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 Post subject: Here's my story...
PostPosted: Sun Apr 18, 2010 12:56 pm 
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Hey guys, I posted this up in the Introductions section, but got a request to copy and paste it over into the "addiction stories" section since some considered it a riveting read. So here I am, posting my story again in the proper section. :)


My name's Kevin, and here's my story...

I've messed around with painkillers of all types for about 5 years. I was only truly addicted for a little less than a year. I'm 24 now. When I was 19, I had went to the dentist for a root canel, and of course I was given 5/500mg hydrocodones. Man, I fell in love at first dose. I would only take them at night(just one!) and be in complete bliss for hours upon hours(around 5, lol). 5mg of hydrocodone had me FLOORED. I consider myself sensitive to medication. I'm a skinny guy with a hyper fast metabolism. I took them at night because I found that I had gotten the absolute best sleep of my life while on the vicodin. I mean, I've suffered from mild insomnia my whole life and this little pill had me drifting off into DEEP sleep without fail, every time. Well, I only had 30 of them, and they were gone in a little over a month. I took one every night. When I had no more, I was of course mad. Some psychological symptoms but that was it. No real withdrawal to speak of. Then again, it wasn't a whole lot in the grand scheme of things. I didn't take any kind of narcotic pain killer for months after that. I had no access to them. I didn't know anyone who was into opiates, nor did I have any legitimate pain conditions that would require them. My love was long gone. But it wasn't the end of the world.

Over the next 4 years, I ran into vicodin on a few occasions. I would end up taking between 10-20mg once every few months. I was in a band with a singer who was a nice guy and was always generous. If he had gotten a few vicodin from a friend, he'd meet me at practice with a little treat. 1 or 2 5mg vicodins. This was a rare occasion though. Still up to this point, I did not have a steady supply of opiates. Fast forward a few months...I had a friend whom I had met through my best friend. He had told me one day that he was high on "vikes" and I was like vicodin? He's like yea man, it's awesome. So of course I tell him that Vicodin was my "favorite high" but unfortunately I don't get it very often due to not having a connection for it. Well, he tells me that he usually does it a couple times a month, but whenever he would get it, if I had money, he would get me some as well. So, from that point on, my friend was getting me the blue 10mg hydrocodone pills. Still even up to this point, I wasn't addicted to them in any fashion. I was taking them maybe twice a month, usually once though. All the stars and planets would have to align in order for me to find them, seriously. Lol. Anyway...

Fast forward to last year around april.. I was in a new band(I play guitar) and discovered my other guitarist is into taking percocet. Keep in mind I have never tried Oxycodone/Percocet before. He was on his way to addiction for sure now that I think about it, since he was always getting them. I tried oxycodone for the first time. I loved it. It was everything hydrocodone was, but MORE. I was more energetic. I wasn't as drowsy, and I considered this a huge plus. I felt the heavy opiate buzz, the warmth, the tingles, the euphoria, but I had ENERGY! I started with 10mg percocets(to be precise they were the yellow endocets). My guitarist introduced me to the dealer himself. I WAS SET! I was delivering pizza for a pizzeria at the time so I was getting money in my pocket every night. I was getting percocet once a week or so. Once a week turned into twice a week. So on and so forth. Even through all this time, I was still getting VERY high from 10mg. Then I decided hey, I wonder if I'll get higher from 15mg!? And on that lonely road I started walking. I was still only taking the oxycodone at night, before bed. It was my "treat time". It was a time where I could fully enjoy the high of an opiate. I would take the pills, shut the lights off, and watch tv in bed for those 4 hours of euphoric bliss until I'd drift away into opiate-induced deep sleep. I first began noticing my tolerance rising. 15mg wasn't giving me the same high. I was taking 20mg to get the same experience. This lasted another month..

Fast forward to late june.. I had met a new friend. I had met him through my bandmates since he came out to our shows we played at local bars and small clubs. Well, I come to find out this friend has these pills called "Roxicodone". They were TINY. Blue and 30mg each. At first I thought, this is way too much for me. Then I thought to myself, hey, I could split it in half and get 2 highs out of ONE PILL! Little did I know, this friend was going to be the death of me. See, he had/has a legitimate prescription for the Roxicodones for various chronic pain issues. He's only 22 and has chron's disease, rheumotoid artheritis, the list goes on. He was in rough shape. He himself was addicted to painkillers. He was getting 360 of these pills a month, plus 90 OxyContin 80mg pills.This was the problem, he ALWAYS had them. He never ran out, so every time I called, he was there to "help" me. I was still working my delivery job so I was making about $70-100 dollars a night. Each 30mg pill was $20. It would last me two sessions. I'd take half one night, then half the next. Then I'd buy another one. And another one. And another one. Sooner or later 15mg didn't work, and I was taking a full one each time. 30mg. Still even up until now, I was only taking them once a day, at night. This lasted another month. One day, I got the crazy idea of taking half of one in the middle of the day at work. So I started doing that. This made work MUCH more enjoyable! The hours were flying by, and before I knew it, I was home and ready to take my night time dose. Now I was taking 45mg a day. I did take breaks for a day or two from time to time, but the flow of oxycodone kept on coming. Eventually I realized, those breaks weren't happening anymore. I was taking them every day. My 15mg day dose become 30mg, and my night dose turned into 45mg some nights. The high just wasn't cutting it for me anymore. I was addicted.

Months went on, and I was falling deeper into the trap that we know as opiate addiction. I was buying up to 5-6 30mg pills A DAY. I hid it from everyone. My parents. My girlfriend. Well, my girlfriend knew I'd occasionally get high on pills once in a while, and she didn't care about that. She was catching on though. Wondering where my money was going. Why I was never leaving the house to hang out. I finally admitted to her that I was addicting to opiates. Man, that was about the most rock bottom I've ever been in my life. We fought every day. I became a non compassionate person. All I cared about was my pills. I was selling my valuables left and right on days where I didn't quite make enough money, just so I could get my fix. Like I said, this went on for months..

I was truly addicted from June of 09, to April 2nd, 2010.

I got help. I had heard of Suboxone from various sources, and one day I stumbled upon the website for suboxone. I needed help. My life was falling apart. I was losing everything and everyone that I cared about. I made the appointment. I took my last oxy dose 24 hours before the suboxone appointment(120mg at once, yea...tolerance is an evil mistress). My first dose of suboxone was administered at 11:30am on april 2nd. I have been clean since then. Almost 3 weeks now. I have my life back. I have my loving girlfriend at my side whose been the most supportive person she can be. My family knew about my addiction and is so happy to see me recovering.

I have no cravings. I have no desire to be high. I also gave up alcohol and marijuana. Each and every day that passes I feel better and better, thanks to suboxone. I currently am on 16mg a day, and it's working wonderfully. I'm in no rush to be off this medication but I know some day the time will come, and I will go about it the smartest way possible, and my doc is there to guide me through it. I just can't believe the turn around I have made. It's truly like I hit a "rewind" button on my life, and I'm back to the point before I had ever taken hydrocodone from that dental visit when I was 19. I'm no longer a slave to a blue pill. I'm living life on life's terms now, and finding NATURAL ways of coping with the problems life throws at me, and I'm happier than I've ever been in my entire life.

Suboxone saved my life.

I plan on being an active member on this forum. From what I've seen so far, the members here have the utmost love and care for others like them who are suffering from opiate addiction. I feel PROUD to belong to a community of people who have all accomplished what they've done. It feels great to "fit in". And while it may not be the best crowd to fit in to(no one wishes to be an addict), it still feels great that there are people out there, whom I don't even know or have met personally, who are looking out for me. Thank you all very much.


-Kev


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 18, 2010 4:14 pm 
Thank you for sharing your story Kev! I'm so glad you found out about Suboxone and got started! I agree...it really is a life saver! This medication literally can give you your life back. We all know that feeling of being so completely out of control in active addiction. So powerless. Telling ourselves time after time we'll stop. Wanting so badly to stop. For so many reasons.....good reasons. So much to lose. Yet we cannot stop. Buprenorphine finally gives us a chance! To me that is nothing short of miraculous! I'm so grateful, as you are, to have this opportunity to get better. Now that you've had a few weeks to settle in, I would encourage you to continue educating yourself about addiction and recovery. It's easy to just sit back and kind of let Suboxone do its thing, but the truth is there's much more to it than that. We have to work recovery (and just life in general) from all angles. Try to figure out why our addiction took off in the first place. Learn what 'triggers' us to want to escape and so forth. I know I tried to do that before I got on Sub and I really had a hard time. With Sub, I can actually think more deeply and figure some of that stuff out. It's not easy and sometimes it's downright painful, but I don't think we've got much of a chance at staying in recovery if we don't do the work. I have found this forum to be a tremendous source of support. Some people find step work and meetings to be of great help, while others prefer individual counseling or other methods to be most helpful. I just think it's important to be doing something in addition to taking Suboxone. Isn't it great to feel so hopeful though?! Just to be able to feel like you might be able to work on it and just keep getting better and better. It is a great feeling and I'm glad you've got it! Hope you'll be here often! You never know who might read your story and be inspired to get help!


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 18, 2010 4:30 pm 
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Welcome! It's amazing how similar a lot of our stories are. I went throught every thing you described. I fell in love with opiates when I was around 15 but had no idea how to get my hands on them on the regular until I was 22. That's when things got kicked off for me and like you I would same mine until the evenings and get blasted off of a very low dose. Then that evolved into full blow addiction that i continued for a couple of years. I too had a girlfriend at the time who intially thought is was no big deal and I even think she may have thought it was attactive in some ways. I did drink and act stupid when we went out like the guys she was used to. Instead I was clear headed, talkitive and confident. Then we moved and I couldn't find a job like the one I had before so I was poor. That's when she started to notice how bad my habit was. She didn't like it anymore and slowly she lost the attraction she had for me as I spiraled downwards. You didn't mention if your relationship survived until you finally got help.

Goodluck with your recovery. This site is an awesome form of support and Ive been on here since day one. It's helped me to talk to others out there in the same place that I'm in. It gives me assureance to know that there are other intelligent, successful, good people that have made the same mistakes.


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 18, 2010 4:33 pm 
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Welcome! It's amazing how similar a lot of our stories are. I went throught every thing you described. I fell in love with opiates when I was around 15 but had no idea how to get my hands on them on the regular until I was 22. That's when things got kicked off for me and like you I would same mine until the evenings and get blasted off of a very low dose. Then that evolved into full blow addiction that i continued for a couple of years. I too had a girlfriend at the time who intially thought is was no big deal and I even think she may have thought it was attactive in some ways. I did drink and act stupid when we went out like the guys she was used to. Instead I was clear headed, talkitive and confident. Then we moved and I couldn't find a job like the one I had before so I was poor. That's when she started to notice how bad my habit was. She didn't like it anymore and slowly she lost the attraction she had for me as I spiraled downwards. You didn't mention if your relationship survived until you finally got help.

Goodluck with your recovery. This site is an awesome form of support and Ive been on here since day one. It's helped me to talk to others out there in the same place that I'm in. It gives me assureance to know that there are other intelligent, successful, good people that have made the same mistakes.


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