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PostPosted: Wed May 02, 2012 11:31 am 
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Amy-Work In Progress wrote:
I'm so glad you shared your story! And it's quite a story! It seems like you were set up to have to do everything the hard way since you were pretty young. You don't mention your mom, so I assume that she wasn't a big part of your life, and your dad was no prize. Do you still keep in touch with your brother? One of the biggest positives from your story, other than your shear survival, is that you are making sure that your daughters don't experience the same lack of family security that you experienced as a boy. Maybe you haven't done that perfectly (who has?) but your granddaughter has that much of a better chance for a good start in life from what you are trying to build with your daughters.

Your story is powerful. Since you've learned what you know the hard way, it's probably pretty cemented in your brain. Because of that, you can be a really good example for other addicts, and affect their lives in a positive way. That's why I hope you stick around. You've got a lot to give!

Amy

P.S. You're a good artist! I especially loved the last soap carving. Twisted!



Amy-Work In Progress wrote:
I'm so glad you shared your story! And it's quite a story! It seems like you were set up to have to do everything the hard way since you were pretty young. You don't mention your mom, so I assume that she wasn't a big part of your life, and your dad was no prize. Do you still keep in touch with your brother? One of the biggest positives from your story, other than your shear survival, is that you are making sure that your daughters don't experience the same lack of family security that you experienced as a boy. Maybe you haven't done that perfectly (who has?) but your granddaughter has that much of a better chance for a good start in life from what you are trying to build with your daughters.

Your story is powerful. Since you've learned what you know the hard way, it's probably pretty cemented in your brain. Because of that, you can be a really good example for other addicts, and affect their lives in a positive way. That's why I hope you stick around. You've got a lot to give!

Amy

P.S. You're a good artist! I especially loved the last soap carving. Twisted!


Hey Amy,

thanks,,and yea,,ive thought about the hard times sometimes just commin back to back, and ive wondered if its a test like job in the bible or something,,tryin to see how much i could take before i lost FAITH.,,And i have lost it a few times,,like when i lost my wife,,it was so strange ,,i was in a detox place and sittin in the dayroom talkin to someone about what faith was and i was tellin him it isnt always something you feel,,cause i didnt feel anything,,but still made a choice to have FAITH,, then i said i was going to use the phone and call my wife,,thats how i learned she had just died,,,and i broke into so many piecers and lost FAITH for a few weeks,,then i knew she wouldnt want that,,i was out of control using and abusing EVERYTHING!,,Then they kept calling me,(detox center), tellin me i had to come back,,and they held a bed for me for 2 weeks,,and when i got there I couldnt even put a sentence together,,but they helped me alot,,if i hadnt gone back,,i wouldnt be here writting right now.,,And stuff bad still happens,, i just keep the FAITH though,,as long as my daughters are alive and healthy i have reason to be grateful,,they are 17 and 18 and it isnt easy,,with just me,,they need their mom,,and it was one of my daughters who found her,,so yea,,we still have issues,,but the one who found her is the one with the 1yr old and she is working and ive never seen a happier baby,,even though her and babies dad arent together ,,they take care of baby,,whatever they are doin they are doin it right!,,that smilin baby runnin around is just a happy trip!
And yea,,i have alot of guilt about the way we raised our girls,,goin away too many times,(prison), and using,,thinkin they dont notuice stuff, but they do,,i think all of us addicts with kids can relate to that guilt.
But anyway,,so you liked my soap guy huh?,,yea,,he came out crazy!,,I was in cummins prison and in my cell i found a pencil and a bar of soap and just started shavin stuff off till i seen something,,then id try and make it happen,,then id smuggle em out at visiting.,,I made alot of others,,and my one daughter is a natural artist and both of em made mickey mouses out of soap,,but trish,,she can sit down and draw stuff from her head where im more of a copy artist,,i have to see something to motovate me and i draw it with some of my own modifications in,,but if she wants to she can really go someqwhere with her talent.
Me?,,i tatooed inside for 10 yrs and was gonna do it out here ,,but when i do i end up bein around the wrong people and they want to trade drugs for ink,,there's a guy who want me to come over tommarrow and give me diludid and xanax!,,Im not going ,but i just threw that out there so you would understand what would happen if i stopped sub,,i have the means to get in with all the druggies ,,tattoo gun will travel!,,I worked on this guy,,an old friend,,but took a double dose of sub before i went so i wouldnt be tempted,,im glad i went,,cause my friend was so messed up it was ,,i dont know,,made me feel disguted with him,,specially since i had to almost be a gymnast to work on him the way he was fallin every which way!,,but no,,i aint goin back ,,and push my luck,,my daughters know people over 18 who want ink and they will come here and have cash,,and bein on disability ,,i bareley have enough to just pay the bills.,,But then again,,tattooing has always brought bad luck,,Im a religious sort,,not really religious,,,,but kinda like george harrison,,spiritual,,and maybe GOD doesnt want me messin with his creations (people),by puttrin tattoo's on em?,,I cant remember the name of the documentary i seen on hbo about george harrison,,but man it was really moving!,,matybe you could google it and find out,,i highly recomend watching it,,there was just so much about that man,,it was awesome.,,anyway,,what else,,oh yea,,i wanna try and put my wifes pic on her,,i tried in above post but didnt come out,,so i'll try again,


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PostPosted: Wed May 02, 2012 11:40 am 
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https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-NbAM ... %20437.jpg

pic of wife.
TT


Last edited by tattoo tommy on Wed May 02, 2012 11:49 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Thu May 03, 2012 6:42 am 
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wisharer wrote:
wow i second that welcome and thought too lulubelle


Hey thanks wisharer,,and again lulubelle,. It does make a difference in how one feels when first thing in the morn i see a nice post,,Today is sub doctor day! ugh!, I hate the long trip,,even have to go out of state cause of the few maitinence docs in my state,,where i live is in hillbilly'sville in the ozarks and they are way behind in the times here,,just think of the movie deliverence and you get what i mean!!,,but i shoulde be grateful i have a doc and can get the meds,,till december anyway,,then i might be done as far as insurance,,i dont know,,but thats why im lookin at other sites that tell experiences that have been bad when tryin to get off sub,,I dont want anything sugar coated,,i want actual experiences,,good and bad,,I know from experience when i tried a taper i couldnt do it and the wd's were bad.,,and ive read that alot,,along with those who say it aint that bad,,i just know that if i have to get off something with an opiate,,(partial or not), for 8 yrs its gonna hurt and it wont be easy.
I just started here,,or trying to start here anyway and havent gotten to know many posters,,and been to many threads cause i got caught up in the introduction!,,LOL,,hell,,if i cant get past that im really messed up i guess,,but thats what the forums are here for isnt it?,,to help messed up people?
TT


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PostPosted: Thu May 03, 2012 7:23 am 
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This thread has been cleaned up, and I would suggest that what's happened in the past should stay there.

No more references to anything that was removed..

And that goes for anyone who wants to jump in the middle of it.

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Adam Wayne P.
DOB: July 1, 1985
October 8, 2013

RIP little brother. Gone, but not forgotten.


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PostPosted: Thu May 03, 2012 6:26 pm 
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jonathanm1978 wrote:
This thread has been cleaned up, and I would suggest that what's happened in the past should stay there.

No more references to anything that was removed..

And that goes for anyone who wants to jump in the middle of it.


Thanks jonathon!,,cleaned all the doo doo and and it is a purty nice thread now!,,maybe we can just start everything as a memory and start over?
TT


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PostPosted: Fri May 04, 2012 4:20 am 
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tattoo tommy wrote:
jonathanm1978 wrote:
This thread has been cleaned up, and I would suggest that what's happened in the past should stay there.

No more references to anything that was removed..

And that goes for anyone who wants to jump in the middle of it.


Thanks jonathon!,,cleaned all the doo doo and and it is a purty nice thread now!,,maybe we can just start everything as a memory and start over?
TT


Sounds better than the way things were going.

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October 8, 2013

RIP little brother. Gone, but not forgotten.


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PostPosted: Fri May 04, 2012 10:24 am 
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oh well,,sounds kinda like the beginning of a joke,,you know?,,what do ya get when you cross a new moderater with a new member?,,Ah Ha! :D
like i said no biggie,,and its all forgotten on this end!,,I hope i can be a member and i have posted on others threads,,just hope my way of bein open and speaking my feelings freely doesnt cause problems,,I could see that happening if i were here to spread lies and decieve people with BS,,but no,,i simply tell my experiences,,that way i know im telling anything but the truth,,
and bein on sub 8 yrs i have experiences that others may not know about,,,for instance,,if someone were like i was on 16 mgs for 12 yr, and went on vacation,,and never having even been on a computer,,and doc didnt tell me,,i had no idea i was dependent on sub,,well,,i ran out,,but didnt want to leave the sunny calif. beaches yet so stayed longer than my sub,,but when i ran out ,,what with the long half life i thoght after 4 days and no bad feelings all was swell,,but it hit me on the 5th or 6th daqy,,AND IT HIT BAD!,,and i had to drive 2,000 miles in wdf's,,whew,,talk about a long trip!!,,but then my sis gave me a computer and when i got on there and found out about sub i was scared shitless,,but over time,,we all have to deal with the bad,,the horroe stories of how bad some peoples experiences were getting off sub,,i had a bad experience myself when i tried to taper off,,so i'll be stayin on as long as insurance will pay for it!

Tattoo Tommy


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PostPosted: Fri May 04, 2012 1:22 pm 
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I'm all for letting things go...

I'm only new if you look at length of time on this site. Experience-speaking....here's just one site that I still visit:

Image

I can't believe some of the friendships I have there on that one are nearly a decade old...

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RIP little brother. Gone, but not forgotten.


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PostPosted: Fri May 04, 2012 7:59 pm 
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jonathanm1978 wrote:
I'm all for letting things go...

I'm only new if you look at length of time on this site. Experience-speaking....here's just one site that I still visit:

Image

I can't believe some of the friendships I have there on that one are nearly a decade old...


i dont get it if its o joke,,nothim funny about bein a cop,,we would be in bad shape w/o them!
i dont see a new site>?
?
TT


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PostPosted: Sat May 05, 2012 2:18 am 
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jonathanm1978 wrote:
I'm all for letting things go...

I'm only new if you look at length of time on this site. Experience-speaking....here's just one site that I still visit:

Image

I can't believe some of the friendships I have there on that one are nearly a decade old...


what site??,,i see no site!


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 Post subject: Re: HEY TOMMY!!!!!!!!!!
PostPosted: Sat May 05, 2012 2:27 am 
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tattoo tommy wrote:
amber4.14.11 wrote:
I know YOUUUUUUUUU!!!

kinda...... :wink: :wink: :wink:

I like this forum much better than adiction surv. Its got alot more people on it, just alot more 'lively' all together. when I found this one, is when I kinda disapeared over at AS.
Anyways, I think you'll find it has a good mix of both sides of the fence here, and alot more 'regulars'

but like the last week or so , its been a lil slower around here than normal????

Maybe its just me.

ANYWAYS, some real cool peeps here brodda.
Hope you like it, hope ya stick around,
NICE TO 'see' YA!!!!!!!!!!!!


Wow,,my memory is so wierd!!,,I just seen your name and it all came back to me!!,,I remember you well,,i really liked you then someone ,,and i think we know who , went outside the forum and made trouble for you ,, I hope things worked out and your still doin what you were doin when i met you,,the thing that pops in my head when i think of you is ,,delicate,!,,lol,,gotta be extra careful around you cause you have a soft schell and can be hurt easily!,,am i right? I know you were hurt before and it really pissed me off ,,some people when they get their life together,,the sit on their high horse and judge people,,but they did more than that with you and that was really mean,,and freakin scary!,,Ive always just been me on every forum,,but after what happened to you it made me wish i had just been anonomous on these forums,,cause as you know if you give out too much info somebody might use it to hurt you.
Anyway,,i hope all is well with you now!,,
take care,
Tattoo Tommy


sorry but i think i have you confused with an amber at subsux,,she was outted at her job as a counsoler by a member of Adicction survivors,,it was a real mean thing to do,,and he had no buisness doin it,,thinin he was above all that ansd knew better than her,(amber),,and we never heard from her again,,i bet you can heuss who caused all ther trouble,,hint,,it was a long time male poster. she was sweet and i worry about what happened to her after all that went down,,she was fagile and i worry about th thugtthe mess this guy


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PostPosted: Sat May 05, 2012 3:31 am 
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tattoo tommy wrote:
jonathanm1978 wrote:
I'm all for letting things go...

I'm only new if you look at length of time on this site. Experience-speaking....here's just one site that I still visit:

Image

I can't believe some of the friendships I have there on that one are nearly a decade old...


what site??,,i see no site!


Tommy, I think Jonathan is pointing out that he has been on forums and has had experience moderating before. For example, he has been on another site (that he is choosing NOT to name) since 2005 and has 1,921 posts. You had alluded to a joke about crossing a new member with a new mod. I think he is saying that he's not actually a "new" mod with the previous experience he has built up. :)

Amy

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PostPosted: Sat May 05, 2012 4:16 am 
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Thanks Amy..that was exactly what I was saying. My post count was higher on that site (I had over 7,000) but they changed to a new server and I lost a lot of them, same for the "Thanks" count...they did a server swap about 3 months ago and all the "Thanks" disappeared...there should be about 1,000 Thanks instead of 0, but oh well.

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October 8, 2013

RIP little brother. Gone, but not forgotten.


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PostPosted: Sat May 05, 2012 9:50 am 
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well,,dont wanna a thing about who has the most posts,,cause like i said after my wife dies i did nothing but isolate and try and get help from friends on forums,,and i wouldnt attemt to add them(posts) up cause it means absolutely nothing to me,,its the quality ,,and the of special parts of myself that i revealed and the help i got in return,,not sayin thats its you,,but ive seen all kinds,,just blabber about nothin just to get their post count up!,,and anyway,,your bringin up the past posts that i thought we'd agreed to bury and start a new??It doesnt matter in least to me how many posts youvbe raked up or how many sites youve been a member at,,right now the only one that counts,,so i say again,,let it go for your own sanity as well as mine,,i dont want to argue or swte things straight with anyone here,,just wanna make a friend or two while i drink my mornin coffee.
TT


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 Post subject: TI THINK,,
PostPosted: Sat May 05, 2012 1:43 pm 
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im not bein serious and i think once you get to
know mw,,you'll see im more relaxed and dont make a big issue out of nothing,
and i think im a alot diffenet than your majority of posters.besides my not so good upbrining,im not herer because of gettin caught up in pills like i believe most posters at many sites are. I was a not give a shit dope fiend who robbed banks and other things to support my heroin addiction, And i dont want anyone thunkin im nrtaggin of stupid stuuf i did in my life,,its just a part of my history,,and thats all,,actually im ashaMED OF SO MANY THINGS I DID AS AN ADDICT.,i have had to deal with some pretty serious shit that left me isolated,,wouldnt answer door or phone,,,,I had to deal with losing home to tornado and losing my friend and wife of 20 yrs shortly afterwards,,and what they say about time heals all,,is true,,in my case anyway,,of course it still hurts and always will,,but im feeling a strength,,and talk to my girls off starting a pt, 2 of our lifes,,and one thing that helps alot is workin on my sense of humour,,but you guys dont know me well enough yrt to know when im ryin to be funny ,,but when im serious,,about stuff,, i think you will know,
I just try and not sweat the small stuff and if it comes out wrong then i apologize,,no harm inteneded,
TT


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PostPosted: Sat May 05, 2012 1:59 pm 
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Yea, I had no idea what you were talking about. I was bettin you were gonna figure it out. :lol: :lol: :lol:

Its funny, but my mom actually found that AS site, and was reading all my crap on there, and then telling all her lil buddies at work about it, and thats one of the reasons I stopped posting there. I liked this site alot when I found it, there was/is alot more to write about and people to interact with, so thats a big reason too.

Just wanted to clear that up.

Hope everythings good and well

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hold it together, when everyone would understand if you fell apart
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PostPosted: Tue May 08, 2012 2:26 pm 
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amber4.14.11 wrote:
Yea, I had no idea what you were talking about. I was bettin you were gonna figure it out. :lol: :lol: :lol:

Its funny, but my mom actually found that AS site, and was reading all my crap on there, and then telling all her lil buddies at work about it, and thats one of the reasons I stopped posting there. I liked this site alot when I found it, there was/is alot more to write about and people to interact with, so thats a big reason too.

Just wanted to clear that up.

Hope everythings good and well


Hey there,

if i were you i wouldnt count on me figurin anything out!!,,I have trouble tyin my my damn shoes,,then i realize they are flip flops!,,LOL
Yea,,i can see why youd want to start at a forum w/o bringin moms along,,lol,,I mad the mistake of bein me and postin pics and everything about me,,but what the hell,,i got nothin to hide from anyone,,i am what i am,,and its easier just bein me and not worryin about what someone might think of me,,if they dont like me,,oh well,,at least im not tryin to be something im not.
And as far as AS,,i think this site pretty much the same,,except i dont know or have any kind of what id call a friend like i would some at the other sites ive been on,,the last one didnt turn out too well at the end,,but bottom line,,i dont think they liked the fact that i was a member of a site that doesnt allow people who use sub,,and ive been on it since 04,,plus we had a bit of an argument about honesty ,,but i think they were lookin for a reason to ban me ,,im glad im on sub and they hate it.,,so what,,?,,why cant there be a site where there are people on it,,and people off it??why does there have to be such a war over a persons decison to take a med or not take a med?,, I just dont get all the anger over it?,,I mean, i had anger in ther begining cause my doctor didnt tell me i would become addicted/dependent on it. It wouldnt have made a difference in my decision,,i would have gotten on it anyway,,but yea i had anger about the doctor not tellin all.,,but i got over it.
anyway,,just checkin in to say good mornin to all!
TT


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PostPosted: Wed May 09, 2012 10:17 am 
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man,,this place is just too excitin for me..think ill just take a little vacation from the computer all together ,,but hey,.,it was nice meettin y'all.
TT


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