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PostPosted: Mon May 06, 2013 3:02 pm 
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I was here about 9 months ago posting my story of finally getting of Suboxone after 5 long years. I don't remember my login information as I wanted to remain somewhat anonymous. So I will give you guys as short of a history as I can:

I got hooked on hydros/percs when I was 17 and struggled (along with my mother) for about 8 months with that addiction. We learned of Suboxone and immediately found a doctor and started our Suboxone therapy. I was on Suboxone for about 3 years when I got pregnant with my son. Several doctors told me to stay on the Subutex I had been switched to as it would be more dangerous for both me and my baby to try to get off the medication. They assured me that my son would have very little to no side-effects from my use of Subutex. Boy was that a lie. My son suffered immensely and, to this day, I have a tremendous amount of guilt from doing that to my baby. That is something I am still working through, so no need to get into my feelings on that. I will add that he is a bright, vibrant, extremely smart 2.5 year old and God has blessed me more than I deserve with him. He has no lasting effects from being born addicted to bupe and I can only thank God for that! Last July I made the decision to get off Suboxone. I started tapering from around 16 mgs. per day. I got fed up with the small amount of w/d and quickly tapered down to less than .125 mgs over the course of about a month. I wouldn't even call the last week a taper. I went from about 1 mg to .125 mgs and then jumped. I didn't have terrible w/ds but it wasn't easy either. I stayed with my in-laws so they could help me with my little boy and also keep an eye on me. I was given some comfort meds- clonidine, which I never had to use.. I can't remember the name of it, but it was somewhat of an antidepressant that would help me with my appetite, I actually ended up using it as a sleep aide.. a few Xanax and a few Ativan. I jumped the gun and came home after 8 days. I ended up in the ER due to extreme dehydration around day 11. They pumped me full of fluids and I felt a lot better. I struggled with extreme rls for a while. I was on a slew of vitamins when I started my taper, then added more to help with the leg cramps. After about 2 months, I was feeling a lot better but still had very bad leg cramps/burning/pain. My doctor put me on gabapentin. That helped so much! I still have leg pain but it is very tolerable with the gabapentin....... On to why I'm back.
I don't know what happened to me when I got clean.. but I ended up leaving my fiancé. Looking back now, that was a huge mistake. I think the separation would have been inevitable, but I did it for all the wrong reasons. I left him for a scum bag. I moved out, moved him in, and my life fell apart again. He began bringing drugs home. I knew he smoked pot, which I joined him in on occasion. But I didn't know he was so comfortable with pain meds and such. We would binge for a few days, stay clean a couple of weeks, binge again, and so on. One week we binged on morphine and hydros. I felt so terrible after that week, he went and got me a Subutex. We were able to stretch one 8 mg pill out between the two of us for about 4 days. Once that one was gone, we would get another. We started having lots of problems with his 6 year old daughter and I got so fed up, I decided to leave. We had already spent all our.. excuse me.. MY money on drugs and were about to get evicted, I couldn't take the chance of my ex taking my son. He is the single most important thing in my life and I would absolutely die if I weren't able to see him. I came back home to my Mom and Dad's house. They let me move into their basement, so I am extremely grateful for them. My mom is still on Suboxone. She knows what I am struggling with, but my dad has no idea. I need to get back off of these things.. Here's where I'm at right now:

I have been taking about 1 mg of Suboxone for about a month now. I had a tooth pulled 3 days ago and was prescribed hydrocodone. I stopped the subs 4 days ago and have been taking enough hydrocodone to keep me out of w/d. I only have a couple of them left. I do have about 6 mgs of Suboxone left. I know my gabapentin will help me through a lot of the w/d I might have. But I have to do this in a way that my dad won't find out. He has been so proud of me for being clean, I can't disappoint him again. I also have to take care of my little boy Wednesday morning through Sunday night.. granted I do have help, I still want to do this while still having my life. What would you guys suggest? I value yall's opinions so much.. you helped me so much last time. I need your help now!


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PostPosted: Mon May 06, 2013 3:29 pm 
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Hi Lost and confused. I am glad you came back to the forum to tell your story. I have a question for you. Is there a reason why you don't want to take any medication? I mean, is there a reason why you don't want to take suboxone as a maintenance medication to keep your addiction in check? the reason why I ask is so you won't be so tempted.

You seem like you are doing a good job at tapering...have you thought about just staying on a low dose so you can treat the addiction? This will keep you stable. and you can care for your child and get your life together. I too have 2 kids and I know I couldn't do it with out treating my condition. of being an addict. Once i treated my addiction, I could be a good mom. if it was me, I would continue with Suboxone and go to therapy or a group class.


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PostPosted: Mon May 06, 2013 10:32 pm 
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lostandconfused wrote:
They assured me that my son would have very little to no side-effects from my use of Subutex.
Boy was that a lie. My son suffered immensely and, to this day, I have a tremendous amount of guilt from doing that to my baby. That is something I am still working through, so no need to get into my feelings on that.



you know, I'm on the opposite side of this coin,,,,

I used narcotics/opiates/methadone/IV'd oxys while pregnant.

now somehow, I don't know how, but I quit three days before the Csection, so he didn't w/d or if he did, nobody knew.

BUT......
I have TONS OF GUILT TOO....... so you know, you have to just accept it for what it is.

I did MY BEST, and you DID YOUR BEST,,, and that's all we can do.....

also,
my son was slow to start talking, and at four he's been seen by all kinds of specialists, he's a little behind on/in speech,
he's "developmentally delayed"
and in preschool two days a week, and SPECIAL ED another two days a week....

GUILT???

yeah, I got plenty of that....


I just wanted you to think about the flip side.......


and there's some really good taper threads, in the stopping suboxone section,,, your the only one that's going to know what to do here...

and I sorta agree, with the post above mine... I mean, I'd like to know more about why you don't want to be on like a small dose every day???


Glad you came back to see us....

and GOOD LUCK whatever you decide....

_________________
anyone can give up,
its the easiest thing in the world to do, but to
hold it together, when everyone would understand if you fell apart
That's TRUE STRENGTH
http://almostoneyearclean.blogspot.com/


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