptoms are not at the forefront of my brain as they were just a few days ago. I maintain feeling pretty well except....TIRED....DEAD TIRED!!! Just had the most amazing Italian dinner with ma lady. Yes.... the best.... SOO GOOD!! AND SOOOOOOOO MUCH!!!! What can I say but this... I AM DOING THIS!! I am grinning and bearing it! I challenge myself and persevere... Im not giving up this time.... hell no! ......

Ontoolong.... Your a fighter too I can tell... you can do this just as easily as anyone... YOU WILL NOT BE BROKEN!! I have this gut feeling that your going to be just fine. I would welcome any advice and information youd like to share... Is it true that alcohol and caffeine can slow the process? or worsen it??? Also. how the heck doe immodium help clean the recepters?? Interesting... I wanna know all there is to knowood luck and good night !!


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 Post subject: Hey
PostPosted: Sat Mar 03, 2012 1:04 am 
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VariTech,

I hope and pray you have reached a point where that sub is falling off those receptors. The Imodium actually was formulated with synthetic molecules similar to demerol which is a powerful opiate. It will not get you HIGH, BUT is the same as meperidine, it has all the properties of opiates without the ability to give you a high. You have to almost triple the dose and will need to take something to use the bathroom but it does help with the creepy crawlies and aches a lot (so they say) The liquid works better and faster, about 12mg to 20mg and can take up to four hours to feel relief. The tablets will help some also taking 8mg to 10mg, but you still have the four hour window with either.

The problem with Sub is the half life, think about a big piece of glass on a piece of super sticky taper (really really sticky) the glass breaks into a million pieces and will not fall off it takes days, weeks, months for each little piece to loosen and drop off. That is what is going on, the sub is slowly dropping off. It is bad, as you know.

Day 15 huh? What dose did you jump from and how long were you on that dose, did you taper at all? I can give you the low down scoop on the milligram thing.
Example
01/01 8am 10mg initial dose
01/01 2pm 8.91mg clinging to receptors
01/01 8pm 7.94mg clinging to receptors
01/02 2am 7.07mg clinging to receptors
01/02 8am 16.30mg clinging to receptors 6.3mg was left and the next dose of 10mg was taken
01/02 2pm 14.52mg clinging to receptors
01/02 8pm 12.94mg clinging to receptors
01/03 2am 11.53mg clinging to receptors
01/03 8am 20.27mg clinging to receptors 10.27 was left and the next dose of 10mg was taken
01/03 2pm 18.06mg clinging to receptors
01/03 8pm 16.09mg clinging to receptors
01/04 2am 14.33mg clinging to receptors
01/04 8am 22.77mg clinging to receptors 12.77mg was left and the next dose of 10mg was taken
01/04 2pm 20.28mg clinging to receptors
01/04 8pm 18.07mg clinging to receptors
01/05 2am 16.10mg clinging to receptors
01/05 8am 24.34mg clinging to receptors 14.34 was left and the next dose of 10mg was taken
01/05 2pm 21.69 clinging to receptors
01/05 8pm 19.32mg clinging to receptors
01/06 2am 17.21mg clinging to receptors
So, as you can see sub stacks itself, kind of like a pad of sticky notes, you have to keep taking one off over and over again to separate all of them. Depending on how long you were on and how high the dose it can take a long while to have it gone. This is why the w/d gets worse, better, worse better! Does that make sense at all?
When a person comes off it can take a minimum of three days to feel the lowering of the dose, I was on 32mg and tried to quit switch over to a duragsic patch ( am in pain management, now have and am finding other ways to relieve pain, had 4 injections in my neck last month, it has helped, but no narcotics and more once I get off this sub) I was put on 100mcg every other day of the patch, eight days into it, when I thought I was good to do the w/d kicked in, I was in hell bad! My doc had gone on vacation and was nowhere to be found. Luckily I work for a doctor and told my boss the scoop, I was at work and was having a nervous breakdown with the w/d, they knew it was bad and God knows I was lucky, she got me in with another pain doc, he saved my life no joke, I think I would have ended my life the w/d was soooo bad. I had a seizure because my bp went up to 142/100 which is high for me, I am really little. Anyway he tried to help me through the w/d but it was too bad, I ended up back on sub a much lower dose like 24mg was the dose that got me out of w/d, we started tapering from there. That was seven months ago, I am down to 2mg now and it is tough. I can't wait to get off all the way, even though I know it will be hell.

They say (this is from the sub doctor experts that am going to work with to finish the taper) any time over six months of being on sub can take a six to ten week withdraw, not as intense the whole time but pretty uncomfortable. The chills and sleeplessness kicks in about three weeks in and can last up to twelve weeks. Don't take this to heart, everyone is different!
PAWS is also an issue, am sure you have looked into this also, it can last up to two years.

When you get to the point where you are starting to think the worse is over, the reports have been that people suddenly wake up feeling like they have a 500lb weight lead suit on their body. This lasts a good five days and then you do start to feel a little better each day.

You my friend seem to have gotten through the worst, other than the extreme fatigue you should be well on your way. Just remember your body is waking up, it takes lots of time. The damage was done over a long time so you need that same time to heal and feel better.

I guess I am one of the lucky ones, my doc is setting my up with enough meds to push me through it, I will still be miserable of course but might be able to sleep quite a bit and be zombie. Luckily my boss is aware and I have FMLA paperwork, they cannot fire me or anything. This was all done legally by doctors so called trying to help me with pain, they would have better if they had shot me.

I do not think many physicians are aware of the issue with sub, its friggin crazy. I have a lawsuit in the works also, IF any thing comes out of this I will be having a group of people join me to fight against the use of this medicine and make the people out there aware of the dangers and almost impossible mess of coming off of it.

Have a great weekend, hope to chat again soon. Keep it up, I will be posting here and plan to let everyone know my story as I lower and then take the jump.


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 Post subject: Re: Good Job
PostPosted: Sat Mar 03, 2012 1:05 am 
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Cody1212 wrote:
Good JOb V!!!
COngrats!!!!!1!!!!

I am on 2 mg and find it hard to get below 2mg... Get in a losy mood and anxiety.... have u had anxiety?


Anxiety is one of the lovely w/d's be prepared for much more than that my dear!


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 Post subject: Caffiene
PostPosted: Sat Mar 03, 2012 1:25 am 
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Forgot to add this in my rambling LOL. Caffiene does seem to make the w/d worse, not sure why am looking into that. Water, water, water, water, water. Gatoraide too, you can't get too much of these two, your BFF right now.
I am headed to bed, hopefully I can sleep, feels my legs are a lead weight, got the aches here we do. Tapered to 2mg three days ago so it is time to feel it. I am getting lower and lower but it is hard. I am hanging in there


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PostPosted: Sat Mar 03, 2012 5:02 am 
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This has been fantastic reading. You are doing really well so far Varitech and by maintaining this attitude and devotion to your recovery in the long haul, there is no reason why you should ever need to fall back. This forum can be a great 'go to' for whenever you're running rough, whether you've been off it for months or years.

Yes, for me too the sneezing was a bitch. It was one of the lingering symptoms. I was sneezing for 1-2 months post detox. I remember joking to people after I'd sneeze that "there goes a bit of bupe out the nose".

Ontoolong, I found coffee really hard for detox as well. Which is ironic given it's all people drink in 12-step meetings! The main reason for me was that it'd contribute to anxiety. In withdrawal, we get the "shakes" enough as it is without adding caffeine. It also dehydrates us, and in detox it's really important to keep ourselves hydrated to both purge ourselves, and make up for all the water loss through sweat / tears / other overactive bodily functions.

Smoking tobacco I've found make detox harder, though this is from personal experience. I did a couple of heroin detoxes (out of wayy too many) that were as a non-smoker, and they were less painful than those as a smoker. It may be because in withdrawal we're a lot more sensitive to the stress we put on our bodies?

Romeo I'm with ya about the lack of sleep not killing a person - at least not directly. I haven't been sleeping that well lately, adjusting my body clock for early mornings again. And my concentration with things like crossing the road, driving etc has been really bad. I nearly got hit yesterday because I just didn't look even tho I'm usually vigilant. Varitech if you're driving 6 hours a day on little sleep, it's really important to be careful. It's a shitty situation, but things WILL get better.

That digital dharma blog makes for good reading.. His outlook / philosophy resonates a lot with me. Will bookmark that one.


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PostPosted: Sat Mar 03, 2012 9:03 pm 
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16th day of all this.... And I'm working a 15 hour shift as we speak doing 50 bands in tribute to the rolling stones.... I felt good earlier today, but for aome reason I'm feeling very shady right now... Have been for awhile now :( I need to get through tonight...its been what feels like and eternity so far.... Amd the show hasn't even started yet!?!? Wish me luck guys!


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PostPosted: Sat Mar 03, 2012 9:18 pm 
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One day at a time. Live 'pillow to pillow', that is all. Even at the expense of long term planning. It's all about surviving the day. Live like that and you'll be better before you know it.


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 Post subject: Frustrated
PostPosted: Sun Mar 04, 2012 12:15 pm 
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Hey Guys,

I wish I were strong as you both are. I made it to day four of 2mg and OMG I thought I was going to die. I am at the end of one of my classes for my degree and I was falling behind really bad, I get aid and have about 40 thousand dollars on student loans, if I fall behind I lose that. I was so bad yesterday I could hardly walk, was shaking, freezing, aching, nausea, the fatigue was so bad. My best friend who happens to be a guy saw me and was like holy shit, he got me a blanket and tried comfort me, I started crying and fell apart. (Women !LOL). He knows as much as I have told him and is really supportive. We talked about it and I called my doc. He suggested that I just maintain the 4mg right now until I can put in for FMLA time and spend at least three weeks at home with no work or school responsibilities. My friend said he will be there, he will stay with me or I can stay with him and he will run my hot baths, give me massages if it helps, bring my food and fluids and make sure I am alright. He knows my whole history and what I have been through. We have been buds for six almost seven years. He is one person I can call about anything and he would be there no matter what! I never thought he would be able to help me through this, I never wanted to put anyone through this, but he saw me at my worse and wanted to help, amazing I could see the worry there in his eyes. He asked if I had ate, drank, what could he do, was I too warm too cold blah blah. I never thought anyone could care so much. Any way, I am staying on the 4mg, I feel like a huge failure and am so bummed about myself. I just could not even hardly move, I could never go to work, I have to be on my feet with patients, giving medications and if I mess that up I will lose my license, so I just can't go to work like that. God help me, I am praying I just want to make the jump and get my life back, everyone says I just have to plan it out.

Varitech- I hope to hear how you are doing, I just can't imagine how you have been able to work and push through this, I wish I could like that, but it is not happening, I gotta hand it to you, you are one strong person. Keep it up, it looks like you might be to the point where the fatigue is the worse, take a few days off if you possibly have too. Hang it there, I am praying for you and your girlfriend, stay strong for each other.


tearj3rker It is weird all those 12 step meetings are a coffee house, and the smoking too. Vices they say. Last time I detoxed I was a non smoker, now I am trying to get off those too and it is worse this time. I think of course your whole system is a mess.

Glorydays_ Where are you, I hope and pray you are alright, I worry that you have not posted in a while, we are all here, supporting each other. Without this right now I think I would be crazy.


Everyone- I hope we can keep this chatting up it is saving my sanity right now, just being able to talk to others than understand the hell. Please keep posting even when you feel better, I have the worst ahead of me and i scared shit less.


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 Post subject: Varitech
PostPosted: Sun Mar 04, 2012 2:23 pm 
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I am one of the ones the "moderators" on this site wish would just go away. I posted on here last month about my experience with suboxone and my desire to get off of it. I was BLASTED by these people. Go back and read my posts. It starts READ THIS QUICK BEFORE IT'S DELETED. It starts that way because the first time I did it, it was deleted. I don't think the "so called moderators" want anyone to get off of it. Actually, I suspect these moderators are doing their posting from the office of the good doctor himself. Anyway, before this is deleted, one of them told me to come back after I was off of KRATOM and update them about the terrible withdrawal from that. I'm not quite there yet (completely off of kratom) simply because I prefer to avoid any unpleasantness at all, BUT, I started taking 1 tblsp. every 4 hours when I got off of suboxone. As I said in my previous post, it allowed me to sleep, eat and never miss a day of work. Last week, my shipment was delayed so after my last dose in the afternoon, I was out. I slept and got up the next morning to go to work. All day, I kept waiting for this horrible withdrawal to hit me. It didn't. Late afternoon, I got the kratom in the mail. I am to a point now where I take about 3/4 a tablespoon late in the afternoon and the same when I wake up. I STILL haven't missed a day of work and am sleeping quite nicely. My son is doing the same and he was taking alot more suboxone than me. He is still taking a dose of kratom in the middle of the day. We both have some temperature fluctuations and other rather minor symptoms. I have come back to this site because I have been absolutely fascinated since my blasting. Sorry to disappoint my critics but I don't plan to order anymore kratom and will drop to just the afternoon dose for sleep. I have always had trouble sleeping and this works very well.
To Varitech - you seem like an incredibly strong young man, I'm sure you will do well in anything you put your mind to in the future.
I'm glad to see Jonathanm is still 'under a doctor's care'. He will probably be on suboxone for the rest of his life.
Ontoolong, this might actually help you.
If you want to see what the good doctor REALLY thinks of addicts, google 'ripoffreport, jeffrey junig'. Read his emails to an addict.


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 04, 2012 11:53 pm 
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Hey - I'm glad ur still keepin on keepin on! It's soooo encouraging - I can't say that enough - to me, to the hundreds of people who are reading this thread (hav u seen? Hundreds!!), and even to my man... He's supportive but clueless & thinks its a mind thing ONLY & i could control it like people who lay on a bed of nails & not get hurt - I mean! GAH! BUT- I've used this thread - ur story to 'educate' him and it's done wonders that I couldn't hav done myself.. Since ur a guy - and a tough one - clearly a man who has the rt. mind set/mind over matter thing down... and uve shared ur symptoms without whining (like I do lol) - even bn reduced to tears over seeing a puppy on tv :) -(that's just the first examPle that comes to me out of the hundreds) - well luckily it's been EXACTLY what he personally needed to open his eyes. The exact key needed to open his mind & eyes. U just happend to b the right 'kind' of person to get through to him... he hasn't been able to pick apart ur story to dismiss it. Uve passed his skepticism test! So - thanks for bn u I guess & 4 sharing the full gammet of experience the way u have .. A to Z. U kno how critical his support is and now I have it. He's still got a ways to go but he's catching himself wen he does revert bak to bn insensitive. That's all I could ask for!

**I have a new update to my situation but 1st I want to answer ontoolong & give the info about stopping while preg...
Ontoolong, hey - thanks for remembering me! I've had an incredible turnaround but let me tell I wat happened. I am not someone who gets mad easily or holds a grudge butI can't seem to let what m
y doc did to me go & I want to take this anger & do SOMETHING proactive with it - at least after my baby's born. I feel like of I could understand y - that would make it easier too.
Ok - im going to try and sum it up.. I did not plan this pregnancy - was on methadone for years through my neurologist/psychiatrist (one smart dude) who passed away Last year. I started seeing a new psych & 1 month later was preg. He switched me to subutex eventually - 3 mo ago. He talked about the NAS & what NICU would do & simply mentioned maybe getting off b4 she was born. He acted as if that was up to me. Now this's during ripping me off Valium 20 in 2weeks - which I knew I had to & wanted to come off of... But not that fast as I thought I'd end my life or someone else's & begged for even 1 more week to cut my 2mg nto 1 to help with the hell I was n. not to mention it was during the holidays & I had NO Christmas ready as I couldnt function AT ALL. He treated me like s*** & even hung up on me wen I was asking him to please explain y so fast bc everything I read said "on an individual basis" -" do not stop rapidly simply from fear of terogenic factors" (I'm an US tech and have good medical background - I cudve understood his reasoning which wudve helped me endure as I do better the more I kno). he wouldnt hear it & said he didnt care wat i saw on the internet.. (hes only had a practice 4 yrs.. Closeminded after 4yrs?? ) I ended up gong a few old 10's n a bottle that lasted me another week or so & I lived. Then I simply forgave him. I thought " I'm preg on these meds - who is gonna take me like this". That ended mid January & I'm STILL having some wd's. They mimic opiate/bup wd's except for body aches not as bad - mind job worse I think. There's more but not necessary rt now.. Back to sub. : I had an appt on the 2nd they say but I swear it was written the 7th on the card I can't find! Anyway I missed it & got a letterbn the mail saying 'bye bye' due to failure to give proper notice to cancel an appt. *Question: is this normal??**. I've had my 2 docs almost 20 yrs b4 him & I kno I've accidentally missed a few appts..! The letter also had a script for #13 8mg bup.'s instructions were: 1/2 2ce a day for 7 days, then 1/2 a day for 7 days, then 1/4 a day for 7 then dc. He gave me no chance to pay for the appt. or explain or anything. I mean what if I find that card and it does say the 7th? I've had daydreams about that lol! The ironic thing is - wen he found out I was keeping the baby ( he told me to hav a medically necessary abortion and thought I would) he made me write a letter saying that I was aware of the risks with the medicine and y I did not hav an ab. against his advice etc. I turned that n on jan 4th. If he was so comcerned and wd from bup is dangerous in preg then y did he dismisse w/o a thought? Honestly - u think that it may hav something to do with the fact that his recep. said he hates mornings & I was his first scheduled appt that morning which meant he had to come n at that time for nothing & he got real pissed off. That may sound silly but I've seen his bratty demeanor. Also, I lost my job and insurance then got preg & had to go on Medicaid. Je knew I was in it the whole time bit he didn't take it. My dad was kind enough to pay these past months...
I'm not finished - almost but I hav to run I WILL finish up tonight.. (omg I said I was going to 'sum it up' and I'm txting a book from my phone! I always say more than I plan!)


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 05, 2012 6:57 am 
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Daaang - I'm sorry that I rambled so long without a new paragraph or skipped line to make the reading easier. And all the typos too! I am doing this from my phone I've got to get used to it- my computer crashed recently. Ok enough excuses..

Soo I just want a way to let the doc kno that he put the life of my baby at risk. I want to send him some info if anyone has any ideas.

Here's the update: After reading on this site and researching 'wd from bup in third trimester' I knew I HAD to find help fast. Luckily I was able to find a sub doc who got me in Friday afternoon and decided the best thing for me until she's born is to keep me on sub - as low a dose as possible comfortably. Iv saved my concerns about this for the preg section. At least I can focus on preparing for her arrival & im finally getting to feel excited. Apprehensive but excited!

As soon as she's born I will start tapering faster. Could b faster than I'd like bc I just can't afford the big doc fee every month. My new docs office is letting me split the $400 up over a month. Come to find out I used to work with this doc as an ultrasound tech wen he was a radiologist 15 yrs ago... His wife (receptionist) recognized my name & the "oh - hi's" started- she sympathized - worked me n & i was sitting there 3 hrs later. I'm 1 lucky dog!

Varitech - how was ur night? I hope u got through the wait ok. I didn't really get wat u meant by feeling 'shady' I just kno u didn't feel so hot. Day 17 now -right? U really ARE doing it!! In 4-6 weeks I'll b starting over again doing this but it won't b as fast. But I'm not leaving!! I wanted to mention I admire that u don't knock sub. Just bc it's he'll to come off of.. I think praising it for helping u has made the rest of ur story seem even more 'credible' - I don't kno if that's the right word. AND I don't blame anyone for hating it.
Thank u for bn there I'm stil rooting for ya!!


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 05, 2012 9:00 am 
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Morning all! Sorry for not posting much this weekend.... 15 hours worked saturday... And yea... Off yesterday... Ready to RELAX AND DO NOTHING!!WROOOOOOONG!! 12:30pm... Realtor calls.... We have to showing for your condo today! That cool!? NOOOO!! Scrambled to get the place all purrty and shiney and disappear with the dog for a few hours! So I did... We did... And it was ok. Didn't mind it horribly. We ended up at her parents house for a while and had some lunch, did some shopping. DAY 18!!!! Woooow... Yikes! Whoda thunk it!? I sure as hell did not!! I'm feeling stronger everyday! I'm feeling more and more positive and spirits continue to grow! Life is good for the most part. Financially I'm fucked... But I'm catching up in lieu of the recent saving from not buying at astronomical prices. So good things to come. 18 days and sleep is still tough.... Here and there and light! Legs are exponentially better but still bothersome. Keep in mind... I jumped at 8mg to 3 mg then off in less than a full 24hrs.... So I kinda of expected a bumpy ride...ill address you all later when I have more time, just wanted to update everyone that I'm doing well and getting better!! THANKS FOR ALL THE KIND WORDS AND INSPIRATIONAL COMMENTS!! Talk soon guys!! DAY 18....WOOOOW!!


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 06, 2012 11:25 am 
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Good morning everyone. Been doin a lot of thinking. This clearer head business is somethin else. I just wanted to recap what I've done these past 19 days and how I did it. I'm here to let those weary and scared shitless really, about jumping off the Bup train and trying life without it. I can relate... And I was that guy... 3 years I tried. I failed EVERYTIME! I'd say, I'll taper, I'll stop... I'll do it.. I have to. I'd look at my grandfathers ring and tell him.." this is the last time...its over...." and yea... Did that 100 s of times. To no avail! Look... I know it's prolly a hard pill to swallow when I say that I just stopped. I mean, from 8mg, to 3 is less than 24 hours... Then jumping out the airplane. That I'm sure sounds crazy and impossible to a lot of people. It also sounds possible to others. I made my decision 19 days ago... I did it... No lie! I did it. I looked my babygirl in the eye and said... I'm done! NO LOOKING BACK! I did this with no help. No taper, no Clonidine, Kratom, Benzos, or any other substance for aid in the Wds... I used multivitamins, melatonin, and benedryl. 5htp as well... Got it all at the local store. It wasn't easy... It wasn't fun. But I did it... I sure did. I swallowed my pride... I got up every morning from day 1 and went to work.. It was hell... But I did it. I didn't sleep for 11 days... But I kept my head up! Everytime my girl said she wants her baby back, I said to myself... I never left... I'm coming back soon! I as they all say....GOT MAD AT THIS THING! I wanted to remember the pains and the way I felt! I said fuck off.... And I stayed above it! Like I never knew I could! It was painful... It was agonizing ... It was hellish... It was a crazy spiraling rollercoaster ride from hell! I'll be honest.... I laughed at it sometimes... But I kept going! Day to day... "pillow to pillow" as tearjrker said. Great way to put it I may add. I still feel some things... Chills here and there... Sneezing like a fool... And legs still are bothersome... Sleep is getting better... Not great .... I know I got what it takes... And so do you! It's VERY POSSIBLE!! YOU CAN.. I CAN! WE CAN! If your not ready... Don't... If you are.. Go for it!! GOOD LUCK! I'm not going anywhere... I'll be posting my progress... I wanna hear everyones comments and opinions ... I waanna help. THANK YOU ALL FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART FOR THE SUPPORT AND KIND WORDS! I'm eternally grateful!


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 06, 2012 1:55 pm 
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Hey Veritech,

Just wanted to pop in here and give you my support. I prefer stories like yours over the "end of the world I dropped from 32mg to 31mg gonna die AAHHHH!!!" LOL just kidding guys

Back to the point, thanks for the ispiration Varitech. Its taken me almost 2.5 years of getting my shit together on sub to be ready to come off and I've gone from 8mg down to 2mg in the last two months and my goal is to get to .5mg every other day begore I jump.

I've been keeping and eye on your progress and rooting for you. You have my respect especially with your work and coping with it all. Thanks for the updates.
-GB


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 Post subject: You're my hero
PostPosted: Tue Mar 06, 2012 2:38 pm 
Hey VTech,

Just wanted to drop in and say, as others have, how inspiring you and your story have been to me. To quit CT, to do it with no meds, and from such a high dose... Wow. You are super strong and you give me hope.

I'm on day 5, jumped from 1 mg after a 2-3 wk taper from higher doses. (I was basically cut off by my doc after I found out I was pregnant). These last few days and nights have been brutal but reading your posts has helped me soooo much. You have such a positive attitude and you make me feel like there is light at the end of the tunnel and that I can do it too! I am strong - or at least I was until drugs stole my strength but I want it back!!

I was devastated and terrified when my doc cut me off but now I know it was for the best. I want off this shit for good, I want my life back. In your posts when you describe the things that you are re-experiencing that you didn't experience when you were on sub, that made me want to cry b/c I want to experience those things again so badly. Sub helped me tremendously in the beginning, I don't think I could have kicked my habit without it, but it's far outlived it's usefulness for me. I have experienced more feeling in the past 5 days than I have the entire time I was on sub.

Anyway, just wanted to let you know what a stud you are and how much you have helped me. You are amazing and please keep posting.

Lilly


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 07, 2012 8:44 pm 
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Lilly,

Thank you so very much for the kind words. Its rewarding in so many ways to hear that my story can comfort and inspire someone. I don't know if I'm a stud, but I am a Strong person. I always kind of knew it, but I never really took heed of it completely until this really. I'm not trying to use this forum to gloat or for attention, or a hey look at me I'm doing well and your not! Kind of thing. I'm here for support from my fellow subber population, and addicts alike. I'm here also, to spread the word that ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE. Anyone can do it, its just a mind game! The toughest fucking mind game your liable to play in this lifetime. I did A LOT of research, read story after story, blog after blog, forum after forum. For years I believed the "DOOM AND GLOOM" of stopping suboxone. I knew how I could feel. When I couldn't find sub I would feel the withdrawals pretty quickly. I always felt like I was different with how sub worked in my body. I know it's meant to bind and last and last. But for me it was odd.... Some days I could take 4mg.... get through an entire day and feel perfectly normal. Some day. I could take 8mg, and start to feel chills, and a general malaise before dinner. I didn't get it. I could chalk it all up to being in my head, or I maybe I legitimately just react that way to it. I don't know... that's not the point anyway. Point is, I've been wanting to do this ans share for a very long time. Lilly.... good luck and please let me know how you are doing. Ill be pullin for ya. Are ya in day 6 or 7? I think with your taper, your acute stage should be fairly more subdued than mine... so here's hopin for a smooth landing. That's why I'm still here... to share in my story,,, hear the everyone elses... and MAYBE... just MAYBE actually HELP someone along the way.... god willing my friends its possible.

Meanwhile... real quick... DAY 20!!!!!!!!!!!! will be 3 WEEKS tomorrow!! Never in my wildest and craziest dreams have I ever begun to fathom that those words would come out of my mouth! Or even leave my fingertips to write here. Today has been my best day thus far... for a good 4 hours today I felt like the old me! Like the me I remember before I was locked down by drugs and such.... the sober me!! Then at the end of the day.... the chills came in here and there... YAWNS, sneeezs...(havent left) Then my legs got CRAZY stiff.... shoulda seen me when I got outta my car from the fun fun 2 hour commute.... looked like I was wearing knee braces... but guess what.... I dont care.... becuase its 1000000000% better than I was 10 days ago... and even 5 days ago!! I'll keep getting well.... I'll keep on doing what I'm doing and look forward to talking to all you fine folk very soon! TAKE CARE ALL!!


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 08, 2012 11:42 am 
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To reiterate... I want everyone to know that I have no negative feeling toward Suboxone, or Buprenorphine respectively. It's given me something I didn't have for a long time. A real shot at this thing called life... And living it! Freedom from all the bullshit that comes with needing high doses of an opiate multiple times a day to be normal. All it took was 1 8mg sublingual pill to be fine. I made my own mistakes from being on it for so long when I know I didn't have to be. I made my bed, and I laid it it! I thought to myself during these past 3 weeks off sub "if I was on oxy, ida been done through this shit days ago!" but I stood fast and perserveered because I did it to myself. I think that's a big step to recovery is taking responsibility for your actuons... Taking a stand.. . And finally... Taking action! Yea, 3 weeks later I still don't feel 100%, but it's 100% better than I was in prior days. Know what I mean?? I made my own decision... I did it for her... And I did it for me! It's been hurting my relationship, but I have faith in our love. My moods are fluctuating, and it's tough at times to hold onto good feelings... And good mood. I try... I swear I do. She understands... But she is also human... So it takes a toll... And we will work back to how it used to be. I told her last night, now that I put that sub in my past.... I can love myself... In turn be able to love her more completely and with all I got. It took me to see one tear roll down her face when she found out I was addicted to suboxone.... And I haven't looked in the rear view yet! People... It's a mind game... Mind iver matter...dont let the uneasy feelings, and bipolaresq moods sway you... Again... Stand fast and take it one day at a time... Vent like me... Get it all out before the bottle cap shoots off! Why do you think I'm here too? I'm 21 days in... 3 weeks... 10 hours... 42 minutes. It's not easy.... But it's never IMPOSSIBLE!.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Mar 08, 2012 9:59 pm 
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3 weeks down for Varitech, you get a big ole Hell Yeah!!!

I know what a struggle it's been, man. I know. I also know this, you are one bad hombre. You keep hanging on and you refuse to give up and that is exactly what it takes to get to the other side.

The most "intense" part of your wd is over. Now you're most likely gonna have some PAWS. PAWS is a lot weaker than the acute stage, but it's still a pain in the arse because we seem to get so close to feeling "normal", but we don't quite get there as quickly as we want to....it's highly annoying at times!! I usually compare PAWS to a bad fart, that SOB just hangs around and hangs around. Have faith, it will continue to get better.....it just takes time.

BTW, the Bipolaresque moods.....I had those too. I went to see my addiction counselor on day 17 of my wd and he told me I was behaving like I had Bipolar, I was like :shock: .....then I thought about it and laughed and said, "yeah, I guess I am." He told me don't sweat it, it would pass, and it did.

Hang tough, Bud and take it one day at a time.

_________________
Be kind to yourself. Our character defects do NOT define who we are!


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Mar 09, 2012 11:21 am 
Wow VTech, I swear your posts are getting me through this! 3 weeks is so amazing, you have to be coming out of the woods now. Sounds like you got yourself a real good girl and sounds like you deserve one. She sounds super supportive but I know it can be hard with all the waves of moods and emotions. Its really hard to relate if someone has not been through it themselves what kind of havoc opiates can wreak on our brains. It's difficult b/c the physical w/d's are visibal and tangible and people get that. The mental stuff is harder on our loved ones b/c it's harder to understand, it comes across as us being mean, or unhappy or somehow now satisified or fulfilled by our loved one(s). That's my experience anyway. You guys seem super solid though, and she was the catalyst for this wonderful change afterall! Hopefully she has read your posts and really understands what you have done and been through and what an accomplishment it is. I think it is a very rare person who could get through all this under your circumstances and still have the positive outlook that you do!

Every new day I get to (it's day 8 for me today) I go back to your post for that day of your wd's and I feel like I'm no so alone in this. Yesterday almost brought me to my knees. Last night before bed I took 4 imodium (haven't taken that this whole time) but I was suprised that I slept okay - better than I have in the last 6 nights. I don't know if it was the imodium or maybe things are just starting to get better. Anyone else use imodium and did it help? Did it help a lot? I don't want to keep taking it if its doing more harm that good.


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Fond Du Lac Psychiatry
Dr. Jeffrey Junig, M.D., Ph.D.

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