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PostPosted: Sun May 23, 2010 9:16 am 
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Hi, I'm new here and this is my boring story about vicodin, suboxone, and my burning desire to have a baby. Oh yeah, AND my 2 stepsons, A is 17 and B is 14 today, they smoke pot daily and A dropped out of school just recently, and B skips school every other day. I started taking Vicodin about 16 months or so ago. I haven't ever been prescribed V or any other opiate before, I just never liked pain and I LOVED getting high. It started out fun, turned into an addiction, and for a while I didn't care that I was an addict. Well, I stopped getting high cuz I couldn't get enough to get me there, and I started thinking that this whole thing kind of sucked. I mean what was the point, right? I told my husband one Friday in January '10 that I would be going to rehab the following Monday and I did. Got on subs and felt like Superwoman. I kicked the V's and now I'm good to go, right? Well, right...except I wanted to have a baby. I've wanted to have a baby for 15 yrs and it never happened for me. A close friend of mine got preggers a few months ago and she spoke of me babysitting and being a part of her baby's life. I could not watch a baby AND be an addict. The other thing was that I'm going to be 35 this year and if I can't have a b then I need to find out now and try to adopt, if possible due to my addiction past. So, long story short, I'm on my first round of clomid and at DAY 12 of sub withdrawal. I was at 16mgs of sub and my doc told me to cut 1/4 every three days til I was done. I did that, got to 4 mgs and started the wd. The lethargy is the worst thing I've dealt with, the back pain a very close second. If I had had a job last week, I wouldn't this week. I felt paralyzed. The back pain sucked bad. It wasn't excrutiating, but I'm that girl that has a headache for 15 seconds and immediately swallows painkillers. Anyway, so thus far I sneeze all day long, but I do have allergies and tis the season for 'em. I imagine that the double sneeze is wd and the single is allergies. Lethargy, malaise, laziness, whatever name you put on it, is my BF right now. Back pain is okay in the morn, but by afternoon it's really uncomfortable. The diarrhea started DAY 8. Btw, I've lost 6 or 7 pounds since I started wd. I'm 5'7 and NOW 129 lbs. Last night I dreamt about popping a sub in my mouth and bitter Tang tasted real good in my little fantasy. I quit subs so that I could get pregnant. That's the ONLY reason. I was on sub for about 4 months and I would have stayed if I didn't have the baby goal. Here's the kicker though...how in the &$*@ am I going to get knocked up when my hubby and I are fighting about A & B??? It's kinda hard to be alright with having a KID at our home everyday openly admitting to smoking pot while I'm going through wd, and my hubby is beginning to seriously reconsider having another child! We don't have custody currently, although we are actively pursuing it, and B who is 14 as of today is attending IOP, tho even after a couple of weeks he is still saying he's going to smoke pot and continue to skip school. Yeah, I know, I'm supposed to be sympathetic and understand what he's going through cuz I'm an addict too. Well, guess what? I don't want to. And why should I when until today, we were talking about a 13 year-old CHILD? So, I will just have to wait and see how this big crazy, convoluted, cookie crumbles. Btw, I do have ENORMOUS sympathy for my dear husband. The poor guy's family is almost entirely made up of drug addicts, for crying out loud. There is another kid, C, she's 20 and I'm pretty sure she follows the straight and narrow for the most part. Trying to have a baby has kept me clean SO FAR, FOR NOW. I reserve the right to pop a sub anytime I please, as I couldn't possibly have conceived yet. Please be gentle in your comments, if there are any, as I'm quite fragile right now. I DON'T KNOW if I'm doing what's best for me, but this is what I'm doing TODAY.


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PostPosted: Sun May 23, 2010 9:56 am 
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Hi Lisa and welcome to the Suboxforum - we're glad you found us. I'm sorry you're going through a rough time currently. I hate to say it but I think your doctor put you on too fast of a taper, which would account for your really hard withdrawal symptoms. Have you considered going back on a low dosage and weaning down properly? I can't recall the proper numbers, but many people who have successful tapers do it slowly. Some lower their dose only once every two weeks. The longer and slower the taper it seems the easier the acute and post-acute withdrawals are.

Since going off the sub, how are your cravings? Have they come back? What recovery plans do you have in place in an effort not to relapse? Do you by any chance go to therapy or counseling? I and many others have found it to be a great way to learn to deal with life without popping pills. In order to remain in recovery, we should learn new, healthy coping skills. I would urge you to consider that.

Are you aware that many woman stay on subutex and have healthy babies? It's really a balance, as it trying to do what's in the best interest for keeping the mommy-to-be in healthy recovery. I just wanted to point that out.

Congratulations on your recovery, hang in there, and keep us posted on how you're doing. Again, WELCOME!

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