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PostPosted: Sun Feb 26, 2012 7:39 pm 
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Yeah, for your legs, try to take bathes w/ a good aount of epsome salt. like 2-3 cups of it. Try 800mg of advil. Try and this may sound strange, but put a bar of soap at the foot of your bed (under your sheets) at night when you sleep. Soap has magnesium (i found on a home remedy website called Earthclinic.com) Why not try, what ya got to loose. Maybe your GF will massage your legs. Romeo said he would go on the tredmill till he nearly collapsed. Hopefully you will get better and more responses. Good luck & congrats. You are giving me HUGE encouragement. (I am at 1/8mg. lol)


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 26, 2012 8:28 pm 
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Thanks a million for the tips. Yea... I'm taking scolding hot showers as much as time will allow with my schedule. I'm doing as much walking as possible. Stretching, ibuprophane and mens one a day multivitamins, b6, 5htp, and melatonin at night... Occasionally mixing in a little benedryl for good measure... Which more recently than not, has been able to knock me out for a good hour or 2. Which a few days ago did nothing but make me groggy and hungover feeling. I appreciate the tips and welcome anyone to aid me in anyway possible! I'm glad I'm encouraging you! That means more to me than you'll ever know! That's the main reason I'm documenting my experiences on here. To show those weary and fearful that it's possible if you want it enough! I'm not going to sugarcoat, but like everyone says... If you can get through this, you can get through anything!! Congeats on getting down to such a low dose, and I give you my best when or if you decide to jump. Your experience may differ from mine tho, I jumped from a steady average of 8mg give or take for a little over 2 years to 3mg, then took the plunge after 1 day of 3mg. Yea... So who knows! Thank you again tho sweet!

What's is making me feel better in this all is the little highs I get on by thinking of my life free of the financial and subsequent burdons I've dealt with for so long from acquiring sub the way I thought I had too! On the street so to speak. So much is happening right now in my life... I have a woman that loves me the most completely I've ever encountered. I have a new job, and am looking for new residence as of last week! There's a lot of new and empowering things happening in my life and I want to be able to embrace it all whole heartedly and with minimum fallout. It was time... I never felt obligated, as I was more just ready. I was tired of the stressors and anxiety affiliated with it." I have 2 left... Will I be able to get


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 26, 2012 8:43 pm 
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anything? Why isn't he/she calling me back!? I have a big gig coming up where I have to work a crazy amount of hours, will I be able to get more!?! Ugh!! Why isn't he/she answering my calls!?! Fuck! I just got beat for 200 bucks! Now what!?! Do I take pills to curb the withdrawals? Omg.. I'm going away for 2 weeks... Can I find enough to get me by? Shit! I just dropped one and can't find it! Is it in my car!?!? Godamnit now I'm going to get pulled over and searcged and I don't have a prescription to back it up! $15 a sub! Why!?!? No deals!? Omg, I just took 8mg this morning and it's 10 hrs later and I feel some faint wd's! Need to take more! Uh oh! Now I'm down more sub and I'll never be able to afford more before payday! How can I hide it!? Oh no... I can't remember where I put them (Enter heat of fear throughout entire body). Why can't I just goto a doctor? Becuause I'm too chicken shit to admit I have a problem to the guy! And the worst was... I LOST MY JOB! After 6.5years of dedicated service to the same company, (amd believe me, in my line of work it's unheard of to be with the same people for so long) HOW WILL I PAY FOR IT!!! OMFG! Please god take me now! My life is over! I'm gunna loose everything. I'm tired of fighting with her about lack of money for bills! And never being able to make it work.... Because it can't work!! Shoulda went to a doctor! Just need a prescription. But everyone tells me that when you goto a doc for subs, they won't give them to you if they're already on them!! Wtf am I supposed to do!?


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 26, 2012 8:57 pm 
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(on a cell phone that keeps effin up)

The big one... My dealer got raided... Game over!! Please try again!! Goodbye!

I could go on for hours... We all could! Any ONE of us knows the miriad of questions and anxieties alike! And the bottom line is this...

I DON'T, WON't... MISS THAT SHIT ONE BIT!?!? Why did I do it to myself... Because I'm an addict and I was good at it. Were good at temporary solutions to permanent problems! God!leave me behind and let me rot! I fuckin deserve everything I get! Karma.... Can't make rent...karma... Can't find work... Karma.... I can't find a woman... Karma... Which btw... O really must of did something right to have the pleasure of having my girl in my life: holy shit I musta did something right for once! It's time!!! Were fighting....karma..... Flat tire.....karma....fuckin starter on my car died, I have no money and can't call a tow....karma...Fuck me!

We speak and think in circles... How the hell can I love someone so much when I don't even know how to love myself....?? Because she makes me want to be BETTER!! Push me to succeed and make me know I can do anything just by being able to be fueled from simply getting that smile you know you love. That appreciation and reward for you doing the right thing.... Guys.... I'm DOING THIS!!! It sucks and I know it's a tough road ahead but I'll be here letting you all know that I am doing it... That it's possible... And I'll meet all of you at the finish line!! I swear to christ,


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 26, 2012 9:48 pm 
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This sounds like help needed. First post was on Feb. 22, and todays says "day 10". But today is the 26th.
What is up. Post again if you are in the state it seems.


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 26, 2012 10:08 pm 
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I jumped off thursday the 16th of february. Didn't find this place till the 22nd.


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 26, 2012 10:12 pm 
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what state are you reffering to?


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 26, 2012 10:21 pm 
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Sorry, I thought your historical refs were the present. Sounds good. Keep posting with all the good news.

Or any.

You sound pretty tough - hope this all goes well.


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 26, 2012 10:25 pm 
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not a problem. I will keep on keepim on so to speak. Hope to hear more!


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 27, 2012 2:43 am 
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Varitech, that rant of yours was BEAUTIFUL!!! That was me!! OMGosh, that's EXACTLY how I used to think while I was chasing down my pain pills.

Anyway, thanks for posting all of that. It reminded of where I used to be and it's always good, in this game, to be reminded of where we were.

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PostPosted: Mon Feb 27, 2012 11:13 am 
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Thanks Romeo... I'm glad you got it. I was in a weird place last night evidently. I apologize if any readers are or were offended and had some old feelings or emotions stirred up. I was just trying to illustrate where my head was. Even though I'm 3 years or so clean from full blown opiates, it was still the same old shit day in and day out for the past 7. I'm simply done! Again... My sincere apoligize to anyone if I was offensive!

Meanwhile, day 11. Back on the grind! After one day off...well, what felt like a meer few hours as I was apartment hunting most of it!

Last night was another battle for sleep! God bless my girlfriend! She did everything she knew how to comfort me at any cost. She even went on itunes and downloaded me my favorite buckethead album (electric tears) very VERY soothing! It helped for a good while but the restlessness prevailed and I was left on the couch so not to keep her up any longer, and I may have gotten 3 or so hours off and on of light sleep on and off.

I'm here at work... And I'm sore from shoulders to calfs and thighs. Ibuprophane is my new best friend! I'm sleep deprived but wired silly! I'm here to work and I'm getting it done! My spirits are improving day by day and my girlfriend says she feels like she got her boyfriend back! I feel a bit of my personality coming back little by little. I'm taking everything as it comes and leaves and conquering it! I look forward to day 20... And 50 and 100 and the rest of my life! This forum has done a beautiful solid for me! I'll be checkin in! Hope all are well and getting there!! Talk soon!


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 27, 2012 9:42 pm 
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I'm getting closer to the 12th day of this. 8:30pm and I'm feeling very very discouraged. It's 52 degreed outside. I'm inside... And I ANT GET WARM!! This is something that I aknowledged and accepted early on this process; but I don't know why I've come so far and feel like I'm regressing. Am I at a peak in this? Is there a peak? Is it sleep deprevation? I don't get it. Most people I've read about have been pretty damn ok at day 11 or 12? God willing I sleep tonight, and wake up feeling something close to good. I've definitely been very ok! But not what I'd consider good yet. What the freakin hell man!? Believe me I'm not planning on cheating for relief. I've done that enuf in the past! I'm going to continue fighting tooth and nail! I'm stronger than this! I'm going to keep my spirits high and play this game one day at a time! I'm just so anxious to feel better, and embrace the rest of recovery. Why am I cold? I mean again... It's 52 outside, no wind really...and I'm wearing a hoodie and a wool jacket and am still gettin the shivers... Like day one off oxy or dope. Either way... I'm going to ride this unstoppable train and hope it looses speed and slows... I keep talking to myself! I do. I'm gunna keep on it. Ugh the shivers!


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 27, 2012 10:58 pm 
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I am sure you have considered this already but take a hot bath. I do it when I get chilled to the bone. MAN the cold does seems to really effect us.
Ok so I believe right before you start to take a turn for THE BETTER it will seem like you are getting worse. It is the storm before the calm type of thing. I KNOW you are getting better. YOU ARE and you are beating this evil. It is gonna present itself to you every day till you KNOW you are on the otherside. I will say another prayer for you. I know it sounds cheezy, but I'm gonna. I hope it helps (or at least the hot bath...)


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 27, 2012 11:00 pm 
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I am sure you have considered this already but take a hot bath. I do it when I get chilled to the bone. MAN the cold does seems to really effect us.
Ok so I believe right before you start to take a turn for THE BETTER it will seem like you are getting worse. It is the storm before the calm type of thing. I KNOW you are getting better. YOU ARE and you are beating this evil. It is gonna present itself to you every day till you KNOW you are on the otherside. I will say another prayer for you. I know it sounds cheezy, but I'm gonna. I hope it helps (or at least the hot bath...)


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 12:32 am 
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Thanks you so much Sweet16! No, not cheesy one bit. I don't know who I've been talking to lately... More than my grandfather. I've been talking to somebody every single night as symptoms worsened. I think I may have been naive to believe that it was possible to do this with my own inner strengths alone, and not try to hone in on something greater than myself... It's such a rollercoaster... Oh my dear lord it is! Feeling really ok for like an hour or so.... And then slipping back into what feels like day 6 on day 11... A grown man crying from hearing a beautiful song, or feeling weak when sleep depriced and hoplessness. I know it's all part of this cruel game. Believe me tho, I'm a warrior... A soldier... A trooper.... And really friggin resiliant! Always have been. I will bounce back! Nowhere to go but up right? Say as many prayers as you'd like! I'll take them whole heartedly. Also, thank you for your kindness. I will check in tomorrow... Preparing for bed now... Anxious to see what this night plays out. 10mg melatonin, 1 5HTP, and a benedryl. Lots of water to wash it down. Wish me luck! Take care and good night!


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 Post subject: hello VT
PostPosted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 12:57 am 
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I wrote earlier about the cold and it have gone to private message (i hope). The main point was the cold- and how covers do not help and you need a nice external source like an elec. throw, etc. I had this one three days ago and it went away in about 6 hours. Has not been back. I think it is an internal thermostat resetting. At least it is resetting.

In the sleep message you mentioned melatonin. I got more depression from melatonin, but would use it if it worked. Is a bit of the bp pill clonadine available to you? Seems to help at night, esp. if your BP is up a bit.

I think you are tough, but be nice to yourself. I will say a prayer too, I know how you feel --- really. Am going through rough time with this.

S


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 2:26 am 
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Varitech,

This is why I told you that you have to be a warrior......the wd from jumping from a high dose will try and break you. Day 10 was my peak wd. I remember clearly that I did not get a wink of sleep that night. I went up to my wife's bedroom at about 6am, woke her up and I told her I was fucking done, I broke like a cheap plastic toy dude. I started crying like a little baby. I was so dang loud that I woke our 11 year old daughter up. She came running in to see WTH was going on. That was my absolute worst day, then things started improving from there. Sweet16 is right, it's darkest before the dawn.

You mentioned how this wd is like a rollercoaster. You're absolutely right, it is. I was going to mention that to you in my last reply, but I didn't want to plant negative thoughts in your head, so I didn't mention it. Feeling like you did on day 6 at day 11 is completely normal for us high jumpers. I know it sucks stinky dirty ass, but it's part of the process.

Do you know what a "sine wave" is? Imagine a diminishing sine wave, tilted up at about 45 degrees. That's what my wd was like. I would go up and down, but on an overall upward trajectory.

Hang in there man. You will get better, I PROMISE!!! It gets better, it just takes for-fucking-ever it seems.

YOU ARE A WARRIOR!!! YOU'RE A BAD ASS MO-FO!!

BTW, crying during a movie happened to me too. Hell, I cried once while watching Sponge Bob with my daughter!! Sponge Bob and Patrick got into a fight, then they made up, then I cried. I know the crying makes you feel like a complete fruit loop, but it's part of the process. This wd is a brutal assault on the senses man, you gotta be tougher than it is and above all, you gotta believe it will get better, because it will!!! Keep on posting and blowing off steam, we all understand. It's gonna help you to keep getting that shit off your chest, so don't stop posting!!

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 Post subject: free from what?
PostPosted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 3:51 am 
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I know at the start of this thread you mentioned the amt of sub - the quick drop and then jump. Could you fill in the specifics - if you feel like typing -- of just what the history is. What taken when, the switch to sub, how long and what. I know it sounds a bit academic and specific, but I want to learn. I am going to do this too, and I want to know just is happening so I can perhaps learn and be ready. I know we are "all different" yea, but we are all the same too. Well, please do it if you want to. I would be very interested. Thanks.

S


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 8:50 am 
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Thanks A mill Romeo! I'm really appreciative and grateful for how supportive and empowering you have been for me this far! As well as EVERYONE else! Thank you times a trillion from the bottom of my heart. Thank you!

I don't mind talking about my past. No biggie. I'm sure others may be interested as well.

I made a mistake and I thought about this... I've been taking painkillers since I was 16. I'm now less than 2 months from 28. Of course in my younger years I didn't take much of anything in comparrison to recent years. The addiction really started in Florida. I lived there for just shy of 4 years after my father was relocated for work. Down there was where I met oxycontin. Started off doing percs, vics, lortab, whatever I could find on the weekends... I always knew I was in love with it. Never thought it could turn into a dependency... But it did. I met my first 40mg oxy. At the time, it was cheap and could last be a day or 2. Then came 80s... Shit an 80 could last me and my girlfriend at the time the whole weekend! She had a very wealthy father so the money was no issue... If it was around... It was in my pocket!

I remember vividly the day I first felt withdrawal. I woke up... Was about 19... Was like... WTF!?!? What is this feeling? Holy shit!! No I freakin didn't! Then yea... Instinct kicked in... Find more! So I did... And did... And did and so on! I hid it well because in those days I was doing maybe 40 - 70mg oxy a day... Never got noddy or lathargic. Nobody knew. My ex and I at the time were a deadly combo and the relationship was a doom


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 9:00 am 
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This phone I swear to god!!

the relationship was a doomed mess. We were toxic!! Long story there... But in short...i was confronted right before my 21st birthday... Confessed and ON MY 21st BIRTHDAY... Was admitted into detox! Happy birthday to me! It was 7 days of hell and subsequent 2 weeks of bible thumpers trying to throw jesus in my face telling me if I didn't find jesus I'd be doomed. It's obvious I'm not a religious man, but I am indeed spiritual! So after much debate, right after my discharge from outpatient program I literally up and left! Took whatever I owned with a few bucks in my pocket and went home to jersey! Start over... Give myself a kick in the ass!! Stop fuckin around!

I stayed clean in the interim.. Then relapsed here and there but didn't stay consistent. I left my family and my ex, and wanted a new life.

NOPE!!! Hooked up with ALLLLLL THE WRONG PEOPLE!!! Was on the oxy train from 2005 to 2009/10. At my worst I was up to 4 to 5 80 s a day. If I couldn't find it... I sniffed dope. Not too much tho... Never liked it... And was always shit mostly. Stayed on this trend for awhile and then out of the vlue


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