It is currently Sun Aug 20, 2017 4:09 am



All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]


Our Sponsors





Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 9 posts ] 
Author Message
PostPosted: Tue Oct 09, 2012 12:51 pm 
Offline
Average Poster
Average Poster
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2012 10:55 am
Posts: 6
Location: Florida
Hello everyone, my first time posting on here. My story...About three years ago as I was lost in a very bad marriage where I was emotionally broken, tried everything to make it work and failed. We were tied together in joint ownership of our house and our company. Took really bad advice from a friend, was introduced to roxies and went down the opiate rabbit hole. I took them off and on for maybe 6 or more months and discovered the world of withdrawal. What hell on earth that is! For someone only 30 at the time I know what it feels like to be an 80 year old senior citizen who is dying. I got Suboxone, Subutex or Methadone from the same friend who hooked me up with the Roxies. I stayed on that crap for half a year because whenever I ran out i started going into withdrawal and couldn't deal with it and I had zero knowledge of what the hell I was doing. Finally I came to the point where she couldn't get any of those medications and all she had to offer me was more blues. I told her no friggin way was i going back down that road again so I stopped cold turkey. First week I was so sick i couldn't move out of bed. Second week I finally forced myself to take a shower. It took me an entire month to get through that hell and another month to get my energy levels up and to not feel so damn depressed and hopeless. I stayed away from that world for approximately three years. I finally got up the courage to end the relationship and move on a year ago. May of this year I started taking roxies again. Worst decision ever. I did this to myself AGAIN. So here I am on day 9 on Suboxone 8 mg film. I'm cutting tiny pieces, still on first packet and I will stop taking it this weekend. I tried to do the cold turkey thing but missed a day of work and cannot take any more time off work as i will lose my job so hopefully it wont kill me when I stop after the fast sub taper. I understand that instead of helping me cope with life these pills only put things on hold and make things much worse and I honestly don't even enjoy being on them any more. I would much rather deal with life and it's downfalls with a clear mind and through clean living. I'm extremely angry that I have done this to myself twice and now I'm facing this horrible withdrawal thing yet again. I think I'm harder on myself than anyone else has ever been my entire life and determined that I will never go down this rabbit hole ever again no matter what life throws at me. Initially it was the mental stumbling block that lead me down this path twice as I'm a very sensitive person and let things get to me too easily, now I think I'm a little stronger mentally and only fear getting through the physical aspect of this hell on earth I'm about to face yet again. I hope I can do this and get through the withdrawal without weakening and taking another piece of sub film. I damn sure wont take any more opiates ever again no matter what as it's simply not worth it. I would like to express my thanks to all who have poured out their souls on this forum as it helps reading about all who have gone through similar situations. Good luck to you all!
C


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Oct 09, 2012 3:55 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 10:39 am
Posts: 4028
Location: Sitting at my computer
Hey DragonTat,

Welcome to the forum!!

As I was reading your story, I was all excited when you said you had 3 years clean, then my heart broke when you said you started Roxies again. I'm so sorry you're in this mess again, but you also sound like you're doing pretty good. You're already taking very small doses of Suboxone, you've only been on it 9 days, so I'm guessing that it has masked the worst of the Roxy wd and now you'll be able to step down from a really small dose of Suboxone.

Before I go too much further, I do want to ask you how you plan on staying off of opiates this time. Just saying, "I'll never do them again" might keep you clean for a good while, but I think you'll eventually end up slipping again.

You've come to some really good realizations, you said, "I understand that instead of helping me cope with life these pills only put things on hold and make things much worse...", that's the absolute truth. Once you're off Sub, what kind of things are you gonna do to help you cope?

You also said, "I'm extremely angry that I have done this to myself twice and now I'm facing this horrible withdrawal thing yet again." Can I ask, do you consider yourself an addict? If you do, then you probably realize that addiction is a brain disorder, it's not a defect of character. If you accept that you're an addict, you're going to have to learn some healthy ways to live with that.

In no way am I trying to pick at you or anything like that, I'm honestly just trying to help.

Anyway, glad you decided to join us and I'm glad you found the forum useful.

_________________
Be kind to yourself. Our character defects do NOT define who we are!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Oct 10, 2012 10:04 am 
Offline
Average Poster
Average Poster
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2012 10:55 am
Posts: 6
Location: Florida
Romeo, yes I'm an opiate addict, obviously or I wouldn't have been through what I've been through. I have thought about why I returned to opiates to cope and realize I need to learn new coping skills to stay off the pills. What do I plan on doing to stay off of them this time for good. Meetings, logging on here, A big breakthrough for me this time was I used to think about how i missed getting high and I missed it, I maybe twisted the memories around in my head and romanticized the whole experience and warped the actual reality. Now I realize that I do not enjoy the high any longer, I don't crave or miss them and I certainly hate calling around, driving around, putting myself at risk to score on the streets and a big thing for me is how expensive it is to buy them when there's way better things to spend my money on. I can't guarantee I'll never take them again. I know i don't want to but I realize there's a risk of slipping yes and I'll do whatever it takes to avoid and fight it this time. I wont justify why it will be okay to take just one because it leads to more and more and there's no justification. It's a loser path and while I may have been weak and slipped up I do have very strong willpower and all I can do is take it day by day. If you have any helpful tips for me I would much appreciate it.
C


Top
 Profile  
 
Our Sponsors
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Oct 10, 2012 2:37 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 10:39 am
Posts: 4028
Location: Sitting at my computer
Hey ya!

The reason I asked if you were an addict is because I've seen several people, who've been through worse than what you or I have been through, and they don't consider themselves addicts. Addiction is a screwy disorder, it's one of those disorders that'll try and convince you that you don't have it. IMO, understanding that we're addicts is the first step into recovery.

You asked for any tips that I may have, but after reading through your latest response, you seem to have a really good grasp on where you are, where you want to go and how to get there. After I got off Suboxone, I slipped up 4 times and it was the last slip that really opened my eyes to the fact that what I was doing wasn't working, so like you, that was my big breakthrough and I took it and ran with it.

If there's one thing I would say to you, it would be this.....recovery is a journey. It's something you have to weave into your everyday life and not neglect.

I hope you do decide to stick around and participate, there are some really good people here with lots of varied experiences and I find most all of them to be a source of strength for me.

_________________
Be kind to yourself. Our character defects do NOT define who we are!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Oct 10, 2012 3:06 pm 
Offline
Average Poster
Average Poster
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2012 10:55 am
Posts: 6
Location: Florida
I have been reading through a lot of the posts on here in the last couple days. Def really good experiences and information on here for sure. I begrudgingly admit I have addiction to deal with as I fully don't understand the disease but I do know that anyone who decides to take pills not prescribed for them for a long period of time and justifies why definitely has some sort of disorder going on because it's deleterious and unwise. But I accept what is and will learn how to correct and live with the realization.
So....why do you refer to yourself as "Romeo" if you don't mind my asking? And..congratulations on your success staying clean and may you have continued success in your journey! :)


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Oct 14, 2012 1:56 pm 
Offline
Average Poster
Average Poster
User avatar

Joined: Sat Oct 13, 2012 4:47 pm
Posts: 4
Welcome and thank you for sharing your story!! Roxies were what got me hooked and I am now tappering myself off of suboxone, but I wanted to check in and see how you are doing with everything?

Hope its going well and thanks again for sharing your story and experience, I can just relate so much to being taken over by the Roxies :/


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Oct 15, 2012 10:52 am 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Sun Jun 10, 2012 10:12 am
Posts: 565
Location: in front of my laptop
GirlWDragonTat wrote:
I have been reading through a lot of the posts on here in the last couple days. Def really good experiences and information on here for sure. I begrudgingly admit I have addiction to deal with as I fully don't understand the disease but I do know that anyone who decides to take pills not prescribed for them for a long period of time and justifies why definitely has some sort of disorder going on because it's deleterious and unwise. But I accept what is and will learn how to correct and live with the realization.
So....why do you refer to yourself as "Romeo" if you don't mind my asking? And..congratulations on your success staying clean and may you have continued success in your journey! :)


[font=Comic Sans MS]Hello dragontat! Romeo is doing a great job so far in saying just aobut everything that I thought while reading your posts.
The only thing that I was going to add, was that when you start "missing" the high, and when you start thinking that
you just may want one more "hoorah"....to play that tape all the way through. The aftermath of what happens after that
whole high is over, and what it has done to your wallet, your self esteem, and your progress. But then, I see that you
seem as though you are starting to do that already anyway.

I think that you sound as though you may just be well on your way to actually getting it this time. I think that it takes
all of us a few tries to get it. Don't sweat that. As long as you eventually get it. I am here to support you no matter
what it is that you need.

Oh...and Romeo calls himself Romeo, because he is just awesome with the ladies!!! LOLOOL!!!!! Just kidding Romeo...you
know I love ya! LOL!
I'll let you tell her the real reason....Take care tatgirl!! And keep us updated! [/font]

_________________
"All great changes are preceded by chaos."
~Deepak Chopra


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Oct 30, 2012 10:33 am 
Offline
Average Poster
Average Poster
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2012 10:55 am
Posts: 6
Location: Florida
Hey everyone! I wanted to follow up with my progress and where I'm at. I'm on week 2 of jumping off Subs. I did an aggressive 14 day taper and here I am on my second week. I'm okay. hangin in there. working, socializing, doing my thing. I've had lack of energy, depression, took over the counter sleep aide so I could get enough sleep for work. Being careful with that as well, took 2, then one, then a half until I could sleep without which I am sleeping okay with no chemical help. Pushing through. I'm doing things to make me feel happy including telling myself YAY! I'm free from taking anything to avoid getting sick! Woohoo! I spend time with family, play my guitar, went out for a steak dinner. Went on a shopping spree at Victoria's Secret and bought a bunch of goodies. FYI this is the best time of the year to get a Pumpkin Smoothie at Jamba Juice and it rocks! I am looking forward to the holidays free of stupid drugs and having more money to spend on other things. I'll make sure to come back on here and update on my progress and I hope maybe I can help others with my story. Much love and success to you all and Happy Halloween! :)
Christy


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Oct 30, 2012 10:43 am 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 10:39 am
Posts: 4028
Location: Sitting at my computer
Wow, good job Christy!!

You sound like you jumped right back into life and that's great to hear.

I'm glad you came by and updated us!

_________________
Be kind to yourself. Our character defects do NOT define who we are!


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 9 posts ] 

All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: mikib and 1 guest


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Our Sponsors
Suboxone Forum latest topics RSS feed Subscribe to the entire forum
 

 

 
Fond Du Lac Psychiatry
Dr. Jeffrey Junig, M.D., Ph.D.

  • Board Certified Psychiatrist
  • Asst Clinical Professor, Medical College of Wisconsin

Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group