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PostPosted: Mon Oct 20, 2014 12:44 pm 
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For those who don't know I've been on bupe for 8yrs.. After a solid and I thought patient taper since june (4 months) I finally thought my jump was going to be easier..24h later I realised I might not be ready yet (F... I feel like such a weak person!!!!)
Been on 0.25 mg last 8 days taking .125 in the morning and before bed. I've basically been in moderate wd for the last 5 days (only got a little better for short periods after dosing)..clonidine helped.
Obviously I calculated wrong and tried to rush it a bit with the jump helped by the notion that I will be running out of sub anyway.. Everyone says the worst part is at day 3..and that number got me psyched since my wd's got pretty bad around noon today (already?!!).
Went to my doc today and got another box which definitely will be my last! It felt bad..and I feel defeated..but I do have a plan which must work. Other than obviously stabilising at 0.25, I believe the key is that I have to get used to dosing only once per day.. My taper was solid but I did dose 3x a day most of the time rewarding my brain too often..I believe the wd's come stronger for those who dose too often however low amount they are on...
So I decided to start dosing strictly once per day for the next 7 days (.25) and then start skipping days in order to give my brain time to adjust and avoid the panic.. this should take precisely 33 days and it should look like this: 0.25, 0.25, 0.25, 0.25, 0.25, 0.25, 0.25, 0, 0.25, 0.25, 0.25, 0.25, 0, 0.25, 0.25, 0.25, 0, 0.25, 0.25, 0, 0.25, 0, 0, 0.25, 0, 0, 0, 0.25, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0.25..OVER


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 20, 2014 2:32 pm 
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fuser, so much of it is mental. We tend to focus on how we're feeling all the time. Keep busy and don't let the thought enter your brain. When the time comes to finally stop, stay very very busy even though you won't feel like it. Lethargy comes in fairly quick and it's easy to just sit and focus on how you feel. Don't get caught up in that. Tell your brain to shut up and you'll be fine.

Don't hit yourself over the head for not jumping. No one likes to have their comfort med taken away. You'll live through it and come out a stronger person.

Don't fret about yesterday or tomorrow. Today is what counts.

rule

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PostPosted: Mon Oct 20, 2014 2:35 pm 
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Listen up Fuser...I'm a p*ssy :roll: . No other way to say it...If I made it to day 9, ANYONE can and that's coming off of 2mg and the week prior some F it moments and taking more. YOU CAN DO IT!!!!! When you're ready, you're ready. I admire people who stick to a taper cuz I was up, down and sideways until I gave them over to my husband...My theory was if I felt like shit during tapering and prolonging it, just do it. I was so so tired of WD's. You can make it happen and come out the other side!! :lol:

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PostPosted: Mon Oct 20, 2014 4:11 pm 
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rule62 wrote:
fuser, so much of it is mental. We tend to focus on how we're feeling all the time. Keep busy and don't let the thought enter your brain. When the time comes to finally stop, stay very very busy even though you won't feel like it. Lethargy comes in fairly quick and it's easy to just sit and focus on how you feel. Don't get caught up in that. Tell your brain to shut up and you'll be fine.

Don't hit yourself over the head for not jumping. No one likes to have their comfort med taken away. You'll live through it and come out a stronger person.

Don't fret about yesterday or tomorrow. Today is what counts.

rule



We do..and i know I do! 'Busy'...sounds good..but my problem is atm that I'm unnemployed which gives me quite a lot of time to obsess about how I'm feeling...my light of the day is gym which helps lot and I do work hard...but I'll have to figure out something to occupy me during the day..thnx for the good words


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 21, 2014 4:57 am 
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Hey fuser,
IMO you are still doing great because you are making progress! It does not matter if you fall, as long as you get back up again, right? That is success!

Have you thought of volunteering your time to get your mind off yourself and onto others? For me focusing on others has been one of the keys to getting me through this shit. I'm sure there are many organizations that would be thrilled to have some help. Schools perhaps? Reading to kids and/or letting them read to you? Helping a busy teacher out? United Way? Habitat for Humanity?
Just a thought-
BF

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PostPosted: Thu Oct 23, 2014 10:46 am 
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Bf thnx but you know It's difficult to think about these things in cravings (which is right now)...while they seem so realistic and sensible after dosing..right?

After going to my doc for another box of subs I decided to start dosing only once per day (0,25)..it is trickier and I am waiting for my next dose in a couple of hours... Skipping days still feels scary, but being on such small doses I really feel that once I skip that day/night I might not even dose anymore and just jump...it's such a psychological battle between me and me :)
P.S. I also feed on the fact that being on such small doses will not protract the full wd's for over 3 days..hopefully


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 27, 2014 8:47 pm 
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Hey fuser,
How are things going? Are you still on track with your taper? Are you down to dosing once per day? Good luck to you!!


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 28, 2014 1:40 am 
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Yes Fuser, please tell us how your doing


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 03, 2014 8:31 am 
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Dosing only once per day for me is still a challenge but I am doing it..haven't been able to skip a day yet but hey after being used to dosing 3x a day for most of my sub life, I'm taking this as a success.. I did take one rescue dose since I'm out of clonidine (new ones should come in a few days..)
My dose is normally around 1 pm and I'm usually in moderate wd since I wake up around 09 am.. The final jump is close..what I do feel these days is a big amount of anxiety..clonidines help with this but since I'm out..It does get scary..


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 03, 2014 5:34 pm 
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Dosing once a day when you're used to 3 is a very positive change. It may help you trust the process more that you know you can still survive despite having made that change.

The only one you are accountable about tapering and stopping is yourself. Don't let feelings of negativity weigh you down, but remember the positive steps you are taking!

Amy

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PostPosted: Wed Dec 03, 2014 11:52 pm 
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Ok..jump No2
Second night off..not that bad although not a piece of cake either jumping from 0,25..I'm further away than ever in terms of not taking any sub so I really feel I'm doing it this time ;)


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PostPosted: Thu Dec 04, 2014 1:14 am 
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That's a scary step and you did it!! Good job and keep going!

Amy

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PostPosted: Fri Dec 05, 2014 1:05 am 
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Great Job Fuzer!

It takes so much courage to take this leap! I'm excitedly reading along with you to see how everything goes. I hope for the absolute best which would be you feeling great and not needing to dose again. But, if it doesn't work out that way and you choose to go back to your taper you laid out above there is nothing wrong with that!

You are in control now, and you will do what works best for YOU.

Yay!!!! I'm seeing another success story in the making!

Q

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PostPosted: Fri Dec 05, 2014 4:46 am 
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Thanks qhorsegal

72+ hours since dosing...last night was just sleeping awake (don't you hate that :)
The good thing is I'm already getting used to the feeling of wd's and I'm now sure I'll pull it out.. Just need the sleep which I got only about 2h in the morning which made me feel better...
All those months reading people's posts on this forum helped me so much..and I'm now connecting the dots from other peoples expiriences to mine...so thanks for that


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PostPosted: Fri Dec 05, 2014 2:02 pm 
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Good job fuser,

That positive attitude will go a long way!

Keeping you in my prayers today.

Q

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PostPosted: Fri Dec 05, 2014 9:01 pm 
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Sleep, sleep, sleep. That really seems to be the most difficult part of this for everyone! That's what hits me the most as I taper. Even clonidine and benedryl won't keep me asleep. Take 0.25 mg and within 90 minutes I'm able to sleep longer than I even need - such a small dose but such a powerful effect.

Thanks for the updates. Best if luck to you and please keep them coming.

Don


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PostPosted: Sat Dec 06, 2014 3:10 am 
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Allright..the worst part is over..4 days since my last 0,25 crumb.. slept for maybe 3h..felt so tired last night I thought I 'd sleep much better but the brain just doesnt or cant get into REM just yet.. but I knew what to expect.. Night No2 was definitely the worst..just like so many people who've been through the slow taper on this forum said it would be..amazing!
Donh..yea it's some powerfull sh...even the crumbs.. I needed a month and a half to get stabilised on 0.25..also the last 2 weeks I dosed around noon and even than slept ok (with a little clonidine)..that's when I knew I was ready..
P.S. last few nights clonidine didnt do much but at least cut out the anxiety..


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PostPosted: Sat Dec 06, 2014 7:17 pm 
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Not sure where my taper will end nor if it will. My doc has come a long way since I started with him. He's gone from wanting me to stop in 2012 at about 2 mg every other day to saying I can stay on as long as I want to due to "new data" showing the high relapse rate. I'm able to rather easily cut 0.25 mg pieces from an 8 mg strip. The same size piece taken from a 2 mg strip would be 0.03 mg or around 30 micrograms. I do have to wonder if that's not a better way off. Not suggesting you do this, mind you. Just in general if such a lower jump does work better? Or is it just lower misery for a longer time vs higher misery for a shorter time?

Hope it continues to get better for you. I really value the info you are reporting.


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PostPosted: Sun Dec 07, 2014 8:03 am 
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Donh..it depends how you feel about it..I was stuck on it for too long..and was dreaming of the day I would get unstuck..not that it didnt scare the shit out of me..It was all I had left..and my days revolved around it!! As for relapses it's too early for me to talk about it..not that it didnt cross my mind now that I'm 'clean', but having been off any stuff other than bupe for some 7 yrs it is so much easier to just brush off the cravings..

DAY 5..I no longer crave for that 'warm me up' sub... Can still feel it leaving my body..but much less.. slept for 5-6 h and it made me wake up so positive in the morning..not having to think about dosing or obsess about holding on until later in the day only so i could sleep better at night...thats all in the past now..and it feels good.. I need to say I'm proud of myself after many years !!


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PostPosted: Sun Dec 07, 2014 3:41 pm 
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I can honestly feel the sub leaving my bones..not a nice feeling..still kind of difficult to settle in one position.. But feeling the music!!! The bupe fog is clearing..


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