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PostPosted: Mon Aug 24, 2015 2:55 pm 
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Hi Michelle.Thank you


Last edited by CQuick on Thu Aug 27, 2015 10:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Mon Aug 24, 2015 3:45 pm 
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HI CQuick,

You are doing so great. And it looks like you are over the hump and things will get better from here on out.

oh and "IMO " means (in my opinion) , just a short way of saying that with out having to type so much.


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PostPosted: Mon Aug 24, 2015 4:13 pm 
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Hey cquick,

I think ur counselor was right on holding off on going bk to the gf for just a bit. Just to let things calm down a bit and also she needs to understand that it's not cool to kick someone out who's already going through a whole lot already. Just make her sweat it out for just a little longer so that she won't be so quick to do it again if something happens down the rd. Trust me, that would definitely make me rethink doing that again if I got scared my bf wasn't gonna come bk lol. Plus, u need calm and support, we all as addicts know how any little type of stress could send us spiraling out of control.

Good job on talking to ur counselor and doctor, being 100% honest is the absolute best thing u can do for urself right now. Migraines suck and I used to get em a lot when I was younger with the vomiting. Thank goodness u got some medication that'll give u some relief. Good job and have a great day!!

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PostPosted: Mon Aug 24, 2015 4:48 pm 
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I agree with Jenn that you should take enough time away from your girlfriend that she can understand that she may have partially been in the wrong. The knee-jerk reaction to kick you out is troubling to me. Unless you lie to her on a regular basis and she is completely fed-up with lying, it was pretty extreme for her not to listen to you explain what happened. If you are to stay together she has to understand that you could have times of weakness on your road of recovery. If she expects perfection from here on out then her expectations are not realistic. These are things you need to discuss if you are to proceed with your relationship.

Amy

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PostPosted: Mon Aug 24, 2015 5:24 pm 
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Thank you Ruady, Jenn & Amy.
Thanks


Last edited by CQuick on Thu Aug 27, 2015 10:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Mon Aug 24, 2015 10:53 pm 
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Hey CQ,

Yeah its troubling to me that she would go to the extreme of kicking you out of your home, and also to threaten to call the police?! That's some crazy drama. I'm sorry you're going through all that. But before you go back I would think about what you really want and expect. Because cheating is not cool, nor is threatening to. Soooooo not cool.

Take some time to start feeling better. I found when I quit subs and finally started feeling a little better it was much easier for me to put things in perspective. Hopefully the same will happen for you. You're doing great! Keep strong.


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 25, 2015 5:18 am 
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I'm so sorry CQuick, that your girlfriend seems to be very self-centered, prone to drama, and a cheater besides. Maybe it's time for a clean break? I know you're just venting like we all do about our significant others, but I think there are signs of emotional mistreatment on her part. It seems that she is very likely a controlling person. The way she communicates with you is not "fighting fair".

I am especially disturbed that she treats you like a "loser addict". You are a good person who has many gifts and redeeming values! It seems that she needs to make you out to be terrible in order to make herself feel good, and that is messed up! In a mutually caring relationship you shouldn't have to be walking around on egg shells afraid to set her off.

You are a good man who is dealing with a brain disorder that can't be completely cured at this point. That makes it your responsibility, but not your fault.

Focus on your recovery efforts and surround yourself with people who really love and care for you. Plan for a future that may not include her. It's hard, but it can be done.

Amy

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PostPosted: Tue Aug 25, 2015 7:46 am 
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Thank you Qom & Amy.


Last edited by CQuick on Thu Aug 27, 2015 11:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Tue Aug 25, 2015 7:50 am 
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 25, 2015 10:39 am 
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Last edited by CQuick on Thu Aug 27, 2015 11:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Tue Aug 25, 2015 11:30 am 
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Hey cquick :)

I think it would have definitely been easier to have stopped sub at a much lower dose, I'm sure u had ur reasons for doing it the way u did though and I respect that. Like I said before, being honest with ur doctor was the best thing u could do and I'm sure u feel a huge weight lifted now.

As far as going bk on sub as ur Dr is suggesting, I think that's completely up to u. U need to really think about it. Do u think that ur in danger of relapse? You've been doing awesome and I think u should be proud of urself no matter what u choose. There's been plenty of ppl who've stopped sub and then realized they just weren't ready yet and went bk on a much lower dose. There's definitely no shame in that whatsoever. Don't let anyone decide this for u, this is something only u know what is best. Definitely don't ask ur gf lol, do this for u and u only. Whatever u choose, everything will work out. Good luck with ur decision, take this time to think.

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PostPosted: Tue Aug 25, 2015 3:24 pm 
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Hi CQuick,

Dang I really feel for you and your situation with your girlfriend. It is so difficult to try to explain subs to a" Non-addict" or explain "addition" for that matter.

If you haven't been thru it the sympathy just doesn't seem to be there. Unless you are with a saint haha.

I am really glad that you are going to visit your sub doctor for some extra external advice.

I too, jumped several years ago at 2mg. and I was sober without subs for one year. I did later decide to go back to suboxone, for more depression reasons and cravings for my drug of choice (opiate pills)

I now just take a small dose every day as maintenance. (1/4 of a 5.7mg zubsolv) This small amount gives me the least amount of side effects but yet still helps with cravings and curbs my depression.

Get advice from your sub doctor and weigh out your options of what you can do.

being on a low maintenance dose of subs is ok if it keeps you from craving the drug of choice.

That is up to you and how you feel.

Good luck to you!


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 25, 2015 3:42 pm 
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Hey CQ,

Honestly I don't think its a bad idea to get back on at a lower dose. I say this because I have my suspicion that you may not be quite ready to stop. I think a person has to want to quit for themselves mainly. If you're just doing it to appease another person chances are you won't be successful. I was not my first time I quit, and I did it for someone else.

But you will know in your heart if you're really ready, just listen to it. You may want to get back on, get your life in order, then taper and quit. That's what I did. I found myself a long way from where I was. That's why I'm not worried about relapsing.

Def take some time and think about it. Whatever you choose will be right.


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 25, 2015 10:14 pm 
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Thank you


Last edited by CQuick on Thu Aug 27, 2015 11:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Wed Aug 26, 2015 9:19 am 
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Hey C, You are amazing and my hero! I can not do depression and would do anything to stop it! That is how I got where I am. I started to feel depressed,I think and doc does to, as a result of menopause. Thats how my opiate addiction started. The depression that came along with withdrawl was the worst! Only you can make the decision for yourself about the suboxone. And, can I ask, is your gf in some kind of counseling? I dont know many forty yr old women who want to have sex every day. Now, that could just be the norm for her but she does still need to take your feelings into consideration! I know you love her but I wonder if this relationship is whats best for you! Have you guys ever gone to counseling together? It really can make a big difference especially if both people are reallt committed to the relationship. I hope you have the best day and you are feeling only better!


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 26, 2015 1:58 pm 
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Last edited by CQuick on Thu Aug 27, 2015 11:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Wed Aug 26, 2015 4:52 pm 
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Hey CQ,

Sorry to hear you are feeling depressed. I totally get that, I suffer with major depressive disorder and feeling blue a bit is almost always the norm, coming off of subs it got pretty intense. A couple weeks in my mom asked me how I was, I said really depressed. She said "I bet you are". Even she understood all I was going through was enough to depress anyone! So that kind of helped me think through it, that it was to be expected. I haven't heard you say you've been diagnosed with clinical depression before, if you did I'm sorry I missed it. Talk with your counselor about the possibility of getting on an antidepressant, even if its short term.

I too suffer with anxiety. I feel like I'm on a roller coaster going downhill. I get that feeling of my stomach just dropping. And I start getting really nervous about things. I've tried to turn this into a positive. When I'm anxious about things I have control over, I let the anxiety be a driving force in my doing something to change it. It may be a messed up philosophy, but it works for me.

Hang in there. You still have a couple days before your appointment. If by Friday you're still not sure, take a little more time. Everything will turn out ok. Sometimes its difficult to see past your present funk. But you will come out ok. You're trying to do the right thing.


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 26, 2015 7:25 pm 
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Hey C and Q, you both are amazing and two of the strongest people I know! I have never had to deal with depression. I have always been that "the glass is half full, the birds are singing, life is wonderful" girl! Yes I know, Polyanna sunshine they have called me or Giselle from that movie where the chipmunk is her friend! lol Its ok I just smiled and kept going. Osteoarthritis introduced me to tramadol and menopause thrown in with the wd from the trams showed me what depression was all about. I could not take it! So thank God for subs! I tell my clients all the time...do not live your life being depressed. Find a good doctor who will listen to you and get on an anti depressant that works for you! It is a crime that it takes such a long time to get the meds working effectively! All the money spent in the pharmaceutical industry and you think that they could develop a drug that worked immediately! Anyway, sorry to rant! I hope you both had an easier day!


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 26, 2015 8:11 pm 
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You are so lucky Michelle. That's funny you said that because I was asked recently why my glass was always half empty! Why am I always so negative? I replied I'm just being realistic! I've been through so many shitstorms that I always hope for the best but expect the worst.


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 27, 2015 2:08 am 
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Thanks for the kindness and Levity


Last edited by CQuick on Thu Aug 27, 2015 11:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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