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 Post subject: Help Me
PostPosted: Tue Apr 08, 2008 3:02 pm 
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At the age of nineteen the only drug I'd ever tried was marajuana. Then, I was in a accident. The driver of the vehicle I was in took a curve too fast and ran off the road, smacking the right side of the car into a tree. As I was the passenger, the force of the impact caused my head to go through the passenger window and into the tree. After all was said an done I was left with 100+ stitches, a broken nose and cheekbone, and severe neck pain. I was so depressed- I looked like scarface. The only thing keeping my spirits up was the constant supply of percoset tens my doctor supplied me with. Before that, I'd never even considered pain pills to be drugs. But soon, I began to understand. After a few months the doctor stopped prescribing the pills, but that didn't stop me from taking them. I'll never forget the first time I felt withdrawl symptons...I thought I was posessed. I was up all night, unable to sleep and screaming into my pillow. Later I was told by a friend that that particular feeling when you just can't get comfortable, can't hold still for more than five seconds at a time, cannot cry, and cannot sleep is reffered to as the crazy legs, the heebie jeebies, or the screaming jeebies. Withdrawls are the worst thing ever. Worse than the pain from the car wreck, and worse than any flu I've ever had. It is hell, and once I felt it I did everything I could to ensure I'd never withdraw again, which meant never running out of pills. I spent money I didn't have, hung out with people I really didn't want to, and did things for the pills I'm not so proud of. I've lost two jobs because of pills. The first time I was fired for making a drug deal at work, then at my new job I had taken one to many oxycotin and walked into a wall. They told me not to come back.
I'm not stupid. I was a straight A student in high school, and I went to a state college with $5,000 in scholarships. I know I cannot go on living like this, if you can even call it a life. It's more like being a slave, or being in prison. I've tried to quit three times. The longest I've been clean was a month and six days. Lacking health insurance, I was forced to quit cold turkey in my home--about a week of pure hell and then another week or two of complete discomfort. Trying to quit has made me realize this addiction is as much mental as physical. Even after the withdrawls were over and I went back to work I was a basket case. I didn't feel like I could talk to people anymore; and even being around more than just a few people made me anxious. Since I'm a waitress that made my job very diffacult. The few times I have been clean my co workers all thought I was on drugs because I was so nervous at work my hands would shake when I'd pour a drink or lift a tray. The way it seemed to go was that I would endure this social anxiety for a week or two and then end up in the bathroom at work, crying because I felt like I could not make it through my shift, and calling an old hookup to bring me pills at the job.
So here I am, four years after the accident, without a clue of how to fix this. If there is some answer I've overlooked, I'd really like to know.

Please contact me if there is anything that can be done.


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 Post subject: help me
PostPosted: Fri Apr 11, 2008 9:21 am 
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Joined: Tue Mar 11, 2008 4:28 pm
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Location: Wisconsin
Welcome to the board.
The best advise I can give is to educate yourself on the disease of addiction, read and research. Keep an open mind and check out self help groups which are free, like AA, NA, Smart Recovery. You will meet people there that also don't have insurance and they can give you tips. At some inpatient programs they will contact the county health services programs to see if they will pay for treatment. Depending on where you live, there is a lot of help available. You could call the county agencies and find out where to get an evaluation for addiction, they would assist you to find help even if you don't have insurance. It's going to take some work on your part. Don't give up, there's help avaiable. Just coming here and posting is a big step. Best of luck.


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PostPosted: Sat Jul 05, 2008 5:05 pm 
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Joined: Fri Mar 14, 2008 10:09 pm
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Location: Wisconsin
Get yourself to a Suboxone doc and get on Suboxone. You’ll have to go through a day of withdrawal before you can take the drug but that will be the end of your misery. It saved my life and has done more for me then just keep me away from the addiction of pills.
Raeolia


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