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PostPosted: Sun Aug 21, 2011 12:39 am 
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Hey all, thanks for chiming in on my detox diary. Again, I hope it can help someone who is thinking about quitting (when the time is right) and have anxiety about it like I did.

Soooo Camping with the family... Surprisingly fun, and the symptoms where pretty bearable for the most part. I did make one mistake, I got cocky and didn't take any sleep meds, no NyQuil or Trazadone (which I have only taken 2 times). But trying to sleep on a thin camp pad while going through w/d with NO sleep aids was a bad idea. I did get a few hours each night, but not restful or long.

For the most part I did get better each day since about day 6, today is day 11 and I would say I am about 90% symptom free. I have been pretty free of depression or cravings, as of today I feel mostly optimistic and giddy about the future for my life and my sobriety. I do get moments or waves of sadness or depression, but they soon pass and are never too bad.

I will ditto a few other peoples experience with the sneezing and with the feeling that you are hearing music for the first time, I am experiencing this too.

I wanted to answer ROMEO regarding my plan to stay opioid free. I am and have been pretty seriously involved with recovery in the form of AA, and have been involved since last July ( over 1 year ) part of my motivation to finally get off of Subs was to see what it was like to be completely chemical free. I am not saying that someone is not "sober" if on Subs, I think they helped me change my life, but I was still missing something and it turns out I found those things in AA.

All in all I would say I feel more aware and present now, its subtle but its there. I would also say that I feel pretty excited and optimistic for the future of my life.

I will continue to check in every couple of days to let everyone know whats going on. I hope everyone else out there going through this will have as easy of a time as i have.


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 21, 2011 12:57 am 
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I was intending to just continue my original post but instead created a new topic, sorry but i don't know how to undo the post...anyone?

Anyway, either way I hope it does not matter.


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 21, 2011 10:05 am 
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Kinevol,

I had to laugh when I read about you trying to sleep on a thin mat while camping and you didn't take any sleep meds......sounds like something I did!!! We went to Niagara Falls last year while I still wasn't sleeping good, I figured since we were on vacation I would be stress free and that I'd sleep like a baby so I didn't take anything to help me sleep......BAD IDEA!! I tossed and turned all night!!! Live and learn.

I'm very glad to hear that you've been involved with AA for a good while, that's excellent.

You had mentioned that part of your reason for getting off of Suboxone was to see what it was like to be totally chemical free.....yep, that was me too. I had ingested so many frickin' drugs for so dang long I was extremely curious to find out what I was like with no drugs. It's difficult at times learning to live life without any drugs, but all in all I'm super glad to be where I am!!

Suboxone was that final drug that allowed me to be where I am today, it sounds like you feel the same way.

I hope you keep in touch.

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 Post subject: Hey Romeo
PostPosted: Sun Aug 21, 2011 8:26 pm 
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So how is life without the Subs for you?

I actually have not been sleeping well even since I got back, I am trying to NOT take any more meds at all, but not sleeping is getting old. I am worried that if I keep taking something to sleep that I will not be able to sleep on my own. I may go back to the NyQuil tonight.

I have been off of work since the 9th, and I have to go back on the first. I am pretty confident that I will be OK once I go back.

I am looking forward to the rest of my life... I am aware that I can now get high again if I ever chose to do so. Therefore I need to stay close to the program and do all those things that we dont want to do.

I have been told that at some point you wake up and think "I feel great", I am really looking forward to that day in my life.

Anyway I will be checking in every couple of days to update my story


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 21, 2011 8:41 pm 
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I love to read success stories like this about recovery because it gives me hope that just maybe one day I could be chemical free. And I congrats you on doing such a good job even to the point where you were doing well enough to try and sleep with no sleep aids. I bet if you had a bed you would of done just fine lol but the hard ground just wasn’t soft enough. But no really only 6 days and things were starting to ease up is awesome and come day 11 90% of the systems are gone is great. I think it is great you posted that because it will give a lot of people some hope and courage to bite the bullet. And it is good to see AA has helped you so much and is what drove you to try and quit and def stick with it man you sound real positive for someone who just quit suboxone, I cant explain it but reading your post you just seem so happy! And so how does it fell being chemical free man?


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 21, 2011 11:26 pm 
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Great job on living life chemical free. I never really thought about it, but I guess I am kinda curious about what it's like to feel free of all chemicals also. But I struggled with addiction for so long that I am just so thankful to wake up every day not craving a drink or a drug that I am still basking in the miracle of suboxone. It is not time for me to leave it yet, but I am glad to hear that you have managed to successfully get off of it and get back to normal.

Keep us posted.


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 21, 2011 11:34 pm 
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Hey kinevol,

You asked how is life without subs for me, well, it's been a lot of things. It's been exhilarating, it's been scary as hell, it's nice to be free of all opiates, but it's also hard being free of all opiates, it's nice to not have to wake up and reach for a pill. I take an anti-depressant and I take blood pressure medication, I forget to take my dang blood pressure medication all the time, I forgot to take my anti-depressant the other day and I never noticed any ill effects when I missed a dose of either of those medications. When I was on Suboxone, I never forgot a dose. If I did somehow miss a dose, I would know pretty dang quick that I missed my dose!

I say it's been exhilarating because for the first time in my adult life, I am completely narcotic free!! That gives me a sense of pride that's amazing to me.

I say it's been scary as hell because I know I am just one hit away from total devastation. I now know that I can NOT use drugs successfully, but I still worry about a relapse. I'm an addict, the threat of drug use will always be an issue for me. I'm working my recovery program and doing the other things that a recovering addict needs to do, I have faith that I can live without drugs.

I said it's hard to be free of all opiates, opiates always gave me a boost and now I have to re-train my brain to provide myself with that boost naturally and that's been a real challenge for me. I go to work everyday, I go to meetings most every night, I'm married and have a wonderful daughter and they help give me a boost, but any "downtime" I have has been kind of difficult for me to deal with......I used to occupy my normal time with drug use and my downtime was occupied by excessive drug use. Honest to God, I'm still learning how to live my life without drugs. It's easier said than done, but I ain't giving up. I'm trying to put the same energy into my recovery that I used to put into finding and using drugs.....that's a lot of dang energy!!!

All in all, I'm just thrilled to be off of drugs!! Learning to live drug free is difficult, but it's also very rewarding.

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PostPosted: Mon Aug 22, 2011 2:48 pm 
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First off I want everyone to know that I have been on subs since August 8th 2007, that means 5 years to the day that I took subs. I really don't think I could have gotten to this point in my life without the subs, at the time I started I could not stop using heroin, no matter what I did. Subs gave me a stable life and allowed me to start growing as a human without drugs again.

I had kind of half assed recovery in the past, but I got to a emotional/spiritual bottom about 4 years into my sub and realized I needed more which I found in AA. I don't know how other people stay sober, but so far its worked for me. I am only now at a point where I felt I could get off of subs and be OK.

I could relate to what you said and how you feel ROMEO, I too have that nagging fear of starting this whole circus over again, "all I have is a daily reprieve contingent on my spiritual condition" ( man I have drank to cool-aid ). I know the program works for other people, so I have faith that it can work for me. I too know that one hit or one pill and its back to square one for me. I am getting old and have been using for so much of my life that I really want to know what life is like without any chemicals.

Speaking of all that, I am really trying to stop taking any of the sleep aids, but I needed a good nights sleep so last night I took one of the trazadone that I was prescribed for my kick. It worked like a charm, but I feel a little dopey this morning. I really want to get to a point where I am taking NOTHING!, no sleep aids, no clonidine or anything else. I have started to drink saint johns wort tea, which has helped with depression in the past. Right now is easy, its summer and I am off of work but what I am worried about is come February and I am working full time. That's when I will need ALL my tools. I work where I used, AKA I used at work and bought my dope on the same block. I live in SF and work right where the dope neighborhood is. All I can do is use the tools I have and "go with god" :).

Romeo, I know for me finding a hobby/sport that gave me something to do with myself and others and gave me a focus not to mention help to release endorphins has been a life saver, especially through this kick. For me it cycling, it helps me change how I feel if I am down or bored or any of those trigger things....It also gives me something to spend my money on and give myself treats.

Keep doing what your doing especially since you have a kid! You can live drug free, people do it so can we!


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 Post subject: Take your time
PostPosted: Mon Aug 22, 2011 2:56 pm 
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Hey B-BOY, I meant to specify that I was responding to your post when I talked about being on subs for 5 years.... Take your time, use the subs as prescribed and if your open to it do some recovery AKA spiritual growth. The other thing that I think helped me was my taper was super long and slow ( based on fear ), I took a full 9 months to go from 6mg to roughly .75mg.

Dont work yourself up about it all, live your life, let suboxone help you stabilize and then when your ready take your time and do the damn thing. I hope my experience gives you some strength when its your time to stop the subs.

I spent the last 9 months lurking this and other sub forums to hear other peoples experiences, some scared the shit out of me and others gave me hope ( such a wildly different experience for everyone ).


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