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PostPosted: Wed Oct 29, 2014 11:10 pm 
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Joined: Wed Oct 29, 2014 10:41 pm
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Okay. So just to start this off with a bit of history...

I was using oxy for about 1.5 years. Started taking 5mg a day to 30-100mg a day. Usually closer to 30mg, but on weekends, sometimes I'd hit about 100mg.

Also, I was dependent on Klonopin and was taking 4-7mg a day for about 4 years. Well, my doctor stopped my prescription and said I had to go to a psychiatrist for it. I could not get an appt for 6 weeks. Needless to say, I went through benzo withdrawal which was the most awful time in my life. I literally wanted to die.

Moving along, I decided that I no longer wanted to take oxy. I have an anxiety disorder and bipolar disorder and I realized that, even though the oxy helps with both of these things, that I am really just adding fuel to the fire. After attempting CT, I failed. I remembered the benzo withdrawal and was terrified. Mind you, during the past 8 years I've been on many medications and have just stopped many of them without any doctor supervision and was just fine. However, the benzo withdrawal taunted me.

I ended up starting sub about 4 months ago. I already want off. I don't feel like being on medication anymore. I've reached a new chapter in my life. I can honestly say that I do not want to be on any medicine and I would rather take a natural approach to my exsisting disabilities.

That being said, I take about 8mg a day of sub. Today I started taking 6. I plan on staying at 6mg for about two weeks and then dropping down to 4. Staying on 4mg for about 2 weeks and then dropping to 2mg a week and then staying there until I feel comfortable to drop to 1mg. I am going to go as fast as I can but take as much time as I need... does that even make sense?! Haha. I am so upset with myself that I allowed myself to fall into this predicament that I could just cry. But I won't cry. Because from my understanding, and please advise me if I'm wrong... Benzo withdrawal can be much worse. I don't know if I am just working myself up but I went one day not taking sub, I took the tiniest crumb just to taste it... And that alone made me feel calmer. Am I completely wrapped up mentally?!

I plan to use this as my diary and ask questions along the way. I am starting to take a vitamin everyday and drink lots of water to prepare my body for withdrawal when that time comes. Is that going to help?

I feel like I am driving myself crazy. I do not want to take this stuff. I am so done with medications, especially addictive ones. I have read suboxone success stories, and they make me even more excited to be off of it. I hope that the excitmlement of being completely off is some sort of godly gifted motivation or something.

Anyways, if anybody can give me any advice that will help with the WD, or that might make me realize that it is some mental game I am playing with myself haha. Or even just your own story.

I'd love to hear any and all feedback. I look forward to moving past this point in my life and never revisiting it or looking back. It's all about a healthy future. I am 26; I really just want to be a homebody that enjoys the things I used to before inever invested time into this lunacy.

Thank you, everybody.


PostPosted: Thu Oct 30, 2014 9:08 pm 
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Joined: Thu Feb 23, 2012 4:42 am
Posts: 4427
Hi Gypsy, and welcome to the forum. I'm wondering if the "Stopping Suboxone" section would be a better place for your post. That is the section where people talk about tips for tapering, withdrawal symptoms, etc. I want to make sure that you have the support that you need! Take a look at the threads in that section to determine if you want your thread moved and I will be happy to move it there for you.

I'm always a little bit wary when someone writes a thread and appears to want to erase the addictive behavior of the last however many years, detox off whatever medication they are using/misusing, and "move past this point in my life and never revisiting or looking back." I can totally understand the impetus for feeling that way! There are parts of my life that I would like to hit "erase" and be done with them too. :)

This is the problem. Addiction, even if it only took place for 1.5 years, must be faced head-on, must be addressed and revisited often, if you have any hope of long-term recovery. You must be willing to figure out why you were susceptible to addiction in the first place and figure out your triggers for relapse.

I do wish you the best of luck and let me know if you want your thread moved to Stopping Suboxone!


Done is better than perfect!

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