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 Post subject: HERE WE GO!
PostPosted: Fri Sep 06, 2013 10:03 pm 
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WELL HERE GOES NOTHING! IVE BEEN A LURKER ON THIS SITE FOR AWHILE NOW, BUT THIS IS MY FIRST POST! I KNEW WHEN THE TIME CAME I WOULD WRITE THIS BUT IVE BEEN DREADING THE DAY, HAD NIGHTMARES ABOUT IT!
I JUST TOOK MY VERY LAST SUB, IVE BEEN ON THEM 2 YRS AND 2 MONTHS STARTED AT ABOUT 8MGS A DAY BUT THE LAST YR BEEN ON 2-4 MGS ADAY, I STARTED LOWERING MY DOSES ABOUT 3 MONTHS AGO, ALITTLE AT A TIME CAUSE I MOVED TO A NEW STATE AND KNEW THE SUPPLY I HAD WAS ALL I WAS GOING TO GET CAUSE ITS NOT AVALIBLE IN MY NEW STATE LIKE IT WAS BACK HOME AND I REALLY DONT WANNA BE ON IT ANYMORE! IVE JUST BEEN RUNNING FROM THE WITHDRAWS THAT I KNOW ARE COMING! I GUESS IM SO SCARED CAUSE THIS IS GOING TO BE MY SECOND GO ROUND! ABOUT 4 YRS AGO I WAS ON SUBS FOR THE FIRST TIME FOR ABOUT 3 MONTHS DIDNT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THEM BESIDES THEY GAVE THEM TO ME IN A DETOX PROGRAM I WENT TO TO HELP COME OFF NORCOS THAT I GOT ADDICTED TO AFTER HAVING GASTRIC BYPASS SURGERY! THATS A WHOLE NOTHER STORY BUT I GOT MESSED UP, STILL AM BUT I JUST DEAL WITH THE PAIN NOW, BUT I WAS TAKING A FULL 2 MGS LAST TIME WHEN I JUST STOPPED! I HAD NO IDEA I WAS GOING TO WITHDRAW LIKE I DID! IT LASTED A WHOLE MONTH! THE LONGEST HARDEST, DARKEST MONTH OF MY LIFE! I FINALLY STARTED TO FEEL SOMEWHAT BETTER AFTER THE MONTH AND SOMEHOW I FELL BACK IN THE HOLE OF TAKING PAIN PILLS, IT ONLY LASTED LIKE 8 MONTHS AND REALIZED HOW DUMB I WAS AND WENT BACK ON SUBS TO GET OFF THE NORCO AGAIN, AND HAVE BEEN STUCK ON SUBS SINCE, JUST RUNNING , RUNNING FOR AS LONG AS I COULD NOT TO HAVE TO GO BACK TO THAT DARK DARK PLACE, BUT I GUESS U CAN ONLY RUN FOR SO LONG THE ROAD ALWAYS ENDS SOMEWHERE.
SO HERE I AM TRYING TO ENJOY MY LAST FEW HOUR OF SOMEWHAT FEELING "NORMAL" BEFORE I GO TO BED CAUSE I KNOW ITS GOING TO ALREADY BE STARTING WHEN I WAKE UP, THE FEAR THAT I FEEL RIGHT NOW IS UNEXPLAINABLE! IM ABOUT TO LOSE MY LIFE FOR A MONTH! IM A STAY AT HOME MOM, SO AT LEAST I DONT HAVE WORK TO WORRY ABOUT BUT I DO HAVE 3 SMALL CHILDREN AND NO FAMILY OR FRIENDS AROUND DUE TO THE ARMY MOVING US AGAIN! I KNEW I HAVE TO DO THIS THOUGH, I WANT TO BE FREE, FREE OF ANY PILLS I HAVE TO TAKE TO JUST FEEL NORMAL, SO I THINK IVE TAPERED TO .025, I THINK, IM BAD AT MATH, ID LIKE TO STAY AT THAT DOSE FOR LONGER BUT I CANT, IM OUT! AND NO WAY OF GETTING MORE! WHICH IS PROBELLY FOR THE BETTER CAUSE I WOULD TAKE THEM WHEN THE W/D'S GOT REALL BAD! I HAVE BEEN HAVING SOME MINOR SYMPTOMS AS IVE BEEN TAPERING WATERING EYES, SNEEZING, RLS, GOOSEBUMBS, BUT ALWAYS WENT AWAY WHEN I TOOK MY NEXT DOSE, FOR A FEW HOURS ANYWAY! SO YEAH I GUESS IM JUST HOPING THAT MAYBE SINCE I TAPERED THIS TIME IT MAY BE BETTER? MY LUCK PROBELLY NOT! BUT I JUST WANT ALL THIS OVER WITH! IVE BOUGHT BENEDRAL AND MELTONIN FOR MAYBE HELPING ME SLEEP AND IMMODIUM OF THE "BATHROOM" ISSUE THAT COME FROM THE WITHDRAW! ANY ADVICE IM OPEN TO HEAR IT, I GUESS I JUST WANTED TO TELL MY STORY TO OTHER PEOPLE THAT KNOW WOULD UNDERSTAND, I FEEL ALONE AND SCARED MY HUBBY IS MILITARY AND VERY STRIGHT EDGED AND HAS NEVER BEEN UNDERSTANDING OF MY ADDICTIONS,(SINCE HES NEER HAD ONE)...


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 Post subject: Re: HERE WE GO!
PostPosted: Fri Sep 06, 2013 10:27 pm 
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Hey there TraciMarie. Welcome to the forum! I'm so glad you posted and sure you will receive lots of support here like I have. I understand you wanting to get off the subs, but don't understand you saying they aren't available in your "new state" like they previously were? Subs are available everywhere these days and I bet if you really wanted you could find a doctor that prescribes subs. If you don't want to mess with it that's perfectly ok too! No judgment!

You may not have it near as bad this time as you did the last. You mentioned jumping at 2mg before and I know for a fact how difficult that is. I also tried jumping from 2mg and it was not for me! I tapered lower and was able to get off, but that is another story.

This time you said you got down to about .25mg and that should make a huge difference in withdrawal symptoms. That's pretty low and the symptoms have to be much less at that dose than they would be at 2mg that's for sure! I bet if you really try not to over-think this process and hang in there with the most positive attitude you can possibly have, I bet you will do just fine.

Maybe if you could get some comfort meds like Immodium and Clonidine if they are needed it would help. Also hot baths and showers definitely make a difference. Guess you just have to wait and see if the symptoms get severe or not. You have to remember your getting off strong drugs so some symptoms are most always present. But again your dose was low enough it may make the difference in how bad they really are.

Hang in there ok. Keep posting how your doing. Use this thread as your journal as I do mine here. It really does help to get things out and write down how you doing and feeling at all times. Hopefully others will be here and provide you additional suggestions and support. No matter if you try to get more subs or just continue where you are, you have mt full support and I will help any way I can! Take care and best wishes!

Karen xoxo


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 Post subject: Re: HERE WE GO!
PostPosted: Fri Sep 06, 2013 11:09 pm 
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Thank u Karen !!! I'm about to try to go to sleep! So guess we'll see how this goes ! , I moved Califiornia which I felt like sub docs were everywhere! To Kansas like middle of no where Kansas and the closet sub doc is 2 hours away and only does short team detox not maintance, and then next one after that is 3 hours away! Idk I'm just gonna try stopping and see what happens I tired of this controlling my life!! I will keep u updated!:)


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 Post subject: Re: HERE WE GO!
PostPosted: Fri Sep 06, 2013 11:52 pm 
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Hi Traci,

The fact that you are scared right now is totally normal. Having your choices basically taken away from you through your circumstances just makes the fear worse. But the good news is, YOU CAN DO IT! First off, you have done it before, it sucked, but you made it. And the biggest reason I know you will make it this time is that you have tapered to a very small amount. I know how that .25 dose feels. It's almost nothing. Notice I say almost, because it was still covering part of your receptors and I'm sure you will feel some WD, but I honestly don't think it will be anywhere near as bad as it was jumping from 2mg.

If you honestly want to kick it, then now is the perfect time to make the jump.

When it starts to get tough, come back here and talk about it! You can complain all you want and somebody will always be here to listen and support you. Karen already gave you some great advice. Clonodine is talked about here alot and most everyone I have heard suggest it say that it was the single most helpful thing they took during WD.

When you get up in the morning and read this, take a deep breath, and relax. As hard as it is, you have got to find something to keep your mind occupied. Sitting around watching the clock and thinking about how bad you feel or how scared you are will make things even harder. You will make it!

Q

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 Post subject: Re: HERE WE GO!
PostPosted: Sat Sep 07, 2013 12:01 am 
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Welcome to the forum

From what I read and I could be wrong but I'm pretty sure you said you were only on it for three months and then got off the subs so you didn't have much time for your body to get used to the medicine and to taper off properly which could have made the withdraws so horrible but like I said that's what I seem to understand if I'm am wrote please disreguard.

The upside to this is that this time you have done excellent work as well as excellent preparation you tapered yourself off slowly and have mentally prepared and physically equipped yourself with things needed to beat the symptoms of withdraw. I would like you to tell yourself it isn't going to be that bad of a withdraw if there is any noticeable effects at all and I want to explain that even though it is possible for withdraw to take place it is also very possible for withdraw to be non existant and that is what I will pray happens for you. You are down I barely any Mgs of suboxone and your body is already been doing okay without what your original dosage started at... This is what a dr would do to you as well to get you this low so there is little to now withdraw at all, so your body is strong enough to do this now you need to pt mind over matter and tell yourself and believe it too because it will be true that the withdraw will not be anything you can't handle this is the moment you have been preparing yourself for months now. Do not be afraid and do not underestimate your body's ability to overcome so many things do not let your addiction tell your mind and make you believe that you are not mentally, emoionally and physically strong enough to do this. You can absolutely get through this with telling yourself you can because you are capable do not let your addiction win. I wish you the best of licks prayers and love are being sent your way. You can do this we all know you can!


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 Post subject: Re: HERE WE GO!
PostPosted: Sat Sep 07, 2013 12:05 am 
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One last thing in case you feel as if you can not make it through which I believe you can and will if you feel the w/d and feel you may take a step back in sobriety call that dr 3 hours away and make an appt ASAP tell them you have been on the subs for however long Nd that you are finally out and they are your last resort and you are w/ding and you need help. Also post in the taking patients area that you are in search if a dr in the Kansas area and wherever is closer to your home if you wouldn't mind posting which town or city you live in I can do some research and exhaust all avenues with you.


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 Post subject: Re: HERE WE GO!
PostPosted: Sat Sep 07, 2013 8:25 pm 
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Well just wanted to type a quick text, it's been 24 hours since I took my last sliver of sub at 7pm last night, woke up 6am feeling alittle bit uncomfortable but wasn't real bad till about noon today, my legs ache my arms ache, I have zero energy! The sneezing has already started too, I hate this so much and I'm sure it's going to get worse as the night progresses, but as of right now it's not anything I don't think I can handle! I don't know if today is considered day 1 or day 0 but I'm counting it was day one cause I mentally need to know I made it though my first day!!! I'm ready to have this part of my life over!! I can do this I know I can, I've done it b4 I'm just hoping that the withdrawal doesn't last a whole month this time!! I just wish my hubby was more understanding!! I have nobody to talk to about this but to write on this site!!!! Goo


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 Post subject: Re: HERE WE GO!
PostPosted: Sun Sep 08, 2013 9:42 am 
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Day 1 is in the can!!!!!!

You absolutely should count today as day 1, and it sounds like you are in a good place mentally. That really is 80% of the battle!

Keep that good mental outlook, YOU CAN DO IT!

Keep us posted!

Q

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 Post subject: Re: HERE WE GO!
PostPosted: Sun Sep 08, 2013 9:43 pm 
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Well it's the end of day 2 , 48 hours since my last sub , what a horrible day I've taken 4 baths today! Which helped some but not a lot, my sneezing is outta control, it's hard and like jolts my body cause its like 7 in a roll, my legs hurt so bad it's hard to walk, my arms feel like there just gonna fall off, my eyes won't stop watering , having bad hot and cold flashes , I feel like my insides are on fire but my skin is cold, I've sat alot just trying to wacth tv take my mind off of it, only works for a few mins at a time tho, I hope it doesn't get any worse than this cause I don't know if I can take it,.


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 Post subject: Re: HERE WE GO!
PostPosted: Sun Sep 08, 2013 10:49 pm 
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I live in Kansas as well and I don't know how recently you've looked for sub docs but there are plenty of them. Also a lot of them do long term maintenance. If you ever feel like you need to find a doctor please message me and I will help you out. I know of a lot of sub docs and there are many in small towns all over Kansas.

Good luck!

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 Post subject: Re: HERE WE GO!
PostPosted: Sun Sep 08, 2013 11:29 pm 
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Hi Traci,

Did you stop Suboxone at .25mg or 1/4 or an 8mg strip (2mg) or 1/4 of a 2mg strip (.5mg)?

If you were actually down to .25mg when you stopped, your wd symptoms seem fairly harsh, but I would think they will pass fairly quickly.

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