It is currently Fri Aug 18, 2017 2:55 pm



All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]


Our Sponsors





Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 7 posts ] 
Author Message
PostPosted: Tue Nov 26, 2013 12:31 pm 
Offline
Average Poster
Average Poster

Joined: Wed Nov 20, 2013 10:31 pm
Posts: 23
Hello all!
For some strange reason I woke up this morning with the strong urge to post my story today...maybe somebody was praying to hear a story that shows them that there is hope.
Anyway, I am a 37 year old daughter, sister, wife, Mom to 3 beautiful children and a former emergency medical professional. At 27 years old I went to my primary care doctor about back pain that had been slowly getting worse over the previous 2 or 3 years. Long story short, after many visits to different specialist and tons of prescriptions later I was diagnosed with multi-level degenerative disc disease, fibromyalgia and lupus. Fast forward to the last 6 years....I was in a pain clinic and doing great! I was even taking way less than prescribed until that "one dreaded day" that I thought" I'm having a really crappy day so I'm going to take 2 at once and see if I can get motivated" ( boy hind sight sure is 20/20) and I got motivated all right! I was doing what ever I could to get more and more until the day that my husband answered the surprise knock on the door and was served the foreclosure papers on our home and until that very second, my poor husband had no clue that I wasn't paying our mortgage. We had 2 weeks to get out (because I had ignored all the phone calls and certified letters from the bank that had been coming in nonstop the previous 2 weeks) and since my husband didn't know what else to do and I was no help, we moved 700 miles away to live by his family ( I mean really! I just got told that I have a problem with pills! Oh poor me! Who cares about a roof over our kid's heads...HELLO! I have a doctor giving me these pills to take when I "need" them and you are moving us out of state where I won't be able to get my scripts filled, have to find another doctor that I can fool into believing that I am only taking them as directed and find a new D-man in a place that I have never been!) I was so upset about moving because in my sick, sick mind I was the ONLY VICTIM. Needless to say, all of the above 3 "addict goals" were accomplished in a shockingly short amount of time and I had been hired again here as an emergency medical provider and life was good..I thought in my sick head.
January 23, 2013: I woke up and went for my purse when my then 2 year old sat up in bed with me and with his big, sweet and saddest little frown, wrapped his arms around me and said "Poor my Mommy wou need wou pills poor my Mommy my sorry wou sick" and I broke down like never before! I held my baby and swore to him that I was going to go get help and that is exactly what I did. I called my husband, he went and checked our older 2 out of school and before lunchtime I was checked into a 21 day residential detox and treatment program. It was the best decision that I have ever made for myself, my children, my husband and my parents.
I made the decision to go on Suboxone maintenance after treatment for my own reasons and have been happy with my decision.
Seven days after my 9 month clean date, I, along with my Daddy, my sister and my brother, sat and held my beautiful Moma's hand and kissed her sweet head during her last few hours, minutes and seconds of her life until she took her last breath. Losing my Mom is the worst thing that has ever happened to me and I still hurt and cry for her daily and sometimes even hourly but I STAYED CLEAN. Today I have made it one day at a time for 10 months and 3 days. Life is not perfect and it never will be perfect but any problem sprinkled with "dope" is ALWAYS a thousand times worse. I sorry that this is such a long post but I just had that feeling that I had to share today because somebody needed to read this.

LLF


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Tue Nov 26, 2013 12:55 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Sat Jul 27, 2013 10:28 am
Posts: 666
LLF,

I'm certainly happy you got that "feeling" today and I'm also quite certain you have, and will help many with your beautiful words and story! You sound like an amazing daughter sister, wife and Mom!

I hope many read your words and see that recovery really is possible if we want it bad enough. Congratulations on your 10+ months without using. That is truly wonderful and you have every right to be extremely proud of yourself.

Very sorry to hear of the passing of your Mother and you have my sincere condolences. To remain free of drugs through that time speaks to your commitment to end the using.

Please take care of yourself and I wish you the very best. Enjoy the Holidays and please continue to update on your progress. Well done LLF.....well done!

Hugs,
Karen xoxo


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Tue Nov 26, 2013 7:13 pm 
Offline
Average Poster
Average Poster

Joined: Wed Nov 20, 2013 10:31 pm
Posts: 23
Karen,
Thank you so much for your sweet words. I wasn't always a great daughter, sister, wife or Mom but over the last 10 months I have been 100% enjoying making up for the past 10 years.

Love and Hugs
LLF


Top
 Profile  
 
Our Sponsors
PostPosted: Tue Nov 26, 2013 9:59 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Mon Oct 15, 2012 11:27 am
Posts: 1454
Doesn't it feel so good to live without the obsession for drugs? That was a major game changer for me and gave me the initial motivation to keep going forward in my recovery. Without subs, it was almost impossible for me to get that glimpse of what life could be life without a constant need for drugs, all day long. Sub allowed me to put my priorities back in place. It's an amazing feeling and I remember being blown away when I first got onto maintenance.

Congrats and welcome!


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Tue Nov 26, 2013 10:53 pm 
Offline
Average Poster
Average Poster

Joined: Wed Nov 20, 2013 10:31 pm
Posts: 23
Yes! It feels absolutely amazing! I can get up with my 2 school aged children, get them ready for school, clean the house, do laundry, take my little one to the park to play and then come home, start dinner and help with homework all in 10 hours where just 10 months ago I would wake up, clean the house ( I thought that if my house got messy then someone would catch on....oh the crazy things your mind will tell you while you are in active addition) and then I would drop my son off at MIL's so I could go "grocery shopping" and then sometime after dark I would finally make it home with some off the wall story about being called into work and was too busy for 12 straight hours to call. All I cam say is God Bless my husband because if the rolls were reversed I don't know what I would have done.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Tue Nov 26, 2013 11:00 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Mon Oct 15, 2012 11:27 am
Posts: 1454
You've got a great dude, to have helped you get your stuff together and stuck by your side. I love hearing those stories. My husband and I were "in it" together. So we had no choice but to stick together and help one another. There were was no finger pointing going on in our house, because we were both equally guilty. LOL

I'm really happy to hear you get to devote so much new found time to your children. What a gift to give them.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Wed Nov 27, 2013 7:57 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 10:39 am
Posts: 4028
Location: Sitting at my computer
Thanks for sharing your story. It was difficult to read, but I'm glad I read it. I remember my daughter, who would have been 8 or 9 at the time, asking me why I took so much "medicine." She was old enough to know something was up, but young enough to believe my lying ass answer. Thank goodness I found Suboxone shortly after and was able to start mending my life.

I'm sorry for the loss of your mother, but I'm really happy you were able to get through it without turning to drugs.

_________________
Be kind to yourself. Our character defects do NOT define who we are!


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 7 posts ] 

All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 0 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Our Sponsors
Suboxone Forum latest topics RSS feed Subscribe to the entire forum
 

 

 
Fond Du Lac Psychiatry
Dr. Jeffrey Junig, M.D., Ph.D.

  • Board Certified Psychiatrist
  • Asst Clinical Professor, Medical College of Wisconsin

Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group