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 Post subject: Jewel's Intro
PostPosted: Fri Jul 28, 2017 7:01 pm 
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Nice to meet all. Very glad to be here. I was on a Suboxone for 9 years. Unfortunately I was taken off cold turkey over 2 years ago due to family threats of leaving my life, threats i go to church and that I needed holistic medicine, they would not support me once they found out I was on Suboxone, or really any psychiatric med. They somehow found out and googled(sigh) Suboxone & came to false despairing conclusions that I was "using" this whole time & such a liar because I was on Suboxone. I was hurt and disgraced & so very angry see I was so successful in my Sub treatment those 9 years. the facility I obtained mine was part of a long history in my recovery. After my 3rd failed attempt at rehab of opiate abuse, I decided to go on it. My center sent me to a halfway house for 18 months where I worked very hard, then from there outpatient weekly clinic in which therapy, case management, and yes even the drug tests consequences kept me in a clean state of mentally free and and very involved in other recovery avenues.
Ok well, I also worked at gaining back my family and beloved children in my life. They were most important in getting back. I don't want to lose them but things such as threats of losing them, my family only seeing me if im in church & holistic....omg it's been over two years of torment. I struggle with dual diagnosis, including severe panic and deep depression, two suicide attempts since going off... So today I said ENOUGH. I called my old clinic, and a week from Monday I go in for paperwork & am praying to go back ON my Suboxone treatment plan and that they will let me back in, have an opening, etc. I left that program so quickly & with no goodbye so I'm afraid they won't let me back & they are the only option for me financially AND I need that weekly therapist, I need my peers, I need my former doctor of 9 years.. yes I suffered through 61 days of hellish cold turkey painful withdrawal but the mental anguish over the past 2 years well overrides that. As far as using again, well alcohol to try to help & a few Percocet(frightening how much I loved them) but that's it simply because I've became a shut in due to mental shit & panic and too scared to leave my apt. I want my program BACK. And yes, I used to read here and thought i was a rear view mirror girl,(I applaud then all by the way), that yes you can get off it, (in hell for me) but dammit I'm going back and for my life if they will take me. The over 2 years of tourture makes those first 61 days nothing. Not if it's a lifetime of this hell on a hamster wheel. And awhile I even went ahead on my own and tried a reg doc to get back on track with Psychiatric issues & medication and I without a doubt need the more intense approach of a team. I have wanted to use since stopping and eventually i will. I DONT WANT TO, but I will, oh God. My drug dependent brain won't let me stay clean, it's science but I know already it's beyond me. Thank you for listening. Please keep me in your thoughts that I will be accepted back when I do my paperwork on Aug 4th at my clinics team and thank you for your stories. You really don't know how you've helped me over the years while I would silently read your posts. And I respect ANYONE in their process and their views. This is just mine.

Julie


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PostPosted: Sat Jul 29, 2017 12:18 am 
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Hey Jewell, Julie,
You are Welcome here! I read your other post in another thread, thx.
Amazing story and RESPECT you and your story very much. I've said often here I'll restart bup in a New York minute before going back out. My half a penny is to copy and paste all your above info to the intro section and use all this to introduce yourself so you can have the time and attention that you deserve!
To quote Razor a moderator here, this is the best place on the planet for sub/bup and lots lots lots of help for you here!
Again welcome, best tonight, P

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Did well on Suboxone. Stopped May 2011.
Stopping went well -- its the staying stopped -- where the real work begins.
Coming here 'keeps recovery green'.


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 Post subject: Re: Jewel's Intro
PostPosted: Sat Jul 29, 2017 10:45 pm 
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Hi Julie! We are glad to have you here, or glad to have you back as the case may be!

I took the liberty of splitting your intro post into its own thread so that people could respond to just you! :)

I find your family appalling and deliberately obtuse. They have forced you into a position where you are shell of your former self. You were doing so well on buprenorphine, but that wasn't good enough! They held you to a standard that is outdated and unrealistic for opioid addicts. Usually when I hear of someone getting lots of pushback from their family, I suggest that they read a bunch of articles and definitions on the NIDA page. Here is the website: https://www.drugabuse.gov/

If they care about you, they will drop the attitudes and be a little bit open minded!

You will always have support here! We know that you are doing the right thing for yourself! Only one more day before your appointment! I join you in hoping that they will understand your situation and try to help you.

Amy

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 Post subject: Re: Jewel's Intro
PostPosted: Sun Jul 30, 2017 6:59 am 
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Jewel I'm so sorry I missed ur post yesterday! Bless ur heart! Yes yes yes go bk to ur buprenorphine treatment. I understand u wanted to please ur family and u gave it a good go but now u realize u have to do what's best for u. Ur family have no idea what mental hell ur going through, not many ppl who aren't addicted understand that misery. So u were trying to please ppl that think they have ur best interest but they don't because they have no idea in actuality. They may think they do but how could they? I totally support u going bk on buprenorphine 100% think ur doing the right thing!

I tried to stay off everything after rehab because I thought that was the only way I could make it. I was a hermit for those months. I had zero motivation and zero love for myself because all I could do was obsess with cravings constantly. U possibly would have relapsed like I did.

I think ur doctor will understand. Tell him the truth. Tell him u tried to please ur family but u know u will be using regularly again without buprenorphine. I think he'll understand better than u think he will :)

Good luck Jewel (love that name btw one of my favorite singers is Jewel). Keep us updated on ur appointment.

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Jennifer


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 Post subject: Re: Jewel's Intro
PostPosted: Sun Jul 30, 2017 6:50 pm 
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Jewel, a big hearty Welcome to the Forum! You're in the right place and we hope you'll stay awhile. The story you told is heartbreaking. I do understand your family though. They don't mean to be hurtful, it is plain lack of knowledge that they are operating on. A lot of us who've been on it a long time like you know that back in the early days most doctors knew very little about Suboxone. What they learned came from us, the patients, in feedback every month. It seemed like I was talking to a wall when I tried to explain how Buprenorphine affects me. Doctors don't like to be informed about a drug they should know more about but don't. Not their fault. It's just life in general and how it works.

Yes, go back on to a very small dose. Remember that you are now opiate naïve and just a little will knock you for a loop until your body and mind adjust to it again. Then you'll be like you used to be. Feeling more normal.

If by chance you can't get a Suboxone doctor in your area, another suggestion would be to ask for a Butran's Patch or some other form of Buprenorphine. Like I said, you only need just a little to feel better.

My guess is that you'll get in and back onto Suboxone again. But this time make sure no one knows about it. Withholding information is not against the law. It is your life and you know best what you need to survive.

Fingers crossed for you XX.

r

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