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 Post subject: My journey - [DAY 1]
PostPosted: Tue Nov 01, 2011 4:20 pm 
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Hey all...

I have been lurking this forum for a longggg time, and just recently decided to register. A little background about myself: I'm 26 and have been addicted to opiates nearly all my adult life. I started when I was 16 and haven't really looked back. As with most, it started abusing lortabs, vicodins, then percocet, and finally gave way towards roxies and oxymorphone. I have been in the restaurant business and realized that abusing these meds at work would give me much better tips as I worked much more efficiently on them and could deal with customers with a smile no matter what!

Well flash forward to me now: I've been on subs for the past 2.5 years after I realized that enough was enough and that I was hurting the most important people in my life by stealing, lying, cheating, and just generally taking advantage of everyone that cared about me just so I could get my next fix. Subs were an absolute and total lifesaver! I felt like I had found my "calling" and everything in the world was golden. I wasn't breaking the law, I was stable, and most of all my loved ones had started trusting me again. What could go wrong, right? Heh. My doctor told me I could stay on subs for virtually the rest of my life, and my opiate-craving passenger inside me tended to agree.

Anyways, I got to the point where I was constipated out of my mind. I went to the doctor and he literally told me I was full of shit by showing me an x-ray of my intestines. I hated waking every morning and having to put that little orange strip under my tongue. I hated being dependent on this fucking stuff. I was a prisoner. After finding this site for the first time about a year ago, I tried just dropping it cold turkey and soon found myself gravitating back to the suboxone. The withdrawals were intense. But after doing some research on long, drawn out tapers, I put the gears in motion and jumped at .5mg/day. And that's where I am today: day 1 with no Sub. I don't have any withdrawal symptoms to speak of yet, but I know it's coming.

I'll be posting here daily with updates on how it's going. And hopefully one day my log can help somebody else as other's have helped me reach this point in my life. If anyone else is currently going through withdrawal (or taper) feel free to post here and I'll reach out. Thanks!


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 Post subject: [DAY 2]
PostPosted: Wed Nov 02, 2011 1:31 pm 
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Not feeling so hot... but not terrible either. I'm able to get out of bed and move around with only slight discomfort. The dysphoria seems to come in waves, and my stomach has some gnarly cramps. Last night before bed I took some clonidine and it really seemed to knock me out. I kept waking up every 4-5 hours or so but was able to drift back to sleep. I keep having motivational conversations with myself, but I am scared that the worst is yet to come.


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 02, 2011 2:03 pm 
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Hi and welcome! Congratulations on your continued sobriety! You sound like you did your homework and in the end the decision to do a proper taper will pay off. Of course you will have some withdrawls and discomfort but with the strength and determination you showed thru your taper you will get thru this as well. If it starts feeling overwhelming just remember it will pass. Feel free to vent along the way, and thanks for posting your progress, it is very helpful to others who will be going down the same road!


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 02, 2011 2:05 pm 
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Oh and I forgot to say that we are all hear cheering you on along the way!


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 02, 2011 3:53 pm 
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Hey SubSandwich,

I completely understand your desire to get off of Suboxone. I shared many of your sentiments as I approached my quit date.

I see you decided to try and do a jump, but the wd got a bit too crazy and you went back to Suboxone. I think that was a good decision. Instead of giving up altogether, you backed up, regrouped and decided on a taper.

You've tapered all the way down to .5mg and that's fantastic, I know how much discipline that took and I firmly believe you will have relatively minor wd compared to jumping off a high dose. Is your wd still gonna suck ass at times, yeah. But it's better than jumping.

Immodium worked wonders for my "stomach issues." I'm glad to hear you've got Clonidine, it helps with several wd symptoms.

Just hang in there. It will eventually get better. I'm sure your brain is trying to convince you that you're gonna feel like dog crap forever, but it's wrong.....you will feel better.

Oh Yeah, try to keep yourself distracted as much as possible. I used music to help keep my mind off of things. Sitting around, concentrating on how shitty you feel is the worst thing you can do!!

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Be kind to yourself. Our character defects do NOT define who we are!


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 02, 2011 6:59 pm 
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Greetings SubSandwich, welcome to this forum. I for one can tell you this is a place where you will recieve sincere guidance and answers to your questions as well as a place to just journal your experience. I am fairly new here and everyone has been so wonderful and positive and when ya need it, you will get NO BULL S$*T advice. Congrats on your taper. I am tapering curently and strive to be wherre you are very soon. I am rooting for you. Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing. You have a great bunch of people here for support...Blessings


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 03, 2011 6:39 pm 
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Hey everyone,

Quick question from someone who maybe did this before. I've been off sub for 16 days and still feel shitty so yesterday I took some Ultram, I feel shitty today too so I'm wondering if I screwed myself here and am gna somehow start all over or if I will be okay? Anyone know????


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 Post subject: [DAY 3]
PostPosted: Fri Nov 04, 2011 12:18 am 
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And so it begins...

I feel like utter ass. But that's okay. My last dose of around .35-.50 was approximately 72 hours ago. I've been anticipating and mentally preparing myself for these symptoms for a long time now, and I can say without a doubt they aren't even as bad as I thought they would be. Granted, the full symptoms probably haven't hit home yet :roll:

Thanks for all the replies... I really don't have anyone helping me with the jump. I'm shacked up at my lakehouse with a fridge full of gatorade, a cabinet full of immodium, clonidine, valerian root, melatonin, vitamins, etc, etc... If things really get terribly unbearable I do have a safety stash of suboxone but of course, that's only upon severe medical emergency. I even thought about flushing that shit and having it wiped from my mind completely. All the support here is wonderful, and I just want everyone to know that just knowing that people are out there in your corner REALLY helps with my confidence levels.

Anyways, the symptoms are getting worse, obviously. I'm constantly yawning, sneezing, shitting. I tried taking a nap today and I just flopped around on the bed and realized that it wasn't going to happen. Sleep tonight? Yeah, probably not happening either. I had to drive to the grocery store to pick up some things earlier and this cheesy country song came on the radio and I'm completely broke down and started crying. It was definitely an odd sensation, as I haven't cried much (if at all!) while being on the suboxone maintenance. It actually felt pretty damn good being able to rekindle my shacked up emotions that have apparently been repressed the past years.

It's midnight and day 3 is done. Full speed ahead! I think I'll lie on my back and watch the fan spin for a couple hours.


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 04, 2011 12:23 am 
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Oh, and a side note: finallyoff: I don't believe that taking Ultram will reset your withdrawal because it's [s]not even an opiate[/s] :shock:

I stand corrected, it is an opiate... hmm... I'm not sure how that would affect suboxone withdrawal, interesting.

The clonidine has helped immensely at night so far with me as it just knocks me out completely... at least for an hour or two. If you felt shitty before taking the Ultram, and then still feel shitty after taking it then why do you think you have to start over? Feeling shitty is part of the process :lol:

Good luck to you and feel free to post here with updates.


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 04, 2011 1:18 am 
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Lol! You are so funny. Well, your definitely prepared:) Withdrawal is never fun, I just went through w/d's from methadone but thank goodness for suboxone. I wish there was a pill to go to from subs that would eliminate w/d's and not cause w/d's when you come off them lol. Good luck! So happy for you, hope your feeling like yourself again very soon!!:)


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 04, 2011 6:47 pm 
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Thanks SubSandwich

I have been off sub for 18 days. I took 2 vicoden today to help bc I've been feeling like shit still. This is about my 4th time coming off of sub and last time i came off I was pretty much back to normal on day 9. I'm not sure why it is taking so long this time. I have the weekend off so I hope I will be pretty damn close to being normal by monday which is 3 weeks. I also hope the vic didnt screw me but I just couldnt take this feeling I have any more. I think the ultram screwed me the other day or I would probably be back to normal by now. I have a full script of sub left but I do not want to get it filled. I want to toss it so i'm not temped. I HAVE to be feeling pretty close to normal by 3 weeks even tho I screwed up 2 days by taking ultram and vic right? Anyone been there before? I need some encouragement here. I dont know why im not feeling normal again its never taken me this long before, I just know I DO NOT EVER WANT TO GET BACK ON SUB AGAIN IN MY LIFE. It was easier for me to come off of vicoden and oxy. Did it take anyone 3 weeks to go through withdrawal who was on sub a year?? I'll look forward to hearing some of your stories and when you guys started feeling better again. And good luck to you subsandwich I know you can do this... IT IS POSSIBLE, stay positive and surround urself with positive ppl.


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