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 Post subject: Hey ya'll!
PostPosted: Sun Mar 24, 2013 2:47 pm 
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Okay, so I've been creepin' round this forum for a few months now and finally had the courage to sign up! I've been on suboxone for almost 6 years now. I'm 52, and was addicted to pain pills for 18 years. But I also did all the other junk too...cocaine in all it's various forms, upper, downers, all arounders! By the grace of God, the only thing I never did was inject any of it.
My D-Day was on May 7, 2007 when I decided to tell the person who I knew would never let me fall, never turn her back...my mom. Man, talk about slim options! Went to one consultation where the counselor, who had an iv drip going in her arm, explained this 14 day iv therapy but it was not approved by fda so I would need 2500.00 to start and would owe another 2500.00 when done. :shock: Uh, don't get me wrong I would of done it in a second if I'd of had the $'s! Going down the list in the phone book, wieghing options, taking notes, I found a doc who told me to bring 350.00 and assured me he could help me. I had never heard of suboxone at that point and I honestly didn't believe it would work. Well, shut my mouth and call me crazy, it did! He started me out on 32 mgs. of subutex X 3 days and then 32mg. suboxone per day after that.
Although my first doc had a few um....let's just say "shady"....practices, I was so happy to not be on that crazy train of druggin'! I weened myself down to 16 mg. a day by year 3. By this time, good ol' doc was meeting patients in parking lots. :shock: Although he saved my life, he had changed office locations no less than 5 times and was giving me deposit slips for his bank...felt like I was chasing dope again. I've been with my current doc since. What a change! He actually requires counseling and drug tests! :D So, I'm on just 2mgs. a day since October.
After so long, I know all the arguements for and against suboxone. I'm not sure where I'm going, but I dang sure know that I never want to be back where I was! Thanks for listening ya'll and Ill talk to ya'll soon!

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PostPosted: Sun Mar 24, 2013 2:59 pm 
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Hey, welcome!!


Wow, you've come a really long way, congratulations! What a relief that you are seeing a new doctor, it makes all the difference in the world. I too had a shady doc for a while, not as bad as yours, but definitely shady. I remember feeling so much better when I started seeing my last doctor who was normal and sane. Anyway, 2mgs!! That's some progress right there and you sound like you're in good spirits to boot!

I hope you'll stick around and let us know how it's going for you.


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 24, 2013 3:18 pm 
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Hi myrecovery!

You had quite the run there for almost 20 years, whew! That's one long ass stretch! You've came a long way. Something to be proud of.

It's very hard to share something like this with family. You just want to do everything to hide and protect it. I guess it's almost a vicious cycle of self enabling I suppose! Take all the support you can get, that's why I'm here too :)

There are some very nice people here, and so so many different stories. Some alike, some couldn't be farther from it. Now you've started your own!

2mgs from 32. Man I hear that. I started on 32mgs also. And for 3-4 years? IMO, tapering is kinda hard work with the low numbers. Just don't rush it, you might get a bit antsy to do so. I wish you well bud! Hope you stay around to keep adding into your own story and hopefully add an ending! (You can!)

-Jennifer


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 24, 2013 3:21 pm 
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Oh and btw! "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." I like it... A lot!


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 24, 2013 3:52 pm 
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Wow Mycovery, sounds like a wild ride!

Its awesome you came clean to you mom and were able to get help.

Im really interested in your story with this doctor. He was really meeting you in parking lots and making you deposit money into his bank account? Holy shit! What happened to him? Did anyone complain and get him in trouble? Or was he caught doing this? My doctor is so professional and supportive....I just can't even imagine going through that. I would really like to hear more about that.

Anyway, welcome to this forum. It can be a really awesome supportive place!


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 25, 2013 8:44 am 
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Aw ya'll, thanks so much for the welcome! I told my husband that I finally got the nerve to post on this forum but it sure would suck if I came back and heard ~~crickets chirping~~.lol!
Tinydancer, I lost my good spirits pretty much about 4 months ago. Gotta tell ya'll, I have never ever felt any problems with my sub tapers....until dropping from 4mg to 2mg. I started doing the old...just gonna take an extra 1mg. today...and before I knew it, I was 3-4 days shy of my refill. I've done that for the past 3 months, and it ain't pretty! But reading this forum has opened my eyes, I am now reminded why I started this journey years ago and I have to 'stick with the plan.'
Jennicole525, lol! I found that quote a couple years ago and I try to read it every day! I would love to take credit for it but some dude named Thomas Edison said it, think he was an inventor or zookeeper or something. :D
Orange doll, oh lawd, where to begin! The first 2 months it all seemed smoothe, regular office and weekdays. He moved the 1st time and it was only on Saturday, he would see 3 groups a day...8, 12, 4..with 40-50 people each group. There were no more UAs and some people were there for 'pain management', lasted about 6 months. Called one day and he had moved again and was in an urgent care. I had to pay extra cause he was starting a "addiction wellness" group. He was only there 2 months and the 4th place I went to was an empty office in a strip mall full of chairs. THEN he moved to his 5th and final place. Due to construction, he would meet in a parking lot across the highway! Once he was in the office, the visit consisted of getting a deposit slip from the receptionist, go deposit the money and bring back the receipt and she would call him and put him on the phone with me.
OMG ya'll...through all of that, I never ever screwed up, never tried to refill early, never relapsed. This man saved my life! But I knew this was not healthy and I had to do something. I was at work, at the hospital, and got on the suboxone website to find another doc. And what the heck! There was one sitting right down stairs! :D I was in tears when I saw him, and he put me right into the program! He is wonderful, it was like night and day!
Let me just say, my first doc changed my life. He has since moved out of state. I harbor no ill feelings, he knows how to treat addiction and I hope that he finds a place where he is able to help others like me. I am so sorry this is such a looong post ya'll! And since this is my first time in a forum, please please tell me if I'm not doing something right...Talk to ya'll soon!

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PostPosted: Mon Mar 25, 2013 8:48 am 
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NOTE TO SELF: Indented paragraphs don't seem to show. Gotta work on that! 8)

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I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 25, 2013 9:18 am 
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Hey! Glad you r here!


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 25, 2013 9:43 am 
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Thank you Raudy1975! I've been creepin' for awhile and finally decided to jump in, glad to be here!

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I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 25, 2013 3:18 pm 
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Hey mycovery,

Welcome to the forum!!

I love the "ya'll" in the title of your thread!! I, too, love your signature, it's kick ass!! Who's this Thomas Edison dude you're talking about? Didn't he and his brother, Fred, invent flying or something?

You sound like you had a long and colorful drug career, too. I'm happy to hear that you found Suboxone, I know it saved my bacon!!

BTW, you're not doing anything wrong on the forum.....you're actually doing pretty darn good, keep it up!! :D

If you want to see what your post will look like before you post it, you can hit the Preview button right next to the Submit button, it'll show you how things are gonna look. Then you can smack that old Submit button after you're happy with the way things look.

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PostPosted: Mon Mar 25, 2013 6:45 pm 
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Lmao. American inventor and business man. ^^ You were right! :lol:

I had a really rough time with tapering anything below 2mg. Hell, I felt crappy on 2 also. We both have 5 years on it.... I wish I could have not gotten so antsy and just taken it super slow. It was just too much everyday, running out early because of feeling like crap, blah blah, and I jumped with the push of my doctor. The rest is history in the making.Last time i jumped was off of 32mg. scariest physiological, demonic thing I've ever, ever been through. Not recommended!!! (What was I thinking?!)

Hey, hindsight is 20/20. Now I know exactly what I should have done and not done. You're at the right place! :D if only i had joined and not just read on here before hand!! I would of added a lot of ideas to the whole taper/detox. You'll pull through. Set up a serious, strict game plan for it before hand, though. I wish you well miss....


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 26, 2013 11:04 am 
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Romeo

No no no! Wasn't Fred married to Lucy and they robbed a bunch of banks across America until MTV found them and made a reality show? :lol: Thank you for the advice on posting, I'm not the most computer savvy person so I hadn't even tried the 'preview' button! :oops:

Jenni

When I told my Doc that I was ready to commit from 4mg to 2mg, my experience had always been positive when decreasing a dose. That was the end of Oct. 2012 and I immediately started having problems. I would take a mg. or more here and there and before I knew it, I was 4 and 5 days short of my refill! The last time I did this (last week) I came so close to buying sub on the street! But I remembered this forum and came here instead. Best thing I could of done, because I can see that others are facing these same type issues.

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I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 26, 2013 12:21 pm 
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I'm glad you're here, too. You've come a long way!
In my opinion, you're in a spot now with your Sub treatment where it starts to get sticky. I know it did for me. Be very careful and don't taper too fast, be aware and address any cravings that might come up. If you're sure you don't want life long maintenance, the decision about how fast or slow and how low to go before stopping seems to be open to much debate. I used to be convinced that going really low and slow was an almost certain way to avoid withdrawal and PAWS but I've since begun to wonder. I've seen people who've done it that way and did great, but I've seen a few who did and had an extremely hard time anyway. I'd still lean toward thinking its bound to be easier to taper than to jump off up over 2 mg/day..most evidence supports that.
I won't keep ya....keep posting. Loving what you have to share here!


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 Post subject: Welcome
PostPosted: Tue Mar 26, 2013 3:17 pm 
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Hey mycovery,

A little late "Welcome to the forum". Better late than never they say. We are all glad you found us and hope you stick around to be one of the regulars. That's easy, just keep posting.

I too had problems when I tried to drop from 4 mg's to 2 mg's. After posting it here, they told me to never drop that much of a percentage. A drop of 50% is just too much and your body let you know it. So I went back to 4, then 3, then 2 mg's. And always with never less than two weeks in between drops. It gets really hard at low doses. Listen to your body.

Just remember, everyone is different when it comes to tapering and stopping. Most of my issues were mental rather than physical. It was the same whenever I'd stop taking Norco's. The w/d's just weren't that bad when I was taking 10 or less a day. I never tried it after getting to a higher dose though. So you might only have slight withdrawal symptoms or it may be a bit worse. But most of us will attest to the mental part being the worst. After all, it is the brain that we were making to feel better. Of course it's going to protest stopping the good feelings.

Welcome once more,

Rule

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PostPosted: Tue Mar 26, 2013 8:06 pm 
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Hey Barelyboxed and Rule62!

hahaha! When I saw the "moderator" tab, I thought....uh oh! I did something wrong!lol! Thank ya'll so much for the welcome! And more than that, thank ya'll for any and all advice! I reckon it sounds kinda crazy, I've done such a good job with tapering in the past...heck I didn't give it much thought. But the step down from 4mg to 2mg has put me in a tail-spin! And I was the one that told my doc I was ready. Also, I had been on the pills for 5 years and that was the first month of using strips...I just have not put the effort into it like I should so as of this past Friday, I am strictly taking no more than 2mg a day. Once stable at that, I plan to drop 1/2mg.

Being sick for 4-5 days before my next appt. is no longer an option. This last time I did that, I was going to buy some sub off the street, couldn't stand being sick. But I came here first and started reading and I realized that buying subs would be a huge slap in the face to all "pro-sub" people. Depression and guilt has been setting in, but since coming to this site I realize that I have to give myself that extra push, other people have done it and some are doing it as we speak.

PLUS.....I hate taking Immodium!! :shock:

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PostPosted: Wed Mar 27, 2013 11:39 am 
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mycovery said, "Wasn't Fred married to Lucy and they robbed a bunch of banks across America until MTV found them and made a reality show?" YES, now I remember!!! The reality show is called Snooki and her dumbass adventures, or something like that?

BTW, you stepped down from 4mg to 2mg....and you're sticking to your guns and staying at 2mg, I have two words for you, Rock Star!! :wink:

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 29, 2013 6:39 pm 
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Oh can I EVER relate to that! I was always running out early on my low dose because by night was was going into w/d. It was so hard. I could never get below 2-1.5 mgs. You're doing good my dear! Just take it slow. You've got this!! :) we are all rooting for you!


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PostPosted: Sat Mar 30, 2013 9:39 am 
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Hey yall!

Ugh, just did my 3 days of 12 hour shifts. It's like...hurry up and get home, spend an hour unwinding, hurry to bed to get up again at 4 a.m.....Lord have mercy I don't know how people who have little ones at home are able to do it!lol! I did well with my dose on Wed but not so much on Thurs!

Thursday morning some dude doing concrete work at the hospital cut the main line of power, we didn't even have generator power for over an hour! Needless to say, very bad situation for ICU and NICU especially! Just when transfers were to begin to other facilities, they got the back up going......dude who cut the cable is fine, which is a miracle and not to make light of that, I can't help but think what an awkward moment that was to tell his boss! :shock:

So late that evening, I felt sooo tired and gave into temptation and took an extra 1mg. It may sound stupid for that small of dose but I'm totally aggravated that I did! Those small screw ups several times a month is what is making me short before refill and I CANNOT do that anymore!

I cannot tell ya'll enough how much this forum means to me! I absolutely haven't discussed this with anyone in the 6 months this has been happening and it means the world to be able to come here and...let it all all hang out!...ew no, let me rephrase that... :D

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PostPosted: Sat Mar 30, 2013 4:51 pm 
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Hey mycovery,

I'm sorry you had such a rough day at work and that you used that as an excuse to use a little bit more Suboxone. We addicts are masters at rationalizing why we should "get a little more", then we justify it....it's a nasty thought pattern that pretty much keeps us in trouble. I'm not gonna jump up and down on you for cheating like you did, you already know it was wrong, you came on here and fessed up to it and telling on yourself is an important part of recovery, so good for you for telling on yourself.

Now, no more cheats!!! :wink:

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PostPosted: Sat Mar 30, 2013 5:07 pm 
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Hey MyCovery

Oh my gosh, it's like you are writing a description of exactly where I have been for the past few months! I can't tell you how many times I have run out early for the exact reason you did. Last month I completely screwed up and was a full 7 days with nothing! I finally decided I had to give my meds to my husband to hand me each dose so I wasn't tempted to take extra...I know it's not a good situation but for me it's the only way I can stay where I am supposed to be.

Now that the temptation to overuse has been removed I am doing better. I am finally at a point where I am feeling pretty good. I am down to 1.5mg, and I haven't taken more than I was supposed to in over two weeks now. something which I thought was going to be impossible just a month ago. I will more than likely be down to 1mg by next Saturday. And I am ok with that. Who would have ever thought that I could do it? Certainly not me...but I am. It's the hardest thing I have ever done in my life...but I am going to be ok. WE are going to be ok!

Hang tough...we can do it!


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