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PostPosted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 2:48 am 
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Hi guys and girls.. First off my name is Dan, i'm 40 and a 10 year opiate addict. Over those ten years I have taken just about everything, and at one time or another completed a at home cold turkey detox of them all. Including a nasty 30 day cold turkey detox from a 2 year 80mg a day methadone habit. So I know what is severe withdrawals and what it mental that is for sure. I also know how to fight and believe that for the first time I am truly prepared for the days after the withdrawals are subsided. I have always been able to get through withdrawals, but staying opiate free after was always my biggest problem. It was almost like I would do a cold turkey detox to torture myself as punishment. If that makes sense?

This last time on pills I was getting prescribed Opana by my doc and of course after my two month supply ran out two weeks in I would spend the next 6 weeks until my refill eating all the OC I could get my hands on. Sadly, this was when the economy was good and I was making 6 figures a year so the money blown is mind boggling now that I make next to nothing in a crap economy. But that is a different subject for a different forum.lol

Anyways I finally had enough and did some research on suboxone. After my earlier methadone nightmare I was leery, but after research was over I concluded that Subs were definitely better than the alternative of using, so I found a doc. I got off opana (100 mgs a day when I had them) and oxycontin (around 200 mg a day) in late December 2011 and have been getting prescribed subs ever since. In this time I have stuck to my docs plan and have not slipped up once. Which is a miracle in itself for an addict like myself.

I started on the Subs at 16 mg and after five months started on my doctors taper plan. So 5 months of consistent 16 mgs and 7 months now of slow tapering. The taper was not forced on me by my Doc, but I really believe I am ready for this this time. So I reached the end of his taper which had me down to .20 on Sunday and jumped. So as I type i'm at 60 hours sub free and just waiting for the dreaded day 3 to get here. Which starts in the morning. Yay!!! Don't worry, while i know I feel ok now I assume it is just the calm before the storm.

So far, because of the half life of subs I think most my symptoms have been mental from the anxiety of the impending sickness, but I am sure some of it is genuinely physical. The sneezing has started and the head cold feeling is beginning to creep into play. Also the RLS started to creep in last night in bed as well. I kicked all night and last saw the clock at 4:30 am, and slept until having to get up at 7:30 am to take my 5 year old to school. What is nice is from here to Sunday all my kid duties are covered. The wife is 100% on board and handling all the duties the rest of this week. Hopefully by Monday (day 8) I've gotten over the hump. As far as my job goes that will be somewhat tough, but it should be ok. I am a self employed from home, but I have 5-7 serious deadlines a week. I'm hoping my creativity is not too shot, but whatever, we will just have to deal with that when it happens.

Well that is my story for now. If you read it thank you and I will keep you all posted on how it goes. If you have any questions or comments please post them. Like everyone else I am here to hear from people who have been through or are planning on going through something similar.

Dan


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 2:52 am 
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Wish I could edit my post. I said I got on Subs on December 2011, but I meant to type December of 2010. Hopefully my post makes more sense now.


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 11:26 am 
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Hey Dan, welcome to the forum.

I guess my first question to you would be, what makes you think you're ready to be off of all opiates this time? I'm certainly not trying to piss in your cornflakes here, but your track record of detoxing, then getting back on another opiate concerns me.

In my opinion and my experience, simply quitting opiates and hoping for the best isn't the best form of recovery. We're addicts, man. Somehow, someway, we have to change our thinking and our behaviors if we're to have a real shot at long term recovery. Simply quitting drugs doesn't make us not be addicts anymore, know what I mean? The reason I'm saying all of this is because I got off of Suboxone and didn't do any type of recovery. I wasn't interested in recovery, heck, I didn't know what the hell recovery was, but I didn't want any part of it. Then, I went out and used a few times and finally realized that drugs weren't really my problem.....I was my problem. Me and my fucked up thinking. I believe we have to change our thinking and behaviors to really get better.

Whichever path you choose, I wish you success.

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PostPosted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 1:54 pm 
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Romeo, thanks for the response and I totally know where you are coming from. One thing I can say in response is I definitely realized the problem was me and not the drugs years ago. As far as recovery goes I have done it all in the past. In patient, out patient, meetings and solo. You name it I have done it. The difference this time is I seriously WANT IT and am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I know that's a cliche recovery saying, but it really best describes where I was when I got on Subs. At no time during my 13 months clean (on subs) have i thought about using. Weirdly my mind has focused on what to do to not use for once. I have none of the drug associates I had when I quit, I moved out to the country 20 miles from civilization, got married and love everything about where I am. Mentally and physically. At 40 years old now, I see this as my last chance for a semi normal drug free existence with a family, so I am highly motivated. By no means do I think I am not an addict any more, though, so don't mistake my confidence for a man that thinks he is cured. I know we as addicts (especially opiate addicts) will battle this disease until we have no breath left. But I think I can do it.

Back on topic of quitting suboxone. I expected to wake up (if I got any sleep) today feeling miserable, but I actually feel ok. I am on day three now (exactly 72 hours from my last .20 dose on Sunday) and so far so good I guess. I had trouble getting to sleep last night with minor RLS, but ended up sleeping from 2 am to 9:30 am. I still am very apprehensive and expect some kind of hellish feeling to get here, but so far that has not happened. So far only withdrawal symptoms are cloudy heads, the runs, sneezing, slightly anxious, and minor RLS at night in bed. All very manageable so far.


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 5:46 pm 
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Hey Dan, thanks for clearing that up about your recovery.

As for your wd, I really don't think you're all of a sudden gonna get slammed. You're past the 72 hour mark so I'm gonna say what you see is what you get. The symptoms you've mentioned are all par for the course, you just have them all in moderation and that's awesome.

We've had several people here do very successful tapers and they feel very little in the way of wd when they finally do get off of Suboxone. It looks like your taper paid off!!

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PostPosted: Thu Mar 01, 2012 7:48 pm 
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Quick update. I am now well into day four and am feeling on par with day 3 and maybe even a little better. I have slept every night and even cancelled grandma helping me with my daughter today and tomorrow. Being a well versed withdrawal professional I was preparing for a typical opiate withdrawal or worse, but what I have gotten is very little ill effects. To tell you the truth my last taper from 1/2 a mg to a 1/4 mg was tougher than the actual jump. Not sure if it was mental or what, but the actual jump was like a 1 foot jump on to a fluffy pillow compared to what I prepared for . (laughs)

Anyways, the real work begins now. Staying clean. Bottom line is (and I said this in another thread) now that I know what I know about the withdrawal I will not hesitate to get back on subs if I want to use in the future. For now I'm hoping I can do this on my own, but the last thing I will do is let my opiate addiction get the best of me or my family again.


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 Post subject: withdraw from suboxone
PostPosted: Thu Mar 01, 2012 9:56 pm 
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My experience has been the the "horrible" withdraw does not kick in until about day eight or nine, just when I thought I was in the clear. I have tried to taper about three times now but had work, school, and other responsibilities. I was not prepared for the extent of the withdraw and now I am trying to do a very very very slow taper, saving up my time off to use and even looking into UROD. Please continue to post about your withdraw, I am looking everywhere to see what others have gone through, how they tapered etc....
I was on 32mg for six years, am now at 3mg but have not been able to get lower yet, I am working on that really slowly. The half life of sub is bad, it clings to those receptors taking a long long time to get off. Up to 90 days, so I have been told to be out of withdraw pretty well. The PAWS is a whole other issue.
Let us know how it goes


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 14, 2012 11:41 am 
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Well it's been a minute since I posted and I apologize, but there's been a lot going on. It is now day eighteen since jumping and so far so good. Since my last post on day four, there hasn't been too many complications other than day 6-10 was a serious struggle to fall asleep. I did sleep every night eventually, but never got to sleep before 3-4 am and never without a very hot shower. Do I still feel withdrawal symptoms? I think so, but they are mild. Which is pretty much how I can describe my whole withdrawal. Symptoms are sneezing, diarrhea, some depression and some mild restless led syndrome while trying to sleep. I am sure there's probably a few other mild lingering issues, but I'm not sure there's anything else I can 100% attribute to kicking subs.

Is my life all better now? Heck no! :~) Does it feel good to not have to take anything every day? Heck yes! Have I had cravings to use? Yes, a little at times, but I got that covered. I talked to my sub doc and I am pretty sure if I want to take a pill he will be the dope man I call. haha. With the mildness of my withdrawals if I ever really have the desire to use again subs will be my D.O.C. For now, though, I really think me, my family and my higher power got this covered.


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 14, 2012 11:21 pm 
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Congratulations Mr Magoo! You're doing really well. I can relate SO MUCH to your history of use the last 10 years, especially this part:

Quote:
It was almost like I would do a cold turkey detox to torture myself as punishment. If that makes sense?


And the countless detox after detox. I wonder why it is we feel the need to punish ourselves? I know it's important for me to figure that out, because that same self-punishment streak no doubt contributed to me always returning to drug use.

You've gotten through your detoxing okay. Congrats. Now the real difficulty starts. You said that your doctor will be your "dope man" (though thinking in those terms is a bit of a regression). Have you considered naltrexone as an option to put on the table if you ever struggle in early recovery?


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 29, 2012 1:19 am 
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Hi everyone. Long time no talk to. Sorry for delayed responses, but i have never really been a internet forum guy. Just noticed in the email i used for this account there were some PM's and responses. I will try to get to those asap as well.

First off, I am still clean and I am pretty sure through the withdrawals. We are now at 33 days or so since my last sliver of sub. .. Since my last post there really wasn't much of any real withdrawals to speak of. I have had some lingering RLS that messes with me some, but nothing a pillow between the legs would not make better. I am not sure if I tortured myself for so many years that my body said you get one free pass or what happened, but through this whole process i can't say that I felt much of any real il effects. It could of also been the fact that I got through a cold turkey methadone detox before and because that was such hell my body thought this was nothing. Sure there was some anxiety issues, and slight energy problems and a lack of a full night sleep on day 3-4-5 but I still normal stuff and slept some every night.

I would love to say I have found the cure, or I just must have tapered perfectly, but I cannot give myself the credit. I read countless posts all over the internet before I quit from people that tapered lower than me and longer and went through hell. And I know there pain was real and I'm no better. I just have to go with the answer that " i was one of the lucky ones".

leakypipe. Thanks for the cool post. It is crazy how much we torture ourselves and you are 100% in that the real work starts now. Luckily , so far at least, there has not been any cravings. I am 100% positive there will be cravvings in the future, but I think I've done and will continue to so the work on myself needed to get through it opiate free.

The dopeman comment I think was taken wrong or out of context. It was meant to be kind of ironic/funny but my text humor has always been lacking in delivery. I guarantee if i could of said it instead of tying every one would of laughed. lol Maybe? Anyways all I meant was if I get to a point where cravings are possibly stronder than my will to stay clean I will not hesitate to go back on subs. The last ting I ever want to do is restart that cycle again.


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 29, 2012 1:23 am 
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Hahaha.. Tearjerker I have no idea hy I called you leakypipe. I somehow read tearjerker and when i went to remember your screen name typed leakypipe. Nothing meant by it, just a brain fart. lol


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