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PostPosted: Wed Aug 08, 2012 10:14 pm 
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Posted this in Introductions but found out that there is a forum specifically for addiction stories. Figured I'd repost to get in touch with more people...


My story is probably not crazy unique or anything..but I feel the urge to share how I got to where I'm at today...
I smoked pot pretty much every day from the age of 14 when I dealt with a personal tragedy.. (I lost someone very close to me who died way too young). Smoking weed was the first thing I ever found that made me feel relaxed and helped me deal with the depression, anxiety, and stress I struggled with on a daily basis. I smoked a ton of weed, because it relaxed me for a little, but never quite did the job for long enough..

By the time I was 16ish, I started selling weed to support my heavy smoking habit and got addicted to that. It made me feel really "cool", for lack of a better word. I loved being known as the kid who smoked a ton of weed and made a lot of money selling it. I built myself up on that platform for years. I was determined to be known as some huge pot dealer in my local area, known by everyone. I had this idea of being some notorious drug dealer, being almost famous amongst all the people in my age group (but for all the wrong reasons obviously & unfortunately). I wanted that image because it helped me escape from the depression, low self-esteem, anxiety, etc that was destroying me inside.

I had experimented with different kinds of drugs between the ages of 16-20 but never really got into anything but smoking pot around the clock. I was actually able to function quite well being high all the time too, getting good grades, secured a good job, etc. But my world came crashing down in late 2010, when I had just turned 22. I came home to my rental house after a night of being out partying and found a lot of my possessions/valuables had been stolen from the house when I was out. Someone had broken in and made off with about $5,500 in cash/pot. I was devastated, not just because of the financial loss, but because of the betrayal I felt..since it was clearly someone close to me who I thought I could trust. I went on a rampage for a few days, gobbling benzo's til I blacked out, and tried my first perc 30. The moment the pill hit my system, I was in love. I had never felt such instant anxiety-relief and such a sudden boost of confidence. It made me feel like a different person completely. I had been around perc 30s for about 2-3 years at that point, but was always very against them. I had made a very strict rule for myself in the last 2 years or so that I would only use marijuana and nothing else, no more experimenting. As soon as that break-in happened, I didn't care anymore. I threw the rule out the window. I figured it was better than killing myself, because that's what I really felt like doing.

I quickly became addicted to perc 30s, started using 60mg a day, and started selling them too. Finally after 5 months of every-day use, I decided it was time to give it up. It was becoming too much a part of my life and I was supposed to take on huge new responsibilities at my job soon that went with a promotion. I gave my connection to a "friend" who dealt but didn't use, and I went to a detox instead of taking the promotion. I knew I was in no shape to take on something like that. I kicked cold-turkey and it was terrible. I felt it physically for about 5 weeks until I felt normal again. But I never felt normal emotionally or mentally after that. I managed to stay clean for about 6-7 months and used marijuana heavily for maintenance. The whole time I secretly craved that instant anxiety/depression relief that opiates gave me. Late last year I relapsed, and was quickly back to using at least one pill a day, if not more. After about 3-4 months of my opiate use steadily climbing, I was the target of a bust by state law enforcement for marijuana distribution. I spent a few weeks in jail and kicked in there. Again, it was terrible, especially in that environment. I finally bailed out following a bail reduction after 2-3 weeks. I almost immediately went back to opiates, and for the first time it heavily outweighed my marijuana use. It had become my "main thing".

Finally after 2-3 months of using, I was going broke, I was losing my family (who was still there for me even after the arrest), I had alienated any real friends I had left, I was lonely, broken, and sick of it all. I got honest with my family, although they said they knew already, and went to a suboxone doctor, or a "Suboxtor" as I like to call them. It was the best decision I have made in regards to my recovery. Words cannot describe how much this has helped me. I started with the 2mg film and have now tapered it down to .5mg - 1mg of film daily.I was struggling with depression and anxiety more than ever in the months after my arrest. I felt like I was destined for a lengthy prison term, that I had ruined my life, and there was no point of going on. I kept telling myself I'd never find a good job again with a criminal record. Suboxone is a big reason I snapped out of that state of mind. I now see that I'm still young and have a long road ahead of me to fix the damage I've done. I have started working again, which I didn't think was possible before suboxone because of how I felt mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually. I get along great with my family. I feel truly happy for the first time in years, even with the possibility of jail looming, I know God will help me overcome whatever obstacles are thrown in my path. I am confident that I will never go back to actively using opiates again. Suboxone has improved my quality of life immensely. I have energy, I have purpose, I have hope. I have a life again. I felt that I would never be the same person after I got into opiate abuse...that my life would be controlled by the addiction forever. Now I know that is not the case. Thank you suboxone!!!!!


Sorry if that was a short novel. I just felt like telling my story, start to finish, and it felt good to do so. Hope you guys can relate. Any feedback or pointing out similarities between our stories would be cool.


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 11, 2012 11:11 am 
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Hi GoPACKGo,

Wow, thanks for taking the time and sharing that amazing story with us. I'm so glad to hear that you've reached the point where you are now. Suboxone is great, but give yourself some credit, too! And yes, you are still very young with many, many years ahead of you.

I don't mean to be a downer, but don't get overconfident with regard to never using opiates again. Relapses tend to sneak up on us that way. All I mean is we have to acknowledge that as addicts relapse is always a possibility and we just have to remain vigilant. Now that that's out of the way, don't change your positive attitude. It will take you far!

You should be very proud of how far you've come. You've done well...keep it up. And if I haven't said it before, welcome to the forum. Hope you stick around.

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PostPosted: Sun Aug 12, 2012 2:08 pm 
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hatmaker510 wrote:
Hi GoPACKGo,

Wow, thanks for taking the time and sharing that amazing story with us. I'm so glad to hear that you've reached the point where you are now. Suboxone is great, but give yourself some credit, too! And yes, you are still very young with many, many years ahead of you.

I don't mean to be a downer, but don't get overconfident with regard to never using opiates again. Relapses tend to sneak up on us that way. All I mean is we have to acknowledge that as addicts relapse is always a possibility and we just have to remain vigilant. Now that that's out of the way, don't change your positive attitude. It will take you far!

You should be very proud of how far you've come. You've done well...keep it up. And if I haven't said it before, welcome to the forum. Hope you stick around.


Hatmaker, thank you very much for the both wise & kind words! I thought your words rang so true and were so insightful that I shared them with a family member of mine. Hope you don't mind. Glad I'm here, as all I've heard is good advice and encouragement. Thanks again!


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