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PostPosted: Tue May 31, 2016 8:48 pm 
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Hello all,
I've been scoping out this board for the past couple of days and decided today would be a good day to post and document my story. I've been using oxycodone for the past 9 months religiously, as in multiple times a days. I'm a high functioning addict, I wake up and pop 130 mg., and repeat that about 3x a day. I guess if you total all that up I'm using around 400 mg a day. That escalated SO quckly. I started out feeling *amazing* at 15 mg. at a time. Man... time flies.
I have a job bartending, I'm very social and "fun" when i take the pills and even tho I think I've come to realize that I don't need to depend on the pills to be that lively fun person, my addiction still speaks loudly and tells me I'm going to crash and burn without them. I'm going to be depressed and boring. No spark. And thats my biggest nightmare...living a life without any zest and reason to smile and laugh. I'm hoping Suboxone counteracts that feeling (along with group talks and therapy). Because unlike others on this site who shared their experiences about hitting bottom or even losing much, I did not. I actually gained a lot while on pills, including a lifting of my depression and anxiety and the ability to socially interact with others in a way i never had been able to before. Thats why I continued using for so this long and why i didnt stop, even when my tolerance became a monster. i almost feel sad, like i'm losing a part of myself, or an old friend once i stop these pills. But again, thats my addiction talking.

Anyway, I had my visit with my sub dr. today who was just about the swetest lady you could ever meet. we talked for a long time and i left to pick up my prescription and came home. that was 7 hours ago. i have been looking at the strips and holding off on inducing because i dont know if im in enough withdrawals yet. my last dose of oxy was 170 mg., 43 hours ago....and i still dont have more than a 7 on the COWS scale??! i mean, how is that even possible?? its not like i was using methadone, (never did), just some short acting oxy, albeit a lot of it i suppose...
regardless, i coukldnt wait any longer so an hour ago, i took 1 mg... a half hour later, i feel basically...no difference. but, not bad in any way either. just kinda sittin here watching the andy griffith show on netflix with my dog lol. so i just took another 1 mg. making that a total of 2 mg. after 43 hours of waiting.
i guess my question is, ::taps mic:: is this thing on??
lol, am i a physical anomaly or something? i know i DO get withdrawl symptoms, because i was sick and vomiting in bed a few weeks ago after trying to quit cold turkey without subs. but...seriously, what gives?? is anything gonna change here? should i take more every half hour? should i just wait? i am dumbfounded. i dont see how i could go from 400 mg daily habit over the course of 9 months and just be sitting here all normal and bored like la-di-da twiddling my thumbs....any help would be much appreciated cause im kinda at a loss here. not sure what really should be happening if anytihng. i feel like im waiting for a storm that never comes here...


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 01, 2016 12:59 am 
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Welcome Amanda glad to have you here. are you planning on getting on suboxone for a while or just using it to detox from the oxy? Also 2 days off oxy and no withdrawals? That's odd very odd . Honestly tho 9 months isn't a long addiction compared to most who struggle with it, I'm glad you can admit the issue now and are taking steps to deal with it instead of riding that roller coaster for years and years like so many of us here have. im sure there's a lot of posts and people here with a lot more experience on induction but to me it seems like if your feeling fine I don't see a reason to keep taking more suboxone.


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 01, 2016 3:13 am 
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I did not have a low, crushing bottom either. I basically took advantage of a period of withdrawal when I was feeling very desperate. I felt terrible at the moment because I knew that full withdrawals were coming. And I had just contacted someone to buy pills off the "street" for the first time, which I said I would never do. Plus I let my mind wander to my 13 year old son. I live and breathe for that boy and the thought of not fully being there for him, of disappointing him? That was enough for me to allow myself to make a desperate phone call to my friend.

Let me warn you about something. After you feel the normality that sub gives you, (and you will know the feeling of "normal" because it's not that far behind you), the difference may be hard for you to bear. It's typical to feel like there will never be something to look forward to again. The obsession of addiction takes up a large portion of your thoughts. Then, suddenly, the obsession is gone. It's a great time to pick up a hobby, get in touch with an old friend, anything that takes up your free time. I highly recommend finding a SMART Recovery meeting to attend in person, and online if you want. They are all about changing the way you think during active addiction into thinking a much healthier way.

I wanted to address this because you are apprehensive about losing the fun, talkative girl that you are while taking oxy. It will be different! But it doesn't have to be a negative experience either. I was so happy that I was no longer obsessing over my pills that it was a very positive time for me even though I felt at loose ends.

Keep talking to us and good luck with your induction. I don't know why it's taking so long for withdrawals to kick in for you. Good luck!

Amy

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PostPosted: Wed Jun 01, 2016 7:32 am 
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Impala and Amy,
I must have neglected to mention this monkey has been on my back on and off for more ththan just the 9 months of daily use. Since 2010 when I had surgery and was prescribed oxy, I got bitten by the proverbial bug. I got a taste for how good I felt after popping a pill. I even got myself on Suboxone at a certain point (off the street) and was amazed at how marvelously normal it made me feel. No cravings, nothing. It was a beautiful thing! Those ran out however, and the yearning for that "pill bubble" came back. I feel like I'm shielded from everything when I'm in my pill bubble... I love that feeling. But, once again, my conscious mind knows that's not a sustainable reality. To answer your question, I plan on being on it for at least a year and then, after including a bunch of therapy, to taper off. If the jump doesn't go as expected, I have no problems going back on it for longer at low doses.
Last night, I took another 2 mg, totaling a slow step up to 4mg. And felt some tummy cramping and intense sweating but after taking 2 clonazepam, I fell asleep and slept for 6 hours.
Its now 7:30am and I just took 4mg. Ill write back and report what happens to any interested. I'm basically now trying to find "my" correct dose. Whereas last night I did a slow step up with no real noticeable difference, today I figured I would wake up and take all 4 mg at once and see how that makes me feel. A lot of this is trial and error, no?


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 01, 2016 8:43 am 
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guys, this is the weirdest thing. I still don't feel much of anything. It feels kinda like I'm at the tail end of an oxy dose and mildly craving more. I'm not stick at all. Just like... Bored. And waiting for something different to happen. No withdrawals, but no anything worth writing home about either. Weird! Just took another 2 mg. Bringing it up to 6mg this morning. Still... nothing. I've never heard of this before. So far its been 55 hours since taking oxy. What's wrong with me?? Getting discouraged that maybe this won't work for me this time around.


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 01, 2016 10:00 am 
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HI Amanda. Welcome. I don't think anything is wrong with you. Suboxene is supposed to take away all cravings and withdrawal at the correct dose. It's not supposed to make you feel anything. I think you are experiencing the wonderful way it works ....no withdrawal, no cravings, no high ! Isn't it wonderful! I think the bored feeling is hard at first. You are used to chasing that high and pills. Plus the life that goes with it. Then with subs that all comes to a stop. So you have to fill that time with other activities. Isn't it great really! Once I got used to that I felt great. Hope this helps. Hang in there. I think you are on the right track. Take care.

Willow


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 01, 2016 10:13 am 
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Yeah Willow is right, I think ur expecting to feel something that's not gonna happen. Sub just keeps ur cravings and withdrawal away, u won't get some huge rush or high from it. Sub just pretty much makes u feel normal like before u started using.

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PostPosted: Wed Jun 01, 2016 2:14 pm 
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Exactly. The comment that 'maybe this isn't working' is confusing... because it sounds like your induction has been as perfect as it can be.

Understand that on buprenorphine, your tolerance will be much lower than it is now. You aren't so much adjusting your dose of buprenorphine.....as that dose was set in place as you loaded the medication into your body, when you reached a critical blood level. Rather, your body is adjusting your tolerance level lower, to match the effects of buprenorphine.

I usually induce people more quickly, and admittedly more dramatically. I start with 4 or 8 mg the first day, and get to 16 mg on day two. That usually causes a small amount of precipitated withdrawal, but people seem to like to know that the medication has taken effect (as your post suggests). I think that right now, you are in low-level withdrawal. But you are just so used to it that you think you are feeling 'normal'. Hang in there-- and you just might feel a lot better than you expected in a few days, as your tolerance comes down.


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 01, 2016 3:38 pm 
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Thank you for all the responses, guys. I must say, it makes me feel better to have your support!

Suboxdoc, I suppose my question to you would be, how can I find my correct dose? I remember the feeling before when I was on suboxone... the very first time... I took my dog out for a walk in the spring and was almost brought to tears by how beautiful and vibrant all the colors of the flowers and the grass were that I had never stopped to just notice before. It was as if everything was beautiful and right and there the whole time, had I only had eyes to see it, out of my drug induced haze..
Now, that was on 2 mg but my tolerance was much much lower.. Like maybe 40 mg/day. Now I'm coming from about 10 times that amount and can't find that sweet spot. I think you're right, it feels like I'm still in low levels withdrawals... Bone aches, lethargy, depression, no motivation, but a clear head. Minimal cravings, but I'd be lying if I said I'm not still fantasying about my pill bubble. And the last time I dosed it was 7 hours ago and 6mg. After that I had ( again) no noticeable difference and just went right back to sleep, feeling tired and cranky. I don't have a heavy " drugged up" head, just feel like rip van wrinkle and no desire to do much of anything but lie around in bed feeling mopey. I'm about to take my 2nd dose of the day and think I will try the whole strip of 8mg. And see how that feels... What do you think?
Thank you SO much again, all


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 01, 2016 5:25 pm 
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Hi again everyone... I guess what you're all saying is right.. Its likely working right, I'm just expecting something that won't occur. I don't know, I hear stories on here of people waking up and feeling a million times better, ready to take on the world and that's just not what's happening here with me. Guess I'm just a little disenchanted.. Maybe in the next couple of days I'll find a dose that helps me feel more even keeled... With more energy and less deep nostalgic depression. I'm sticking with it though... The doctor said some people hit the ground running and some take a while to find their optimal dosage. Right now I feel like I'm a thousand years old... Achey and creaky and emotional and lazy. :(
PS. Took the while 8mg strip a few hours ago, making that 14 mg for the day.


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 01, 2016 5:28 pm 
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Hello Amanda when I used to come off of my drug of choice and get onto suboxone it would always take a few days to a week for me to kind of even out and start feeling normal I always felt like I had a few minor withdrawal symptoms the first few days but after that I'd get into a groove hopefully the same will be true for you.


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 01, 2016 7:18 pm 
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Hi again Impala,
Mind if I ask what your DOC was and how much? Not that it matters in the long run, just curious if it was oxy, like me... Right now, doctor's orders were 2 8mg films a day, less if needed... But I feel like I should be going higher. Maybe I'm like you though, and will need a few days to get my energy back. I don't feel " normal" like most others describe after inducting. I still feel like I'm pushing myself to even move.


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 01, 2016 8:28 pm 
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Well I was a pretty heavy iv heroin user. I was never prescribed suboxone but my ex was prescribed 24mg a day for 5 years. I never took more than 8mg a day even when I was first getting on the suboxone. I'm not here to bash any doctors so let's just say I took my recovery into my own hands with regarding to doses, just went with what felt right to me which settled out at about 4mg a day for the first few years and about 2mg a day the last few and .5-1 before I jumped. Maybe if had started at a higher dose I wouldn't have felt those minor withdrawals for a few days but honestly I was just happy I wasn't sick throwing up, and like I said a few days to a week later I would settle out.


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 02, 2016 10:18 am 
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Hey Amanda,

Over the course of my using yrs I did almost everything. But I had a few yrs where my doc was morphine then I switched from that to oxycodone 30's about the last 2 yrs and that was my doc until I started sub treatment. I was doing around 150mg a day and on really good days it could go a lot higher. My dr put me on 16mg (2 strips) a day. I stayed at 16 for awhile but honestly I think 12mg would have also worked fine. I definitely don't think u need more than 16. U gotta give urself time to adjust. It took me about 2 weeks to a month to completely get my body adjusted to suboxone. In the beginning, I thought I needed more that first week. I think a lot of us do that. But after getting used to it, we usually agree that our dose could have probably been even lower. So just give urself a couple weeks, it takes a little time to adjust.

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PostPosted: Thu Jun 02, 2016 6:28 pm 
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Jennifer,
I think I kind of know what you're talking about... Today I took 10mg in the morning and 14 in the afternoon and this dose feels pretty ok to me but I do feel like I should be a little higher. I suppose this falls in line with what you were saying about wanting to go higher in the early stages. Its just three more I take, the more "pep" I get in my step and the happier I feel all around. I'm still experimenting with dosages... I keep waiting for a feeling like last time that I doubt I'm going to get, although the higher I dose, the more like "me" I feel...


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 02, 2016 8:00 pm 
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Hi Amanda,

This is my late welcome to the forum response. Welcome!! Okay, just a quick question. What dose does your sweet doctor say to take?

I'm in agreement with our resident doctor here. Take a large dose to start, let your body stabilize and then work yourself down to a comfortable level. You did it exactly opposite of what normally happens but it still seemed to work for you. Have you found your comfort dose yet?

With me, I was over induced. My habit was similar to yours regarding tolerance but my Suboxone doctor gave me three 8 mg tabs that made me feel like I'd done some heroin. Went home and threw up and then felt better. I had no cravings for anything! Life just felt wonderful, too much so. After a few days I dropped to 16 mgs, then a month later to 8 and stayed there for awhile. Once you have a lot stored up you can start to taper down to see how low you can go. After a year I had tapered to 1 mg. Then had surgery and am now stable at 6 mg's. That's my comfort dose and I'm not changing it. At least not for the immediate future.

Find your comfort dose and stay there awhile. Then taper down if you want.

Congrats on finding Suboxone. Life is grand, yes?

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PostPosted: Fri Jun 03, 2016 12:16 am 
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Rule 62,
Yes life IS grand! I just want to experience that grandness like most everyone else who is stable on a sub dose does... I've just yet to find stability....
Ok, so maybe I did it backwards? Right now, the most comfortable I feel is at 24/26 mg a day... Some would say that's way too much! I feel I can even go higher to feel better... the higher I creep, the better and "put together" I feel. Is this really in my head considering the ceiling??


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 03, 2016 12:21 am 
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My sweet doctor btw, recommended gradually upping my dose until I reached a max of 8mg 2x a day... * until* this upcoming week where I weigh in and tell her if I need more or less. Its an experiment pretty much this week, with basic guidelines I may have already overstepped.


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 03, 2016 10:37 am 
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If anyone is still listening to me babble loll I'm trying 12 mg all at once, in the morning and nothing else. Does that seem too steep a drop? I'm guessing my body will chime in and answer that later on in the day...


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 03, 2016 12:19 pm 
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While ive read some of your thread here, Id agree with what Dr J has stated earlier in the week. Your tolerance will lower to match the Buprenorphine your taking.

Going from 24 to 12mgs is a large jump but because of the ceiling effect over time, meaning the next 3/5 days, you should stablize.
It is early for you still and finding the right dose can be done this week. As a suggestion maybe go to 16mgs for the next 3 to 5 days. This amount of bupe more than likely will be enough imo to hold you. You seem to be a active person in life and that is a big plus.After 5 days you then can see just how you feel . You can always drop or go up later. Id try to just stick to one dose for awhile.

Glad your doing well.

Razor


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