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PostPosted: Thu Mar 15, 2012 8:02 am 
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Good morning all. I hope everyone is doing well! Just had to say this because I made the comment to my girlfriend this morning. I'm now a member of the 28 day club. Like the movie yes. 28 freakin days! My friends, I can't say it without a huge smile coming over my face! Things are improving everyday! Sleep is easier. I'm not waking up 100 times. I fall asleep quick now! Like quicker than I ever have! I wake up tired... Like how your supposed to feel when you wake up... Not wired and anxious. I mean I'd be lying if I didn't say I didn't have parts of the day that are tough. More or less lil pain in the ass. But NOTHING in comparrison to weeks past... NOTHING! I'll have some nice headaches, and some leg cramping and tightness in my calfs more or less. I just do a lot of stretching when possible. I know my recovery will continue for quite some time. But I am confident in myself. There is some merit to the serenity "prayer" that you utter mindlessely in recovery meetings. I don't know if I'm a fan of meetings... I'm sure they help others immesnly, but not for me I suppose. But..."Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I can; and the wisdom to know the difference." in itself a powerful phrase. I accept my past... Have done so for awhile now. I know what I'm capable of and I've found the wisdom and will power to change within my own strength. It's not impossible! My higher power as they tell you to find in recovery was my love for my girlfriend, and my intense urge to change my own life! You know what, it may only be less than 30 days but I did it! I hope many others reading this follow suit and know within themselves that it's so possible! It's more than possible... It's a challenge that will make you! It will show you yourself once and for all, and then you will crave to keep finding yourself. Experiencing life... The real version. Reality and sobriety and the wanting to live life to the fullest in itself can and will be addicting! Everyone has a warrior inside of them! It's empowering as hell to find that person! 5000+ views...thats insanity! Never in my wildest dreams have I thought I could help so many.. God willing I could only hope! Please speak your stories... Don't be afraid...becuase it's worth it!

Lilly,

Updates girl! I feel as though your doing well... And will continue to do so! Hope everything is well and getting better!

Romeo,

It's addicting to want to help... I've spent my whole life helping others while all along doing nothing for myself. Now I feel like I can actually help! And most of all... WANT TO!


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 15, 2012 8:25 am 
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Your words are heartening Varitech.

Congratulations!


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 15, 2012 10:16 am 
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VariTech wrote:
Good morning all. I hope everyone is doing well! Just had to say this because I made the comment to my girlfriend this morning. I'm now a member of the 28 day club. Like the movie yes. 28 freakin days! My friends, I can't say it without a huge smile coming over my face! Things are improving everyday! Sleep is easier. I'm not waking up 100 times. I fall asleep quick now! Like quicker than I ever have! I wake up tired... Like how your supposed to feel when you wake up... Not wired and anxious. I mean I'd be lying if I didn't say I didn't have parts of the day that are tough. More or less lil pain in the ass. But NOTHING in comparrison to weeks past... NOTHING! I'll have some nice headaches, and some leg cramping and tightness in my calfs more or less. I just do a lot of stretching when possible. I know my recovery will continue for quite some time. But I am confident in myself. There is some merit to the serenity "prayer" that you utter mindlessely in recovery meetings. I don't know if I'm a fan of meetings... I'm sure they help others immesnly, but not for me I suppose. But..."Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I can; and the wisdom to know the difference." in itself a powerful phrase. I accept my past... Have done so for awhile now. I know what I'm capable of and I've found the wisdom and will power to change within my own strength. It's not impossible! My higher power as they tell you to find in recovery was my love for my girlfriend, and my intense urge to change my own life! You know what, it may only be less than 30 days but I did it! I hope many others reading this follow suit and know within themselves that it's so possible! It's more than possible... It's a challenge that will make you! It will show you yourself once and for all, and then you will crave to keep finding yourself. Experiencing life... The real version. Reality and sobriety and the wanting to live life to the fullest in itself can and will be addicting! Everyone has a warrior inside of them! It's empowering as hell to find that person! 5000+ views...thats insanity! Never in my wildest dreams have I thought I could help so many.. God willing I could only hope! Please speak your stories... Don't be afraid...becuase it's worth it!

Lilly,

Updates girl! I feel as though your doing well... And will continue to do so! Hope everything is well and getting better!

Romeo,

It's addicting to want to help... I've spent my whole life helping others while all along doing nothing for myself. Now I feel like I can actually help! And most of all... WANT TO!


Wow, I take my hat off to you and I'm insanely happy for you. GREAT JOB!!! I don't know how you did it, lol, but you certainly did. Obviously, your girlfriend was a huge motivator in this, but I also think you did this for yourself. You obviously really, really wanted this.

You are absolutely a warrior! That was your hardest 28 days. WoooooHooooooo!!!!!!!!

laddertipper

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First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you. ~F. Scott Fitzgerald


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 Post subject: 28 days
PostPosted: Thu Mar 15, 2012 8:36 pm 
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Wow,

Very very proud of you as I am sure you are also. I am right now at the 3mg and feeling a lot of aches and soreness, it is already hitting me, day four of dropping from 4mg. I am just continuing to tell myself it is a process I have to get through.
I hope to join your wonderful club of not putting any more under my tongue in the near future. I have a rough ride ahead and looking back on your posts really help.

I am so tired of being tired. Slow and steady, here I go. Once second at a time. Blah!!


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 Post subject: Re: 28 days
PostPosted: Thu Mar 15, 2012 11:13 pm 
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ontoolong wrote:
Wow,

Very very proud of you as I am sure you are also. I am right now at the 3mg and feeling a lot of aches and soreness, it is already hitting me, day four of dropping from 4mg. I am just continuing to tell myself it is a process I have to get through.
I hope to join your wonderful club of not putting any more under my tongue in the near future. I have a rough ride ahead and looking back on your posts really help.

I am so tired of being tired. Slow and steady, here I go. Once second at a time. Blah!!


While I was tapering, I kept a journal and tried to write regularly. Today, I feel fantastic. However, one year ago, this is what I wrote:

"I've got a very long road left ahead of me. This is my fifth day at 1 mg and I've got to admit that it's actually getting worse at this point and not better. It's around 4 p.m. and I feel like it absolutely must be time to take my evening dose. Far from it. I feel that yucky, dried-out, shady, prickly, achy, overall physically just crappy sensation. Yuck. I slept one hour last night. It's bad. Really bad. I've been starting to doubt whether I can do this on my own or not. Maybe I need to go do the anesthesia detox thing. We'll see."

A few days later, I wrote:

"Holy HELL!! Last night was awful. It was by far the worst night I've had. I rolled around and sweat and kicked and stretched and shivered and was miserable. At some point, I actually got up and took .25 because I just couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't hang in there...I felt like I had the flu and an anxiety attack and had been beaten with a bat. So, now I'm feeling a bit defeated and tired and stuck. Gotta keep going.....Right now I'm achy and my nose is malfunctioning and it's early in the morning. Yikes. We'll see......"

Then, about a month later, I wrote:

"Obviously I have been away from this journal for quite a while and I did consider giving it up completely. I do want a record of what doses I took and for how long, but I also am trying to not perseverate on the fact that I'm not getting anywhere. I'm still taking 1 mg per day and have not been able to drop any further. I cannot easily describe the frustration I feel at this unexpected and complete change of plans. I was supposed to be nearly done by this point. I haven't moved my dose in a full month now. I still have symptoms. They are not severe, and sometimes I start to think I can move forward. Then, I wake up in a sweaty panic once again and I know I have to stay here. What can I do? No one can help me except God. I have faith, though, and I'm not going to give up. I had no idea how difficult this was going to become. That's all for now. I hope to have better news for you soon."

It's so amazing to me to see where I was only one year ago. I really struggled. For me, 1 mg was the toughest part. I thought I was permanently messed up. And now I feel fine!! It IS a struggle, but I promise you guys, you can win this one.

Best of luck to all you taperers!!

laddertipper

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First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you. ~F. Scott Fitzgerald


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 Post subject: Journal
PostPosted: Sat Mar 17, 2012 1:43 am 
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laddertipper,


Thank you so much for sharing that, I plan to print it out and reference it. It sucks that you went through that obviously but it helps me in the sense where I know I am not alone, crazy or the only one to go through this. I am scared as !@#$, I am at 3mg and already have the aches, knowing how bad the w/d got last time I am so chicken to get there but I have to :cry:

I did want to ask, did you have any comfort medications when you did this? I am on baclofen, clonidine, ativan, celexa, phernergan,melatonin, b12 inj , and prenatal vits. I feel like an eighty old woman with her baggy of drugs. Shameful, I am actually embarrassed when I fill out any forms and list these, it's crazy.

Anyway, I will certainly keep a journal, I wanted to and have thought about it, just need to do it. I have the aches right now so bad I can't sleep, it's crazy if it is like this at 3mg what the hell will 2.5 of 2.0 be like :? .

Oh well, waiting for medications to kick in here. Thanks again, I hope to talk to again soon, it will certainly help when things are getting really tough.


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 18, 2012 1:16 pm 
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31 days!!!!!!!! One month!! No subs!!! Couldn't imagine a better way to spend it either. Down there shore with close friends and family! Had my first weekend off in about 3 months! I needed this!! It's unreal to feel that it's been 31 days! It's unbelievable. I'm dumbfounded! I just wanted to share that with everyone! 31 days ... No relapse... No medicinal assistence and fueled by my sheer desire to just stop! I'm telling you again, that I'm not even kidding that it's possible. If you take it day to day, take things as they come... It will go quickly! Trust me when I say this... It's all possible. Not easy, not fun... But liberating and endlessley rewarding. Thanks tearjerker for the comments. I'm glad my words can touch people. Laddertipper, thank you for chiming in as well. I've heard about your success with your experience and tip my hat to you as well! Your a strong individual I can tell! Ontoolong, believe when I say this... I think your in for a surprise... I don't think it will be as bad as your anticipating! Everything feels so powerfully bad at times because we have numbed ourselves and sheltered ourselves from the pain and discomfort for so long that it of course feels like the gun is going off... All hell breaks loose and all hope is lost. But I will and can with confidence tel you that your mind can conquer this. It's all a mind game that you have to control. Keep your mind busy and focus on all the good and not the bad. The more i focused on my pains and discomfort, the worse I felt. When I felt sorry for myself and dwelled on it... It was the worst. When I kept my mind away from it... Put it on the backburner...i felt better! I felt like it was possible. Thenm as the days go by... It gets easier... It becomes a game that your hungry to win! You want it... And if you want it enough... You will inevitably obtain what it is you really want. Freedom from chemical dependence.

Lilly,
hope your ok... Hope your doing well... I really hope to hear from you! Good or bad... Your in my thoughts and wish you the best!! Hope your fightin hard and haven't given up hope! Sub will do that...

Hope all is well and are getting better! Please drop by and speak your piece! I know that I'm sure everyone has much to say.


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 Post subject: 31 days
PostPosted: Sun Mar 18, 2012 9:47 pm 
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Vari,

How wonderful for you, I am amazed at how well you got yourself through this. Congrats.
I am hanging in at 3mg right now, not too bad. I really want to drop to two and see if I can handle it. We will see. I am so anxious to get there.


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 Post subject: what do you think?
PostPosted: Sat Mar 24, 2012 4:14 pm 
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Dear VeriTech,

I have been reading this story for the past month, and it is quite an accomplishment you have achieved. In the past I asked you about your past, leading up to who you are right now -- the one who did this.

Yours is the story of someone relatively young with a highly physical job (who kept working) and with sheer determination jumped off at a rather high level and just waited for healing to happen. No matter what.

Being young, and having a varied (not habitual Rx) use in the past, and working hard -- do you think your experience is unique or applicable to others in other circumstances. For example, have you done this before with other drugs -- just stopped and totally recovered? Would be interesting to know the specifics.

Having done this --- do you think this could be done if someone were different --- say not so young, various habitual drug experiences --a routine Rx over years, and then not working physically at all, and just worried that this seemed quite an ordeal for you -----and you are strong.

Some of your circumstances might have helped. Varied drug use in the past. etc. It did seem like a very hard thing to do and it just might not be possible for others. Or, did this experience leave you feeling that this is something for almost everyone? Only you would have an impression of this--having just been through it.

I, and I think others, would like to hear your thoughts on this if possible.

I hope this is over now -- and you just keep getting more healthy. But whatever you could say about the applicability to others would be appreciated. Thanks.

S


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 26, 2012 10:14 am 
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Scruffy,

My apologies for taking so long to respond. It's been a nutty time with work and all. 2 jobs will do that I suppose.

As I had spoken about in past posts... I battled with addiction for almost 8 years. I was at one point up to and in exces on occasion 320mg of oxy contin and whatever various opiates were around. Those doses were not consistent. But 160 at least a day for some time. I got clean out of nowhere for over a year and a half and then got worse. Then was on subs the last 3 years at anywhere from 16mg to 4 depending. Jumped at 11 is less than 24hrs more or less.

The bottom line for me was that I KNEW I was ready to jump. It was a long time coming. I not being any kind of expert cannot tell you that this is something your personally ready for... I can and will say with certainty that it is possible for anyone at any age if done with the kind of WILL I had and I know everyone has inside. I have to clock in and get back to work. I'll touch on more later!


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 26, 2012 5:23 pm 
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Just wanted to place my story here as it is so similar in every way. Like yourself I jumped off suboxone 8 mg 2 weeks and one day ago to the day. I have been on the subs for 2 years and like urself couldn't help all the lies and deceit I kept and told my wife. The only difference is I also have a 4 year old boy who had been my saving grace In this whole hellish situation. For the duration of my sub use during those two years I was prescribe 8 mg a day but constantly took more then I was prescribed. I took 16mg one day 24mg the next and 8 maybe the next. So u never really was on a stable dose. I used to lie I my doctor constantly and tell him I lost them or that my car got broken into or even one time I told them that they took them from me at the border cause I took them outta of the case.. Anyways to make a long story short I wa abusing them daily and it was becoming a point in my life where it was getting out of control. One day, I just woke up and went to my sons room and whispered into his ear when he slept that I was going to turn myself around and that I was gonna better out life's for all of us. I called my work and took 2 weeks vacation. I then books to tickets for My son and wife to fly to her moms 1100 miles away to stay while I went thru this hell. That night I confided to my wife that I had been not telling her the whole truth about my suboxone use. She did know I was on it but I had told her the year before that I was tapering the entire time. Which was totally untrue. So in the end she did thank me for te truthfulness and being the wonderful lady that she said shed help me out anyway she could. And so it began...

So march 11 2012, I took my last dose of suboxone. 4mg I'm the morning and 4mg at night. All I had to get me thru at the beginning was about 15 pure codeine pills, and 15 seroquil. I waited and waited for the withdrawals to happen. By the 4 th day still not a thing.. I didn't know what Was going on and so I took my last of the codeine pills the night before... Welll... That was the problem.. I was just covering my receptors with another opiate.. So in turn I was masking my withdrawals. The 5-10 day were the hardest thing that has ever happened to me in my life. My symptoms included everything everyone talked about here on a giant scale. I won't sugar coat it, it was nearly and Id underline that word if I could cause its the truth. I thought abou suicide even tho I would never and I thought about just giving in and calling my doctor. But being the father and the partner I needed to be for my family I couldn't. Anyways I won't ramble on to long but I will say that it is day 15 now and I do still have symptoms. The worst for me being the insomnia that doesent seem to pass mixed in with these horrible horrible legs pains I get whenever I try to relax to sleep. It is my worst symptom. I never really ever believe in god or anything for that matter but after this whole ordeal I really had to have something in my corner I could talk to for support. And I did pray and I swear it helped.. I wrote this on here as the poster who did who started this, to get it off my chest and help whoever I can as the person who wrote this did. I'll try and keep everyone posted. Sorry didn't have time to spell check or preview sorry for all the grammar mistakes.. Gotta get back to work


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 03, 2012 1:53 pm 
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^^^^

Congrats on achieving your goal. I do want to point out that one cannot die from Opiate Withdrawal alone... though it may feel like you are about too. Now, Benzos and Alcohol can be fatal. When you say your were "abusing" it, did you feel additional effects from taking more? I never really "felt" anything from Suboxone since I first started taking it... and that is because I hadn't used in about two weeks. Long story...


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 03, 2012 7:58 pm 
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Stephent I was abusing the suboxone.. And I personally did think I was getting a little more of a buzz from the suboxone. I never did actually ever get "high" from the subs but I did feel better when my dose was around 16mg as per the docs recommendation of 8mg. Anyways I abused them any way u look at it. But I'm glad to post that I'm 3 weeks 2 days clean today! And it is still a struggle at time to find motivation but I try my best. Here's to a new start


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 04, 2012 10:12 am 
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Your courage, strength, and determination are inspiring.


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PostPosted: Sat Apr 07, 2012 12:30 am 
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26 days clean!!. From an 8mg jump. Bit of depression and anxiety/insomnia still lingering. Worst is the leg cramps and lack of energy. Wish me luck I'll keep posting.


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 Post subject: Varitech's Girl
PostPosted: Sun Apr 08, 2012 1:34 am 
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Hello everyone. I have to start out by saying how incredibly proud I am of my future husband, varitech, I am. He truly is a warrior and has somehow willed the power to overcome this lethal addiction(In the words of Romeo). This experience has only made me love and respect him so much more then I ever thought possible. This man has the strength an will power of a true warrior. Romeo, you and everyone else who has been cheering him on throughout this whole time have been a godsend. I can't thank you enough for your support and I'm sure he is also more then thankful. This forum has helped him in a huge huge way! For anyone who has been following this journey, I strongly suggest you use this forum as a tool to overcome what you are going through. I could never say I truly understand what he and some of you have been through because as for me, the only drug I've ever touched was pott. What I can say, is for anyone who sticks through something
Like this with you truly and whole heartedly loves you with everything that they are. My experience in this was extremely painful, as I stood by trying
My best to be supportive. The worst part about it was that he felt he couldn't tell me about what was going o
In the beginning. The lie or rather the omission of the truth that he was on sub was the most painful part about it all. It seems that many of you have talked about the lies and the deceit to your loved ones and before all this I wouldve
Called you weak. Now, after this experience of being through his withdrawal, I now know that it wasn't meant to be a hurtful lie or omission, it was bc he was scared to hurt or lose me. I have a whole new outlook now that I've read your
Posts and his and have a whole new perspective. I respect all of
You who have been through this and are going through this to be better not only
For the ones you love, but for yourself. Thank you for everything
You have given me by having a new understanding. I am
So proud of you baby. I will stay by your side forever and always and
Know that this has only
Made our bond stronger.

Sincerely proud and truly awakened,

VariTech Girl
Hope is the dream that awakens the Soul


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 Post subject: One more thinng
PostPosted: Sun Apr 08, 2012 1:50 am 
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The post must of deleted part of my preious post about the hardest part of it all. For me, it was watching him go through the sleepless nights and painful or annoying rather restless legs. It's almost like I felt hopeless because all I wanted to do was make him feel better. If I could only just calm his legs down for him to sleep or if only I could get him warm! It was like torture knowing the only way I could help was to hold him and keep reminding hi
That the hardest parts would soon be over. I've always said that the things we are most nervous about tend to be the best things for us.


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 08, 2012 10:12 am 
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Mr. Varitech is lucky to have a nice gal like yourself to stand by him. I'm glad our posts and Varitech's experiences have opened your eyes to the world of addiction. Most people think we addicts are scum of the earth (thanks Hollywood!), but we're just everyday people who happen to struggle with this disorder of addiction.

When you talked about how hard it was to see him go through his wd and how painful it was for you, it really hit me hard....today is my wife's and my 17th anniversary, she stuck with me through everything and I know she has endured a lot of pain along the way too. She's a warrior too and so are you!!

I don't mean to end this message on a bad note, but getting off drugs is one thing, staying off is another matter entirely.....and it's hard[sup]2[/sup] at times. I hope Varitech is working some kind of recovery. Recovery is really learning how to live life without drugs (we drug addicts suck at it!! :D ). Your love and support will surely help Varitech on his journey.

Good luck and I wish you both many, many happy years!!

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 Post subject: PHYSICAL
PostPosted: Sat Apr 14, 2012 8:24 pm 
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Hi--

Been following the progress of VT and also had a look at another running story of success. They are great.

The other was based on physical exercise -- lots of it as a way through. Activity to jump start your body and

mind and get recovery going. VT has all that work that sound physical and is not just sitting around - thank

goodness.

But ----anyone reading have anything to say if your knees are blown out and other such things and this kind of

massive exercise is no longer available. Anything else out there that would be as good? Or somewhat good?

maybe not. What then? Just wondering before jumping anywhere.

Thanks,

S

VT-----how important is this moving about? Critical?


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 Post subject: a month ago
PostPosted: Sun May 13, 2012 3:11 pm 
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Hello VT,

Do not want to bother you but it has been a month and I, and I think others, are wondering how you are doing. We know that when people feel a lot better they often just stop posting. And that would be great. But even if the news is not that good we would like to know how you are doing.

S


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