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 Post subject: Hitting the wall
PostPosted: Thu Aug 05, 2010 2:37 am 
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Hey all.

I've been on suboxone about 3 weeks now. For the first three weeks everything was quite peachy. I was in a bit of a honeymoon period perhaps. I started out on 8mgs, and am now on 12mg.

The last few days I've been feeling quite blue. The weather's been grey & miserable, and I've been dwelling a bit on what coulda/woulda/shoulda been. A few days ago I increased my dose from 10mg to 12mg. It's interesting how such a small increase seems to have hit my libido. Beforehand I was your average young-ish guy where sex seeking is one of the main motivations for staying alive. Now that that's gone, I've run out of things to keep me occupied. The volunteer work I do I find isolating, and I'm really cynical about the so called not-for-profit (ha!) organisation I'm working for.

There's a lot of fear now. I've been on treatment before and relapsed when I've hit walls like this. The first couple of weeks I had no cravings whatsoever. Recently I've felt some cravings creep back into my life. I was driving back from the work today near an inner-city area I used to live in and knock around where there is a lot of heroin. And I caught myself thinking about how easy it would be to skip a couple of doses. Not cool.

The fact that cravings are starting to eek their way back in is making me question whether I should even be on the treatment. I did get 13 months clean with no medication once before.

Really when it comes down to it, I've just been feeling a bit down. And with those feelings and the painful thoughts that come with it can come a desire to get outta my head. And now I've lost interest in chasing tail (cmon guys you know how it is :) ), drugs are back on my mind?

What to do what to do ...


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 05, 2010 9:11 am 
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Hi tearj3rker,

I have a theory about cravings that I'd like to share with you. Once suboxone saturates your receptors (and at 10 or 12 mg your receptors should be quite saturated), it will keep you from having "physical" cravings. HOWEVER, I believe that we still have what I call "psychological" cravings. What I find can help this is learning new coping skills so we can begin to learn to deal with triggers and cravings. I've said this many times before (on different threads), but I firmly believe that therapy can go so far in helping us to learn to live life without drugs. Suboxone is only one tool, we have to find other ways to help build a strong recovery. That includes learning to live with our emotions (the ones we used to numb with drugs), coping skills, building a strong support system, etc.

I hope this helps just a little bit. Only you can decide if you need to stay on sub or not, but I'd give it a little bit of time. I wish you the best. Please keep us posted.

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-As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

-I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 05, 2010 4:03 pm 
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I'm sorry to hear you've fallen off the proverbial "pink cloud." It's not an uncommon experience - I know it happened to me, and it's common enough that in recovery circles there's a silly knickname for it (pink cloud, heh.)

Anyway, when it happened to me, I was told that now it's time to get to work. I think it's great that you noticed that driving by old scoring or using places triggers cravings - which is totally normal - and since you know about it, now you can think about ways to deal with it. Do you have someone you can call when you feel that way? Or you can post here, but the response might not be so immediate as picking up the phone.

You can come up with other ways of dealing with those feelings and triggers, and a counselor might be a big help in that process. You can also try thinking about some things you liked to do before you became addicted, or some things that you thought you wanted to try but never did - and then start doing them. A bored addict is in danger, so you'll have to find ways to combat boredom.

The loss of libdio thing really sucks though. That's a hard side effect to live with. Were you doing ok on 10mg and just bumped up because you were feeling blah? If so, maybe go back to your old dose and then start working on getting a fullfilling life to combat the inevitable downs that we encounter in life.

You know, it's totally ok to feel blue...but you should try not to dwell in that feeling and ruminate about what you coulda/shoulda/woulda done. Since you don't have a time machine, that's kinda pointless to think about. Better is to think about how you will handle things in the future, and to learn how to appreciate the moment. My cure-all is to go for a long walk with no real destination. Slow down and notice what's around you, you might find something beautiful.

And remember that you do deserve some compassion. We all do. You're healing from a serious disease that effects us on multiple levels. It's gonna take some time, and there will be ups and downs. But, just like my signature quotes says: You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.

Take care and let us know how you're doing.

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You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.

-Jack Kornfield


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 07, 2010 5:05 pm 
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hello Tearjerker,

I have to say I agree with the others as I have and am still experiancing the same thing. I have been on subs for overs 5 months now, and I did mess up 27 days ago because of these cravings. I regret in so many ways, I can't even begin to try to explain them all. I have to believe that my relapse was ment to be though, because I am in a much different place now in my recovery process.

I learned that subs were not going to fix everything, that I need to do the work to fix myself. I started going to therapy and NA meetings reagularly. It has helped so much, I really believe I just might make it! Do I still want to use and have intense cravings all day long? Yes absolutly but I go to a meeting and talk to my therapist and come online and talk about on a few forums like this one about these issues. I am slowly learning how to avoid my triggers.

Only you know if the subs are helping, but for me I can honestly say that with out them I know I would still be using worse than ever! I wish you the best with whatever you decide. Keep us posted! GOOD LUCK!!


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