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 Post subject: Its a sad day
PostPosted: Sat Oct 02, 2010 6:31 pm 
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Its been a while since I have posted on here. My boyfriend was on subox for 8 months. I felt that it was a God sent after his 15 year addiction to just about every drug out there. He celebrated a year sobriety last Friday and 4 months off of Subox. He relapsed last night.

He disappeared over 26 hours ago. Did text about an hour ago to let me know he is alive and that yes, he fucked up. He is still gone. I guess the binge continues. It took me months to finally realize that I AM WORTH more than drugs. But once again my self worth is in the shitter. I ask him to come home and told him I would help, that I would go to a meeting with him tonight. He said "I'll be home later". He knows our lives have fallen apart AGAIN and he still can't make the decision to walk away.

My heart is broken and I am lost once again on this journey. Any words of advice appreciated.


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 02, 2010 6:45 pm 
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I'm sorry to hear he has relapsed and that you are both having a rough time. I don't have any advice for you really. I just feel for you. Addiction sucks and it just goes to show how difficult it can be to for everyone involved. It is truly sad that part of him probably is beating himself up for this when it is part of the recovery process. How scary. I'm glad he is alive for now and can only imagine how worried YOU are for him. It certainly sounds like you understand and empathize which will be helpful for him in coming back to sobriety versus someone being angry and judgmental. How rough. Again, I am very sorry about your situation and hope things get better very soon.

Take care!
Cherie

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Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfills the same function as pain in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things.

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PostPosted: Sat Oct 02, 2010 8:18 pm 
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I know his actions hurt you, but please remember it is NOT a reflection on you or your value to him. He has a disease, an illness...if he had diabetes and stop eating the right foods, would you still think that had something to do with you? I know it's really hard, but try not to wrap your self-esteem up in him and his actions. Have you tried therapy or Alanon/Narcanon on your own? It might be helpful to you. Please hang in there and I hope he comes home soon and is OK. Please remember to take care of yourself. I'm really sorry you are both going through this.

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PostPosted: Sun Oct 03, 2010 11:47 am 
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Hi althea,
I am not sure if you are in Recovery for yourself as well as your Boyfriend or Not? Sorry I'm not familiar with your story But regardless you need to take care of yourself as well as him during this difficult time. If you don't have your head in the right place it will be hard to help him get his there. Relapses SUCK they Hurt the addict and the people that love and care for him. But he can Recover from this with your help and his hard work and dedication. When he calls tell him the sooner he comes in (Home) the sooner the Recovery can Resume!!! My suggestion is to get him to a meeting ASAP and tell him to stay away from whatever "Friends" he was with when he Relapsed.... Hang in there .... He is lucky to have someone that cares as much as you do. Best of Luck,

God Bless
TW

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PostPosted: Sun Oct 03, 2010 2:23 pm 
I'm sorry Althea! And I'm sorry for your man. I completely understand both sides now. I've been the wife of an alcoholic/addict and now I am the addict. I want to talk to you only as the former right now. How many times does this make? How many second chances have you given him? Can you make it without him financially? Can you leave or make him leave?
There comes a time (only you can know) when you've got to let him go. You have to love yourself enough to seek peace for yourself. Stop letting his disease drag you through Hell over and over again. Stop watching him kill himself. Stop enabling him to do what he does, over and over again. Stop letting him know that you will continue to be there over and over again. You can love him and support him and not be WITH him. Sometimes this has to happen for long-lasting recovery to take hold.
I threw my husband out, had him thrown in jail, and divorced him. I though it was over for good. During that year and a half or so, he got clean and stayed clean. We started counseling together and remarried some time later. Moral of the story being.....I don't think he would have ever gotten better had we not been apart. The relationship was sick and it needed to die. We had NO contact for many months. I literally didn't know if he was dead or alive. It was the best thing for both of us. That was 15 years ago. It's been a road, especially with me ending up addicted and sick.....who would've thought? Noone! I can't explain all that, but one thing is for sure.....we have true empathy for one another at this point, with both of us now having been on both sides.
I had given my husband multiple second chances before finally saying 'enough.' Maybe it's time for you to do that. You deserve to live in peace and living with an addict in active addiction is the very opposite of peace!!
I hope I didn't come off harsh. I didn't mean to. I do feel sorry for your guy....I do. But I know if I screw up.....life as I know it will cease to be and that is one hell of a motivator!


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