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PostPosted: Sat Nov 27, 2010 10:27 am 
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Hey Kinetix,

It took a couple of listens to come around to Crooker, is it techno? I do like it, but it hasn't knocked Fader out of first place yet!

You're going to have to join us over at the Listen Here(it's about music yo!) thread, there are several of us posting our favorites and hopefully trying out some of the others fav's as well.

You have to listen to the very first post...Cee Lo Green---F*** You


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 Post subject: Day 13 & Day 14(today)
PostPosted: Mon Nov 29, 2010 7:50 am 
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I missed day twelve but it was a lot like day 11. Yesterday ( day 13) was very bad. I got almost no sleep the night before. I only had a 6 hour shift but I felt like crap. I was fatigued as all hell and was hot and cold. But it's over and now I'm on day 14. I was determined to get some sleep, and I ended up getting 6-7 hours. Ambien only works for 5 but the Clonidine gave me a little extra. Today I feel ok. I haven't showered yet so I'm not sure what's going to happen. It's the 2 week mark so i'm trying to be happy about that : )


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 29, 2010 10:51 am 
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Hi Kinetix,

I just wanted to mention that day 10 was my absolute worst. I got no sleep that night and I'm not ashamed (maybe a tiny bit :D ) to say that's the day my wd's broke me and that I sobbed like a wee little baby...then felt much better. It was like a release of all the madness I had built up during my initial 10 days.

I'm going to say you have the worst behind you and you should start to see some kind of improvement moving forward. Remember, recovery from sub is NOT a straight line up...it's more like a sine wave tilted at a 45 degree angle. Some days will be better than others, some will be worse.

You have made no less than astounding progress as far as I'm concerned and I continue to be blown away with your attitude, your exercising and doing everything you can do to keep moving forward. Looks good on ya!!

Keep your eye on the prize!


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 29, 2010 11:27 am 
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Thanks Romeo, I'm glad you and some others post on my thread. It's hard going to work and being with friends and family that have no idea what the hell im going through. I've almost broke a few times, but I find trying to amp myself up and getting pissed at the withdrawals help me get in gear. I was hoping today i'd see some more improvements but I feel like shit. I have to work in 2 hours and I'm angry that I'm dragging my ass! My boss knows what i'm going through but 14 days later hes going to think i'm being a bitch and tell me to suck it up. Which I guess might help. Songs helping me get through the day.

The Doors - Riders on the Storm
Bloc Party - Banquet
Bloc Party - Flux (sounds very gay at first but if you're alone who cares)


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 29, 2010 12:05 pm 
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I have had my music on at work (pandora radio) or my headphones on at the house jamming to music since your post on Wed, Nov 24 and I have to tell you that I have finally, finally started to find my happy again. I just love music so much because of the incredible effects it has on me.

Doors---oh yeah, have listened to them for a long time. Riders on the Storm is my favorite though.

I'll have to try out the other 2.

Hey, try Zeppelin---Nobodys Fault but Mine

I let my boss know what was going on too, he was very, very supportive throughout the whole ordeal.

I truly hope you get to feeling better soon, I know your pain, man. Get a pair of Bill Clinton fingernails and hang in there.

(I had heard a joke about Bill a long time ago, They said that the Smithsonian called him up and wanted his fingernails, he inquired as to why and they said, man after the Monica Lewinsky thing, the attempted impeachment and watergate, anyone who can hang by their fingernails that long must have some kind of superhuman properties in those nails that we would like to preserve and study for the benefit of all mankind :D )


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 30, 2010 10:14 am 
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Hey you! I finally found you Lol.

I am so proud of you hun!! You give me hope and inspiration that I can do this someday. How are you feeling today?

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PostPosted: Tue Nov 30, 2010 10:44 am 
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justagirl,

Sorry, but I'm not sure if you talking to me or Kinetix?

If you're referring to me, Thanks for the support and I'm doing OK, if your not talking to me than I'll pretend you are and Thanks for the support and I'm doing OK. :D

How are you doing?


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 30, 2010 7:38 pm 
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Never heard that Clinton joke haha. I used to work at a comedy club, heard a lot of funny shit. But yea Doors and Zeppelin are both awesome. I've actually been really listening and enjoying music a lot more now that i'm off subs. I actually like a lot more music now. We play a 70s-80s radio station at work and I never realized how awesome some older music is, even though I heard it often because of my parents. Today was day 15, worked another 9 hours and I was getting sweats bad for some reason (probably coffee). Once I got my second wind I started feeling really good. I did a heavy leg workout 2 days ago and it was probably not a good idea. Good lord I'm sore as hell. I have the next 2 days off, hoping I'll make very nice improvements.


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 30, 2010 8:13 pm 
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Yeah, the sweats are a bother...I still from time to time get them and have to slow down for about 10 minutes before they go away. From time to time means maybe once every week or two.

Isn't it stunning how long it can take for all the side effects to go away...I was hooked on blow (and only blow) some time ago and just quit cold turkey. No other drugs to ease me through, no pills, nothing. A couple of days, maybe, was all I remember having minor trouble. Then around the 1 month mark I had 1 dream about doing blow (mad as hornet when I woke up and realized it was a dream). No other issues whatsoever. A couple of days and 1 disappointing dream...too bad opiates weren't the same.


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PostPosted: Wed Dec 01, 2010 9:04 am 
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Last year I jumped off 12mg. I think physically, it was about the same as what you are describing but I was more fatigued, had worse insomnia, and felt mentally tortured much of the time. It took forever for each day to pass. I just didn't feel well or happy. It lasted a very long time. I think it is outstanding that you are working out because you are forcing your brain to generate its' own endorphins and that is exactly what you need. Keep up the good work. Hang in there.

Cherie

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PostPosted: Wed Dec 01, 2010 10:06 am 
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Jackcrack wrote:
Last year I jumped off 12mg. I think physically, it was about the same as what you are describing but I was more fatigued, had worse insomnia, and felt mentally tortured much of the time. It took forever for each day to pass. I just didn't feel well or happy. It lasted a very long time. I think it is outstanding that you are working out because you are forcing your brain to generate its' own endorphins and that is exactly what you need. Keep up the good work. Hang in there.

Cherie


Yeah it is torture lol. Its maddening when you want to do things but physically you're SOL. Today is day 15 and I got a little break today. I don't feel half bad. How long did it take for you to feel "normal"?

And Romeo I know Justagirl, been friends for like 5 years.


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 Post subject: congrats!
PostPosted: Wed Dec 01, 2010 2:33 pm 
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Congratulations on your jump!

I tapered down and have 3 weeks off now.

What kind of plan did you design for ensuring no return to the opiates? I looked around and could find nothing other than 12 step arggh!! I wish there was another way. Maybe someone else here knows of another way?


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PostPosted: Wed Dec 01, 2010 2:44 pm 
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Kelly B - you could check out SMART recovery? Unless that's not what you meant by something else?

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PostPosted: Wed Dec 01, 2010 3:07 pm 
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Hey kinetix. Ur amazing...seriously! I actually make a point of checking in on this thread each day just to see how you're feeling.

I'm soooo pulling for you. I'm sure you know about PAWS and how it's different for everyone. Based on how you've been doing and all that I've read about PAWS, I predict you'll feel the real yuckiness for maybe another 2 weeks. At some point, you'll be able to sleep well again. That shouldn't be too far off. At that point, I think things will truly start being easier. The biggest thing you'll most likely deal with is fatigue. People say it comes on and then gradually eases up and then it goes away for a while and then comes back again, but over time it gets reliably better. It's an up and down type deal, with an overall upward trend...(like the stock market USED to be, lol).

The fact that you're working out is fantastic. So many people just cannot force themselves to do that because the tiredness is too overwhelming. You are really tough. Getting your blood pumping will help rewire your brain, help you sleep better, and make you feel good about how you look, etc.

IMO, not sleeping well makes everything harder. In not too long, you'll be sleeping and then everything will look brighter. I hope you don't feel like you have to be Superman. I know this must be sooooo friggin' hard and you've defied the odds with jumping from such a high dose and hanging in there. Your strength really inspires me to not fear the unknown so much. I'm glad you feel comfortable posting even when you aren't feeling well. Being honest with how you are really doing and whether you need some additional help (anti-depressants, etc.) will get you through this. And you know everyone here will support whatever you choose.

Thanks for updating. I love reading your story.

;-)

laddertipper

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 Post subject: Re: congrats!
PostPosted: Thu Dec 02, 2010 8:26 am 
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KellyB wrote:
Congratulations on your jump!

I tapered down and have 3 weeks off now.

What kind of plan did you design for ensuring no return to the opiates? I looked around and could find nothing other than 12 step arggh!! I wish there was another way. Maybe someone else here knows of another way?


My plan is to not do drugs. They've caused nothing but grief. I've been "clean" for 3 years. I'm 25, and drugs aren't cool in my circle of friends. This is my opportunity to not be a screw up in the family anymore. I might join the Air Force Reserves if I can't get my life together this time around. I long for a bright and productive future, and it finally might happen. I have to try to be as optimistic and mentally strong as possible. I thought about 12 steps or NA meetings, but i think i'd be very uncomfortable, and frankly I just want to move on and put it in the past.

Laddertipper, thanks for the kind words. Getting to the gym still involves a lot of self convincing of why I need to go. But when I do go I actually feel a lot better than if I had not. The only times I get relief throughout the day is when I nap, shower, and go to the gym. Yesterday I tried to drink a coffee and it gave high anxiety and sweats, which sucks cause I love coffee. So mid afternoon I knocked myself out with some Clonidine because I could not stand the feeling I had. This is still a battle, and I actually refused to believe in PAWS at first, but some hours of the day are just so up and down its ridiculous. 3 days ago I stopped taking Wellbutrin because I heard it contributes to anxiety. I was only on it for 3 months, but yesterday I felt so down and shitty that I probably should have stayed with it for another week or so. I bought a game for the Wii to keep myself occupied on my 2 days off this week. Bordem can be a real killer.

Jimmy Eat World - My Best Theory. Just heard this for the first time yesterday lol. Thought i'd share


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PostPosted: Thu Dec 02, 2010 11:15 am 
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My Best Theory, that's a really good song. I still like The Middle by them a lot too.

Uh Oh, Rage Against the Machine just came on my Pandora Radio. Maggies Farm, yeah! Well I ain't gonna work on Maggies farm no more...

I would ask you to maybe re-consider your plan for staying drug free. I'm not insisting or anything like that and the only reason I'm even saying anything is because I would like for you to stay 'clean'. Addiction is a hard, hard mistress to quit and stay away from. It could be months down the road when she bats her eyes at you and, well you know the rest. I think surrounding yourself with friends that aren't cool with drugs is a great big step. Your attitude is great too.

Anyway, just my opinion, man.

Rock On!


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PostPosted: Thu Dec 02, 2010 11:50 am 
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Romeo wrote:
My Best Theory, that's a really good song. I still like The Middle by them a lot too.

Uh Oh, Rage Against the Machine just came on my Pandora Radio. Maggies Farm, yeah! Well I ain't gonna work on Maggies farm no more...

I would ask you to maybe re-consider your plan for staying drug free. I'm not insisting or anything like that and the only reason I'm even saying anything is because I would like for you to stay 'clean'. Addiction is a hard, hard mistress to quit and stay away from. It could be months down the road when she bats her eyes at you and, well you know the rest. I think surrounding yourself with friends that aren't cool with drugs is a great big step. Your attitude is great too.

Anyway, just my opinion, man.

Rock On!


Yea Rage will really get you moving, they definitely know how to rock out. I know what you're saying about addiction. I like the analogy of a mistress, very true. All my old opiate ties are cut off, I've lost 3 great girls because of my addiction and lies, cost myself a lot of money, and probably harmed my brain and body badly. I met a girl recently and I found out she was popping pills so I told her its not going to work out. I feel sorry that she's in that situation but I think it's best not to associate with her. The last 2 weeks have been hell. It's day 17 now and I feel o.k. Avoiding coffee like the plague. I just wish I could fast forward to the 1 month mark : p


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 Post subject: kinetix, how ya feeling?
PostPosted: Tue Dec 07, 2010 2:07 pm 
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So, today is Day 22 for you, right? I'm wondering how it's going....hoping you're hanging in there and maybe even sleeping better?

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 07, 2010 11:49 pm 
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laddertipper wrote:
So, today is Day 22 for you, right? I'm wondering how it's going....hoping you're hanging in there and maybe even sleeping better?


I wanted to wait a week before I posted because I thought the improvements would be insignificant, but I feel too good not to. 22 days of ups and downs, and I think the ice is broken. I've been working hard, socializing, and lifting. I'm going out to dinner with the ex in a few days after a 6 month hiatus. I'm not going to lie, I'm excited and nervous at the same time. She is a wonderful girl, and I'm going to see her for the first time since day 2 of withdrawal (cake walk compared to everyday after). We broke up because of me lying about Suboxone. She knew about my past and I had told her I quit Subs, but she found out. I did not go through this because of her, I did this because I was tired of the poor decisions I made. She has stayed true to me through the whole ordeal. It's hard to believe, but I have no reason not to trust someone who was heartbroken by MY lies. I was able to sleep without help (alcohol, clonidine, or ambien) a few days ago. But I feel that i'm not ready to get off my aids completely yet. Even a hot chocolate or a chocolate flavored protein shake is enough to give me that shitty anxiety attack that I hate. I gave up coffee because it gave me sweats. I had a snickers bar today, and I started getting sweaty palms and sweaty pits. Its weird that I get anxiety so easily, or maybe it's just waves of withdrawals that i'm still feeling. I've been off Wellbutrin for 1 week as well. I've been smoking more cigs but I'm going to take Chantix next week and quit smoking (again). I HATE the smell of cigs right now. All of my senses have waken up, and that bonfire smell is very unattractive. Looking back, I'm glad I went off Suboxone the way I did. I feel like I just went through friggin boot camp and now I have a rewarding self accomplished feeling. But It's late so I'm going to sleep, I hope : )

My song for the night. It's a shorty and an oldie.
Don Williams - It must be love


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PostPosted: Wed Dec 08, 2010 8:34 am 
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Kinetix,

In response to your question of how long it took for me to feel normal.........

I was off for 3 months and would have to say I never did get to the "normal" feeling. Or was that what my "normal" is? I really don't know. HOWEVER....in that three months I had to have 2 surgeries which means I was on pain pills twice for short duration. That could have set me back. I wasn't working out like you are. I agree that the caffeine was an issue. Every day did seem to get just a little bit better. I found myself frustrated that it wasn't "enough" better. It wasn't that I was miserable, but the fatigue was terrible and it made me feel depressed or something. But it wasn't like depression, I just didn't feel like doing anything and wasn't comfortable just sitting around either. I was no longer excited about work and it took forever for each day to go by. My thinking still wasn't very fluid.

HOWEVER (again) you already sound way better than I did. I didn't have any intense cravings or anything. It wasn't anything I couldn't think through and make the right choice. The physical withdrawal was over.

The one thing I wanted more than anything was someone to tell me WHEN it would be over because if I just had a timeframe to look at I could count down the days and be just fine. There was no one who could give me that. Ultimately, I had no options for controlling my pain conditions and decided to go back on sub. I will say despite the information above, it really was more because of the pain than the PAWS that cause me to make the decision. I knew the PAWS would go away. The pain wasn't going to.

Hang in there. You are doing great. This does in fact go away. Also.....suddenly stopping wellbutrin can make you feel TERRIBLE. I suspect your crappy feeling was due to that recently.

How did the date go?

Cherie

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