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PostPosted: Wed Jun 03, 2009 9:23 am 
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ugh. not feeling too well. Its been 3 days and I see it setting in. my stomach is hurting, running to the bathroom, anxious, achy etc... i actually spotted my husbands Vicodin which he takes for his back (he does not have an addictive personality and can take one only when he needs it. he hides them per my suggestion) and I screamed his name until he came up, pointed to where I saw the bottle in the office, and told him to put them in our safe and change the code. I was proud of myself, but secretly wished I would have taken a few to ease the symptoms - which will only delay the misery. Ironically, I have a motivational seminar (I am a family therapist) coming up where I will be presenting on the 30th of June, and my goal is to be feeling pretty much back to normal ( and I really do like my personal "normal"). I am reading books, playing with my kids, went out to dinner with a friend last night, my husband is forcing me to go get a pedicure in a little bit and I am trying very hard to use mind over matter. there are soldiers out there who lose limbs, people in third world countries who give birth and go back to work in a field an hour later. the human psyche is quite amazing and I will make it because I fucking say I am going to fucking make it!!! I am actually a very confident person in my head, my heart and I have never really failed at life (not to say I have not made mistakes) - I always figure out what to do. Addicts are quite resilient, quite resourceful. I have a story that I go back to in my head which makes me smile and reminds me what I am made of.... back when my husband and I were starting out, we were barely making any money. I had a job interview coming up, an empty gas tank and NO money in my wallet, or in the bank (we were actually overdrawn). my amex was maxed out. what to do, what to do? It would not have even occured to me to call and ask someone for help sooooo I called Amex and told them to increase my credit limit by $25.00 immediately. i told them that if they did not, I would not have gas to get to an interview and they would not get paid that month, and low and behold, they did it!!! after that, I knew I could do anything, and so can each of you!


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 Post subject: imfineimfineimfine
PostPosted: Wed Jun 03, 2009 10:34 am 
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Dear mwflorida:

I really admire you! You are SO STRONG! I would never have been able to stay out of that Vicoden bottle, even at my best! :)

Hey, I have been off subs for about a month & am on day 20 of no pain pills at all. It does get easier. I know exactly what you are feeling. I went through it for about 2 weeks. It does get better after day 6, or at least it did for me. The hardest part I found was constantly thinking about the drugs. Please hang on & ride this out. It is so worth it.

Buy some immodium (generic is fine). That really helps with the stomach problems as well as anxiety. Also, buy some over the counter sleep meds & take a couple of those if you feel your climbing the walls.

Please stay the course, you are doing great. Keep us posted. We are all rooting for ya!

God Bless,
bq68


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 Post subject: yourokyourokyourok
PostPosted: Wed Jun 03, 2009 11:40 am 
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Hi Fla.
I have never done what you are doing But, from all I heard & read you might be in for a little rough patch???
Be sure to lean on your supprort system and keep your kids in your mind ( that's what keeps me focused ).
Remember everyday that goes by you are 1 day closer to a life without pills !!!!!!!!!
Stay strong & Best of luck..
Keep inspiring :!: :!:

Tom


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 03, 2009 9:43 pm 
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mwflorida wrote:
Addicts are quite resilient, quite resourceful!


I'll tell you what. If I could only carry the creativeness, motivation and originality I have used to get my meds for everyday "real life" things like paying my bills, work, cleaning....my life would be perfect.
It's quite amazing what a desperate addict will come up with when they need to cop.
It's too bad that mental state is pretty much close to insanity w/ an evil genious kick behind it.


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 Post subject: not giving up
PostPosted: Thu Jun 04, 2009 6:18 am 
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now its a game. me and the devil. I will win. it occured to me yesterday that if I wanted drugs, I can get them. I can go to any dr. any walk in clinic, my old pain center, and get something, but i am not. I dont even want to translate that option into reality. that is wierd to me. I guess I still have a somewhat good head on my shoulders... had such drug dreams last night, they were on repeat. drugs drugs drugs. back aching badly, legs a bit off, but not sweating as much as I thought I would be. I am still thinking the worst is to come, but I can take it. Somebody out there do this with me! come on, you can do it too!!


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 04, 2009 11:38 am 
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Just wanted to chime in and say, "Hooray!! You've made it to day 4. That's a big deal."
You sound like you're doing very well. I am glad that you've decided to share your trials and tribulations with us. It gives people like me hope and courage that we, too, can do it.
Keep up the positive attitude, good work and keep letting us know how you're doing. Personally, I am interested in it all....the good, the bad and the ugly.
Much love and well wishes!!! - from one addict to another


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 Post subject: doing OK...
PostPosted: Thu Jun 04, 2009 11:44 am 
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aside from not being high, being achy, a bit anxious and CONSUMED by thoughts of drugs, I am fine! it is almost like a little game I am playing, trying to about my normal life and watching other people look at me and have no idea what I am experienceing. the people at Target look at me and just think, another suburban houswife shopping during the day... no idea I am detoxing. the time is ticking slowly, but its moving. i felt like i was at a crossroads. do pills forever, or stop now. pills forever is too time consuming, too much money, too much planning... why delay the process. it will never get easier, but i am 4 days into it and will see this motherfucker through. truthfully, its not as anguishing as I thought it would be. its not fun, it sucks, but then again, i am comparing it to being high. to having percocets make my mind and body feel like butter. i know it will ease up, and I am tough. tougher than pills. so are you!!!!!!!!!!!


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 Post subject: Keep on target......
PostPosted: Thu Jun 04, 2009 3:03 pm 
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Hi florida,
Sounds like you are determined to get this done.. GOOD for you!!!!! Day 4 is almost in the books and day 5 is one day closer to your goal.... Try to stay focused on your goal wich is to beat this MF into submission!!!
You can DO IT. I can tell by your post' that you are going to win this battle.
You inspiring to all of us out here in recovery land..
Keep up the good work and keep us posted......

Best of Luck
TW


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 Post subject: good job!
PostPosted: Thu Jun 04, 2009 3:10 pm 
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Back in the day when I stopped at 8mg/day, I went through some hell as well!

Every day I felt bad I told myself "I already made it 5 days, I have so much invested in this already, I have to keep going".
Its probably at about its worst now, so that should give you some comfort. IT DOES GET BETTER!
Try to write on here how you feel every day, because you can look back at it and see that you are feeling better. Sometimes its hard to judge how good you feel by thinking about it, but its better to see what you said about it a few days ago and see if its the same or not.

I was still able to function. I saw a movie (Valkyrie) on day 5 believe it or not! I was able to somewhat work the whole time too.

Stay positive and remember what I said.. Every time you crave, think "I've made it x days, I'd be giving up so much". Be proud of yourself, and maybe set goals for yourself. Promise yourself something nice after 7 days, get a present, etc. Reward yourself for your progress. Maybe someone with you can tell you how proud they are that you are doing so well. Anything helps!

Jim


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