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PostPosted: Fri Jan 31, 2014 11:13 pm 
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Hello everyone, I'm new to this. I had to force myself to poke my head out and socialize. I've been on suboxone for almost 3 years, started on 16mg/day, now on 8mg/day.

I got here by abusing Vicodin then oxycodonde, toward the end had a 600mg/$600/day habit. I had inherited a decent amount of money, blew over $120k in a year and went broke, exausted all of my credit cards putting my family further into debt. I was also addicted to benzos. I decided I would "experiment" with them when my doc gave me a script for generalized anxiety disorder(this was when I was abusing Vicodin), not only did I have a script I had an unlimited source of benzos on the side from an alternate source I won't talk about, but I worked my way up to 10-15mg of klonopin a day, or whatever other benzo I'd take... I've been through hell and back, hell and back this passed five years. I've been clean off benzos for 1 year now and my head is finally clearing up thank god. The more time I have off benzos, the more I want off suboxone.

I used to be very motivated, was in college, very athletic, good grades, great job... I screwed it ALL up! Now I'm 30 with rediculous unemployment gaps and feel like I've done nothing with my life. I feel very dull, hardly any emotion, I know a majority of it is caused from the suboxone, I've quit cold turkey a couple of times and the closer I get to the end I begin to 'feel' again, hear the wind, smell the rain...

I'm sorry for the rant, I don't have many people to talk to, no family aside from my wife and with our schedules, one vehicle, it's difficult to make it to groups. Anyway I'm taking the dive. Started Roberts method? Drop20% every 4 days. Today was day one and I made it! Lol... If anyone cares to see how this goes ill post updates. If anyone has any advice I would love to hear it!

Thanks for listening, I really needed to get that off my chest.


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PostPosted: Sat Feb 01, 2014 9:28 am 
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Hey Mitch,

I'm glad you finally got the courage to poke your head up. :lol:

I believe you will be surprized at how helpful it is to actually participate in the forum and have people give you advice and support. It's helpful to have this place to come and vent, and to have us as accountability if you need that too.

Welcome! And good luck on your taper. I don't remember if you said what dose you are starting your taper from. Would you mind sharing that?

Q

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PostPosted: Sat Feb 01, 2014 9:57 pm 
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Seconded, it sounds like you could really use people to talk to. As someone who always finds it hard to reach out but occasionally feels the need to, I know you wouldn't do it if you couldn't benefit from the contact. Internet forums are great. Can't get to groups due to transportation? Don't worry, they'll come to you right on your computer.

I think we all know what you mean about the difference between being pretty numb and feeling things like the wind and smelling the rain. For me I don't really hear or feel music unless I'm not on anything. The difference is glaring whenever I've been forced to withdraw. I think it's a good thing to want and aspire to - wanting to feel more of the world goes hand in hand with wanting recovery. I'm still in the wanting to feel less of the world state myself.

Anyway, well wishes and good luck to you. Don't shut up now, keep us posted on how your taper goes! Your experiences may serve as an inspiration or a warning to those who follow. Here's hoping for the former.


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 02, 2014 12:41 am 
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I'm very interested in how your taper goes.
I was a benzo user for 10 years,then I stopped,and my head has cleared or is much clearer.
Don't need benzos for sleep or anxiety.
Now I'd like to try the taper and see I can do without the Suboxone.

It might be harder with age???


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 02, 2014 12:39 pm 
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Hi Mitch,
Glad you are here, please keep posting! It does not surprise me anymore about each person "habit" that they share here on this site. It truly just goes to show me how the disease of addiction can hook anyone of us, and has. Its an eye opener to me how we all are here trying to better understand this disease while getting support, encouragement, recommendations, etc.

I have read "roberts" taper, and I think that he is a strong advocate for people being on sub very short term. Like 1-3 months. His taper is pretty fast, so be sure you are not too hard on yourself and if its going too fast, you can slow down and make it "your" taper. What concerns me the most with what you have said is your inability to have support. Getting a network together of support is required for almost anyone to be long-term drug free. I would recommend getting a plan in place and working that plan while your slowly tapering. From everything that I have read, just being "drug free" does not keep us addicts "drug free" very long without the right tools in place for long-term sobriety. Just my opinion, trying to help.


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 03, 2014 3:48 pm 
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Welcome and good luck with your taper! It feels good to realize that there are other people out there struggling with the same kind of issues as I am. I used to feel that I was the only addict who had socially related anxiety and the only person that had trouble reaching out to other people. Rehab was hell for me because I could not open up and talking to people scared the living HELL out of me!! I have gotten much better thank god! But don't get me wrong, I still have my moments and still sometimes think I'm the only one. But then I read/hear other people's stories and realize hey! i'm not the only one after all!! Lol anyways if you ever wanna talk to someone who understands.....I'm here. :D


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 04, 2014 5:29 pm 
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Hi Mitch and welcome to posting in the forum!

We haven't heard from you in a few days and I'm just wondering how you're doing. You are welcome to come on and vent or just tell us about your day. There are plenty of people here who understand the emotions you're going through. I hope you stick with us and try to express yourself out in the open here.

Amy

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PostPosted: Fri May 16, 2014 1:18 pm 
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Hello everyone and thanks for your replies!! I haven't had much access to the internet and it's been a very busy few months. The Wife and I decided to move out of state to live closer to her family. We had been planning on the move for a while to get away from the drugs/triggers we were used to. Ended up moving closer to her family and it has been good so far.

I can't stress enough how important it has been for me to be away from the area I used to use! It's like night and day. I hardly even think about the drugs I was using on the side now, benzos, amps, etc. I never thought I would break the chains! I can't believe I'm finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. My Wife and I were in a VERY VERY dark place for a good 5 years and were almost completely hopeless. The only thing that kept us going were each other and our now 4 year old daughter. We are no longer poor as shit. I have a job now, not a great job but it's a start!

Still off of benzos, although I did have a couple of slip ups in February only because I was associating with someone that I used to purchase them from, finally cut off ALL ties with anyone who could potentially supply me with ANYTHING! I am now finally starting that taper I had been talking about. I feel as though I can handle it now that everything has stabilized. Dropping 1 mg per week to 2 mg, not sure how I will drop from there but I will worry about that when it comes! The only thing I worry about is how I will react when I come across potential connections in the future. Trying to keep aware so that I don't form these connections!!

Thanks a lot for the support, you guys are very helpful! I've been reading this forum for a looong time and have used a lot of advice from these forums!!

Suboxone 7 mg/day, Gabapentin 100 mg/day (taper from 1600 mg/day), Wellbutrin 300 mg/day


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PostPosted: Fri May 16, 2014 8:11 pm 
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Cool dude. Your down to 7mg of sub from 8. I had a habit close to yours and wow you've come a LONG way from there. That's encouraging to me! CC


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PostPosted: Tue May 27, 2014 9:40 pm 
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Hi Mitch. I think I have similar feelings about life at the moment. I've also been on suboxone for (over) 3 years and I'm 30 years old. I never thought I'd still be taking it after 3 years but I am. I've been completely clean off everything else for that time which is really good, but I stress about how difficult it is to break off taking suboxone completely.

I think you've just got to do what feels right each day. For me, the fact that I'm still taking suboxone after all this time is surprising, but it really isn't all that bad. It's nothing like it was when I was abusing a hard habit.

It sounds like you're doing pretty well so take what I have to say with a grain of salt, whatever that means, before you read this next bit.

It sounds a bit like you're still on thin ice with your addiction, and I'd beware of the fact that you can still get triggered by people. I agree with you that it's very important to not associate with people that are going to lead you to using. But I think there is something to be said about having enough stability that people like that can't pull you down.

I don't know how to get that stability exactly, because it's going to be different for everyone. For me I got a lot out of 12 step meetings, although I haven't been in a long time. It seems like you get some stability from your family, but it's likely that you could stand to seek some more people to talk to. Coming to this forum is probably helpful, that's what I'm trying right now.


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PostPosted: Wed May 28, 2014 9:28 am 
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Hi Mitch; Congrats on your progress. I'm going through the last weeks of my taper off of suboxone (currently 1 mg per day), and I can relate to a lot of what you're saying.

I found the taper to be easy until I got under 2 mgs/day, since which I've found myself dealing with a lot of emotional upheaval on a daily basis, but I've heard that some people have an easier time getting off the final few mgs, and maybe you'll have a better experience.

No matter, I'm committed to getting off of this stuff, and it sounds like you are too. It also sounds like you have a lot to look forward to on the other side; eyes on the prize, right?

-- JI

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