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 Post subject: Introducing Myself
PostPosted: Fri Apr 03, 2015 9:56 pm 
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I want to introduce myself now after hovering for two weeks. I need a community and I clearly belong right here. I've been on subutex for three weeks, Even finding out about it was an amazing gift. My primary doctor prescribed clonodine, vistaril and lomotil to cover all the bases, but as we know, was inadequate when coming off a Norco habit. I'm on sub for a long time, i have so much to change in my thinking and my life. Hi everyone! I'll post more as talking about myself, correcting typos and using a tiny little keyboard keeps me really tense.


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 Post subject: Re: Introducing Myself
PostPosted: Sat Apr 04, 2015 1:02 pm 
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Welcome to the forum! I noticed you have another thread going about being overwhelmed and not getting stuff done. You were even lucky enough to have our own Dr. J answer your post.

In 12 step programs we have a saying, "One day at a time". It's a good one to think about so you don't get to worrying too much. Just get done what you can in the day you're living in and rest will be taken care of.

You found the right place to make friends and get support for not only addiction but other life problems.

Post away!

rule

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 Post subject: Re: Introducing Myself
PostPosted: Sat Apr 04, 2015 3:32 pm 
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i Know! I got a post from the doc!
I was sober in AA for thirteen years, and I've quit everything, drinking, crack, speed, cigarettes, but pain pills has me beat. Bupe is so fantastic. I guess most family doctors don't know about it . so grateful. if ever i do unfreeze this will be how. good to know you Rule!
Barb


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 Post subject: Re: Introducing Myself
PostPosted: Sat Apr 04, 2015 8:31 pm 
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Barb


You have stopped smoking???? How did you do it? I hate to say it but i like smoking which makes it hard to quit. It's killing me and it's disgusting (smell, taste, my breath) but i can never completely put them down.

Any tips you can share about stopping the smokes?


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 Post subject: Re: Introducing Myself
PostPosted: Sun Apr 05, 2015 12:32 am 
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Barbyl,

Like you, I threw away a lot of years in AA by taking pain meds addictively. It started off okay, only to get out of control years later. AA saved my butt back in '87 and I haven't had a drink since then. But at least being on Sub keeps my life normal.

rule

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 Post subject: Re: Introducing Myself
PostPosted: Mon Apr 06, 2015 11:55 pm 
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i actually started consuming nicotine in every possible form. I saturated myself with it. After about a month I could slowly wean myself off the other things. But I'm so addictable that I had food to continue to abuse and got to my highest weight of 237 lbs. which I've only recently started taking off. The years I was in AA I was completely clean and sober but couldn't quit binging on food. I was miserable. However, even though I was addicted to opiates and took them uncontrollably when I had access, I didn't have access full time until four years ago. Of course I was out of control immediately!


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 Post subject: Re: Introducing Myself
PostPosted: Tue Apr 07, 2015 7:56 am 
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Hi Barb

Thanks for answering about quitting smoking. Are you feeling "less frozen"? How are you feeling overall now?

I have to work on quitting smoking. I have the fake cig, nicotine gum but haven't used them at all yet. Guess the smart thing would be to use them to start the process :?


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 Post subject: Re: Introducing Myself
PostPosted: Wed Apr 08, 2015 10:26 am 
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I'm struggling with this website. How to find nthe draft I spent three hours typing?


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 Post subject: Re: Introducing Myself
PostPosted: Wed Apr 08, 2015 12:23 pm 
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Hello Barb. You post is in the black hole or void of cyber space. I bet we would have some interesting stuff if we were able to collect and compile all the info that has been lost in th void through the years.

I know this isn't computer science class but here's a few tips.

I Will ALWAYS save a copy and paste a draft locally to my desktop especially if I have hours invested, if I'm on a mobile device I do the same. If you hit Ctrl a this will select everything, Ctrl x will cut.. Ctrl v will paste.

Type in notepad in search and hit Ctrl v this will paste. Then save. Ctrl c will copy not cut.

If you ever want to move a selection of items but not the whole contents of a folder, hold down Ctrl while you pick the contents you want, then apply the shortcuts above.

I learn the hard way too...

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 Post subject: Re: Introducing Myself
PostPosted: Wed Apr 08, 2015 9:57 pm 
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Its six am and I just realized how careless i've been with my new found sobriety. I started one month ago and after a dreadful first day, had three fantastic days of freedom. I felt free for the first time ever probably. 4 miligrams was effective and served my needs. However, once the feeling of freedom slipped away, I texted my new doctor that I had been feeling free after the first day of too much subutex made me gun-shy, and that the freedom I felt was gone. He said self adjust until I'm between nausea with too much and cravings from two little and stay there. Well staying there has been very difficult, I havent known where "there" is. Three weeks down the road and I found myself treating sub the same as I had Norcos. I began snorting it in an attempt to get a more consistent and strong effect. So I increased to 8 mgs for a week or so and 12 for two days but dabbling all day, with the idea that I was still finding the right place between nausea and cravings. I was using it to change how I feel just like pain pills. I felt overwhelmed with a house that looks like a bomb struck which was always a trigger for me to use something to get the power to clean, which never worked of course, not since 1983 of course!.
Took a few pain pills which did nothing . All the same behavior. Finally got the house cleaned and the dog crap out of the carpet and the carpet shampooed after taking more buproprion than I should have.
I also have very little money and no insurance so the sub I did take I bought with money my sister gave me..

Back to my eye opening moment two hours ago now. I was just raising my tolerance to subutex making a more expensive prescription a necessity, and a much bigger chance I won't be able to afford it, making this new gift a thing of the past, and the hell I was living in a thing of the present again. Oh man, did I wake up fast!
Now that I"m awake, I have a question. I had my best days on 4 mgs I think. Much more makes me feel lousy, tired and achy. And wanting to medicate, of course to keep from feeling bad.
I'm thinking 4 milligrams I will be able to afford long term, expecially if I get rid of cable. Are true cravings just a process of withdrawal and not a useful barometer once over the withdrawing off of my doc? I want to start at 4 mg again, but am I just setting myself up in another way? If I'm screwing around like this, maybe I'm not actually serious about letting go the high, in which case I'm looking at a relapse anyway. Long I know and not near all that I wanted to say but I have been typing for a couple of hours and i'm cramping up and my neck aches and the last thing I need is another "reason" to take more of anything which I've been doing since I was 10 years old.
Thank you for reading this!
Barb


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 Post subject: Re: Introducing Myself
PostPosted: Wed Apr 08, 2015 9:59 pm 
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Wow I found it! I saved a draft but didn't find it til now. So happy!


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 Post subject: Re: Introducing Myself
PostPosted: Thu Apr 09, 2015 7:26 am 
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Barb,

Yes, 4 mg seems to be an "optimum dose" for many people. Your experiencing the addicted brain...the desire to medicate. Fortunately, Suboxone doesn't behave the way other opioids do, so you wont get the high by taking more, and will more than likely feel a little worse from too much of it.


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 Post subject: Re: Introducing Myself
PostPosted: Thu Apr 09, 2015 1:03 pm 
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Hi Barb! I think what you may be running into is psychological part of addiction. The sub should take care of keeping you out of withdrawal. It should keep you from craving your drug of choice. 4mg sounds like a good dose.

However, your addiction is still clamoring for your attention! The addiction part of you will never go away, since it has established pathways in your brain that it always wants to activate.

Many of us have gone down this road of dosing different amounts of sub to see if we can get high off our new drug. Sometimes we even convince ourselves that we feel better after taking more bupe, but because of the ceiling limit that's an impossibility.

My hope is that you can make yourself go back to your original dose and stay there. You've realized what you're doing and that it's not smart, so let your rational mind take over for now if you can. If you're still having trouble, do you have a friend who could hold onto your meds and give out a day's dose to you?

Let us know if you're still struggling with this.

Amy

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 Post subject: Re: Introducing Myself
PostPosted: Thu Apr 09, 2015 8:54 pm 
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Thank you both for your replies. I do have someone who could hold onto them for me and it's good to know I belong here and have found a community of like-minded friends.
I also love being able to tell the truth regardless of my fear and hesitation. I have so many secrets, like most of us, I suspect, but now isn't the time for hanging on to a "look good" Ha! Way past that point, lol!
Barb


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