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PostPosted: Thu Apr 14, 2011 3:17 am 
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33 year old junkie that is starting subs tomorrow

it all started 5 years ago
all i did was drink a few beers on the weekend
at our annual beach trip me and my son went on a water slide
he went down on his stomach ...i thought i should try this it looks cool and it was till i got to the bottom of the pool
went straight down to concrete with my left knee,shattered patella (kneecap)
i never took pills before this i used to smoke pot and do a little coke and some acid but mainly pot and beer
the scripted me perc 5 and after 2 weeks of taking it right and for the right reasons

the first time i took 2 pills instead of 1 .....i thought where have you been
i was in love so after a year of that i couldn't find enough pills on the street or it was so much money for them
so somebody brought herion over (black tar) again i was in love
but at this point i am so tired of chasing pills and dope....i had 70 days clean but i relapsed
i go to meetings,NA helps me but i relapsed because i didn't do everything my sponsor said

anyway I am gonna try Suboxone for a while and continue my meetings


sorry i was so winded ...i just started pouring out my issues ...thanks for reading if you do


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 14, 2011 7:59 am 
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Hi lowdown and welcome to the forum. Congrats on making the decision to start suboxone. It is great for putting the disease of addiction into remission. It gives us time to get out life in order, break bad habits, develop new coping skills, etc. And for me it gave me time and a clear mind to get some real work done in therapy in order to deal with old traumas that were part of the reason I started using in the first place.

I'm sure you'll find the support and information here on this forum that so many of us have. Again, welcome and I hope you stick around and keep posting. Let us know how your sub induction goes tomorrow.

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-As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

-I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 14, 2011 10:02 pm 
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hey yall took 4 mg around 630 then like pure hell for 20 minutes ....i was scared the of p. withdraw
but after the 20 min i was feeling fine now i did take .5 Xanax too plus MJ

anyway went to a NA meeting i got clean 70 days in NA straight out of a 28 day program
it worked ....but now i left for a couple months back on my bullshit .....i call my sponsor and tell
him about suboxone he took it in detox but said don't pick up white chip don't talk and it wont even count towards my 90 in 90
as far as im concerned whatever works.....i did it before without it but my habit is twice as bad on this relapse within 2 months
that was another thing they mentioned it got worse without me ever using ....at least that is what it seems

feeling okay right now.....i am so glad to finally take the plunge
it is not a shot of dope or a good pill but damn if i don't feel just normal


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 14, 2011 11:23 pm 
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Hey lowdown, welcome!

Isn't it nice to feel normal? I remember when I first started sub I was so happy to not be obsessing about my damn dilaudid! I have been on subs for a year and I know they have helped save my life.

Its good to hear you have some support with NA. I hope they don't give you too much shit about taking the sub. When I first got on subs I was going to AA alot. I really liked it until my sponsor started bitching about my subs. She thought my sub doc was an asshole because he kept telling me to quit smoking. She said I should quit the subs before the cigs. Some other woman who knew I was on subs said "No wonder your so happy, you are medicated." She says this in front of a whole group of people too!

So these bitches were putting the pressure on me to stop my sub. So I cut my dose in half (from 8 to 4) and let me just say things did not go well after that because I ended up in a mental hospital.

Well anyway, just wanted to say hi and welcome! This is a great site to get information and support. Come back and let us know how you are feeling.


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 15, 2011 9:46 am 
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thanks man

when i take sub it takes away alot of the obseesion
some in the rooms dont like it but i feel like damn it helps and im not high jeez

i guess i understand sorta the first time i got clean it was through a 28 day program
i learned a whole lot and it gave my 30 day jump start and i dug in to NA hard it worked for a couple months
somebody who got clean like that might feel jealous or angry cause they went to a 28 and we are just taking a pill
my sponser even was a little sketchy about my zoloft...lololol
but to be so angry and not even to know about the stuff
if it keeps somebody clean for one more day how can they be mad ......

wish me luck i want a balloon right now :x :x


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 15, 2011 10:41 am 
Hi lowdown and welcome! Glad you found us. You'll find tons of information and support here if you'll stick around a while!
I'm glad you're feeling some relief with starting Sub. I remember that first few days as well. It felt so good to just feel 'normal' again after a few years of chasing opiates. My addiction got pretty bad pretty fast and I lost a lot to it. Like you, I did manage to get 'clean' for a short time, but it didn't last long. I couldn't sustain it despite using NA and various other support meetings and despite pretty dire consequences to relapsing. I found out about Suboxone and ended up starting it in July of 2009. It has helped me a lot and I hope it does the same for you.
Try not to get too hung up on what the NA folks have to say about your Sub use. We've discussed the issue a lot here on this site and I think the consensus is pretty much that the sentiment regarding medication-assisted recovery is NOT likely to change within the 12-step culture anytime soon. It just is not going to be accepted as being 'clean' by their standards, with few exceptions. There are some on maintenence who still choose to participate in 12-step groups and find it to be a big part of their recovery. Some choose to not disclose the fact that they're on bupe and some feel that they must disclose it. I say, 'whatever works for you.' I do think that almost all of us need something in addition to bupe to help us in recovery. So continue to work on your recovery from all angles while you're on bupe. I think it will help you a lot.
So you mentioned wanting "a balloon." I don't know much about heroin, but I'm guessing that's what you're referring to. So are you still craving pretty badly? Are you just taking 4mg of Sub a day. I know this is only like your second or third day....just wondering what your doctor told you to do dose-wise. It often takes 8mg or more per day at first in order to get the medication levels high enough in your system to really knock out the cravings and keep you from feeling withdrawal symptoms. Just something to keep in mind.
Anyway....glad you're here and I hope you'll keep posting and keep working towards getting your life back in order after your relapse. Oh, and you mentioned using some Xanax and pot. Does your doctor require any drug testing or have you sign a contract saying you won't use any other drugs? Some of them do that and I'd hate to see you get knocked out of treatment. The other thing you should know is that there can be some danger associated with mixing bupe (or any other opiate actually) with benzos. Generally, it takes a lot of benzos with bupe to hurt you, but nonetheless, you need to be aware of it. My feeling on it is that if we're really serious about recovery, if we really want to live our most authentic life and be free from all the chaos that goes along with drug abuse and addiction, we ought to consider letting all of that go and just stick with the medications that are prescribed for us. But, hey, it's one thing at a time! You've taken a big step and good for you!


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