It is currently Mon Aug 21, 2017 7:51 pm



All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]


Our Sponsors





Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 4 posts ] 
Author Message
PostPosted: Thu Jun 05, 2014 7:39 am 
Offline
New Poster
New Poster

Joined: Thu Jun 05, 2014 5:46 am
Posts: 2
Hello friends.
I have not told this story to anyone outside of an inpatient setting for fear of the stigma attached to those of us with addiction. I am choosing to share it now in the hopes that it will help someone.
When I was a teenager, in the early nineties, I played any sport that was available while in high school. In my heart I loved reading, writing and many artistic mediums more than I loved sports but I enjoyed the camaraderie and competition. My favorites being baseball and soccer, but this story revolves around football. I was playing in a scrimmage (two teams formed from our own for practice) and was playing the receiver position at the time. A pass was thrown and I was running downfield while being pursued by a giant beast of a teenager who really shouldn't have been allowed to compete in our league due to his size and strength, but thanks to the manipulative actions of our head coach he was allowed to play. As I caught the ball I left my feet briefly and at that moment was smashed into from the side while hit head on by another player. This caused an accordion effect to my spine. I hit the ground, hearing bells (the term suddenly understood) and feeling these electrical jolts through out my body. I stayed on the ground in shock, thinking I was paralyzed, thank god I was not but I was injured. The injury was serious enough that I had to enroll in intensive physical therapy. The medical office I went to had a primary doctor who prescribed medications, a chiropractor and myriad physical therapists. When I started this program of therapy the doctor (i'll call him Dr. V) who was a gentle, mild mannered and understanding individual told me that he was very empathetic towards people with severe or chronic pain as he had been dealing with nearly crippling back pain for over 20 years. He prescribed me Percocet for the first 2 months, which I took as prescribed and felt no urge to do otherwise. Then one day when meeting him for a refill something happened that has effected my life ever since. He had been visited by a drug rep from Purdue pharmaceuticals who had "educated" my doctor about a new "miracle drug" that was less dangerous, less habit forming, less likely to be abused and an all around superior medicine compared to everything else on the market. My doctor was very excited about this. He said that it would allow me, a fairly active (socially at least) teenager, to only have to take a pill twice a day as opposed to the multiple doses of Percocet. He started me on it and I fell in love. After a week on Oxycontin I felt like I should buy it a ring and meet its parents. This was true love, I had never felt anything like it in my life. "it is a miracle!" I said to myself. This was obviously before it became so popular that it became a nationwide epidemic. After taking it for a few weeks one of my friends came to visit from out of state and saw the bottle on my nightstand. His eyes lit up as he asked if I knew what this was. I said I did but he quickly educated me further. I watched as he scraped the coating off of an oxy 40 and crushed it with a credit card and lighter. He made two lines which we shared. I fell deeper down the rabbit hole, this was it, the feeling I was looking for but didn't know it. Thus began my downward spiral of drug abuse. My mother was also on oxycontin from a botched back surgery performed by the hospital where she hurt herself as a nurse. oh irony, thank you for the cynical little smiles you create. This began an extremely codependent relationship where if she ran out I would give her some and vice versa. Then we started getting opiates from the streets and became quite a formidable mother/son emergency room, naïve doctor, manipulation machine. We scammed almost every ER in our home state. It was true sickness and did almost irreparable damage to our relationship. By the time I was 18 I experienced withdrawal for the first time after hearing my mother complain about it on many occasions. It was the most horrible, traumatic and soul crushing experience I have ever had. I was withdrawing from over 360 mg of oxy 80's and numerous other immediate release painkillers, sprinkled with some klonopin that I had been prescribed as a muscle relaxant. I can still vividly remember that first day, just as I remember the first time I sniffed a crushed oxy. I was in bed with my girlfriend and started sweating, then the worst leg pain I can imagine outside of a compound fracture. Then the flu-like symptoms began: runny nose, watery eyes, crippling pain all over my body, stomach flu symptoms and a need like no other I've experienced. I now understood. After I started showing signs of addiction to my doctor he quickly shuffled me off to a pain management doctor who he thought would be able to help me. This next doctor was a greedy, condescending, ignorant man who had no problem prescribing anything I wanted as long as I paid the cash fee. A legal drug dealer, but with less integrity. He decided to move to florida amidst malpractice claims that he faced so he switched every patient he had over to methadone and moved away. Another love affair began. Methadone kept me in a perpetually high state and I lost blocks of memory from those years. I finally got a doctor who understood what I was going through and cared enough to do something about it. He tried to help but my addiction was so powerful that even though I wanted help, I used every angle I could to continue to get prescriptions. This went on for another ten years, bouncing from doctor to doctor, coast to coast. While living in California I found a pain management doctor who put me on Oxycontin, Methadone, Oxy IR's, Valium and Soma all at once. A cocktail that should have killed me which I supplemented with heroin. I had tried sniffing it a couple of times before moving out there but preferred the prescription high. I felt like prescriptions were "cleaner" and more acceptable to be on. The heroin in California was much stronger than the east coast stuff so I started using it more and more, how I managed to stand my ground on not using needles I will never understand. I also began using methamphetamine as it was rampant and readily available in that part of the country. I basically disappeared off the map. Socially and spiritually. My family had no way to get in touch with me, and that's how I wanted it. I didn't want to feel their judgmental silences on the phone anymore. They didn't understand. How could they?
Now, the year 2012: I had been arrested more times than I can count, incarcerated for multiple crimes including stealing cars, breaking in to pharmacies, possession, resisting arrest, absconding from parole/probation, breaking in to cars to steal money, selling stolen goods to pawn shops and even stealing cash and valuables from my own family. Something I will always feel deep guilt for. I had been in many different rehabs with varying results. The most helpful was the Phoenix House, a year long intensive treatment facility. It helped get my life together and I stayed sober and productive for almost 2 years. The mistake I made was that I thought I was better and didn't need after care, like therapists, NA, etc. I had a tooth pulled and was prescribed Vicodin. That's all it took and I was off and running again for 6 more years. Addiction is incredibly sneaky and insidious as most of you know. Eventually I found myself in a transitional living facility where I had a complete emotional breakdown and was desperately considering suicide. I had attempted twice before but with no conviction and landed in the psych ward of two different hospitals. I told my counselor what was going on and she sent me to the ER where they took me to the psych ward voluntarily. The head psychiatrist was also the man who made Suboxone available in the town for the first time. He felt that is was the only chance many of us had and he was right. I started on it while there and was discharged with a prescription and enrollment in their outpatient treatment program where I would go weekly for groups and prescription. I have been able to slowly rebuild my life by taking all that energy I had focused on needing and wanting drugs. It essentially halted my obsession with opiates. However, suboxone is just as addictive as some of the drugs I was using. Buprenorphine is one of the most powerful synthetic opioids available and without the tempering of naloxone, I would've probably overdosed by now. Its comforting to know that if I want to relapse I have to wait days for it to leave my system, giving me plenty of time to think about the repercussions of such a choice. I am now employed full time at a job that I love, I am a dedicated father to my 3 year old daughter and for once in my life I am able to be there for others when they need help, especially family who have never given up on me. Today I value my integrity and loyalty. I have real self confidence now, not the false sense of confidence opiates and benzos gave me. Things have never gone so well for me. I put in the work but I wouldn't have been able to do it without the support of my family, friends and counselors. I am on the fence about continuing suboxone long term because of some of the side effects I've encountered: less sleep, ADD, serious dental problems, etc. Also, the cost of this medicine is astronomical and I am uninsured. I haven't found an insurance company that will give me coverage for this issue. Can't be denied for pre existing conditions huh? tell that to the insurance companies because they disagree with that statement. So, I can say that Suboxone saved my life but it is a double edged sword. my advice to people considering this option is to try the holistic alternatives first, therapy, acupuncture and naturopathic remedies do work for many people. It is a very serious decision to get on this medication and its also not easy to find a doctor who will do it as they are only allowed a certain number of patients at one time. Also, the long term effects are still not completely known and in my opinion you can't believe everything that Reckitt puts out on their sites, they bend the data to their own benefit. Remember, they are in it for profit and without addicts they wouldn't be making the hundreds of millions of dollars in the united states alone every year. Please think carefully, consult your spirit, and do as much research as you can before you make this important decision. Thank you for reading my story, I have never shared some of these details and thought I never would. I am grateful for this forum. Be safe and take care of yourselves.


Last edited by jthomas on Fri Aug 01, 2014 6:27 am, edited 2 times in total.

Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Mon Jun 09, 2014 12:55 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member

Joined: Mon Jun 02, 2014 1:47 pm
Posts: 747
Wow, powerful story. Addiction to oxy 80 also snuck up on me and bit me in the ass. The last year I used, I was unemployed, almost homeless, and avoiding my family. They had no idea I had a drug problem. I lost good jobs because of addiction and at the end of my run, was barely scraping cash together to buy drugs to just keep the withdrawals at bay, I wasnt even getting high from it. I went into a suboxone treatment program and changed my life for the better. I got far far away from the person I was usingwith, and last i heard, he is now deep into heroin. Damn I dont miss that dark time in my life.

I am no longer on suboxone either. I felt it was time to put that behind me too but it did save my life and I will forever be grateful for that. Lord knows what even darker roads I might have went down. The thought makes me shutter.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Tue Jan 27, 2015 11:47 pm 
Offline
One Month or More
One Month or More
User avatar

Joined: Tue Jan 27, 2015 5:30 am
Posts: 38
wow what a long story. drugs surely can make your life miserable. glad to be a sober


Top
 Profile  
 
Our Sponsors
PostPosted: Sun Apr 12, 2015 12:05 pm 
Offline
Average Poster
Average Poster

Joined: Sun Apr 12, 2015 11:19 am
Posts: 7
I love reading these stories. Thank you for sharing. To be clear, I love reading them because it shows to me how we used to be. Like you, I was an athlete. I loved reading. Then like you and I have come to find out, we loved opiates. One thing leads to another, and our lives can make a complete 180. I hope that you can find success in whatever endeavors you may undergo.


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 4 posts ] 

All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 0 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Our Sponsors
Suboxone Forum latest topics RSS feed Subscribe to the entire forum
 

 

 
Fond Du Lac Psychiatry
Dr. Jeffrey Junig, M.D., Ph.D.

  • Board Certified Psychiatrist
  • Asst Clinical Professor, Medical College of Wisconsin

Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group