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PostPosted: Sat Sep 13, 2014 3:01 pm 
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Day 18- sleep not great the past few night's since only had 1 week worth of lyrica and xanax. The lack of energy and motivation is just SO FREAKIN FRUSTRATING. It's like I'm going 1 step forward and 3 steps back. Anxiety is better than prior weeks. Doing anything is an amazing task. Not a good day at all.


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 13, 2014 10:54 pm 
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Yeah, the lack of motivation and crap energy are TRYING!! Keep hanging in there and keep your eye on the prize because it will get better, it just takes time and patience. Patience is an addict's strong suit, right? :wink:

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PostPosted: Mon Sep 15, 2014 11:59 am 
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Romeo wrote:
Yeah, the lack of motivation and crap energy are TRYING!! Keep hanging in there and keep your eye on the prize because it will get better, it just takes time and patience. Patience is an addict's strong suit, right? :wink:


Not when I was waiting to score, it wasn't, or in a line-up at the clinic.

Is has gotten better side by side with my serenity, though, along energy levels and motivation.

Good luck!

-- ji

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"Past and future veil God from our sight; burn both of them with fire."
-- Rumi, Sufi poet and teacher


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 15, 2014 1:26 pm 
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Day 20- or so.. Was in a pretty dark place the past couple days with a lot of worry about how to get a strong foot hold in beating my wanting to escape reality. I honestly started getting overwhelmed with thoughts of "where to start" in rebuilding my life. I'm starting fresh. I thought I had all the answers in finding my love of fitness again which I have yet to do. Guess I'm waiting to start working again to be able to eat right to make gains and not over train. Excuse? Maybe, but it is something I daydream about, so there's a spark ready to be lit somewhere inside. But, it goes so much deeper than relieving stress and rekindling a once loved hobby. How do I keep from falling into the same pitfalls of my past? The same routines that eventually lead back to the road of addiction. I guess I feel like it'll sneak up on me and I'll be powerless again. Just scared I guess. This fear is a difference I can tell from my last attempt at sobriety a couple years ago. Last time I was cocky,ignorant to the power of addiction and just not ready to get clean. I made promises to family members this time will be different and I need.....want to make good on this promise because if I f*** up again then I chance loosing the people that love me most. I guess I'm just getting humbled at the monumental task of getting clean and staying clean and the path I need to take. I guess I have to take small steps that will lead to big changes and figuring out my path isn't easy..


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 15, 2014 2:15 pm 
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Hi Avinlo, it can seem pretty tough at times during the early days, but hang in there, it definitely gets better and soon. By day 30 or 40, you'll hardly bother keeping track of your jump time.

Eventually you'll come to see life rebuilding as an opportunity to find out who you're meant to be, not a troubling challenge to be endured. BTW eating well and exercising will speed up your recovery, definitely don't put it off if you don't have to.

What are you doing in terms of a recovery plan? If you're an addict like me, then you are powerless over your addiction. The trick is, staying close to whatever it is that removes the obsession. Can't see how someone can do this without a recovery plan.

Best of luck to you today.

-- ji

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"Past and future veil God from our sight; burn both of them with fire."
-- Rumi, Sufi poet and teacher


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 15, 2014 6:55 pm 
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Thanks johnny. I'm sort of in a weird predicament. It would take 4-5 paragraphs to explain. I did this jump unemployed and living with a family member on limited income. I got about $60 a week to get by on. I burned bridges in my family that I just recently repaired. I up and quit my job 9 month's ago where I was making $25 an hour and moved 2 hours away. I was on a destructive path and bucking my sub doctors recommended path for recovery.....AA. I wasn't ready to get clean. I've had 9 months of R&R to do a lot of reflection on my life. I live in a small town now with no opportunity, so might possibly move back and resume my old job, but with a different view of my life and what I want out of it. It's just getting started with this severe lack of motivation and more funds. I have a plan....just gotta get it started and work my way back into society instead of hiding from it, as I've done for the past 9 months. I know....unorthodoxed.


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 19, 2014 10:58 am 
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Day 24- This week is a marked improvement from last week. No physical symptoms that I can tell. Anxiety is ramping down, but far from gone. Energy and motivation is slowly increasing, but far from where I want it...need it. RLS is gone. I sleep decent about every other night with help of doxyalamine OTC. On nights I can't sleep it's best described my brain won't shut off.....rambling thoughts about EVERYTHING. It's never more true LAO detox improvements are marked in weeks.


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 26, 2014 3:03 pm 
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Day 31- Still hanging in there. Damn anxiety and anhedonia has its teeth in me still from dopamine deficit. All physical symptoms are gone, so PAWS is set in...I guess. Each week seems like a slight improvement, but have days where it seems I'll slide back a week. Just so non linear. Have to force myself to do everything because such low motivation. Still paying the piper for saturating my brain with opiates for years, but my debt will eventually be paid..lol.


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